Fitness Minutes: (9,285)
57 1/29/13 2:51 P
Men! Lol, while I hate that any of us have to deal with unsupportive people in our quest for a healthier, happier lifestyle, I do hope that everybody is able to find someone that can be supportive of them. I live about 10 hours away from my parents and siblings and when we went to visit just after Christmas I was able to get my brother and his fiance to exercise with me, which was really fun. A little support can go a long way!
Fitness Minutes: (2,515)
14 1/28/13 12:09 P
I just had a baby two months ago. I am trying to get back into shape and my fiance' is not supportive AT ALL!! He thinks it is selfish of me to want to lose weight. That I am thinking too much about myself rather than him and my family. I was at my healthiest when we got together two years ago. I am 5'7", I was at 115 lbs then, exercising for at least an hour a day and taking 2 one hour Zumba classes per week. I felt great and looked even better but he insists that I was too skinny and doesn't want me going any lower than 125 now. I currently weigh 129 and I feel down right gross! I just came back to SP and started working out two weeks ago. I have lost 5 lbs so far and can not wait until I get my body back! I promised I would try to stop at 125 and maintain that weight but even now, being 4 lbs away, I look NOTHING like I used to:( I need to concentrate on toning and tightening rather than weight loss. It just makes it difficult when he isn't behind me. I have a hard time finding time to workout because I refuse to do it when he is around and that's basically the only time I can because he can take care of our baby girl.
I noticed that if my husband was eating something, I could justify eating the same thing (and vise versa). Sometimes your partner just wants that partner in crime relationship that they are used to when you over ate. And there is probably an expectation of change on his part that he isn't ready for. None the less, do this for you and look to others for support if you are unable to get it at home.
Fitness Minutes: (40,383)
1,694 1/26/13 8:37 P
This is why YOU have to find YOUR driving force and NOT depend on anyone else to help you through anything you strive for. Whether it is your spouse, friends, relatives, etc. you will always find someone that will discourage you for many reasons. If you are weak, someone or something will talk you into quiting.
My own wife tends to fix foods that I tell her NOT to, and buys snacks I also tell her NOT to. But in the end, it is up to ME NOT to eat them. Whether she is sabotaging me or not, it is still up to me to MAN UP.
So if you want to reach a goal, find GOD or whatever to truly give you the power to reach it and just leave the naysayers in the dust. ;-)
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading the words of encouragement.
Fitness Minutes: (4,387)
284 1/22/13 1:41 P
That sucks so bad ya'll have such unsupportive husbands. I know when mine complains about something (say, a headache) I ask if he's tried to fix it (by taking tylenol) If he says no, then that's that, I don't listen anymore.
"You can't complain if you haven't tried to fix it at all"
My husband is supportive of anything I want to do, whether it's trying the c25k program (fail), knitting (fail), cooking healthy (doing good!), or karaoke (win!). He likes big women, but wants me to be healthy and happy enough to do family outings like hiking and biking. He's willing to give up his love of bouncy curves for a happier wife. Marriage is just a another word for compromise.
I can't imagine having an unsupportive husband. Clearly, yours wants you to stay overweight. For whatever reason, but my guess is because of his own insecurities.
Now, I won't say mine was the MOST complimentative while I was losing the weight, but he was supportive. He was supportive of the new meals I was preparing, all the fruits and vegetables I made us eat, and most importantly, the time I needed (we have two kids) to exercise. He even lost a few pounds, too! And now we both feel great.
Your husband may jump on board or he may not. Either way, you do what is best for YOU. I never lost weight for my husband. I lost it for me.
Yep. I totally have gone through that. It was a point where he would criticize everything I ate, and ask me about it, and would say it in a totally mean way, until one day, I exploded went on for an hour how I struggled with bulimia the last time I lost over 100lbs. He wasn't here at the time. Oh, he was with me, but it was a time...I won't get into that. Anyway, I told him how I struggled, and that even though he knows a lot about a lot of things, he knows absolutely spit about proper nutrition, and not to worry about what I'm eating or how much I'm eating, because I DO know the right way to lose weight, and I'm doing it. Once in a while, he'll still ask about it, but I tell him strongly to stfu and let me do this. Nearly 30 pounds so far cannot be wrong. I've been cooking more vegetarian meals. I'm not scared to exercise around him. I ENCOURAGE him to get on the bike and work out, but he has yet to. He keeps saying he needs to lose weight, but thinks that just by adding salad to what he eats is going to help. No. It's just going to up his fiber. I keep getting on him to watch, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" and "Hungry for Change" since we HAVE Netflix instant streaming and it's on there. He refuses to. Well, I'm just going to keep leading by example. If he chooses not to follow, that's NOT my fault. He's a growna$s man, and can make his own decisions. I am buying healthier food, cooking healthier food, and if he chooses not to eat it, I'll still cook for him what he wants, but he can't complain if he keeps gaining weight. If he wants junk, he has to get it himself, because I don't want junk around me or the kids. YOU keep doing you, and encourage him to make better choices, and if you have to go off on him one time, he can either take it or he can get mad about it. Either way, you are doing this so that YOU can live longer. Tell him you'd like him there right with you, but you have no control over the choices he makes.
I encourage you to keep going. A friend and I can to the conclusion during our weight loss a few years, "weight is as personal as your comment to Christ." Each person must make their own choice regarding weight loss and religious belief's. I got some negative comments. I was told by someone I looked anorexic. It is sad the one person who should support you gives you the hardest time. I w will keep you in my prayers. I am in love with a very loving and caring man. He needs to loose weight, but it is his choice. Since meeting him nine months ago, I am still walking daily. He evens asks me daily if I am walking. Walking in the morning the one part of the day just for me. Keep pressing on...
Edited by: PEARLBLACK at: 1/21/2013 (18:21)
Fitness Minutes: (2,014)
60 1/19/13 8:16 P
It's so sad to me to know that people are suffering from that lack of support I would say that the Most important, VERY most important you can do is what you are doing now and look for that support elsewhere. There are things you can try to do to connect with him-- he's a guy- try telling him that being thinner means you have more energy and it makes you want to have sex with him more. :). Assuming you really do ofcourse. Mostly, remind him you desperately love him and need him right now, you don't want to have to go to a board of strangers for support but this is about you living a Longer, better quality of life With him. In the end if none of that works you just have to walk around him to work as someone mentioned and hope he catches up. Please try to stay strong and realize if someone Really loves you that want you to be happy, AND healthy!! It isn't always easy to get my husband to support me by joining IN, although he is this time. . However, he has never, ever tried to sabatage me or made me feel bad about myself. I know he misses the cup size reductions, but I remind him as my tummy gets smaller they will seem bigger again LOL. I hope each of you finds the peace and support you need.
I feel sorry for you people with the unsupportive husbands....because I`ve been there! I have been married nearly 37 years and only since my husband stopped drinking and became a born again Christian have we gotten along. He never supported me in anything , sabotaged jobs I had (I was never fired, but he made me quit 3 different ones) I wanted to go back to school he wouldn`t help me get a decent car to drive, so I had to quit that. Constantly told me how stupid, worthless, fat, ugly, helpless,unimportant,total waste ....on and on....After 27 years I decided to leave, not sure how I would do it, but I was leaving! (I never told him or anyone else) He started falling apart, drinking 6 pack or more before work and qt of vodka after work....laying in the floor begging me to help him and I walked over or around him and on to work....he finally decided to kill himself and called for help from someone besides me. He was sent to a mental hospital for 2 days and came home a different man!...That was not me, that was not doctors, that was not counselors, that was not medication! THAT WAS GOD! We have never looked back. He preaches The Word to anyone, reads his bible 2 times daily, brings the msg at a small church (where I do childrens sermon)....and says something nice to me daily....Our life is not perfect, he still an hurt my feelings, but I`m here to say that God is able to help any of you and any situation! Bless you! :)
Fitness Minutes: (424)
7 1/17/13 11:30 A
My husband is the only one in my life that knows that I struggled with anorexia in the past. When I talk about loosing weight, he gets very concerned that I'm going to do something to hurt myself and revert back to my ED. He tells me that I am fine the way I am and brings in bags of junk food every time he runs to the store for bread/milk/eggs/whatever. It's so hard to say no to all the candy he brings home. When I DO say no, he tells me that it makes HIM feel fat for eating the candy. Half the time I feel guilted into eating a few pieces, and the other half of the time we have an argument.
It's lucky for me that all of my co-workers are really into fitness and ask about my weight loss goals.
Fitness Minutes: (90)
28 1/8/13 1:20 P
I've had a similar experience in the past. My partner never thought I needed to lose any weight. He met and fell in love with me when I was at my (at that point in time) heaviest weight of around 180. So I've always known he's been very, very attracted to me no matter my size. He openly admits he's attracted to "curvier", "softer" women, which is a little ironic considering he is very slim/athletic himself (weighs about 140).
Anyway, I did end up losing about 30 pounds. He still found me very sexy and attractive, BUT once in a while he would feel insecure about my improved looks/self confidence. He was worried that even more men would find me attractive (including my newly gained confidence that came with it) and therefore I would have more "options" I guess.
I think he got over it, though. And now that I've gained all the weight back plus more, he still thinks I'm just as hot and sexy as ever and reminds me every chance he gets. And I believe him too, since he can't ever keep his darned hands off me, haha! But once again, I'm ready to drop those pounds and get healthy again. So we'll see! He tells me he doesn't think I need to lose an ounce, but he tries to be supportive anyway because he knows my weight makes me feel bad about myself.
Fitness Minutes: (798)
19 1/7/13 8:53 A
I hope he realizes what you have done and are doing and joins in. Ask him if he wants to go for walks together. Include him and see what happens. Good luck.
My husband never thought I needed to lose weight. He loved me for who I am, as he would say. However, he does like my 40 lbs. weight loss now.
I sometimes think he is a little resentful, though. I exercise everyday and he won't even take a walk with me. "You walk too fast, " I'm told. I assure him I would walk slower if he went with me. He tells me he walks enough at work. (He's a manager and no it's not a workout!)
Anyway, I just keep doing what I do for ME! That's why I started this journey and this is why I will continue on this journey. I like how I look and how I feel. (Although a little skin tightening here and there and putting certain parts back to where they used to be would be nice!) I guess that's the mid 40's for you!
It was fun reading about everyone's "supportive" husbands :) Mine is the same way. He gave up on his own weight and has tons of excuses.When I ask if he wants to go for a walk, he says he walks too much at work already; when I make a healthy meal, he tops it off with a pizza; and when I want to go swimming, he won't go with me because he's "too fat". He gained 60+ lbs in 6 years that we were marries. That's 10 pounds a year!
He likes when I am lighter and he sometimes teases me fir my muffin top and flabby arms. However, I can always use his man boobs against him, so that is a lost battle :)
I love him regardless of his weight, but he's missing out on so much fun and also puts his health in danger. Still, I think that I'm responsible for my life and weight first, and I can't babysit an adult man.
Let's try to communicate better, let them know how that makes us feel, and may be they'll hear us...
Fitness Minutes: (66,130)
862 12/30/12 11:46 A
How discouraging. My ex-husband and even my mom weren't supportive of my past attempts at getting fit. When I exercised daily (up to 1 hr) they would say that I was "addicted" to exercise. I think it is jealousy and for a husband - fear that you'll get noticed by other men? Maybe you can reassure your husband that when you feel better, you are a better wife and more interested in "couple time". Also - I found that my girlfriends were much better at giving support - especially those who also wanted to get fitter. Thats the good things about SP! Full of people who will encourage you.
Men can be like children or worse than children at times. Not much that we can do about it. At the beginning my husband was skeptical that I could do this at all. Now almost 17 pounds down later, he's helping me out and even saying that if you get any stronger I'm going to have to work out. lol And he isn't overweight just out of shape. I love it. Try to get him to go on your workouts with you, make him feel included, help him out. Maybe if he realizes that he can make himself happy and you happy by exercising with you that should help lighten up his mood. I suffer from depression many times throughout the month, and I have to make myself do things everyday it is very tough. But encourage him to join you and pick something that he might enjoy. He'll turn around soon enough, especially if he starts to lose some pounds too. I bet him being overweight and not losing versus you losing the weight is hurting his self esteem. It will be alright. Just remember your doing this for a better you not to make everyone else happy around you. You are here to make yourself happy. Just keep up the good work you are doing great.
Fitness Minutes: (11,189)
262 12/30/12 8:18 A
I have one of those husbands that "loves the way I look" and thinks I am "fine the way I am," but if I (after working from 8-2 during the day and 4-9 at night, plus houseowrk, cooking, etc.) don't feel like going to the gym (and God FORBID I don't feel like going!) he gets upset with me. I am at 152 right now, about 26% body fat. He is 207, maybe 5% body fat, and he thinks I am supposed to bench press my bodyweight and run two miles at a time like he can. And when I try talking to him, he gets annoyed and says, (and I quote), "I don't know what to tell you. Do what you want to, you're going to anyways."
Fitness Minutes: (4,295)
344 12/24/12 9:44 A
My husband has the worst filter!!! he toldme i looked like a beached whale in a pic one time...and stood on the scale in front of me he weighs 150 i stood on after weighing 205 he said "wow that makes me feel better" but my husband is my best friend he is just really dumb with things sometimes he always apologizes and never means what he says he has real bad ADD
Fitness Minutes: (9,285)
57 12/23/12 1:42 P
First of all, Congratulations on losing the weight! I am not in this situation at all, my husband, kids and I moved in July and I have put on about 20 pounds since then. My husband really wants me to lose that weight and then some (I was supposed to be working toward losing from the get go). However, his "encouragements" only cause me to want to eat more and work less at trying to become fit. I mentioned that I was going to ask a friend to work out with me for extra motivation. His reply "Isn't that (pointing at my stomach) enough motivation for you?" He doesn't understand how I can see his words as being hurtful. I know he doesn't like the way that I look now and this is hurtful enough, without words being added. I guess that the one thing we have in common is that our husbands do not realize the impact of their words. Good luck with your continued weight loss!
Fitness Minutes: (0)
1 12/22/12 4:21 P
My first post... but I am a longtime lurker... Since Feb lat year, I have been working on loosing weight and in fact have lost 8 kilos (17 pounds?) (Yay me!) Doesn’t sound like much but it is a big achievement for me. I feel better and look better and am my self esteem is much improved. I am even performing better in my career!
Two days ago, my husband told me that he wished I hadn't lost weight because I looked “too good”. To give some context, he was a healthy weight when we met 14 years ago but has put on 30+ kilos since then. He hates himself. He also suffers from depression and a bit or work addiction as well. His comments were meany as a compliment (!) I assume. It wasn’t easy to loose the weight and I still have about that to go until I think I will be satisfied. He is clearly jealous of it and not in a good, supportive way. How do I handle this? I have tried talking to hm about it but conversations always end up in an argument (I can't even plate up a smaller serve of dinner for myself without argument) and we are already fighting enough. I am planning on loosing the extra 8 kilos and don’t want to change that. I have tried bringing him along on the journey (getting him to exercise, eat less etc) but he won’t have a bar of it. Well more to the point, won’t put the effort but is happy to complain about being over weight.
Has anyone else had this weird sort of external sabotage? How did you cope?
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