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BECKERW85 SparkPoints: (5,732)
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2/6/13 9:29 P

I completely sympathize with you. My husband and I have been together 5 years. Ive gained 60 lbs in that time and I wasnt small to begin with. Every time I try to loose weight he seems to get agitated by it. This time isnt as bad bc I told him plain and simple Im tired of carrying this weight around, my knees and feet cant take it, I cant play with our son the way I want so its just going to have to change period.
However, I dont think his poor reaction to my trying to loose weight has anything to do with him thinking I might leave him. He tells me I dont need to loose weight and that Im sexy to him just the way I am. I totally believe this. I think he likes big girls and wants me to stay in that category. Maybe this is your hubby's issue too?

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,334
2/6/13 8:13 P

"I don't understand what his problem is...has anyone else gone thru this? what did you do?"

The only way you will know what his problem truly is or get through this is to talk to your dh about what he is thinking and what you are feeling when he brings home junk and doesn't seem supportive

If you can't talk maybe see a counselor to help you communicate better with each other.

SWEDIEPIE Posts: 338
2/6/13 2:37 P

Maybe he is worried that by you changing YOUR lifestyle, that it will also change his, and he doesn't want to. You don't mention whether he is overweight and in need of a change. If he is of a healthy weight, maybe he doesn't want to be bothered with your new, healthy talk, new ways of eating, or trying new foods. Maybe he's just comfortable where he is.

But if he's also in need of this lifestyle change that you're aiming for, then maybe he just isn't ready. All in due time for everyone. Just go about your business and do it for yourself, and see what happens.

I do not agree that weightloss makes a man threatened that she will leave him. Goodness me, there are plenty of good men that love their wives through thick and thin.

EDALDAVIS SparkPoints: (4,837)
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Posts: 18
2/1/13 9:45 A

Some people are afraid of change.

CORTNEY-LEE SparkPoints: (67,852)
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Posts: 3,526
2/1/13 2:09 A

guess you skipped over the part about gaining confidence to leave a bad situation?

However, many times the outsiders looking in don't see that aspect of it

they see weight loss = leaving spouse

not weight loss + gain in self confidence = the guts to finally leave something bad behind

Yes, I was leading the man on who verbally and physically abused me... glad you cleared that up

Edited by: CORTNEY-LEE at: 2/1/2013 (02:11)
JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
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Posts: 1,708
2/1/13 1:42 A

"Here is the thing... every man on the planet thinks that if his wife/girlfriend lose weight, they are going to leave them." Are you kidding me? Where on earth did you find this little bit of wisdom. LOL I kept reading hoping I would find some kind of evidence or learned reasoning to back up this claim. Then at the end of your rant I found it. When you said, "ps: If I would not have been overweight, I would have left my ex A LOT sooner than I did " NOW I understand. You were leading your man on until you got to a point where you felt comfortable with trolling for another man. Maybe the problem isn't with men thinking they will lose their woman if she loses weight, but with the women that leave men when they DO lose their weight.

Sorry if I sound too blunt, but I dislike when ANYONE is stereotyped. Yes, there are men that fear their wives may leave them if they lose weight(and vice versa). Yes, there are women that leave their men when they lose their weight(and vice versa). But please don't make it sound like EVERY one of EITHER sex do one thing or another. Every case is different.

CORTNEY-LEE SparkPoints: (67,852)
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Posts: 3,526
2/1/13 12:16 A

Here is the thing... every man on the planet thinks that if his wife/girlfriend lose weight, they are going to leave them.

So many times we hear about women who leave their significant other because they lost weight. Of course everyone automatically assumes that the weight loss was the reason she left. Sometimes I am sure it is, but the reality is that most overweight women will stay in a bad relationship because they lack the self confidence to leave their situation. You never hear about that though. The outside only sees that the woman lost weight and left her male partner. They don't see that the male partner may have been abusive (verbally or physically) or a hundred other things. The weight loss is automatically the culprit.

These are the things that are playing in the back of your husband's mind even if he won't admit it... "So and So lost weight and left her husband, my wife will do the same thing"

I discussed this at length with my male partner. I decided to undergo weight loss surgery for a number of reasons, and he was convinced that once I lost my weight I would leave him. He was convinced of this because his ex-wife did the same thing. I explained (at no offense to him) that the weight loss most likely wasn't the main reason she left him. I said that there were other things in the relationship that were broken and the weight loss was just the extra push. I am not saying my boyfriend was abusive, quite the contrary actually, but you see what I mean.

I think you need to sit down with him, and ask him what is REALLY bothering him about your weight loss. Communication is key

ps: If I would not have been overweight, I would have left my ex A LOT sooner than I did

MRSALLYP SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 147
1/29/13 9:04 A

I have been on this journey almost a year and a half and my husband is just now getting more supportive - at the beginning he didn't have a choice because I would refuse to cook some of the crap he wanted - so if he wanted to cook something that wasn't as good for someone on a diet or watching their calories he would have to cook it himself - this proved to be great for me in the end because he takes care of himself and the kids (the kids actually need added calories so it is good for them) but he really doesn't need the calories so it's hard to watch it sometimes but I have to concentrate on me, he will have to deal with his things, though I have a feeling if he doesn't get on board sooner rather than later he is going to have a hard time being in a relationship with me since even my girls can't wait for the warmer weather so we can hit the track again. Everyone has to decide what journey they are on and hopefully mine jumps on board before I decide I can't deal with it anymore. It all makes me that much stronger but it doesn't make it easy. He knows I want him to get healthy and he has less than a year to prove it - hopefully mine makes the right decision since it's not just me but the kids who are effected when he is so close to level 3 obesity!!

COTTERR SparkPoints: (11,727)
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Posts: 112
1/28/13 2:55 P

Three years ago I started running. My husband thought I was crazy. Then I started getting up at 5 am and he thought I was insane. Then I started using SparkPeople saw immediate results and he knew I was on to something. He then became jealous, started running with me in the mornings, then passing me, using the SparkPeople app and did his first trathlon, loosing about 30 lbs along the way.

My guess is that if he sees your self esteem increase, your pants size decrease, and your increased energy, he too, will follow suit or at least be supportive.

JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
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Posts: 1,708
1/27/13 7:14 P

This is a question that is asked most every day. And the answer remains the same. Don't worry about others, get yourself straight first. They may or may not go along with you in the beginning or ever. Much in the same way that I'm sure there were times in the past when your spouse started something you didn't want to join into. You are two different people on two different clocks. Very few folks start and finish something like a lifechange at the same time. Usually, one does it and when the other sees they succeeded, they ask for help to do the same. But most get tired of joining failure after failure, so they just DON'T start.

So DO IT and pray he follows suit in time. And don't come back in a month or so blaming him for sabotaging your progress. LOL That's the second most posted topic. ;-) YOU WANT IT, YOU GO FOR IT. Keep the faith.

RISLEY6 SparkPoints: (53)
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Posts: 1
1/27/13 11:36 A

me and my hubby have been together 15 years, and in that time I have gained and lost then gained again over 100 pounds. Now Im ready to make changes,not diet,lifestyle changes and he pitches a fit anytime I mention it,tries to tell me I don't need to lose weight even though my doc. said if I don't I will be insulin dependant the rest of my life. I don't understand what his problem is...has anyone else gone thru this? what did you do? and don't even get me started about all the junk he brings home to make sticking to a plan even harder!!!

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