It sounds like you might be describing Binge Eating Disorder (BED). This website describes the criteria: www.something-fishy.org/whatarethey/be.php
Recurrent episodes of binge eating. An episode of binge eating is characterized by both of the following:
Eating, in a discrete period of time (eg, within any 2-hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances;
A sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (eg, a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating).
The binge eating episodes are associated with at least three of the following:
Eating much more rapidly than normal
Eating until feeling uncomfortably full
Eating large amounts of food when not feeling physically hungry
Eating alone because of being embarrassed by how much one is eating
Feeling disgusted with oneself, depressed, or feeling very guilty after overeating
Marked distress regarding binge eating.
I have had problems with binge eating that comes with bulimia and I am working on recovery. I have attended OA and therapy with guys and they have mentioned that they feel more alone and embarrassed about getting help too.
Here are message boards with support: fishyvb.something-fishy.org/
you also mentioned that you went through periods of barely eating at all. People with EDs can go through cycles of binge/purge or binge/fast episodes (there are so many combos).
The "barely eating at all periods" can be considered just as severe as what you are doing now.
That's the thing with EDs, you don't control the "behavior" It controls you. If you wait for treatment, you might go back to the period of barely eating or you might seek out new compensatory behaviors like bulimia.
I couldn't control or stop myself from going from anorexic to bulimic or from fasting to binging.
My advise is if you started off with restrictive behaviors--you are initially want to go back to that period of time. (I still struggle with the anorexic thoughts and some behaviors.) It's important to get treatment or a plan that does not restrict food or cut out food groups.
It also helps if you write about what you are going through like the person below suggested. my blogs go back years and it really helps to read the progress.
Edited by: AILEBBELIA at: 9/16/2012 (09:55)