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How to "say no"?



 
 
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BRITOMART
Posts: 7,375
7/6/13 9:18 A

A lot depends on what you mean by eating 'out.' If you are at a restaurant, what you choose is your business, and saying 'no' as loudly as need be isn't rude, it's self-defense. At someone's house, there can be all sorts of hospitality/cultural issues tied in with food. Used to drive me nuts to go to some friends' houses, where their culture's hospitality includes repeated offers/demands that guests eat more...and more.

For those situations the only really workable answer I've found was preplanning: after I was invited, I would talk to the hostess (easier when it is she who is my friend, harder if it's her kids or husband I know better) and explain that I'm not being rude, it's a matter of health that I not over eat, and b/c her food's so delicious, I need her help. In one case, we worked out a change in portion sizes (she always served) so I'd get very little the first time and could appease her need for giving 'seconds' by having her give me an equally minuscule second portion. She entered the 'conspiracy' whole-heartedly, being a generous woman in more ways than one.

A few friends just didn't get it; so I don't go there for meals very often any more.



LILLITH32
SparkPoints: (9,151)
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Posts: 278
7/6/13 4:43 A

I have a few "tricks" that I use. When I am at the bar, I ask the bartender to give me sparkling water in a small cocktail glass with a slice of lime. Then I carry it with me and take small sips as I socialize. If someone asks to buy me a drink, I ask the bartender to make me exactly what I had... and tip him/her well!
When I know that I am going out to eat, I scrutinize nutritious content of the menu of wherever we are going in advance; that way I know what I am ordering before I even walk through the door. Also, if I know I'm going out in the evening, I try to get a few extra minutes of working out for the day. Not sure if it does anything for the calories I consume, but it makes me feel better about myself.
When it comes to desert, I either budget nutritionally for it, or say I am way too full to have some. If people pester you to have something after you politely refused a few times, you need to have a serious conversation with them about why they are trying to sabotage your health. If you have any friends/relatives that are worst offenders, maybe you have to avoid their company for a bit, and hope they get the message.
Also, as previous posters suggested, try to arrange for non-food based socializing, maybe even take your friends to the gym with you? Some of the best times I had with my best friend were at various races. She never ran before she met me. Good luck!



SUBMOM2
SparkPoints: (18,422)
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Posts: 1,159
7/6/13 1:41 A

This sounds familiar and it's a tough one. "No" is a complete sentence.

There are relatives in my life (and maybe for you, too) for whom food is love. ( I made this for you because I love you, and if you love me, you'll eat it.) With these people, I have given up trying to say no, because it turns into a big thing. So I just ask to take some home, and then throw it away at home. Yes, that's a waste, but so is eating something I don't need. And if they aren't willing to listen, I won't argue, but I'm not going to eat it, either.

For other people, consider getting together for a walk instead of dinner/drinks. This takes the food and alcohol out of the situation, and shows them you are serious about making healthy choices. You may find there are people who won't support you in this... they are probably threatened by the idea of you changing... who I am going to pig out with if you say no? That's their problem. You may need to find people who support your new goals. You are worth the effort.



CARRIENIGN
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Posts: 384
7/6/13 12:30 A

I completely understand! When I'm doing really well with things, I do not like to be hindered by things like eating out and alcohol consumption. If I know I have something social to attend, though, where there will be food, I try to skimp on intake the rest of the day. Then, I allow myself those foods at the social gathering for two reasons: 1) I avoid the awkward refusal situation and 2) I allow myself the treat so I don't feel deprived. I try to only eat a couple bites or very small portions of each thing, so as not to completely throw my range for the day. These situations are the occasional excuse I use to allow myself things I don't normally eat.

If you don't appreciate that type of approach and really want to say no, then you can always just say you already ate. People usually respond to that well because they don't take the refusal personally.



SISTERPRETTY
Posts: 2,551
7/5/13 10:55 P

Just say it! Repeat after me...NO! NO! Nnnnnoooooooooo!!!!!



REBCCA
SparkPoints: (257,222)
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Posts: 20,207
7/5/13 10:10 P

It has been a long time since I said 'no, thank you' and had to further explain.
but...
I do remember it worked best for me to say something like, "No thank you, I have made a promise to myself and want to be true to my word. This ____ is something I promised myself I would avoid for now"
It also worked best to be firm and clear in the initial "no thank you" without being overly emotional.
Good luck!! emoticon



KCLARK89
SparkPoints: (24,044)
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Posts: 1,053
7/5/13 10:39 A

That is definitely a big challenge to overcome... standing your ground.

However, the farther I get into my journey, the more I realize what I do need to say "no" to and stick with and what I can allow into my day/week. After a few weeks of my bf suggesting fro-yo or ice cream on Sundays, we just decided to make Sunday our weekly ice cream/fro-yo day. That way I can plan for it and not beat myself up over it (ok well yesterday was an exception to that... but I still knew we were going for it)



SLIMMERKIWI
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Posts: 21,120
7/5/13 8:06 A

I remember when MANY years ago I would go into the pub with my husband (before we got married.) I would often be eating an apple or drinking a milkshake. My BIL would get tee'd off because of this and offer me a drink. I would refuse. He would offer again, and I would refuse again. He would get tee'd off because it was a PUB and YOU DRINK IN PUBS! I remember this particular day he went to the bar and bought me a Vodka which I refused to drink. He did NOT like it one little bit, but I just reminded him that I had said "no" more than once, and I wasn't going to allow anyone else to bully me into something I didn't want.

Stick to your guns - this is THEIR problem - not yours. I can tell you that when they realize that you ARE going to stick to your guns, they will respect your decision and lay off trying to push it on you.

Kris



ROXIGIRL
SparkPoints: (39,457)
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Posts: 1,892
7/5/13 2:27 A

Eating out does not mean eating unhealthy. Its all about choices you make. Same goes for drinking. If you don't want to drink alcohol - there is always sparkling water, add some lemon and it taste good too.

On other hand you can always can tell that your are trying to be good and you don't have to feel bad about saying No. I am sure that your friends will understand. If they don't - well, its their problem and not yours.



RANDOMLADY
SparkPoints: (19)
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Posts: 6
7/5/13 2:06 A

When I get started eating better and exercising, I don't like to go off plan. I don't like eating out. I don't like eating unplanned meals. I don't want to drink alcohol. I don't like surprises. I politely refuse, over and over, but people just keep on and on until I finally flat out say something bordering pissy, like "I said no." Then the mood is ruined and I look like a giant b#%&@.

I don't understand why people can't accept "no" for an answer. Any excuse I give isn't good enough, but neither is flat out saying "no." I feel like I was mean to my neighbour tonight, but I also feel like a fat pig because I ate a slice and a half of pizza and had a bit of a Strawberryrita. I kind of want to just go vomit, but it's already too late.

How do you say no, and not look like a giant meany pants?



 
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