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5/6/13 11:01 A

My mother, who is obese, has diabetes, and came to me for "help," STILL got upset went I suggested she try SP. People are strange when it comes to their weight and their health.

BLOOGRL SparkPoints: (10,382)
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5/6/13 10:27 A

I'm with Cheetara79. Go for the healthy meals when it's time to eat and incorporate good foods and instead of going for the junk, as mentioned with them, when suggested, a walk somewhere nice/scenic might be more fun. The kids would prolly really enjoy it with Grandma too. :) If it's warm enough and there's a place around there by the time you go, see if (provided everyone knows how, there's more people than you think out there that can't) you can't go swimming. That's a really favorite warm-weather activity for me and even if they're out of shape, they can still all have fun in the pool.

Honestly though, in my whole-hearted heart-of-hearts opinion - the book really is a bad idea unless THEY bring up wanting to lose weight themselves and aren't guaged into it. At MOST, have it on you, if after the time of extra exercise and healthy eating makes THEM bring it up....and they ask for tips of some sort, just say "Oh, I've been reading The Spark....I've got a little bit left to finish, but then you can have it. It's no big deal. I got a ton of great tips out of it." Otherwise...leave the book out of your stay.

JENSTRESS Posts: 5,083
5/6/13 9:31 A

I would say, IF they have discussed losing weight with you, especially recently, then you are okay to get them a book that helped you. Or the sparkpeople cookbook? That could help them see that there are lots of tasty items to eat.

Doing some cooking and such there, as well, might help. I would make sure that you mention it is because you have discovered how great you feel being healthy, and you don't want them to be unhealthy. I would stress health and not weight.

I think you have good ideas. Good for you.

GRAMCRACKER46 Posts: 1,421
5/6/13 8:06 A

Thanks friends. I asked because I was unsure and honest opinions are the best ones.

CHEETARA79 SparkPoints: (87,143)
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5/6/13 7:50 A

Here's what you can do:

#1 Set a good example. Eat healthfully and mindfully. Get your exercise done even if you're traveling.

#2 Refuse to participate in any unhealthy behavior with them. Don't go with them out for ice cream -- invite them to go for a walk in the park instead. Don't be "in your face" about it but at the same time, don't just go with the flow if you think their behavior/activity is contributing to their obesity.

BLOOGRL SparkPoints: (10,382)
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5/6/13 12:56 A

Gramcracker, I will say one thing...the more family badgered me to lose weight, the more it made me hate myself and the more it triggered my emotional eating. I don't know their situation/feelings/conditions/etc, but I can tell you...the more you push it and show you think/imply they're fat, the crappier they're going to feel and talking about fellow family members being overweight is ALWAYS an awkward subject. They have to do it when they're ready, out of their own minds, on their own time, etc. Getting a book on dieting wouldn't make me think "Well, I should finally fix my weight problem" it would make me think "Well, my mom/mother in law thinks I'm a lard," which in turn would make me just want to binge to suppress the crappy feelings.

I think the much more...indirect approach would be to help cook dinners/suggest sides you like that're healthy to incorporate into the meals. That way, nobody's looking/feeling bad and they're getting healthier meals on the down-low. :)

I know your intentions are good, but I promise, no matter how many times a family member or friend tells you to lose really makes you want to defy them for it. I've been called fat by my dad incessantly growing up with different remarks and even heard "Earthquake" from my sister when she tripped me at 12 and both of them...laughed. It's stuff like that you never forget and if they suffer from some kind of emotional eating/binging/etc....that book really isn't doing them any favors until THEY ask for it or want to do it. If THEY talk about losing weight or wanting to lose weight, the book would be a good idea, but until then...incorporating healthy meals into your stay that you really enjoy will help them out and it won't come off the wrong way.

GRAMCRACKER46 Posts: 1,421
5/5/13 11:52 A

Thanks guys. I do know they have to want it for themselves. And we have talked and they know I'm concerned and they didn't bristle. When visiting I always buy some groceries and DIL doesn't mind if I make side dishes etc.

So I will take the book and give it at a good time. And DRAGONCHILDE I hadn't even thought about the Spark Solution - thx for that. I didn't pre order for myself as we will be traveling.

We will also be seeing 2 daughters on this trip but they are both health smart and it's a breeze to be healthy there.

BEEZAUR SparkPoints: (525)
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Posts: 74
5/5/13 11:37 A

Motivating others is a really tough problem. It is almost never successful directly approached.

Undertaking something uncomfortable like weight loss or an exercise program is a very big change that requires a fairly high degree of motivation. About 6 years ago I was ~260 lbs, well into "obese," but when I first looked up BMI classifications, I could not see how I really was obese - I thought the chart was wrong somehow.

I don't know what flipped the switch in me, but it was all of a sudden and very private. I started dieting without even telling my wife. She asked about it two weeks in, after I had lost about 5 lbs. I eventually lost more weight than I ever thought possible - I'm "Mr. Medium Build" and am quite happy with that. Before I had told myself I was just a "big guy."

The point of all that is that improving health is a deep psychological undertaking, and absolutely requires the right kind of environment to start.

This is just a guess, but you might have luck listening to them carefully and seeing how things are going in general. What do they care about? What are they worried about? Where are they headed?

DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (58,681)
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5/5/13 11:24 A

You certainly can, but it's important to realize that there's no way to motivate them from the outside. Successful motivation must come from within. The unfortunate truth is even though we want those we love to experience the wonderful benefits of healthy living that we enjoy, you can't force them. Even if you could convince them to start, without that inner drive, they're destined to fail.

The best thing you can do is keep showing them how great you're doing, talking about how wonderful you feel, and I imagine a copy of the Spark won't hurt.

Perhaps you pre-order them a copy of the Spark Solution? It's a two week program (helped me lose 4 lbs in two weeks) that covers the basics of the Spark.

GRAMCRACKER46 Posts: 1,421
5/5/13 9:40 A

We will be visiting our son and wife and 4 DGK in a few weeks for about 5 days. The adults are in their 40s and obese. I am worried about them.

I put SP on Pinterest and FB from time to time. Would it be OK if I took them the book "The Spark"? It helped me get a real start on weight loss?

Any advice?

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