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How to make your 18 year old understand...



 
 
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HANNAHTESON
Posts: 18
4/10/12 8:13 P

Honestly, the fact that any 18 year old would feel entitled to unearned money is beyond me. I know he's your son but he should be really ashamed of himself.

It sounds like the issue isn't even almost about money and the fact that it is so deep means it's going to be harder and take longer to mend. You can't eat your way through the healing process that you and your family have to go through. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself so that you are able to be healthily open and responsive to your kid's needs.




SALSGIVERL
SparkPoints: (2,275)
Fitness Minutes: (710)
Posts: 141
4/5/12 8:55 A

Tell him to go get a job. He's 18 years old and doesn't need to have anything handed to him. You are having financial difficulties and that's nothing to apologize for. I've dealt with medical bills too and it's never ending. You love your son and wish him well. If all he wants from you is money and not a relationship, then why give him the money. After a child turns 18, you are no longer financially responsible for him. I know this sounds harsh. It's called tough love. He needs to respect you! You raised him and you can't help what your ex says to him. Be kind and loving. Do the opposite of what you think he would expect.



CRACKERJACK2825
SparkPoints: (15,218)
Fitness Minutes: (11,189)
Posts: 262
4/1/12 10:44 A

I am so sorry you're going through this madness.

Your son might feel abandoned by you. Sit down with him or call and explain to him what happened. He's 18. He should understand at the very least that things happen. No, the accident wasn't his fault, but it wasn't your fault either. No one expects things like that to happen. I'm sure you didn't wake up that day and think, "Hmm.....I guess I'll go get in an accident today!"

In the end, one of two things will happen. Your son will accept that things happen, you didn't purposely flake on your promise just to be mean to him, and he will talk to you like a reasonable adult. Or, he will continue to listen to your ex-husband's BS and not forgive you. My brother did the same thing to our mom after she moved away from him. Thing is, my brother was 22, married, and had a child of his own. He hasn't spoken to my mom in almost ten years.

Hope all this works out for you!!



EBONYSOL
Posts: 2,332
4/1/12 2:38 A

Hi,
I suggest you apologize to your son for not being able to give him the Xmas gift that you had promised. He is not responsible for you being in an accident either. What he needs to see is that you say you are sorry. You might ask if there is any other way you can make it up to him since you don't have the finances to send him money. If he continues to be verbally abusive, then tell him that you will continue the conversation when he can speak to you in a more respectful manner and that you are going to end the conversation. Hang up the phone. You need to be calm and clear throughout the conversation which is difficult when dealing with one's own child. Just remember, you are setting an example for him to follow. He will be learning how to say sorry when he cannot follow through on something he promised. He will also be learning that there are limits on how you can treat the people that love you. Finally, he will be learning a calm and clear way to end a confrontational phone call. He may not like the experience but hopefully he will learn something good from it. If not, you have apologized and tried to make it right. You have done your part and that is all you can do.



ASILENNA
Posts: 244
3/29/12 1:30 A

I did invite him out a few weeks ago, so he knows the invitation is there but he isn't even speaking to me. I called him and left a message but he hasn't called back. He is really angry. But just for the record, when I told him I was going to send money, I had every intention of doing that. I wasn't expecting to get broadsided and have ER bills.



DOWNEASTSUNRISE
SparkPoints: (21,923)
Fitness Minutes: (14,388)
Posts: 81
3/28/12 2:04 P

He is angry at you- not for the money but for the follow through. Dont promise what you cant deliver. Summer is almost here have him come stay with you and try to mend the relationship



ASILENNA
Posts: 244
3/28/12 12:46 P

My 18 y.o. son went off on me last night because I haven't sent him the money for Christmas from last year that I told him I would. I have tried to explain to him that things are financially hard and sometimes things come up (like the fact that I was behind on my rent and about to get kicked out) but he is just like his father and he doesn't care. Apparently this conversation last night brought the "I haven't been there for him for the past 8 years". (His father left me, took our children with but rather than drag them through a nasty and ugle divorce and custody battle) I chose to move out of state rather than stay there and watch the man who said he would always be there for me build a new life with someone else. I have tried to explain everything to him, but all he hears is me me me. He isn't in dire need of clothing, food, or housing, but he doesn't listen to what is being said. He listens to what he wants (which is his father bad mouthing me). I am in a no win situation here. I can't keep apologizing to him, nor will I. But he was still very hurtful and his words still stung. Now i am fighting the urge to eat everything in the house. Any suggestions??



 
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