The only advice I can give you is from where I was a few months ago. I was a wreck and my marriage was too, I had no where to turn so I started going to a friend's church and now its been 3 months and so much has changed. Its been a life changing experience! They also have youth group and small groups too and a great support group of people and moms! I attend a mommy bible study and I just enjoy sitting a listening because I hear of so many things that go on in my family and I know I am not alone! As for your husband being gone I understand that because mine is gone up to two weeks at a time! Good luck to you.... Message me if you need to talk!
Fitness Minutes: (14,994)
1,561 11/9/11 12:43 A
Oh, that's great! That will be so rewarding.
Fitness Minutes: (462)
11/8/11 10:58 P
Thank you for those words. I am working on my Dula training. ( birthing coach) I just need to keep moving forward.
Fitness Minutes: (14,994)
1,561 11/8/11 12:43 P
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to do something that makes YOU feel better, feel like you're learning, growing, contributing, etc.!
When your kids see your outlook and self-confidence grow, they'll notice and "want some of that!"
I got involved in a literacy/ESL volunteer program and it's been win-win-win for our family. It's wonderful for me because I see that I'm still a valid, contributing member of society. It's wonderful for the students who are learning how to read/write/speak English. It's wonderful for my family to see me "getting out there," to see I have value in the eyes of others, and to see me contributing to the world outside our family. When you feel good about yourself, your kids will want to "catch" that, too!
You could do the same type thing in many ways: working towards excellence in sports/exercise/fitness, furthering your education, learning a new language, etc.
Don't give up on them or yourself--the best is yet to be!
Fitness Minutes: (462)
11/6/11 1:53 P
My children are 3 and 6. Their fighting feels so overwhelming at times. Sometimes I just don't know how to handle it anymore. Instead of me being able to handle it, I feel it's beating me. help!!!!!
Fitness Minutes: (205)
11/5/11 1:46 A
Ha, left the house tonight and a mile away I get a call it is the 17yr old and the 8 yr old fighting, at some point they must have forgotten that they called me because they stopped talking to me on the phone and started screaming at eachother like I was not even there!!!! Sometimes it is just to much fun!!!
Fitness Minutes: (2,583)
11/4/11 8:31 P
Exactly! my son loves it, daughter hates it. LOL whiles he's grinning she's whining saying you stop smiling, Its not funny. hahaha. At leat they are not bickering! well for a time anyways.
11/4/11 4:18 P
JULIA--I used to make my boys hold hands too! One of them loved it because the other one hated it--but it did get them to stop for a while.
Fitness Minutes: (2,583)
11/4/11 3:16 P
My kids fight and argue to all the time. I make them hold hands and follow each other all over the house, sit by each other. Occasionally hug. eventally they quit for awhile. Then there is peace. LOL. I think its the age. I fought with my sisters. oh did we fight and argue. Are they getting to much together time? Need some space? Neither of mine play sports either and dont want to. So as far as getting them active find what they like, one of mine likes to read if her brother will leave her alone. He likes to play videogames. So, now that its getting colder and they cant go out side much we are doing those
Wow that is frustrating. Do they have friends they could join a club/sport with? Maybe that would help. Just a thought. My only other suggestion is you trying to get them out of the house by doing something with them at least once/week. It's amazing how little energy my kids have to fight with each other when they've expended it in a different way. I truly hope you are able to turn things around!
I've tried everything to getting them to play sports or join a club & just simply refuse because it'll be boring. I told my daughter that as of the summer of 2012, she's has a job already lined up. She doesn't mind that because she wants to be able to by her own car & other things. my son on the other hand still doesn't want to participate in anything. He has a real hard time remembering what's asked of him, so he's afraid of failing. I've always told them both until you try you don't know if you can.
A few thoughts - it's completely normal to feel frustrated sometimes. We all go through times like that. Don't throw in the towel yet! My kids are 2 years apart also, though only 5 and 7, but they also can fight like cats and dogs at times. Are your kids involved in any after-school activities that allow them to "fuel their passion?" If they're not into sports, there may be other organizations such as boy scouts or girl scouts, 4H, yearbook committee, etc. My kids argue less when they've had an organized after-school activity. Do you ever plan family fun nights with them? Even if your husband isn't able to be there because of work, don't miss out on the opportunity to spend quality time with them while they're young and you are still able to- it can be as simple as walking to the park, going to visit grandparents/other relatives, playing board games, putting a large puzzle together, or bringing them to an indoor swimming pool. I assume they're not like this in public? Then make it a goal to get them out of the house at least one night per week. Whenever I find myself getting frustrated/burned out, I find it incredibly helpful to have a motivationl/inspirational book at my bedside. Just a few minutes of positive reading in the mornings and/or evenings can really work wonders on my mood and help me to face the challenges ahead of me with renewed energy. I hope something I've written can help! Please hang in there!
10/26/11 1:14 P
You don't say how old your kids are but I assume that if they're old enough for facebook, they're at least middle school age. It's hard when you're having to deal with all of it by yourself but I wonder if the kids are picking up your tension and depression and acting out? I'm not saying that their behavior is your fault--not EVEN--but if they are able to push you to your "wits' end," as you say, then maybe you need to start with you.
If your kids are teens, then taking away the outside influences isn't a bad idea. If they can't get along and treat their own siblings at least as good as they treat their friends, then they need some time to reevaluate their attitudes. Give them a warning about it and maybe a couple of restriction periods, and then close their FB accounts, sell the video games, or whatever it takes for them to realize that you mean business. You have the right to demand peace in your home and since you are the parent and pay for all that stuff, you can dispose of it if it is not healthy for your family.
Do the kids help out around the house or are you doing all the work? Kids need to contribute to the family and not just be a drain on it. By the time they are teens, they should be able to do most of what you do around the house--even cooking, laundry, cleaning and yard work. Training them and then giving them responsibility builds self-esteem and self-confidence (even if they rebel against the work). The best thing you can teach them is that the world does NOT revolve around them!
Fitness Minutes: (0)
763 10/26/11 10:35 A
My husband is a Truck Driver he's gone 3-6 weeks at a time and I work 40+ hours a week with an 1st grader and a 6th grader and the only advice I can give you is ...
Life is what you make it, happiness is a choice. I can either choose to be sad depressed and missing my DH or I can make the most of it and enjoy my work and have fun with my kids. Most of the time I make the most of it sometimes it just gets me down and I miss DH but I know he is busting his butt for the family and I'm making his life harder when I miss him too much.
I'm so sorry! I really wish I had some easy answer for you but have none. I sometimes think there is no "normal family". Normal is what works for you and your family. I hope that you will be able to find a routine and things for your kids to do that will keep them happy in the evenings.
Sometimes I just want to throw the towel in & give up.
my husband work 10 -15 hrs daily Mon - Sat, starting at 4:30 am & not coming home until 8 - 10 pm. I miss him dearly! my kids (12 & 14)from the time they get until they go to bed argue & fight over the stupidest things. I've taken away privileges. no tv, video games, no phone calls, no facebook, but still they persist. I just want to have a normal family where everyone gets along w/one another. i grew up w/9 brothers & sisters & I didn't argue & fight like my kids do. I'm fed up & I'm at my wits end.
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