I know exactly what you're going through! I had to break up with a long time friend about a year ago. We had the same situation, had a falling out then tried to mend the friendship but something was still off for me. I knew that her issues toward me based on jealousy and when I saw some inappropriate facebook posts I knew that was the last straw. I was very honest and blunt with her. I kept it short, told her that a true friend would not treat a friend like that and that I longer wanted her to contact me, wished her family the best...the end. She got the hint and I haven't heard from her since. One of the best decisions I've ever made.
There is no time for a toxic friend in your life. Your friend sounds miserable and she wants you to be miserable too. Stay positive and keep up the hard work. I think that a short and sweet confrontation is the way to go. It doesn't need to be strewn out in a long, dramatic conversation. She knows what a terrible friend she's been and now she'll know that you won't put up with it. Best of luck!
I think any time you are ending a relationship, whether friend, boyfriend ect. the kindest thing you can do is to end it quickly and clearly. Just tell her that right now the two of you are in very different places in your lives and that continuing this friendship at this point will only hurt both of you more. Obviously she isn't happy or she wouldn't have sent those texts. It's time for both of you to move on.
You think YOU need to end the relationship? I think SHE already did. Someone who texted me...
"Saying I never want to do anything, I'm obsessed with losing weight and need to see a shrink, I need to quit my job, I'm never going to get a boyfriend because I rather stay in then go out, etc....."
...would never hear from me again. There are at least 3 unforgiveables in that text.
Just don't respond. Block her on your phone, "unfriend" her on Facebook, and forget her. If you block her number, you won't be tempted to respond to texts and end up in an argument, so you'll have very little stress over the matter.
If anyone else asks about the two of you, say, "I'm afraid we just grew apart. People change over time, and I'm not comfortable around her anymore." That's true, and it's mature. You don't have to be nasty, just firm about ending it. Keep the text, but don't tell people about it unless you feel you really have to. You might have to show it to your mom, but probably no one else needs to know.
In nice way tell her how you feel. Then end the relationship. She sounds like an unhappy person. You don't need the negativity in your life. Tell her that you need positive people in your life. You can do this. I have been down your road. I had to end a relationship just like that. Good luck.
I would just be honest the next time she's negative with you: "Look, I am on the path to improving my life and if you're going to be a source of negativity, I just don't think I need that. Goodbye." (But you know, better stated than that.)
Unfortunately this isn't an unusual situation. I have had to cut close friends loose as well as not so close. One friend was using drugs, I have children and did not want this around them. The last straw was when she was smoking pot at my house. bye bye
A really close friend was so controlling that she wanted to possess all my down time. At first it was ok because I was between relationships and had little socially going on. After I met my husband, she was a shrew. I had to make a choice of being with her non-stop or get on with my life. I have been married for 22 years.
Women as well as men can be clingy. You sound like a healthy person. Set boundaries and don't let her cross them. It is the healthy thing to do. And you deserve healthy. As for her telling you that you are obsessed with weight loss....you are obsessed about your well being..big difference. On the other hand she would like to sabotage your efforts. You set a boundary and obviously you ticked her off.
Definitely tell your Mom so she can be in your corner.
My sister once had a friend that constantly bought her things, trying to guilt her into a friendship.
Edited by: IMADOTCOMDIVA at: 6/30/2012 (21:18)
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Read an article on this in the magazine 'All You' or 'Health'. Be busy when she asks. be poliet and give short responses. Don't engage in tit for tat.
I also agree with the previous person. This is not your fault or responsibility..I would caution your mom that if she shows up again at the house for you to be 'friends' again you don't want to be. That was a power move. My 13yr old just went through this at school where a girl wanted to be her friend and smother her with the two being constantly together. When I don't allow sleep over on a school night, she stole her friend. My daughter has few friends. The friend finally realize the smothering and broke it off....only to be physically attacked by this girl.
Just breathe, have your reasons ready and know it will be hard. So sorry for your stress but if you are afraid then you need to protect yourself.
She sounds very unhappy.. but to be blunt, that's neither your fault nor your responsibility. You are clearly a caring and compassionate person, but you don't want to enable her. The easy thing might be to just be very busy most of the time and let more time elapse between hanging out. That may not be immediately working, but in time it should. If she confronts you, just say you care about her, but that lately the time you are spending together is painful for both of you....
There may not be an easy way, but you don't want to let her "guilt" you into staying in a relationship that appears to be painful for both of you. Good luck.. and good luck staying on the healthy journey you have chosen. Maybe in time she will recover from what is most likely jealousy and insecurity and join you. barb
Okay so I really need everyone's advice (sorry if this is long). I am 28 and have been friend's with someone since we were both 15. About 8 years ago her and I had a falling out. She is very bossy, b*****, and I just felt like she was jealous of me. I decided to end the friendship. Her and I didn't talk for about 8 months. Then one day when I was at work she showed up at my parent's house crying to my mom how she misses me. I ended up meeting her out and we started talking again.
Ever since that failing out our friendship hasn't been the same. I wouldn't consider her my best friend but she still considers me hers. Her and I usually text each other a few times a week and hang out once a week (usually going to eat). The past month though I've tried distancing myself from her.
Now that I'm on this journey losing weight I notice her attitude towards me has changed dramatically. When we do hang out she looks at me funny, is condescending towards me and even more b*****. I don't want to go out to eat all the time. She is obese and doesn't want to lose weight. I don't push it on her or never brag about myself or my weight loss.
The other night I didn't want to go to starbucks and she lashed out in text. Saying I never want to do anything, I'm obsessed with losing weight and need to see a shrink, I need to quit my job, I'm never going to get a boyfriend because I rather stay in then go out, etc...... She was her usual rude self and I'm sick of it!! I just don't know how to end the friendship. I thought by distancing myself she'd get the hint which she hasn't. She is so bossy/b***** with me I am afraid to do it in person. I know I'm 28 years old and afraid. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I just feel like we don't have the same stuff in common anymore. I was hoping she would see this.
What is an easy way? Just be short in texts, not hang out with her at all and hope she gets sick of trying. Help!
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