It's definitely possible!! No question about it! It just takes TIME. Hehehehe. You know, patience, the original topic here. I know, not fun, but no way around it.
Ignore him as much as you can, definitely. And since that's just the way he is, you aren't going to be able to change him. He's probably been like that since long before you were born! All you can change is how you react to it. Maybe challenge yourself so that whenever he says something like that, you mentally (or even out loud) complement yourself on something you like about yourself.
Dad: "Do you ever stop eating?" Anna: "Why thank you! I think I have beautiful eyes too!"
LOL. Drive him nuts!
Edited by: NAUSIKAA at: 4/17/2013 (06:00)
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11 4/17/13 5:29 A
I've talked to him many times but he's just like that. Not just with me, he makes everyone feel bad. I've been trying to ignore him. Especially when I see results.
And yes I've seen those insecure guys! I think someone who cares that much about what others think of him is not an interesting person.
I've been so motivated after I saw your pics! my highest weight was 112 kg just like you. I'm now 102 kg and looking at your pics makes me believe that if it was possible for you, it's possible for me!
It sounds like your father either thinks that his cruel comments might "motivate" you (yes, some people actually do believe this, I can't understand why!), or he just doesn't have the slightest idea of how it is affecting you. He may feel like he has failed you because as your father he's supposed to protect you and make everything in your life perfect, and when you are struggling with something, it makes him feel like he failed, especially if he (and/or the society that you/we all live in) puts a very high value on a woman being thin. Or he may just have no idea how to talk to a young woman about such a sensitive topic.
Have you tried talking to him about it? For example, you could say something like "it's important to me that you care about my health so much, but it would be more helpful if you could keep your comments positive. For example, did you know that I have been eating a very healthy diet? I'm proud of that and it would help me stay motivated if I knew you were proud of me too. When you criticize me, I start to feel like all this hard work isn't worth it, even though I know I've lost a lot of weight already." (Or something of that sort.)
I live in a very weight-conscious environment myself. Sometimes I think American women are very lucky because there are bigger women everywhere, but in Europe, they aren't so visible (I think because while we have plenty of bigger women, they're mostly 50+ age). I have felt judged a lot especially when I was at my heaviest weight (112 kgs). And I have received some really heartless, rude, cruel comments. Losing weight definitely helped in the sense that the comments stopped, but the other thing that helped was actually just getting older and having more life experience and realizing that I am MUCH much more than my weight or physical appearance. You were studying for medical school so I venture to say the same applies to you -- I don't know if you've gone through the schooling but it doesn't matter, just studying for it says both that you're very intelligent and that you want to dedicate your life to helping people. That makes you a pretty awesome person in my opinion.
I actually had a guy tell me once that even if he liked a bigger girl, he wouldn't date her, because he wouldn't want people to talk about him being with a bigger girl, it was a status thing (the man with the thinnest girlfriend has the highest status) --- so that actually made me realize that guys might be attracted to me, just not feel comfortable saying so; and also really opened my eyes to just how INSECURE the guy (and many guys) was in worrying so much about stupid things like that. Just in case you thought you were the only one in a thin-obsessed environment ;-)
You are so much more than your weight and you WILL find someone who sees you as beautiful and valuable at any and every weight, but it is quite likely that that won't be someone who randomly happens to be in your class right now. Try to focus on the good things in your life and feed your body for health and strength (apply your medical knowledge) and you will benefit in lots of ways. One of them will be that those jerks will seem a lot less important.
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11 4/16/13 3:16 P
That is so true nausikaa, my biggest problem is my dad who so relentlessly makes me hate myself everyday. He calls me fat and lazy and disgusting all the time and I can't even eat a carrot in front of him! Because he will be all like"Gosh do you ever stop eating?" Even though I'm on a diet. He makes my life hell. And not only him, my friends, classmates and everyone else keep reminding me of the fact that I'm overweight. They keep giving me advice about how to lose weight and I really control myself to not shout at them that THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING YOU *********
That's why I don't go out, because people are nasty here (I live in a place where everyone is rude and offensive) so yeah that's why I feel so terrible about myself.
To top that, I got rejected by someone I really loved because of my weight. You see I gained all this weight during the year I was studying for medical school. And after that, I still had the confidence of when I was slim so I fell in love with this guy (now I don't even have the guts to like someone) and I was rejected JUST because of my weight. He said I'm a cool girl and I have a pretty face, but he just doesn't like me because I'm fat. So that was it. That's why I have zero confidence today.
I'm sorry I ranted too much. It's actually the first time I talk about my insecurities in so much detail.
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22,454 4/16/13 8:06 A
Hi - I notice that you belong to a Team that I am a co-Moderator of. It is possible that Depression has more than a little to do with your thought processes about how you feel about yourself, and your inability to wear nice clothes etc. UNTIL you are thin.
The fact of the matter is that even really big people can look nice. It is a matter of choosing appropriate styles and colours for us - not something that looks good on others. It may be that if you aren't receiving therapy, that you would benefit from it, particularly to help you while you are on your weight-loss part of this journey. A lot of people become very distressed if the scales don't move, or don't move fast enough and this is where the help will benefit you even more.
If you are on medication, it is possible that THAT could hinder any weight-loss attempts. Make sure that you discuss this with your Dr in case that is the reality. It could also be helpful for your Dr to check to see that there isn't something else going on - things like hypothyroidism or PCOS - they can impact on Depression and weight.
That having been said, in response to your question "How do you keep your patience?", I found it VERY EASY to keep mine. Altho' my Dietitian had set a goal for me, I doubted very much that I would get there, because I was overweight on an already very healthy diet, and in a healthy calorie range. I figured I would be able to possibly loose a 3-4kg but not the 26 or so she wanted me to. I decided that my goal would be to loose SOME weight and I never put a time frame on it. After she had figured out why I was gaining weight in the first place, and set about rectifying it, the weight started to come off - it was steady (slow) with the occasional little blip. That happens to us all, and overall, I was still lighter than when I started. It took 16 months for me to loose 23kg, and I happily sat there for a year before deciding to move on down again. I reached her goal and then she shifted the goal post for me to loose a couple more kg. I reached THAT one too - LOL!
Sometimes it is best to learn patience - with all aspects of life! You are far less likely to get stressed and suffer as a result. Learning good breathing techniques can help significantly with relaxation which will help you get through the trials.
"Sometimes I get so frustrated that I spend 7 days being strict about myself and then the best I can expect is 1 kg loss"
Being strict like that is never a good idea. You will set yourself up for a fall. This isn't about deprivation, starvation or excessive exercise. It is about balance - a HEALTHY balance. It is about portion control, wise choice of foods MOST of the time, and eating within your calorie range. It is about eating ALL of your meals, and getting adequate exercise, AND getting good hydration. This is a healthy balance.
I wish you well on your journey, and hope that you have the success with all things that you want!
Take care, Kris
Fitness Minutes: (72,433)
3,510 4/16/13 7:39 A
I'm not going to wait to live my life until I get to goal weight. That's just nonsense. You still deserve to wear nice clothes and go to parties, even if you don't look your best.
SnowWhite, you say you can't have confidence unless you're thin... why is that? Are you not still the same beautiful, kind, good person on the inside? Or are you an evil, cruel, unfriendly person up until the moment you lose all excess weight? I can't believe that... I think you are the same person with the same worth and goodness, regardless of your weight. If your best friend said that she felt that she couldn't have confidence unless she was thin, what would you tell her?
It sounds like you have some very negative people in your life who are making *inappropriate* comments about your body and physical appearance which is *not their business*. Unfortunately we all have to deal with rude and insensitive people sometimes, but it has *nothing to do with you.* It is about their rudeness and their inability to be a nice person. NOT about something "wrong" with your body. If you are losing weight to please a bunch of rude people... don't. Find a good reason. Like to improve your health. Or to allow you to have more fun when you play sports.
As for patience... I struggle with it too. I have been losing about 1/2 kg every week but ... I've been working so much harder than that. Based on the calories I burn and the calories I eat, I should be losing much more. But I'm not, because my body won't let me... it just wants to be slow this time! After almost eight months of this, I'm a little impatient at times. I still can't fit into my clothes and I still feel heavy and uncomfortable when I play sports, and I want to reach my goal weight *yesterday*!! But I try to remind myself that I am much healthier than I was 8 months ago, and I will be much healthier 8 months in the future, as long as I just stay with it and don't give up. Don't ever give up!! You are worth far too much to give up on yourself!
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11 4/16/13 2:46 A
You're right. It's all about confidence. But I can't have confidence unless I'm thin!
And I am making progress. I've lost 30 lbs but to everyone, I'm still the same. And they still rip on me for my body. It really makes me sad that even though I'm trying, I still get ripped on.
Fitness Minutes: (2,397)
100 4/15/13 11:15 P
Being patient is hard, absolutely...we all want overnight results.
The hardest thing I've ever done was turn from a couch potato into someone capable of competing in 100km endurance events.
What worked for me was slowly, slowly...I never, EVER expected to LOVE exercise when I started my journey...now I can't live without it.
Too many people try and race as fast as they can to the ultimate goal, but it's much more tolerable and enjoyable if you can stop on the way and enjoy the journey. The views from halfway up the moutain can be just as spectacular!
Try setting yourself smaller challenges and you will find your confidence gradually increases.
You may be surprised to learn that some of the things you think you can't do have nothing to do with your weight - it's all about your confidence, so you need to find things that will reward you with more of what you need...
Hope that makes sense....and good luck.
If I can do it, anyone can!!
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11 4/12/13 3:59 P
Weight loss takes time. It takes at least 5 months for me to be tolerable but it seems that until then I can't live! I mean I can't wear nice clothes, I don't have the confidence to go to parties and go out and go on dates etc. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I spend 7 days being strict about myself and then the best I can expect is 1 kg loss. And I still have 34 to go! So how do you do it? Thanks for your answers in advance :)
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