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How do you deal when your fiance lies to you?



 
 
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HOLLYWOODKAOS
Posts: 638
4/28/10 9:40 P

I wouldn't tolerate it, I dislike lair's period.



HOWDOIHEARTTHEE
Posts: 9,372
4/28/10 9:21 P

Where there are lies... there can be not trust...where there is no trust....there is constant insecurity and fear...where there is constant insecurity and fear...I would not be able to live with constant insecurity and fear..



SROUS1340
SparkPoints: (81,995)
Fitness Minutes: (29,899)
Posts: 3,128
4/28/10 7:24 P

I would rethink the marriage thing. People do not ususally change just because they marry and you would be asking for a lifetime of heartache....besides why do you want to hang out with someone who lies to you....move on is the right suggestion here.



SIZE5MOTIVATED
Posts: 422
4/28/10 7:23 P

In my own personal experience, i realy think you need to think very hard about all the lies he's told you "little & or big) & make a list, confront him about it & tell him how you TRUELY feel about everything & that the lying HAS to stop right now or it's unfortunately over. I had a very long & torturing relationship for almost 10 years (almost 5 being married) & it was noting but little lies here & there, i later found out that there were major lies he had told me later on that were devistating. He was a cronalogical liar & never got help. I am now happily divorced but plead with you to PLEASE NOT make the same mistake i did! Please take this seriously & do something about this now & if it continues, do NOT marry him, it will only change who you are because you'l end up bending to him & his lies & most likely trying to cover them up for him (because of embarassment by friends &/or family.) I did that too, it's not a good feeling. I hope this finds you well & it helps. emoticon emoticon



GWENFITNESS1ST
SparkPoints: (51,157)
Fitness Minutes: (46,515)
Posts: 1,117
4/28/10 7:15 P

Any problems before the marriage will be much worse after. A chronic liar has a major problem and needs help. I would suggest you move on.



SHERRIE59
SparkPoints: (54,044)
Fitness Minutes: (47,353)
Posts: 7,527
4/28/10 7:08 P

get rid of him



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,787
4/27/10 2:22 P

If 'lying' bothers you then dump him.



ALLYALLYT
Posts: 8,862
4/27/10 1:42 P

a lie is a lie is a lie...........big or small doesnt matter. either he gets help and able to earn your trust or get out now before he starts lying bout the big stuff-being faithful, $, etc.



RENA1965
Posts: 17,878
4/27/10 1:25 P

If he can't be honest with you, whom can he be honest with.. I would say before leaving him, I don't know where I have you.. If you told me the truth, in the least you respect my intelligence..
I may go crazy when you do dumb stuff- but a partnership is about working stuff out together as a team.. I will have to work on my temper and you with feeling comfortable telling the honest truth..


Edited by: RENA1965 at: 4/27/2010 (13:27)


MAUDIE10
Posts: 66
4/27/10 1:20 P

A lie is a lie, big or small. A leopard does not change it's spots.



TANZAR2002
Posts: 773
4/27/10 12:35 P

My brother has always been a person to lie, it was always small stuff, and recently we found out that he was married to someone who lived in Ca, and had his girlfriend here in MO taking care of his animals and house, now that marriage is over, and the girlfriend still doesn't know that he got married 2 years ago, and no one in the family is telling her either. Wow this is better than any soap opera and it is my family, which I am staying far away as I don't agree with this behavior. I just feel sorry for his girlfriend he is only using her. once a liar always a liar, it just plain hurts everyone.



ZIGFISH
Posts: 1,459
4/27/10 12:16 P

I was married to someone who lied constantly. I had to leave with a 2 and 1/2 week old and and 2 and 1/2 year old because the lies grew and created a dangerous situation. Please rethink. My boys and I have been blessed with a wonderful and honest man. The days of being detective to figure out which information was a lie and which was truth are over. You are worth a good man.

Edited by: ZIGFISH at: 4/27/2010 (12:16)


CINDYHOUGHTON
Posts: 1,827
4/27/10 10:36 A

I don't deal well at all with being lied to by anyone. It is a trust breaker. If trust is not the foundation of a relationship, it can be a deal breaker because you will always be second guessing every response. Do confront him and let him know how it made you feel.



MOUNTAINLIONESS
Posts: 193
4/27/10 10:24 A

You need to confront him and tell him that if he doesn't change this behavior its not going to work. It will only get worse.



MOUCHE
Posts: 7,534
4/27/10 10:19 A

Try to work it out with him, let him know this is not acceptable and that there may not be a future with you if this behavior continues, Now that part was you head and common sense talking. Now as far as your heart is concern, I say from the famous words of Dr. Phil, never invest more than your able to handle loosing. Anyway it's something like that. Think long and hard because even though I've never been married, I do know that the I dos alone will not change the behavior. I wish you both all the best!!!

BILL60, LOL!!! I totally get it!!!

Edited by: MOUCHE at: 4/27/2010 (10:22)


REALIZ
Posts: 3,157
4/27/10 10:13 A

try counseling, my husband did the same thing and he turned out to be bipolar. Not that your fiance is but I would try to find out.



PLSOCK
Posts: 578
4/27/10 10:04 A

I would confront, find out what he is trying to hide from you. Is it his own insecurities, is it to spare feelings- or is he leading another life and doesn't want to get caught? If it's to spare your feelings, let him know that you'd rather have the truth. If it's his own insecurities, maybe you could help him with that. If it's where he's been and what he's been up to- let him go- it won't get better.



BARBROCKS
Posts: 877
4/27/10 9:01 A

Small problems before you are married turn into HUGE problems after you are married.



DREAMSBEEDREAMS
Posts: 296
4/27/10 8:23 A

My ex, who i thought i would marry, turned out to be a liar too. And although it was hard to let him go...Once a liar, ALWAYS a liar! He had no right to lie to me and your fiance has no right to lie to you. My advice would be to try and move on because, if it is the same situation as me, you deserve a lot better out of a marriage and a relationship!



BILL60
Posts: 227,834
4/27/10 7:33 A

My wife does not lie, period. She's the most perfect human being I've ever met.



HILLERYH
Posts: 171
4/26/10 9:53 P

Like others have said, is he lying about things to not hurt your feelings or is it bigger? If its bigger, you might want to get professional help... and possibly delay your marriage until you feel he is being honest with you. Its painful to think about, but it may be the best because little lies can get bigger and bigger and who knows what those lies are hiding.



MELANCHOLYKTTEN
Posts: 359
4/26/10 9:47 P

I would call him out on it and if that didn't help things I'd let him know it's a big issue. Thankfully my fiance is an awful liar and he knows he isn't getting away with whatever it is he's lying about and thankfully that isn't often. Honesty is important in a relationship regardless of the significance of the lie.



DARK_ANGEL10
SparkPoints: (11,316)
Fitness Minutes: (9,949)
Posts: 1,385
4/26/10 9:43 P

Everyone can give you advice but you have to be the one to decide. You deserve better I hope you see that. If he won't come clean now what makes u think he will later?? I wish you the best.



ALEXTHEHUNN
Posts: 2,535
4/26/10 8:56 P

Cut your losses now. Move on.



SKINNYMISSKASEY
SparkPoints: (111,796)
Fitness Minutes: (167,820)
Posts: 3,939
4/26/10 8:56 P

My ex-husband did that a lot and was a pathological liar. He would lie, and I don't even think he'd realize it. Just over stupid stuff. To everybody. It was before and after we got married but I got fed up with other things (lying about getting fired, etc.) and decided to get divorced from him. I confronted him about it a LOT but it didn't do much good really. :\ I got to the point when I could figure out he was lying.

I'm not sure what my advice would be, but if you are not 100% sure this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, and are thinking about the future marriage, I would put a LOT of thought into it before you go through. Even on my wedding day, I was wondering if I should do it. I wish I had gone with my gut thought and feelings and I would have saved myself a LOT of pain. :
If you need anything - just stop by my page.



LADYAMELIA
SparkPoints: (16,354)
Fitness Minutes: (50,180)
Posts: 974
4/26/10 8:53 P

"Scratch a lie, find a thief."



TACDGB
Posts: 6,041
4/26/10 8:50 P

I would confront him about his lying. Let him know how you feel. I would ask him to go with you to get help about this. If he's not willing I'd let him go. I can't stand people who lie. I live with a person who lies. And yes I am done with him. Little lies turn into big ones and then the trust is gone.



STARSHINE67
Posts: 1,549
4/26/10 8:24 P

Lying shows lack of charactor..if he lies about little stuff..he'll lie about the big stuff too. If you were my friend or daughter, I would say run for the hills, and get your self a real man not a boy, who plays games with your heart.



HDBLL713
Posts: 81
4/26/10 8:21 P

yes what is he lying about? if its where hes been, get rid of him and tell him he wont need to lie to you anymore! break ups are tough, just went through one in the last 9 months, but if you look at the issues that you struggle with (lying) and know there are others out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. I would never marry a lier! he will make you look like a fool if he hasnt already.
good luck!



FAIRVIEWBONNIE
SparkPoints: (21,496)
Fitness Minutes: (13,157)
Posts: 1,670
4/26/10 8:20 P

Just remember that he is treating you better now then he will ever treat you after you marry him. If someone tells lies, then they have a character flaw. If they are just courtesy lies, like "no you do not look fat in those pants", then he is trying not to hurt your feelings. If that is the case, then I would just have a chat with him about that....



CINDYA1962
Posts: 1,021
4/26/10 7:59 P

Painful as it is, I suspect you may know what the answer is....



LETOVERN
Posts: 2,603
4/26/10 7:56 P

Have you asked him why he does this? He may be insecure and lies to impress you. Or he may be covering something up. Either way, you need to get to the bottom of this before you commit to marriage. This is serious.



MARIABELLA
Posts: 2,388
4/26/10 7:15 P

I would not stay with anyone who lied to me! Trust is monumental in any relationship. Get out now if they are lying to you! It might be over stupid stuff now but what about when you are married and he starts with the big stuff? Look at Tiger Woods!

Edited by: MARIABELLA at: 4/26/2010 (19:16)


LUANN_IN_PA
Posts: 15,882
4/26/10 6:54 P

I would refuse to deal with ANYONE who is a constant liar.

Why marry into that?



CLIMBERCHICK14
Posts: 11,246
4/26/10 6:42 P

A lie now means lies in the future. What happens now is just a preview to what's to come. CONFRONT him. Seek counseling if necessary. But DO NOT accept it.



BUNKHOUSE
Posts: 25
4/26/10 6:28 P

My first thought would be he needs professional help. That is because I must love him to be a fiancÚ.
My next thought is tell him to get lost, because my rule goes like this: Lie to me once, let it slide, lie to me twice; could be a special circumstance, lie to me a third time and you're gone; and mean it!
I had to do that to someone who was a friend once and it was painful, but I could not trust that he would not take advantage of my forgiving him every time he made up another fairy tale.

But truly - if this is someone you want to spend your life with; consider seeking help for the person.

Best of luck to you both.



MANDIETERRIER1
Posts: 13,545
4/26/10 6:27 P

Depends on what you mean by stupid stuff?

Is he telling you dinner was delicious to spare your feelings? Or that you look great in your jeans that maybe you don't look so great in?

Or is he lying about money and where he has been for two hours.





KILLASHANDRAREE
Posts: 427
4/26/10 6:22 P

Be honest with him. Tell him that the little "inconsequential" lies make you feel like he could potentially lie about something more important and that it makes you feel insecure in your relationship.

For what it's worth, I married a guy like that. I found out later that the little lies covered a WHOLE BOATLOAD of bigger ones, ones that eventually did make me decide to end the marriage.



BROWNEYES8
SparkPoints: (120,916)
Fitness Minutes: (28,843)
Posts: 4,489
4/26/10 6:21 P

That is definitely a problem, I would not live with it myself.



TWYLAND2010
Posts: 66
4/26/10 6:18 P

My fiance constantly lies to me about stupid stuff and I don't know how to deal with him and it is always little stuff, I don't know how to deal with it and I don't know how I'm suppose to marry him with him always lying to me.



 
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