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6/11/14 5:56 P

Human beings are hard-wired to prefer calorie-dense foods. Unfortunately, the culture we live in is not well-suited for that, since most people's lives are sedentary and food is relatively cheap and easy to get, compared to how it was for our primitive ancestors. If that wasn't challenging enough, there are vast amounts of money to be made by selling people food, and they're really good at advertising it. You know how it is -- one minute there's a Slimfast commercial coming on, the next minute they're showing food porn -- oozing chocolate, creamy peanut butter, sizzling steaks, melting cheese. Someone is constantly attempting to manipulate us. Lose weight! Try our Ciabatta Bacon Burger! Look like this super model, but eat Chocolate Chip Cooke Dough Ice Cream. It's schizo. It's hard. You may not think that's an excuse for gaining weight, but if it's any consolation, millions of other people have the same problem.

I totally understand the self-loathing, but it's not productive. It keeps you from getting started. Hang around Spark, get some support, read about people in the same boat or even worse off than you are. We're here for you, you don't deserve any loathing.

LKG9999 Posts: 1,747
6/11/14 2:47 P

I think something that has helped me a great deal is really, truly shifting the focus from how I look to my health. I am 52 and watching my elderly 84yo mother deal with all sorts of health issues (none related to weight per se, but her eating habits likely haven't helped her cholesterol). It's inspired me to place the emphasis on losing weight and keeping it off for health's sake. Focusing on how I look is a losing battle; even after losing ~54 pounds and reaching my weight goal I still have fat rolls around my middle and cellulite. But they don't demoralize me as much as they used to as I've accepted I'm well past the age where I'll have a model-perfect body.

JEEP8294 Posts: 4,591
6/10/14 11:27 P

I too have lost a lot of weight only to put it back on the following year or so. As you can see from my weight loss track record on my profile I'm back to zero #s lost but I'm still here everyday getting myself geared up to start over. I also go thru moments of self loathing only to realize that it's not getting me anywhere. I wish you success in your journey. Don't beat yourself up :)

Fitness Minutes: (181)
Posts: 129
6/10/14 10:59 A

Glad to see you have a plan, I've been thinking about you, hoping you felt better. Some of the things you've said here really resonate with me.

What is you opinion about regaining the weight because of fear? I've yoyo'd all my life, since I was 9 years old I've been on diets. Amazingly enough, I too, can eat too few calories and starchy carbs are a downfall. It seems like everytime I get on a roll, lose about 20 lbs and "it" really starts working, that "something" happens and I regain. Last year I made it over the 20 lb hump and actually lost 51 lbs! But guess what, I quit meal planning and walking on my treadmill, and surprise....I've gained almost all of it back. Talk about self loathing! Someone suggested that fear is causing my self sabotage. It seems that when I could see it was really working, and I was getting close to normal clothing sizes, something inside just freaked.

Have you experienced anything like this?

TRIPLEMWF Posts: 906
6/10/14 10:09 A

Thank you all.

I'm doing better today. Starting yesterday, I decided to make a new committment to myself to get healthy. I sat, and I thought about where I was 1 year ago, 2 years ago, 3 years ago this same month when I was rapidly approaching my goal weight. I looked back at my old food logs and saw one big, repeating theme.......carbs. My diet was so carb heavy, well over 50% of my calories coming from carbs. I wasn't eating anywhere near enough, some days consuming only 1,000 while working out like a fiend. I KNOW that carbs are a trigger for me, but to actually see just how much of my diet they were/are? Wow. What an eye opener. Starting yesterday, I'm putting myself through a 30 day carb/sugar/artifical sweetener detox. My goal is to eat only whole foods, more protein, healthy. I've committed to the next 30 days and after that, we'll see. Baby steps.

K_SABLE Posts: 175
6/10/14 9:44 A

Hope you are feeling better today.

I agree with the others who have said you may need to stop weighing yourself every single day. Try doing it only once a week, on the same day - at the same time - wearing the same thing each week. It may take some of the pressure off of you.

Also, it may be a good idea to now look within and see what was going on during the time you gained weight again. Consider: were you tracking your food intake - were you exercising - how were you feeling in your life with your job, family, friends, love life, etc - were you socializing more which led to eating out more or drinking more? I would guess other factors played a role and they may affect you again down the line if not addressed. I don't think weight gain is ever just about the food - or I'll say, for me, it never has been.

You CAN do this! You've done it before - just take it one day, one meal, one step at a time! emoticon emoticon

6/10/14 12:54 A

How are you doing, TRIPLEMWF? I hope you're feeling better...

Edited by: GIMMESPARK at: 6/10/2014 (00:56)
BROADBRUSH Posts: 1,806
6/9/14 7:36 P

hating anything does not help you. i learned this while living with a person who has mental illness - i hated the disease, i hated me for being the care taker, i hated hated hated.
i also lost 80 pounds and kept it off for about 12 years. it was difficult - it was not 'a lifestyle' as i had to think about what i did and ate EVERY SINGLE DAY. it was exhausting. same for exercise - i pushed ME into the gym six days out of seven - attended every class i could, i would go before work - i pd for a personal trainer and i suffered - it was painful - it never got 'to be fun' i NEVER looked forward to exercising.
when i look back on all that effort, time and money spent i shake my head.
but finally i have learned - if i cannot change what ever it is - or who ever it is - i have to accept things as they come.
i may not like it - but it takes up TOO MUCH ENERGY TO HATE.
so i try to keep a positive outlook - it does not mean i don't get depressed - i sure do.
but life is very short, we have only one chance and i have wasted soooooo much time i can't get back.
so i try to choose the up side to things - i feel resentment creep in and i make the effort to STOP those thought processes.
i still look at myself in a store window and wonder how i got to be this big lumbering person again - i am in a lot of pain with RA and FIBRO so i am not as graceful as i used to be. sometimes i need the cane - not always. but at least i can walk -
so try to use your energy for positive fun productive things for yourself.
i pray for you - and you will succeed.

TECHSUN Posts: 592
6/9/14 7:01 P

I think truly most every person here has felt something similar in some way or the other.

AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (0)
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6/9/14 2:26 P

I think that you absolutely DO need to weigh yourself every day so that you can know where you stand and can deal with reality.

I can see gaining two or three pounds...but 97? How do you let things get so out of hand without getting yourself back on track? Going to therapy and figuring out why you have done that is a great place to start--good for you!

MARTHROID Posts: 389
6/9/14 1:10 P

This may not be helpful at all, but the question and comments have made me really think. I have gained a lot of weight in the last 3 years and haven't weight this much ever when not pregnant. I'm pretty disgusted too. But, it made me think that I'm pretty sure that I put myself before everyone in my family and maybe everyone in general. I seriously think I need help with this. I am thinking of talking to someone (pastor or therapist regularly) to figure out why I do this to myself. Why am I stuck? It's kind of self destructive, but I don't know why I do this. I know how to be healthy, it's not like I don't know this stuff...I really do.
Just curious if something is really bothering you...I'm wondering that about myself.

Also, stop loathing yourself, because that's very unhealthy emotionally and physically. You have done the best you can up to this point. For whatever reason, you gained that weight back and you did it for a reason (I really believe this)...for me, I might need help trying to figure out why I put it on. Could be a physical reason (thyroid, etc) or it could be emotional (hiding from something, eating my stress, etc).

Also, try to see yourself through someone else's eyes...someone that loves you a lot. I think of my late father and how he would hate for me to hate would break his heart.

Just some thoughts, as this thread really got me thinking.

Fitness Minutes: (181)
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6/9/14 11:43 A

Hmm, last poster had an idea. Looking at the smaller clothes is kinda counter-productive. Wouldn't it feel nice to clean out that closet, maybe buy a few new blouses and earrings that make you feel pretty? And see THOSE hanging in the closet waiting for you? I'm kinda in that process myself, shhhhh--don't tell hubby I did more shopping! But I must admit, they didn't all make it into the closet yet, I am crocheting a cover on the hangers to keep my nice, new, spiffy knit tops from sliding off the hangers and getting "shoulder bumps" on them. But they are hanging up on the door where I can see them....if nothing else, put them on and PRETEND you are pretty, fake it till you make it! Maybe a little mani-pedi to match, hmmmm?

SPINNER86 Posts: 166
6/9/14 11:04 A

I may sometimes HATE the way I look but I never hate myself. We are not machines, we can never be perfect. we are human. You are many things..wife, lover, friend. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Talk to yourself like you would a friend and you might find the path to being healthier a little easier.

Good luck.


MARTHA324 Posts: 5,839
6/9/14 10:58 A

I really don't know but I do know that you have to stop doing things like weighing yourself every day and looking at your skinny clothes. That will only make you feel bad.
You have done what so many of us have done (statistics show that 95% of dieters gain back their weight) but you have done something that not everyone does and that is to stop before you gained it all + some back. You stopped and that is an accomplishment.

Now what you need to do is focus on eating healthy. Sparkpeople is great and you can use it to track your food. Think back to how you changed your eating so that you gained back weight. What are your triggers? Tracking your food will give you clues about what you're eating. Commit to moving every day.

Don't go nuts right now. Just start making some small changes each week that you can incorporate forever. Diets don't work, lifestyle changes do work.

Each day think of one thing that makes you happy or proud of about yourself. You can do this and don't let your self-loathing sabotage your efforts to get healthy.

RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
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6/9/14 10:45 A

Your response to everyone is very hopeful to me and I hope to you also. emoticon

TRIPLEMWF Posts: 906
6/9/14 10:41 A

Thank you so much to everyone for the responses. I'm really going to try to look at the positive, but I've always struggled with body image issues and self-worth. I'm going to try some of the things suggested here. I'm also going to seriously consider therapy, because I tend to wonder if my weight issues might be slightly more deep seeded than just the food pantry. Thank you again.

6/8/14 6:57 P

This is something I'm still working on.

AGGIETERR Posts: 2,180
6/8/14 6:35 P

I have never been a little girl. I was 5'8" by sixth grade, and up until this year, the smallest weight I could remember seeing on a scale was 185. It wasn't until I accepted myself and made the decision to be happy - no matter my size- I decided to just do my best every day. All of a sudden, I was able to get the weight off and keep it off. For years I had been unbelievably cruel to myself, and all it did was put me on a guilt trip, eat poorly, gain weight cycle. When I started treating myself well, recognizing my progress, and not expecting absolute perfection, the weight started to come off-without it being so difficult and painful. I started to be happy with myself when I made a better food choice, one day I realized I was enjoying my walk and problems at work weren't stressing me out or making me as angry - and the weight was coming off slowly and steadily. I have lost 202 lbs.

6/8/14 6:29 P

gimmespark-I love everything you said here. emoticon

CALIFAMILY SparkPoints: (0)
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6/8/14 5:03 P

I hear you about the demon that is self-loathing. At times we all go down that route...but typically it is a dark and self-perpetuating cycle. The first step was reaching out w/ the message. It sounds like you are ready to stop feeling that way.

A small suggestion I have is to do one little thing each day that you feel good about. These small accomplishments add up and what happens is your attitude about yourself will start to change. And I am talking SMALL. It can be reading a motivational quote each day, or drinking one (not 8) glass of water, or if you are ready...committing to doing just 10 fitness minutes each day. The last one is what has saved me time and time again. We all get to the point of wanting to give up, but if you (or I, or anyone) can say..."'s just 10 minutes. I can do that. I'll walk 5 minutes one way and 5 minutes back." You don't even have to be prepared with tennis shoes or the right clothes or a water bottle for a 10 minute walk. Just go out there and look at the beauty around you. Like I said, this one has helped my mental health as much as physical health and I do have spark to thank for that. It's the SparkGuy who does the "10 minutes a day."

Whatever you decide to do...just one small thing each day gives you a daily atta girl where you know you are making progress. All the best for a journey towards self-love. Know that you are not alone.

RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
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6/8/14 3:13 P

I find it hard to respond because I don't ever think of self loathing. You could make a list of all your positive qualities that have nothing to do with weight. I feel down sometimes, even depressed, and when I swim or walk, I do feel better. Just remember:


JLAMING263 Posts: 4,706
6/8/14 1:04 P

Forgive yourself, then start anew. Start TODAY on a new routine... emoticon

COLLEENBOB SparkPoints: (25,119)
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6/8/14 12:36 P


Been there, done that. I'm not disgusting, you're not disgusting, we're all just human. I do want to thank you for having the courage to share your feelings. I reached a crossroad on Friday and have been feeling like I've done it, I can take a rest...but I can't. You have helped me to remember that healthy habits do not come naturally to me, and I have to commit to making the best choices I'm capable of every day (knowing that some days I'm more capable than others :-)

Chin up, sweetheart, and be kind to yourself.


SEAGLASS1215 Posts: 586
6/8/14 7:12 A

I could have written this post myself! Love all the positive feedback and got some great take-aways -- especially the poster who wrote: "You don't loathe yourself, you loathe your lack of commitment" or words to that effect. How true! Just when I think I don't like myself much, I step back and realize I do actually like who I am, but I don't like what I do (or fail to do) to stay on my plan. Lack of commitment. And it's certainly hard to stay focused and motivated when life gets in the way...and my hubby also thinks I look great no matter the weight (he could be just saying that, but it makes me feel loved and I do want to look better for him, and for me, but I know he loves me as a person, not as a number on the scale).
You, (I, we, all of us) can do might take a long time for some or a shorter time for others. We have to commit to a life style change, not a 6-week 'miracle' diet touted on some magazine cover. We don't have celebrity chefs and personal trainers at our beck and call. This is hard work and we have to do it if we want the payoff. I am recommiting right now, this moment to loving myself enough to do the work, to do what must be done (not what I want to do which is have my cake, eat it too, and seconds would be nice) but eat healthy, get some exercise in every day, and make the best choices that will help me get to my goals.

Fitness Minutes: (181)
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6/8/14 1:38 A

I'm working on the exact same thing, lost weight, put it back on, lost it, put it back, etc. Came here 2 weeks ago thoroughly depressed. Reading what others had to say helped pull me out of my funk a bit. Seems I'm not as alone as I thought. I had a good talk with theory is my body fat is trying to tell me something, and I have to figure out what. Is there something I'm trying to avoid facing up to? Oh yeah. Are there things i need to do and change? Double yeah.

I'm using the spark coach just because logging in daily makes me feel like I accomplished something and gives me a framework to build on. It's simple....but it's given me a glimmer of hope. Lost my first 1=1/2 lbs. And instantly started in with the "negative" thoughts, you can imagine.

We have these irrational thoughts that we need to look at and rephrase. We're human. We wouldn'[t talk to our best friends the way we talk inside our own heads to ourself.

I hope reading all these posts helps you out some, too. You are not alone. Think hard about why you want to lose the weight.

As much as we miss, the only way out is to go through all the hard work again, and this time hopefully everything you need will fall into place.

6/7/14 1:58 P

I feel for you and offer you all the encouragement in my being. You are worth it, and you have a lot of folks who care about you (including fellow sparkpeople).

Sadly--and clearly, judging from all the posts here--a lot of us feel the same way. Forgive the obvious pop psychology, but I really believe fat is often the outward expression of things inside feeling out of control. I know that there are many people who have physical ailments or are on medications that cause weight gain, but for a lot of us, the loathing leads to self-destructive behaviors that lead to more loathing--could be risky behaviors like drinking and driving or more insidious behaviors like falling off the exercise and good-food-eating wagon.
In our case, it doesn't matter how many people love us and tell us we're beautiful. There's something going on inside that won't let us feel it.

Maybe it could help to ask: What was going on in your life (specifically, in your internal landscape) when you were losing weight before? What was the positive feedback loop that helped you feel worth it then? Can you find that other version of yourself and ask her to help you now?

You've done this before so you've proven you have the strength to make the change you want to happen. I have faith in you, and I'm pulling for you.

6/7/14 12:50 P

I'm sorry you're hurting. emoticon

Would you loathe your best friend given the same circumstances? I don't think so.
You lost the weight once, you can do it again.

Encourage yourself, just like you would a friend.

CLUTTRELL8 SparkPoints: (23,060)
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Posts: 552
6/7/14 12:34 P

Treat yourself like a friend.

Easier said than done.

FANNYMANSON SparkPoints: (20,213)
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Posts: 475
6/6/14 11:57 P

Aww. I can relate. Just get active, try to improve your health and also do a hobby or a craft that takes your mind off things. I like to look at the sky, the birds, and nature and think about how I'm a small part of something much, MUCH bigger that I can even fathom. And think about how we are only here for a blink of an eye of eternity. Try to enjoy what you can. Your life is a gift. Love yourself above all others. (unless you have a cat, then love the cat first, then yourself)

TACDGB Posts: 6,136
6/6/14 11:15 P

You are more than a number on the scales. I am sure that you have good qualities about yourself. I would take a hard look at those good qualities. I would use all that sparks has to offer. Remember it's a life style journey and not a diet. You are in it for the long hall and not a quick fix. I do get where you are coming from as I have moments where I hate myself too. But that is not the only hurts us more and destroys the hard work we are trying to get done by eating right and working out. You need to start loving your self as much as your hubby and God does.......You are so worth it....

KSHEPARDSON SparkPoints: (3,915)
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6/6/14 10:48 P

Wow. Self loathing. Not something we think about. Its something we often do without much thought. Were so used to the negitive self talk we hardly notice it. Wee get compliments yet shrug it iff. Thinking that person is either lying or blind. But the truth is..inside is the most valuable apart of each of us. And whats on the inside is reflected on the outside for everyone tosee. We need to change the inside to better reflect outside. (Including our body)

JIACOLO SparkPoints: (545,849)
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6/6/14 10:18 P

I had this very conversation tonight prior to reading this post. Self-loathing is easily done, easily damaging, and very difficult to stop. I think in order to get past it, you have to stop doing it, find the good in you, and move forward.

KSHEPARDSON SparkPoints: (3,915)
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6/6/14 10:10 P

Wow. Self loathing. Not something we think about. Its something we often do without much thought. Were so used to the negitive self talk we hardly notice it. Wee get compliments yet shrug it iff. Thinking that person is either lying or blind. But the truth is..inside is the most valuable apart of each of us. And whats on the inside is reflected on the outside for everyone tosee. We need to change the inside to better reflect outside. (Including our body)

SWFL2020 SparkPoints: (3,447)
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Posts: 69
6/6/14 8:52 P

Your husband is right - you are beautiful. Besides, life is too short to spend in self-loathing. Focusing inward in such a negative way can only steal the joy to be had in the beauty and love that is all around us for the taking (and more importantly - for the giving) - no matter what we weigh.


Edited by: SWFL2020 at: 6/7/2014 (17:54)
NIRERIN Posts: 14,249
6/6/14 8:41 P

for starters think of all the things that you could be doing with the time that you're spending hating yourself. self loathing is a wild goose chase that's not going to get you anywhere. you could be doing things you enjoy or instead doing something that's actually going to do something to fix the problem.
when you learn how to do anything it takes time and failure. the first time you sit down at a piano you're not going to be able to play beethoven's fifth. it's going to take a lot of time and lot of klunking to get to the point where you can play beautifully. weightloss is no different than anything else. it takes time and often learning how not to do something in order to finally get it right. and if nothing else you learned that how you lost the last time didn't set you up for a great transition into maintaining. so you can hate yourself for it or you can try and pin point what the problem was. was it that you kept creeping portions up from loss to maintenance to gain? was it that you didn't find slightly better ways to make your favorite fallback dishes so when they moved back into the rotation your calories went up? were you still eating for exercise even after you stopped exercising? did you start eating out too much without being mindful of what you were ordering? zeroing in on what wasn't working can help you tweak what did work so that it can work long term.
basic math says that if you gained 97 lbs in 2.5 years that means that you took in 372 cals more that you needed to maintain. that's about half a muffin, a drink at starbucks, just under 2 servings of nuts, an oversized buttered side dish, or a piece of cake. it means that however you were eating in those two and a half years that you were only 372 cals off. that's not that far off if you know what you need to start looking at/for. from your off the wagon point where you were gaining, if you can find a way to cut 100 cals from breakfast, 100 cals from lunch, 100 cals from dinner and 100 cals from your snacks a day, that will take you from gaining a pound every nine days to losing a pound every 125 days. cut another 100 cals out somewhere and you'll be creating a 128 cal a day deficit and that means losing a pound every 27 days. find a 100 cal workout and that means your deficit gets boosted to 228 cals which means a pound lost every 15 days. those little things aren't generally hard to find and they will add up. making little changes is within your grasp and it's a much better use of your time than being mad at yourself.
a number on a scale also doesn't mean much. it doesn't tell you what kind of person you are. your value as a human being isn't invalidated once your weight goes over a certain number. one of the best comments on the messageboards in relation to this topic i have ever seen was that you should treat yourself the same way that you would treat your child if it was their problem. so would you tell your child that losing ground made them disgusting and without merit? that if they don't get it 100% right the first time that they may as well not bother because they're an awful person? if you wouldn't tell your child that in that scenario, then why are you being that hard on yourself? one other thing to remember since you do have children is that they are always watching and learning from what you do. so even if you do try and teach them not what you do, they're likely to still pick up what you do.

6/6/14 5:19 P

I get of the reasons Spark is so busy is we get it...BUT... YOU CAN DO THIS...again!
When you start the head talk...turn it off...see the off button, push it...and replace it with positive self talk...I can do this...this time I know what to do...every day brings me closer...
Put up positive affirmations, keep a yourself...and remember it is a lifestyle!

Fitness Minutes: (3,802)
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6/6/14 4:48 P

"January 1st 2010 I weighed 236lbs. Fast food, cookies, chips and desserts were the main staple of my diet. I started by slowly limiting those things and lost 14lbs effortlessly". These were your words - and it seems like you had further to go then.

Don't give up on yourself. Even when it SUCKS!!! Even when you hate everything. Even when you look at yourself and want to vomit DON'T GIVE UP. ESPECIALLY on yourself. Listen to that still voice that says, "I can do this. And I WILL."

Oh, and go get yourself a hug!

GOALIEGRANDMA3 SparkPoints: (119,695)
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6/6/14 4:29 P

I loathe somebody else.!!!

MLAN613 Posts: 18,605
6/6/14 3:44 P

You are beautiful! And are those your kids in your photo gallery? They are so cute! If you are struggling for motivation, focus on those kids. I imagine you want to be around for them. Maybe they can be your encouragers.

LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 4,690
6/6/14 3:10 P

Oh, sweetie, your weight does not define your worth as a person.

As someone who went through years and years where I hated on myself...

We can be our own worst critics and, sometimes, the things we can say to ourselves are things we would never dream of saying to anyone else, not even someone we despise.

Instead of being so harsh with yourself, talk to yourself like you are someone you love. This is the first step in learning to love yourself. No more saying mean stuff to yourself. Seriously. Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to a loved one.

Acknowledge that you've gained weight back, but don't hate yourself for it. You're human and no human being is perfect. Lots and lots of people who lose weight gain it all back, plus some extra. It's pretty common. You're not alone. You're nowhere near alone in this happening. But, you can lose the weight again. You know how to do it. You have done it before and you can do it again. Make losing that weight again part of caring for yourself. Start today. Start tracking your food and start eating appropriately sized portions. You know what to do.

So far as clothes... You need clothes that fit. You deserve clothes that fit. Would you want someone you love running around in clothing that's uncomfortable? Of course not! So, don't make yourself uncomfortable by wearing things that are too small. Go get a few pairs of pants and a few shirts that fit. Make sure you have undies (and bras) that fit too! Do you have any clothes to exercise in? If not, get a few things. You don't need to spend a ton of money, but you DO deserve to be comfortable.

Start doing other nice things for yourself. Give yourself a manicure, pedicure, etc. Is it time for a haircut? Are you getting enough sleep? Enough exercise (but not excessive exercise)? Set aside a little time for a hobby or something else you enjoy. Set aside some time to spend with your hubby...just some time to be together.

GONNALOSE5 Posts: 975
6/6/14 2:47 P

Self-loathing? I sometimes get annoyed with myself, but never loath myself. You are a human being, we make mistakes. Make up your mind that you will not hate yourself, instead put all of that energy into doing something about what you really hate,a lack of commitment. This time lose weight because you want to be healthier and be around for your husband/family and yourself.

I am sorry that you feel that way about yourself--only you can change that. You can be your best motivator, but I have found that the SparkPeople family can and will encourage you to get to that next step. I used to work with a woman that told me she looked in the mirror every morning and said "Good morning, you are beautiful, my dear." And she carried herself regally as if she were beautiful.

Whether negative (loathing yourself) or positive, self talk is powerful. You seem to be on your way to positive because you have put how you feel about yourself in writing for all to see. From here, the only way is up emoticon

Good luck to you in your journey to good health and weight loss. emoticon

Edited by: GONNALOSE5 at: 6/6/2014 (14:52)
ETHELMERZ Posts: 19,725
6/6/14 2:37 P

Please keep in mind, YOU are more the norm rather than the exception.......the people who lose weight and keep it off are the EXCEPTION, that's just the way it is with our chronic condition. Can you get a referral to see a dietitian, someone you can talk to in person, not on a forum, and she can give you a good talking to and reality check, while also helping with your food menus. Don't watch tv shows, like those nightly celebrity yak a thons, and don't read People magazine, touting celebs with tiny figures, but they don't mention trainers and people who follow them around with bags of spinach to snack on all the time. You are NOT alone in this world!!! Trust me.!

THINNYGINNY Posts: 1,143
6/6/14 1:56 P

I spent almost 16 years in self loathing - refusing to look in the mirror, hating what I looked like reflected in shop windows, trying to avoid all photos of me... now I have spent 2.5 years losing the weight and you know what? My oldest daughter is proud of me, but sometimes struggles cause I look so different. When I was (in my thinking) a big fat ugly slob, to her I was her loving mom... she and my hubby and my friends LOVED me back then. And they still love me now. The weight really doesn't matter in terms of how people value me (other than strangers.) I am slowly learning that having lost weight is good for my health and self esteem, but other than that - it is not the be all and end all...
Time for you to show a little kindness to your a mom, I am sure you shower your kids with love and do a lot of things for them. Would you love them less if they were chubby? or less attractive than they are? Nope.
Time to love who you are - cause I think the motivation to work on your body comes when you value yourself... You are most likely a kind, caring person who does a lot for other people. Do something for yourself now - something not connected to yourself something small, go away with a girlfriend, take a day off and relax... Stop telling yourself negative things - stop calling yourself disgusting... Look in the mirror and tell yourself the truth about who you are.
Of course you can lose the weight again - yeah it is a bummer to start over - but honestly if you get to goal, you will need to maintain anyway, so what is the difference? A year from now you will be a year older whether you do something positive for yourself over the next year, or whether you choose to hate yourself and stay stuck.
So - pull up your big girl panties, suck it up and start over...not because you are an awful fat girl who is disgusting...but because that is NOT who you are - you are a million other things, and you deserve to spend time on yourself, you deserve to have a body that feels good to you. You deserve to get what you want...Just keep in mind that weight loss is not what gives us our worth. Understanding what we are worth helps us decide to treat our body right and helps us achieve goals..

FAITHP44 Posts: 8,614
6/6/14 1:04 P

Hey, you're not defined by your body shape - it's the person inside that counts. Your husband loves you and still finds you attractive. That's brilliant.

As long as you dwell on the self loathing you won't be able to lose weight because you'll be comfort eating.

So think instead about making a better, healthier life for both you and your husband by preparing nutritious meals that you both enjoy. Forget dieting, hide the scales but track your food. Try adding a few extra nutrients to your tracking like vitamin C so you can see how well you're doing with healthy eating. Can you go for walks or do something else a bit fun and energetic with your husband? When you start to see that you're doing more of the right things you will feel better about yourself, and you'll be healthier and fitter too. Before you know it you'll be wearing clothes a size smaller.

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (197,155)
Fitness Minutes: (294,373)
Posts: 27,077
6/6/14 1:03 P


Every single member of Spark People has struggled with similar emotions. We are all experts at gaining, losing and regaining the weight over the years. That was the past. You can't change the past, but you can influence and change the future.

You have to stop beating yourself because you think you lack self control or will power. You're not a machine ! You're a normal human being with normal human wants and needs. Remember, there is more to good health than a number that stares at us from between our toes in the morning.

How to stop the self loathing ? We all have negative voices in our heads. No one says you have to listen to them. It isn't healthy to pick your body apart bit by bit. Instead, appreciate what your body can and will do instead of worrying about how it looks. No one is perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be healthy.

Good health really does come in many shapes and sizes.

6/6/14 12:43 P

think of the good

GIPPER1961 Posts: 765
6/6/14 12:42 P

That is a question that many of us have had to ask many times. I say one day at a time. Try to give yourself a break today. Don't think about the weight you gained back, just do something today to make it OK and then tomorrow repeat.

It does get easier, for some it gets easy and others just easier. I would personally I put myself in the easier category, but one day at a time.

If you take another step backward, just pick yourself back up and do it tomorrow but just one day and then let the next day take care of itself.

6/6/14 11:38 A

OK, the thing is, now you know how to lose the weight. You know you can do it. Many fall off the wagon once or twice, just climb back on - good luck

EELPIE Posts: 2,700
6/6/14 11:10 A

Stop weighing yourself everyday for now. Some people can't do it ever - they correlate too much with the scale, they have to weigh once a week, or once every two weeks.

You did what I did - the standing naked in front of the mirror. It's brutal, yeah? Definitely not for the faint hearted...

And I did it for the longest time, too - with clothes on "It's not that bad" "I'm not really that fat".

Well, one day (after looking at myself in all of my glory) I just said "That's it. Enough is enough. How much fatter are you going to get, blobbo?"

So, that was my motivation...I turned it around. And I used the smaller clothes hanging in my closet to spur me on. Buy new clothes? ha ha ha yeah right, fatso! Try losing 15 pounds first!

The good news have lost weight before!! So, you have an advantage that a lot of newbies don't - you know what works for you. Think about what you did before. How did you do it before? I'm a second timer here (no shame in that), so I had to think about what worked for me before, and start digging in and implementing it. worked!

But, for now..finding your motivation is key: " I'm trying to lose the weight, but not really trying that hard, which makes me hate myself even more." For some people, it takes them a while. They halfheartedly try to lose weight for 6 weeks or so (or months, or years), getting depressed (I did, too).

I don't know hunny - maybe you just need that one moment. That one second where you just say "This is ridiculous. I did it before, and I'm gonna damn well do it again!!"


ETA: I can't keep going back to check for typos, lol...gonna have to let anymore stand as is :)

Edited by: EELPIE at: 6/6/2014 (11:11)
TRIPLEMWF Posts: 906
6/6/14 9:55 A

Because I'm seriously disgusted with myself. I lost ONE HUNDRED and SIX POUNDS 3 years ago and have successfully managed to gain back NINETY-SEVEN of those pounds in about 2 1/2 years.

I am so disgusted with myself. So disappointed in myself. I have clothes hanging in my closest taunting me. I squeeze myself into pants that are too small because I tossed all my big clothes when I lost the weight. I've bought a few things here and there to just get by, but it's turned into more than that. I'm obese again, and I'm not even sure how it happened.

I look at myself naked in the mirror and I'm disgusted. I've managed to take back off about 16 pounds, but I still look the same, just like a blob. When I'm clothed sometimes I look at myself and think "it's not that bad" and then I realize that its thinking like that that lead to me gaining back so much weight. It doesn't help that my husband thinks I'm sexy no matter what size I am, God bless the man.

How do I learn to not hate myself? Because right now, every day I wake up and weigh myself and I hate myself. I'm trying to lose the weight, but not really trying that hard, which makes me hate myself even more.

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