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JCWIAKALA Posts: 347
2/21/13 10:38 P

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

You can't do everything at once, but by definition, you CAN do one thing at once. Small changes.

True freedom is being able to do what you want when you want. So you might have to start by changing what you want in order to have true freedom.

JMSA67 SparkPoints: (14,751)
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Posts: 251
2/21/13 10:37 P

These people all have great points. I myself appreciate your question and all the replies. Very motivational to me. Thank you every one..

As for my input... I had a high school teacher that told the class, "there are only two things you HAVE to do in life, you have to be born and you have to die, everything else is a choice." Meaning, the choices you make have consequences, whether it is good or bad. If you choose not to go to work, you don't get that paycheck. You don't have to breath, but if you don't breath you die. You can choose to eat what you want, when you want, move when you want, but where will that get you. You don't HAVE to do anything you don't WANT to do.

EWL978 Posts: 2,021
2/21/13 10:10 P

My nature is to be happy, even if I think I have a reason to be is too short!!

NANCYPAT1 Posts: 58,355
2/21/13 10:00 P

I almost want to cry when I read your initial post. You talk about all the things you HAVE to do and don't want to do. If you make SMALL changes, make a PLAN that is designed for YOU and that fits into YOUR life, how can you NOT be happy? You must be thinking of D I E T S when you describe the misery of doing this thing. A lifestyle change needs to fit YOU. If you do NOT want to work out - DON'T. If you don't want to eat something healthy - DON'T. If you want to eat cookies or a candy bar - DO IT. It is YOUR choice what you decide to do and not do. You can make little changes - some so small they are barely noticeable - like swapping ONE of your sodas for a glass of water (more than 100 calories less), ADD things to your eating like a salad before dinner, or an extra veggie to your meal, or 10 minutes of walking, or dancing to a favorite song. The changes don't have to be ALL OR NOTHING CHOICES. They can be little and still make a difference. If you HATE ALL exercise, you can still lose weight without doing any - a bit slower and a bit less healthy but still possible. Eighty percent of weight loss is what you eat and only 20% is exercise.

INXHISXSIGHT91 SparkPoints: (91)
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Posts: 4
2/21/13 9:31 P

It helps to know how to cook so you can recreate your favorite recipes. You don't need dried out flavorless chicken breasts every night. Second for me at least it helps to remember how terrible I feel when I eat badly. I feel groggy and fatigued and just bloated. When I eat healthy I feel so much better. Personally for my diet I do include more fat (olive oil, avocados, even butter), because I suffer from depression (and anxiety) and it's been shown that fat makes your brain function better and generally you'll be in a better mood. So I aim for olive oil to saute things in and for snacks a handful of any nut that I want. I don't prefer to even call what I'm on a diet, It's just eating healthy foods in normal portions and exercising.

I think people tend to think of diets as carrots, celery, salad, etc all the time. When it doesn't have to be hard, it can be easy if you want.

And my last thing will be for Christians. I find happiness in knowing I'm honoring the body God gave me. He gives me the strength and love that I need for my journey. Instead of thinking of it as controlling, I think of it as eating good food that will make my body healthier and better to serve Him.

LESLIESENIOR SparkPoints: (209,999)
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Posts: 6,290
2/21/13 7:56 P

Getting healthy is an action(s).......happiness follows right action.

SARAHANN01 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 124
2/21/13 7:29 P

A lot of people here have already made some very good points. I'd just like to add - Who says you have to count calories, measure everything out, and eat nothing but salad and boneless skinless chicken breast? You're creating a no-win scenario in which you eat salads for the rest of your life and feel restricted or eat junk and feel sick. This scenario just doesn't exist.

Do you know how to cook? If not, learning might help a lot. Focus on cooking with whole foods. Meals like citrus herb turkey cutlets, black been tacos with fresh salsa, whole wheat pasta with seared steak and zucchini, chili lime chicken and veggie kebabs don't make me feel restricted or deprived.

"I want to eat what I want when I want, and do what I want to do (or not want to do) whenever."
Also, I am not trying to be rude, but this attitude is not helping you any. No one gets to do whatever they want, whenever they what. That's life.

PATRICIAANN46 Posts: 19,166
2/21/13 6:00 P

By reminding myself daily that the end result of being healthy is the best possible goal I could have chosen. I have a 5-year-old grand-daughter and I want to have the energy to keep up with her.

GETSALONG Posts: 2,842
2/21/13 5:51 P

emoticon i truly feel the same way about food... i think it would be gr8 if Life were a buffet & we could eat like we were at the carnival all day.... because i would... and love it...

for me it was a real change to realize overeating really does hurt and I have to stop that, and I would get upet about what I would have to give up. it helped when I started looking forward at the possibilities... what i can do, what i can eat...

you are an adult and the boss of you... remember you always can choose, so choose what works for you... in all ways... emotionally and physically without hurting you...


Edited by: GETSALONG at: 2/23/2013 (19:10)
IRISHFANUH87 Posts: 1,038
2/21/13 4:45 P

You have to want it.

RENATARUNS SparkPoints: (4,367)
Fitness Minutes: (2,155)
Posts: 1,379
2/21/13 3:23 P

To add to what the other people have said, it's all about attitude. I think you have to see the changes in your life as a positive thing in order to succeed -- not the hoped-for results, but the changes themselves. For me, changing the way I eat and getting exercise instead of being sedentary was the right thing for me to do two months ago and still is. So I don't see avoiding junk food (for instance) as a negative, as a burden; instead, I'm looking to eat something that is healthy for me (in an amount that is healthy for me). Sweets aren't forbidden, but they do me no favors and are taking up space in my life that I'd rather fill with other things. That sort of thing. It's all about deciding what the lifestyle is that I want to live, and then living it.

SAILOR64 SparkPoints: (20,017)
Fitness Minutes: (6,854)
Posts: 519
2/21/13 11:34 A

Dear Baliegh,

I would like to extend a person invitation to visit my Sparkpage and read my blogs. I would also like to "friend" you and invite you to join my team. We are a group of motivated people with a common goal, getting healthy. If that includes losing weight, great, if not, that's okay too.

I think some of the messages on my page may help you, when you are ready.

Just a thought.

Jonny Mac

SAILOR64 SparkPoints: (20,017)
Fitness Minutes: (6,854)
Posts: 519
2/21/13 11:31 A

Dear Baleighcakes,

For a person whose handle means Happycakes (baliegh is Olde Celtic for happy), you don't seem very happy. Lot's of harsh reality being posted on this thread. I'm sure it's written with love and with your best interest at heart, otherwise these Sparklers would not have taken the time to respond. So, take it for what it's intended to be, motivation.

I think these folks are just nibbling around the edges (forgive the pun) of the real issue. After reading your post, you may simply not be ready to change your lifestyle in order to become a healthier you. You may want to be smaller/thinner in theory, but you don't seem to be ready MENTALLY to make the change. I could be way off, but I don't think so.

I think you want to be in control of your life, and who doesn't. I also think you feel as though you aren't in control of your life, but you are in control of what you eat so at least you have control over something.

When you're ready to make the change to a healthier lifestyle including a healthier nutrition plan, you'll know. Until then, continue doing what you're doing. It's your choice. When you're body is ready for exercise, it'll tell you. Until then, continue doing what you're doing. We (all of us here at Sparkpeople) are here to SUPPORT you, not just the coaches but every single member too. When you are ready for our help and support we will still be here for you. Until then, continue doing what you are doing.

In the end, the only person who is in control of you is YOU. You control your attitude. You control what you eat. You control how much exercise you get or don't get. You control how you feel. When you're ready to really take control of your brain and how you think about things, let me know. I'll be glad to help and so will thousands of others.

Remember, only YOU create self-image.

Good luck.

BANDOMOM1 SparkPoints: (3,254)
Fitness Minutes: (3,530)
Posts: 337
2/21/13 10:36 A

Yes, you can be happy, eating healthy! When you feed you body water, healthy fruits n veggies, healthy food n snacks, you feel better. When you feed your body Mcdonalds, candy , processed foods, sodas, well your body will feel Awful.. Healthy body makes a Healthy Mind....

VATRUCKER SparkPoints: (20,629)
Fitness Minutes: (36,922)
Posts: 526
2/20/13 9:52 A

I have had the misfortune of doing things my way and have ended up with a very good case of heart disease

STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,376
2/20/13 9:35 A

I totally understand where you're coming from.
You hear it all the time : "I need to lose weight". "I need to stop doing X" The thing is, if at the end of the day you don't WANT to do something, it's simply not going to happen. I am doing this because I haven't been at a healthy weight in over 10 years. I WANT to do this. It's not because anyone else is forcing me to do anything. I decided a long time ago that anything worth having will require WORK and getting out of my comfort zone. It was obvious that the things I was doing at the time wasn't working, so why would I keep doing it?

There isn't anything you can get for nothing-that is lack of effort. I don't like salads either. In fact, I haven't had a salad in months. If you don't like it, don't eat it. Find something healthy that you do like. There's no sense in eating foods you hate. Just find something else that's healthy to eat as an alternative. And for chicken? I don't eat that either. It grosses me out. Instead I eat sandwiches, or cereal. I also eat beans and rice and veggies. You don't have to eat the typical 'diet' staples if you don't want to.
If you're not happy doing what you're doing, then simply stop. If you feel fine the way you are, then I don't see any reason to "fix" something that isn't "broken".

You say that you feel controlled. Who's controlling you? Are you doing this because someone else is telling you that you have to? If that's the case, I'd stop immediately.

Edited by: STARDUST2K4 at: 2/20/2013 (09:44)
NAUSIKAA Posts: 4,848
2/20/13 8:24 A

" What if I don't feel like eating another salad, and I want to have a slice of pie instead? I love eating healthy and I know I feel miserable after eating junk. But I hate the idea of restricting myself. Like, life shouldn't be about what you shouldn't do. It's way too short. I look at my plate of skinless boneless chicken breast and I hate myself."

I don't know about everyone else, but it helps me to remember to be grateful that I have the option to eat healthy food, and enough food. There are so many people who: do not have a salad, or pie. Who cannot eat healthy or junk. Who have to restrict themselves because of external factors. Whose life is not up to them. Whose life is shorter than yours. Who would be so, so very grateful for a plate full of skinless boneless chicken breast.

BOUTTIME24 SparkPoints: (14,838)
Fitness Minutes: (39,513)
Posts: 142
2/19/13 9:14 P

I have always said "I'll never be a calorie counter." The thought of measuring my food was ridiculous! I have tried so many ways to become thin. I went from binging and purging to starving myself completely, diet pills, excessive exercise, and, at one point, all of that at once. Then, I just gave up.

I gave birth to my first baby and became obese for the first time in life. Almost a year ago I had our second baby and just didn't bother with myself. I topped out at a weight that scared me.

Well, I don't want to be scared anymore. I love my children. I want to be healthy (not worried about "thin" anymore). And so it came to be that I was invited by a family member to join SparkPeople. Now, I'm a calorie counter. I'm not binging, purging, starving myself, exercising too much, and I'm not depriving myself of anything (I eat what I want, maybe not WHEN I want it, but I plan for it if I want it that bad). I must admit that I struggle, sometimes every day, with food. I struggle to get off the couch because my body aches, I'm tired, and bored with my workout. But I HAVE to do this!

I want to be alive when my children have kids. I want to be active with them while they're young. I want to feel and look better in my own skin. I have to be healthy to accomplish these goals! THOSE are just a few thoughts that make me HAPPY. It just takes some effort to get there!

Don't give up! You will be happier in the end!

CBLENS SparkPoints: (47,498)
Fitness Minutes: (16,557)
Posts: 1,220
2/19/13 3:08 P

Most definitely you can be happy, I'm happy because I am making a positive change for me.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
2/19/13 3:03 P

"You're still restricting yourself. How do you cope with all this? I love eating healthy and I know I feel miserable after eating junk. But I hate the idea of restricting myself."

But... restricting yourself from Feeling Miserable - would be a positive kind of self-control, yes? Turn the question around - and ask yourself, how bad does "coping with feeling miserable" feel? What did the junk food give to you, that makes this misery worth it?

"Like, life shouldn't be about what you shouldn't do. It's way too short."

Right - if you focus on "i can't do this and i can't have that" it can be really draining psychologically. Focus instead on what you CAN do - which is to TAKE CONTROL OF, not BE CONTROLLED BY, food.

"I look at my plate of skinless boneless chicken breast and I hate myself. I don't want to be controlled."

How is this skinless chicken breast controlling you? Do you dislike chicken breast? Are you hating yourself because you're forcing yourself to eat this dry awful tasteless thing only because it is "good for you"? Well - stop that! Don't eat it! Eat a thigh instead, and heck, leave the skin on!

You want to know how I cope? Well - by giving myself things that I HONESTLY ENJOY. I never eat "diet food" (unless it is something that i like anyways, that just so happens to be considered "diet" - like yogurt). I NEVER eat dry tuna, Special K, No-Fat dairy, plain steamed veggies, or plain baked skinless boneless chicken breast. EVER.

Instead, I eat -
Prawns stir fried with peppers and onions on rice or soba noodles
Ribeye steak (hold the baked potato/double the veggies)
Huge delicious bowls of rich wonderful soups
Eggplant Parmesan - with REAL hard-parmesan
Mushroom and spinach omelette with feta cheese
Homemade Egg McMuffins
Gnocchi with creamy gorgonzola cheese sauce
Butternut squash roasted with olive oil and smoked paprika

Oh my gosh the list goes on. I am no longer being Controlled By Fast Food and Processed Junk, I am taking control of my meal planning and prep and the results are sooo delicious. I have thoroughly enjoyed reconnecting with quality food. I look forward to my trips to the produce store and my favorite Italian Deli. I enjoy surfing the 'net for recipe sites, learning how to cook something new. If i find myself craving "something i really want" that i know will be tough to fit into my calorie range, I'll either find a way to make it fit by adjusting portion sizes, or I'll offer myself something better (i.e. Big Mac? or... Ribeye Steak! gosh, that was not a tough choice at all).

Just remember, every time you "eat junk" you ARE "being controlled" by the Industrial Food System, mass-media advertisers, corporations that want to sell you whatever they can convince you "you have the right to enjoy!" so that they may enjoy the profits. If "not wanting to be controlled" is your main goal - you'll achieve it much more effectively by saying NO to mass-marketed processed foods and go your own way. You'll enjoy your food more and YOU will be the one in control.

CHESAPEAKE60 SparkPoints: (7,719)
Fitness Minutes: (12,886)
Posts: 436
2/19/13 2:07 P

"I want to eat what I want when I want, and do what I want to do (or not want to do) whenever."

Nice gig if you can get it - especially that last part about being able to do what you want to do (or not want to do) whenever. Life doesn't work that way for most of us. We have to work at - and for - the really worthwhile things in life. And if one is smart one learns to enjoy the effort along the way as well as the end results.

BEANBYDESIGN SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (36,402)
Posts: 1,021
2/19/13 11:39 A

Why do you equate the unmitigated right to do whatever you want, no matter how much it hurts you (and being overweight, eating unhealthy food all the time, and doing nothing all the time DOES hurt you), with being "happy"? Is it that you don't like being "controlled"? If that's the case, do you know what's a lot more "controlling" than eating a boneless, skinless chicken breast? The heart disease, diabetes, and other lifestyle-induced illnesses that come from an unhealthy life.

For me, I don't always love working out, and I certainly do indulge (and even overindulge) in dessert from time to time, but then I look at someone like my dad, who has spent a lifetime being "happy" and "free" instead of "healthy" and "controlled", and who is now completely crippled by the heart disease that's killing him, and I can't help but feel like the life he's perceived for so long as being "free" has turned out to be a million times more restrictive than the life of the person who's cut back on cake and hit the gym sometimes when they didn't feel like it.

Do I love running? Nope. Do I love salad? Nope. But I LOVE the freedom that being in shape and being healthy gives me - the freedom to get down on the ground and play with my young cousins, to sign up for a 5K or even a half-marathon with friends without worrying about whether I'll be able to finish without hurting myself, the freedom of taking the stairs up three flights instead of waiting for an elevator because I'm fit enough to do it, the freedom to enjoy things like hiking and biking and swimming in the ocean. THAT'S the kind of freedom I strive for, and for me, it's worth saying no to daily cupcakes.

2/19/13 10:34 A

Instead of focusing on wanting the number on the scale to go down I try to focus on the number on my weights going up. More muscle + more calories burnt!

MARITIMER3 SparkPoints: (210,265)
Fitness Minutes: (119,426)
Posts: 9,379
2/19/13 9:46 A

Trying to get healthy makes me happy. I'm learning a lot about nutrition and exercise, and learning to create a proper balance between them. I'm proud of my accomplishments, and proud that, at almost 70, I can still learn how to take better care of myself and my family.

DIDS70 Posts: 5,368
2/19/13 9:05 A

I don't focus on the losing weight, counting calorie, "everything in moderation"(which I believe is a veil for failure), and work out so many minutes a day so many days a week, syndrome.

two and a half years ago, I made a decision. A decision that has become my BIG WHY. In other words, the reason that i want to be healthy. The reason that i want to achieve 100% function of body, mind and spirit with no evidence of disease. It is the reason that I go to a chiropractor twice a month and why i push myself to surge in the dr. office twice a week and then two or three more times in the sanctity of my own living room. it is the reason that I chose to go to my fridge and clean it out of junk. It is the reason that I went through my pantry and threw out all the junk food. yes, i threw it out vs giving it away. Why would i want to contribute something that would make other people sick?
I am not saying that it is easy and like a PP said, sometimes I would love to sit on my couch with a bag of chips and just graze or lay on the couch like a sack of potatoes. But the reason i chose to do this far outweighs any feelings of deprivation or quitting or giving up. My reason for doing this is the one thing that I love most in this world and he deserves everything I can give him. My one thing (or I should say 4 things soon to be 5) are my nieces and nephews. they deserve a healthy aunty. They don't need to worry about me getting sick or not being able to hang out with them. I want to run around and twirl them. I want to go shopping with them and take them to see Santa. I want to be energetic around them.
You see, this far outweighs anything like deprivation or giving up sugar or other things I consider unhealthy. The deprivation and other things to me are excuses and are just about me. My health journey is NOT just about me. There are so many other people I need to consider. There are so many other goals and missions that I need to accomplish.

Trust me, i am not saying that the BIG WHY wins ALL the time. I get the same feelings as everyone else. But I see that bald smiling year old (he will be one finger on Friday-- YEAHHHHH) and the extra squats look better than sitting on the couch, the carrot sticks taste better than the pie (though I have plenty of pie).

So am I happy on this journey to health. Yes, i am because I know it is not just about me.

SP_COACH_NANCY SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 46,222
2/19/13 8:39 A


I believe that healthy living is an evolution--you don't just wake up one day and voila you are embracing the habits of healthy living. So many of us have lived a life of making not so healthy choices for so many years, so it's going to time to change those habits. I still have pie, heck I just had a cupcake on Sunday--I do not eat those foods every day, but in reality no one can, not even the fittest of athletes--not so much regarding their weight, but the need for them to put quality food into their bodies so their bodies functions most efficiently. And studies show the more healthy we eat, the more our bodies demand the healthy foods.

It took me 3 1/2 years to lost 80 pounds. I did it very slowly and I did it my way. I don't equate food to my happiness. In fact going out for a run or being able to lift a heavier weight bring me happiness. Being with friends I have met along this journey has brought me happiness.

If you don't feel you are ready to make the commitment to healthy living, that's OK. For me losing weight was more than a vanity thing--it was for me the difference between health and the potential for developing type II diabetes and other related diseases. With high blood pressure, which is not controlled by losing weight, I already have one strike against me in the health department, but I am going to be the healthiest me I can be and I actually am pretty happy. Happiness like everything else in life is a choice we can make regardless of what I get to eat or not eat.

Coach Nancy

MISSRUTH Posts: 4,271
2/19/13 7:24 A

Sometimes I have to remind myself, Do not give up what you want MOST, for what you want NOW. Sure, maybe what I want NOW is to sit down with an open bag of potato chips and graze away. But what I want MOST is to be a healthy weight, and eating 1000 calories of potato chips isn't going to get me to that goal.

Maybe what I want NOW is to lie around like a slug and not exercise. But what I want MOST is to be fit. Skipping the exercise isn't going to get me to that goal.

It may be that you need to look at what your goals are, and decide what it is that you really want most. I got sick and tired of being overweight and out of shape, incapable of taking a flight of stairs without being winded. I got tired of buying larger and larger clothes. I was sick of feeling like I was just "letting myself go", getting bigger every year and more uncomfortable with my size.

Every time I exercise or measure out my food or drink another glass of water, it reaffirms that I am working on what I want most. It's a positive thing.

2/19/13 3:35 A

After many failed attempts at trying to lose weight, I just don't know anymore.

Count calories. Exercise. Measure things out. Drink a lot of water. Limit saturated fats and sugar. Break up your meals. Do this. Do that. What's that? You don't want to do it? Well then, I guess you're not going to lose weight.

Is this any way to live? I totally get the idea that when you feed yourself healthy food and work out your body, you'll feel better. Happier. Like a well-oiled machine. Your body craves healthy food and activity. Do it well, and you will be happy.

However, I'm not so sure. I don't see how you can be happy when you feel like you have to force yourself to do these things. What if I just don't want to work out? What if I don't feel like eating another salad, and I want to have a slice of pie instead? Not even the whole "moderation is key" thing seems to help. You're still restricting yourself. How do you cope with all this? I love eating healthy and I know I feel miserable after eating junk. But I hate the idea of restricting myself. Like, life shouldn't be about what you shouldn't do. It's way too short. I look at my plate of skinless boneless chicken breast and I hate myself. I don't want to be controlled. How do others do it? I want to be happy. What good is being healthy if you're not happy? I just don't know. I don't want my life to revolve around counting calories. I don't want my life to revolve around eating only certain foods, either. I want to eat what I want when I want, and do what I want to do (or not want to do) whenever.

How do you deal?

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