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OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (107,830)
Fitness Minutes: (64,532)
Posts: 7,216
4/27/13 9:05 A

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood" (Stephen Covey)

LISTEN. Then repeat back what you understand the other party to have said. Then state your case.

it doesn't always work, but it will the majority of the time. And it goes MUCH further than talking at each other, with all parties listening only to their own voice.

The most handicapped person in the world is a negative thinker; a person who has the skills, abilities, talents and tools, yet chooses not to use them.
~Heather Whitestone

Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
~Leonard Cohen
TENNISJIM Posts: 11,750
4/27/13 8:48 A

It depends on who i have communication issues -- with my hubby i just ask and be honest -- with friends and co-workers depends on the issues

HOLLYM48 SparkPoints: (182,229)
Fitness Minutes: (116,312)
Posts: 10,278
4/27/13 8:14 A

I have learned over the years to try to not make up stories about what I think I heard but to go directly to the person and talk about it in a non threatening way and to really hear what they are saying and not to interrupt when they are talking. It is truly amazing what a very open conversation will do for relationships!

I can do it!!
Spark People are the best!
SHERYLDS Posts: 13,699
4/27/13 8:05 A

now and then, I join in on a discussion where people feel threatened by a difference of opinion and take things personally.
Part of the problem is that ...
sometimes communication barriers are used
or sometimes people take a disagreement in a discussion as a personal attack....
and then the communication goes bad

people need to talk things thru and agree to disagree
finding the win / win situation where everyone feels their side is heard

Sheryl from New Jersey, EST...2015 Summer final wt. 225
EL for 2015 5% Challenge...Spirited Underdogs Team
BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (107,996)
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
Posts: 2,954
4/27/13 7:55 A

I repeat back to them what is said so that I know we are on the same page and then I speak to them with no inflection whatsoever in my voice and a smile on my face....also I have my palms upward facing as that is more accepting body language ie. positive rather than pointing fingers etc.

GRAMCRACKER46 Posts: 1,331
4/27/13 7:42 A

Good information here. I often use the following when dealing with a tense situation. I imagine the other person as someone's dad brother daughter grandma etc. That takes ME down a notch or two and it's amazing to see the difference in THEIR demeanor.

Thanks for posting.


"It's not what you eat between Christmas and New Years that matters, it's what you eat between New Years and Christmas that counts. "

Sharon from Florida

SHERYLDS Posts: 13,699
4/27/13 7:28 A

Every now and then I run into communication problems.
I have to remember that someone may have
a different perception of what they read or hear
and sometimes ...
I... may not have expressed myself in the right way.

but whether at home or at work..
.you are bound to run into communication problems eventually.
And we all need a communication refresher every now and then.

"When people are under stress, they are more apt to inject communication barriers into their conversation. These barriers can exist in any of the three components of communication (verbal, paraverbal, and nonverbal). ...
people use communication barriers 90% of the time in conflict situations.
For this reason, it is worthwhile to describe some of the common responses that will, inevitably, have a negative effect on communications:"
Read More:
m#Barriers to Effective Communication

1. Attacking (interrogating, criticizing, blaming, shaming)
2. "You Messages" (moralizing, preaching, advising, diagnosing)
3. Showing Power (ordering, threatening, commanding, directing)


Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 4/27/2013 (07:33)
Sheryl from New Jersey, EST...2015 Summer final wt. 225
EL for 2015 5% Challenge...Spirited Underdogs Team
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