How Do I Handle This?

Posts: 11
5/9/12 4:26 P

Thanks for the great advice, everyone. RALLEN75 to answer your question, we both kind of fell on really hard times, and have been trying to play catch up ever since. It's just been one thing after another (never let my gym membership lapse though!) We live in the in-law suite, but dinner time is family time. I think my bf's concern is really that his mom is being so good to us by letting us stay, so we should just cater to her eating choices. Maybe? FEDGIRL4--They're all very supportive of my weight loss choices, espescially my bf who has defended me and even buys me fresh veggies from the farmers market, or frozen fish filets for those nights when someone does cook, and the family as a whole has done some serious re-evaluating of what they eat (used to be fast food, every meal and nothing but junk, junk, junk), but I guess dinner is still a problem lol. Espescially with a family who are junk food junkies (and ALL SKINNY!!! ugh). You all have great ideas, I just need to be aware of the healthy choices that are available, and learn to say NO! Thanks again!

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Posts: 62
5/9/12 3:36 P

Every major restaurant chain has a nutrition chart available to the public. I collect them from every place we eat and look at them very carefully, marking the choices I feel comfortable with. After a while you'll have a reference for most of the places they eat and will have your options clearly available to you with little thought. That way you'll know what is a good choice for you when food is going to be brought in.

If dinner being so late is part of the problem, why not make yourself (and everyone else!) a large veggie or fruit salad? Eat that at the normal meal time to tide you over until the "real meal" is served. That way you won't so hungry that you overeat on the things you should be limiting. Or, bring out the salad when the rest of the food is served so that everyone can take some if they choose. You may want to make it less intimidating by saying something like "I just love (insert type of salad here), so I figured you might like it too!"

Kudos to you for trying to keep to your goals AND keep the peace!

Posts: 270
5/9/12 3:09 P

If you not wanting to eat what they eat, especially when it's take-out, insults them then that's their problem. Since his mom brings the dinner home it seems they would be ok with you not eating it because it would save them money. Now, if your asking her to make a stop somewhere else just to cater to your needs I can see how that would be annoying. Or......don't be home when they eat dinner. You and your BF go get Subway or something else healthier or go to the gym or on a walk. I'm assuming you are an adult and they are doing you a favor by letting you live with them but you can't let them be controlling if that's what they are trying to do. Do you and your BF not have the option to move out on your own?

Posts: 1,613
5/9/12 2:46 P

I'm not as worried about your food choices, but the fact of how you are being treated. If you and your boyfriend are serious enough to start talking about long term plans or marriage, I would have a serious talk with him. The treatment will be the same or get worse with marriage. Your boyfriend does not want to upset his family, but I have to ask the question why is he telling you these things. Does he defend you at all?

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Posts: 171
5/9/12 12:01 P

If you guys are ordering in every night- maybe you can do a "I will cook dinner for everyone" one night.. and maybe your BF can do the same.
You can also tell them (his parents, and your BF) that you are really trying to make heart healthy choices for yourself- and that eating take out every night is no longer something you can do. Tell them- that it is insulting to your health, your heart, your body- that making you eat take out every night- is selfish of them. This is YOUR life, not theirs. You can choose what you want to eat. If they are insulted- tell them to shove off- you CAN choose what you put in your body- you do NOT have to eat take out if you do not want to.

Posts: 11
5/9/12 9:57 A

That's a good point, I will do more research. A lot of the times I come home to "we're ordering from (insert local fried chicken place here), what do you want" and I've got no clue what there is to order. I usually just say grilled chicken, but if there are other more fun (or even better, vegetable filled) options, I owe it to myself to find out what they are! Thanks JANNARD!!

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Posts: 4
5/9/12 9:53 A

Just do the best you can. More and more of the fast food places are getting healthy options. Research. I know the yogurt parfait and apples at McDonald's are pretty good.

Posts: 11
5/9/12 9:24 A

Amazing. Thank you so much. I'm going to look into that book now. Seriously, I'm about to cry, you have just given me so much hope!!!!!

I'm definitely going to have to bring more fruits and vegetables with me during the day. Kind of like I'm arming myself for the battle that will be dinnertime. LOL. Thank you again!

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5/9/12 9:20 A

Okay, well then, what to do is concentrate on making breakfast and lunch your healthiest meals of the day. That means those are the meals you have to do your best to increase the amount of fresh fruit and veggies you eat.

As far as dinner, my initial response still stands. You're going to have to watch your portion sizes. try to stick with the grilled options whenever possible. I do know that Chick Fil A does have grilled chicken meals.

I'm going to recommend a book for you to buy or get from the library. It's called EAT THIS, NOT THAT. it's a book for people who constantly eat out at places like these. It's a great book that will show you OPTIONS. it will say instead of eating that, try eating this. It's a way to reduce the number of calories you eat. Example, instead of a Big Mac, eat a plain hamburger. it's a great book. I love it.

Part of me wants to shake my finger at the doctor in the family. They ought to know better, but I'm not surprized. there are many doctors who aren't very mindful of their own health.

Still, do the best you can even if it means your two healthiest meals are breakfast and lunch. that's still a step in the right direction. Watch your portion sizes. that's where the calories really add up.

Posts: 11
5/9/12 9:13 A

Thank you, ARCHIMEDESII that is very helpful! To answer your question, I do log my food, that is how I came to the conclusion that dinner is what is hurting me. I live with my bf, and his family so we eat together every night. Every so often, my bf and I are on our own for dinner, and he will cook fish and veggies for me, or whole wheat pasta, but those nights are few and far between. And for some unexplainable reason dinner is never earlier than 8pm. To give you an example of what we order, usually we are ordering from a restaurant called "cook out". I don't know if you have one of those near you, but it's fast and cheap, and the only healthy option they have is a grilled chicken sandwhich (which I usually just eat the chicken and ask them to hold the honey mustard and mayo). Not a problem. Other than that they are obsessed with fried chicken. So we order from Chick fil-a, bojangles, KFC, local chicken places ( I honestly didn't know the south had so many fried chicken places in one small area lol), pizza (I take the cheese off), chinese food, Mcdonalds, taco bell etc, Whatever is fast and cheap usually. I do try to watch portions, and maybe it's not as bad as I thought, but mentally dinnertime is driving me crazy!

SparkPoints: (112,983)
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Posts: 17,426
5/9/12 8:53 A

KIWICUTIE41,

Do you log your food choices ? If not, I'm going to encourage you to start logging. Studies have shown that people who log their food choices lose more weight than those who don't. I think you'll find the SP nutrition charts really helpful.

As far as eating with the boyfriend's family, how often do you eat with them ? Depending on what sort of food they eat, you may try watching your portion sizes. If they're eating pizza, it is okay to have a slice of pizza. What you might do is ask for a BIG leafy green salad along with that slice. This way, you get the slice of pizza and your leafy green veggies.

Have you asked them if they could order some salads along with their take out ? If not, why not ask ? Or if you are eating with them, why not bring along your own salad. Have that along with a small portion of whatever it is they are eating.

If they're eating fried chicken, take off the skin. that's one way to save calories. Mostly, if you are mindful of the portion size, you can eat whatever it is they are eating. You're not eating with them every single evening ? If you have days to yourself, then those are the days when you have to concentrate on eating as nutritiously as possible. You're not eating breakfast or lunch with them ? Okay, then you do your best to eat nutritiously as those meals and when you eat with the boyfriend's family, that's when you have to be mindful of your portions.

There are plenty of ways to eat "take out" and still lose weight. It really is a matter of making better choices and watching your portions.

So, what kinds of foods do they bring home ? Give us an idea of what they eat and we can help give you some more ideas.

Posts: 11
5/9/12 8:41 A

Hey there everyone! I need some major advice. I keep gaining and losing the same 3lbs, and although I though at first that this was a plateau, I've come to realize the real problem. I currently live with my boyfriend and his family. I eat (at least I think I do) as healthy as humanly possible during the day, when I can control what I eat, but come dinner time all hell breaks loose. The reason for this is twofold. One, my boyfriends family eats out, or orders in almost every single night. I've tried going the "doing my own thing" route, but I've been told that I'm insulting the family if I don't eat what they eat. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about the situation, and it changes for a while, but then I get a talk a few months later about how everyone is getting annoyed. My boyfriends mother is also a doctor, so sometimes she doesn't bring home dinner until 9pm or later. I don't want to insult the family, and I try to find healthy choices or eat what they do in moderation, but I can see this is becoming a huge problem for my weight loss goals. Any advice on how to handle the situation? And please don't be mean....they don't realize they are doing it, and they have been completely supportive of my weight loss journey in a lot of other ways. Thanks!