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JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
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8/2/12 2:35 P

I just want to add for those folks that may have taken offense of my last post. That is the black and white snapshot of a major factor in how our children learn and grow up. In the world of statistics there are also the outliers or otherwards the things that just don't fit. As we've all seen over time, there have been very good parents that have children go astray and very bad parents that have been fortunate to have great children.

Parents are the major factor but NOT the only factor on how our childen behave or grow up. At some point in time, the children have to take their actions as their own even IF there were any parent influences in their upbringing(positive or negative).

As a parent, we do all that we can and strive to do our best, but in the end, it's the children that have to take the actions necessary to "GROW UP" and make "GROWN UP" decisions. So my prayers are will ALL parents that are struggling with their children in any way. It is NOT all black and white and is NOT an easy job. God bless

CLARK971 SparkPoints: (29,686)
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8/2/12 9:21 A

with the obesity issue on his dad's side, it is great that you are trying to get your son help.

hopefully, this doctor will be able to help you. maybe the doctor can help you understand why he feels the need to hide stuff. is he ashamed? afraid you will disaproove? The doctor should be able to give you suggestions on what to do. if not, perhaps find another doctor that can.

even the calories of healthy stuff can add up. Does he like veggies at all? Raw veggies are something to snack on with limited calories.

for me, too much sugar free stuff leads to cravings for sweets.

good luck!

JODROX Posts: 1,809
8/2/12 9:05 A

Good luck straightening it all out. I think it's hard as they get older and have more independence.
It's okay to go hungry. I think we forget that sometimes. The first hunger pang - what can I eat? Maybe your son needs to relearn that. I had to relearn that after I was pregnant. During pregnancy, being hungry made me feel so sick. After pregnancy that reaction to hunger (quick, get a snack) took years to get over. Years. Maybe your son has a fear of being hungry. I remember reading something about overweight people being afraid of being hungry.

Edited by: JODROX at: 8/2/2012 (10:14)
DAWNDMOORE40 Posts: 3,789
8/1/12 11:06 P

emoticon Jordrox! You do have some great points! Thanks for your feedback!
I feel that I have been a great role model when it comes to eating! We try to always have healthy stuff around the house, and we watch our portions at super time, but the problem is he will say he is full and then load up on stuff later or he will hide stuff! It's very frustrating. It got to the point we took my son to a doctor and they are sending him to an endocrinologist who specializes in children weight problems. He may very well pull himself out of it, but his Father's side of the family is pretty obese and has some diabetes mixed in with it. On my side, I lost 55 lbs 2 and half years ago, but it's not easy for me! It takes hard work! We recently went out and bought bikes and have been trying to ride with my son in the evenings. He also plays baseball in the Summer and yesterday and today he is trying out for the 7th grade baseball team at his school! It isn't the junk food he's eating a lot of, but the healthy stuff! Go figure! Anyway, I just continue to pray for my son because I know the good Lord will work it all out! emoticon

CLARK971 SparkPoints: (29,686)
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8/1/12 1:39 P


You have some very good advice. Like you said, setting a foundation and a good example is important.
I think it is important for kids to fit in exercise. A friend of mine asked me how my son gets his homework done when he has football practice 4 days a week for 2 1/2 hours. What he doesn't have time for in the fall is video games, tv watching and texting. He comes home from school, eats, does homework until practice, then comes home from practice, eats, showers, and goes to bed.

There are times this summer I have told my kids, go find something to do outside, or you can help me clean.

JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
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8/1/12 12:34 P

As I noted earlier, my son gained his weight at the end of middle school and into HS. Before that he was a very fit and well proportioned boy. Very active too. I think in HS one gets hit by hormones, lack of healthy sports activities & exercise, and poor eating habits. So the tryfecta(sp) hits most of our young kids through that time span. If they were fine before that, they can probably pull themselves out of it once they get their heads and life back together. Sadly, our college students sometimes also run into the yearly weight gain too if they don't have better control of their eating habits as they, again, sit around for hours doing classwork.

This advice may be too late for many, but it is still needed. The first 12 years of our kids lives are the most informative and important years of their lives. They need great roll models in all aspects of their growth, mentally and physically. This means showing them how to be active, disciplined, health conscience, kind, good, spiritual, etc. If the foundation was shaky it's going to be harder to help them "fix" what is broken or bent. If the foundation was strong, they just have to find themselves again and make minor adjustments to the many changes they come across as they move through other age periods of their life.

For the ones that have NOT been ideal roll models and teachers for their children, its time to get your act together to show them there is hope and second chances. For the ones that have been good roll models and teachers, continue on that path and just help them continue on with what they have learned. Keep the faith.

JODROX Posts: 1,809
8/1/12 10:17 A

Just an observation - it seems like pre-puberty, some kids are a little pudgy, but then with all the growth that occurs as they go thru puberty, they can thin out a lot.

I think the key is keeping healthful foods in the house - no candy, cookies, chips. And establishing eating times. It's not okay to just eat all day long. This is mealtime, and you CAN have a small snack if you're actually hungry, around this time or this time.

I also think it's important to have a good, honest, nonjudgemental, nonemotional talk about it. How does he feel about his weight? From what you described, he must feel out of control with his eating. This just popped in my head, but if that happened in our house, I think I would say, Look, these are the family's groceries for the week, and it needs to last all week.

What happens when you're away from home for a day or two? When he can't grab whatever he wants whenever he wants? You're right - it does get difficult as they get older and have some control and some money of their own... Hopefully they've learned enough to set their own boundaries.

7/31/12 4:14 P

I'm right there with you, I have an 11 year old that is 5 ft 6 in, and weighs 212lbs... our problem is he isn't getting much exercise, and he sneaks food... he'll just eat to eat... He's been in a virtual (internet) school the last two years, but he will be returning to a regular school next month. I imagine that only being able to eat twice a day during school hours combined with PE and getting from class to class the weight will start melting off. at least that is what I am praying for.

DAWNDMOORE40 Posts: 3,789
7/15/12 1:19 P

emoticon thanks again for your feedback. The doctor said at his age, he isn't concerned with him counting calories because that could make him shy away from the food. If there is something he isn't telling us, then we can't help him. It is up to my son to tell me when something is wrong and he went to a counselor for over 2 years. He mentioned a lot of stressers that are going on his life. I know this could definitely make him eat, but that is no excuse to eat badly! Even as adults we have to take responsibility for our actions. If we are eating because of emotions, then that is not a good thing to do. We need to take a hold of ourselves and find more positive ways to deal with our stress. That is what I explain to my son. We got all all of the bad stuff out of the house because my son is just like me and if something is chocolate, and it's in the house, then he will eat it. I totally agree with what your saying about the carbs, calories and fat and all that, but right now the doctor just wants to make sure he is eating healthy and making good choices because he hasn't hit puberty yet and he believes with that, he will loose a lot of this weight. My son is 5'4, so he is taller then me, but he weighs 183 lbs. The doctor says yes this is over weight, but not to be too alarmed because he is growing and with that, you will loose a lot of that. He says he just wants to make sure he maintains the weight right now. So we are making healthy choices. We all bought bikes so we could ride together. I think for the most part we are doing what we can to make a difference. emoticon

CLARK971 SparkPoints: (29,686)
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7/15/12 7:15 A

there could be something going on that he is not telling the therapist.

he didn't get overweight overnight, so it might not be easy for him to change. especially if he is using food for comfort.

have you found out how many calories, carbs, fat, protein he needs to maintain his weight? if you start with that amount, you could decrease it by a little bit. he could plan his meals ahead of time with you. nothing drastic.

i understand it needs to be his choice. but if he is harming himself, that is not good. my son still needs to take a shower and brush his teeth even if he doesnt want to. i can't allow him to play xbox all night and skip school.

good luck.

Edited by: CLARK971 at: 8/2/2012 (07:22)
DAWNDMOORE40 Posts: 3,789
7/15/12 2:41 A

Hi everyone! My son has already been to counseling over this issue. He is now seeing a Dr. that is the same office as his pediatrics. The doctor says that yes my son is a little over weight, but he told us to take all snacks out of the house except for apples, strawberries or oranges. He said that wheat thins are ok in moderation and the real fruit bars, but other then that he said all snacks are gone. He said that my son needs to lose weight and get active, but ultimately that is up to him because he is almost 13 year old. We are not hiding food from him. I think that most everyone who has read my post, thinks we are hiding food from him. We aren't hiding it. It's out in plain sight, but that is the problem. When he runs out of his stuff in a couple days, then he wants to eat our stuff that we need for lunches for work every day. We buy him things he likes for the week, but he's just eating it way too fast. He gets to put stuff on our grocery list every week, but it has to be healthy stuff, not things like twinkies or ice cream. The doctor did send him to have his glucose, cholesterol and other levels checked, but nothing came back bad. Thanks for your feedback! I greatly appreciate it! emoticon emoticon emoticon

DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (60,906)
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7/14/12 3:41 P

I think there's something more than hunger going on here. You really need to get your son to counseling; these are not healthy eating habits, nor are they healthy reactions to stress. You shouldn't have to hide food from your child, a simple "no" should suffice.

It's time to get the professionals in on this. Talk to his doctor, get him in counseling, and figure out what's causing this, before it kills him!

CLARK971 SparkPoints: (29,686)
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7/14/12 2:40 P

Have you thought about therapy? Maybe there is more going on than you realize.

When my 11 year wants a snack, i let him know what the options are. Could you leave options of what he may and may not eat when you are gone? My son is tall and thin, very athletic, and requires more calories than I do.

If your son can not control himself when you ask him not to eat something, there may be bigger issues to deal with-so a profeesional could help.

good luck!

We have different foods for different family members. i am the only one that likes kashi cereal. My husband is the only one that likes cottage cheese.

DAWNDMOORE40 Posts: 3,789
7/8/12 12:05 A

emoticon Dawnlady! Thanks for your feedback. We do hide some of our snacks from my son so that he can't eat them, but he does sometimes find our hiding places because during the day my husband sleeps but he is home with him. However, I have to work all day so we can't watch him 24/7. He mostly eats his healthy snacks, but the problem is he eats them all in like two days instead of making them last the whole week. He was going to weigh in's with his regular pediatrician and then she referred him over to another doctor in the same office who specializes with eating disorders. She said he might put him on an appetite suppressant. He was checked for medical problems to start with to make sure that wasn't the reason he was gaining weight and everything checked out ok.
We are doing everything I feel we can. He doesn't get an allowance right now because he hasn't been doing his chores, but when he was getting an allowance, I am sure that maybe when walking home from school, he could have stopped by the dollar general and got stuff, but he was only getting $3 a week for allowance because the other $2 always went into his savings account. We told him we would up the allowance when he showed us he was willing to do more around the house. I just pray that this doctor has the wisdom to know how to treat this, and that if my son does need special help, he gets it for him. Thanks everyone for your suggestions! They are really appreciated! emoticon emoticon emoticon

DAWNLADY SparkPoints: (0)
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7/7/12 5:29 P

As someone who had a small problem with eating in school just above his age - I'd check if that is even all he sneaks.
I am not a binge but a comfort eater and I'd buy potato chips by the bags (those are between 100 - 250g here) on my way home from school, hide them in my school bag until I was in my room. You might wanna check on that when the school year starts again.
@ CKrieg, we always had his, his, her and my food in the house, later his, his and mine ... - because we have very different ideas on what tastes good. Just for example Dad likes Kellogs Smacks as his cereal, I go for Bran Flakes and my brother for Kellogs Cornflakes,
My guilty pleasure snacks are potato chips and ice pops, my dad goes for gummibears, kinder chocolate and vanilla ice-cream, while my brother loves winegum and cheesecakes.
But even with cooked veggies we were always very different, mushrooms, corn and zucchini for me, tomatoes and radish for dad and chinese mixed veggies or red cabbage for my brother.
So even when there was no 'bad' or snack food in the house we always had a varied shopping list and had to compromise when cooking.

Back to the topic at hand, can you lock away some of your special foods? Or hide them? We tended to hide stuff from my brother, who -while not a binge-eater (just bad at telling us when he finished his food and add it to the grocery list)- tended to finish our foods when he was done with his.
Don't lock everything away, keep healthy snacks out, veggies, fruit, maybe some bread.
Find a compromise, if he truly gets hungry so often, have a box of stuff he is allowed to eat whenever and fill it with healthy snacks he can get at during the day ...maybe hard boiled eggs, fruit veggies, yoghurt that kind of stuff.
Then you can maybe try to wean him off of it. It sounds as if a lot of the problem is that he snacks/binges on empty food, that won't keep him feeling full for long. Fast sugars and the like ... - it might be enough to make him fill full longer
Naturally he will have to find a way to a healthier relationship with food, but you will definitely need professional help for that part.

Oh and definitely have a doctor check him out well! Especially blood sugars, but do not let them stop after that ... you want a full health check.
In another community we had a mother with a kid who didn't know when he was full (albeit a much younger one) she went to the doctor several times and they told her it was a diet thing, turns out it is a cancer thing. - Now, I don't mean to imply it could be anything like that, there were other indications, but I do think you need to have a full health check done in tandem with finding professional therapeutical help.

DAWNDMOORE40 Posts: 3,789
7/6/12 10:30 P

Hi CKRIEG2! Thanks for the feedback. I think there was a misunderstanding about what I was saying. I am not saying my son has his own grocery list. I just allow him to put different foods on the list so that he isn't bored with his choices. However, I monitor the list to make sure he is making healthy food choices. Also, it isn't that he can't eat our food, but if we don't keep some stuff back, then he wants to eat all of his food for the week and ours too. My husband works nights and he has to have certain amount of cheese and luncheon meat for sandwiches and I take lunches to work so I need certain snacks that I take to make sure I am staying within my goals. That is all. We aren't keeping him from eating. We provide food for him but he just doesn't want to make the changes necessary to loose the weight. emoticon emoticon
He does not have access to any junk food in the house because I don't keep it there. I would eat it if we had it in the house.

CKRIEG2 SparkPoints: (0)
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7/6/12 6:31 P

I do find it somewhat different that a 12 yr old has his own grocery lists and/or that you guys split out food for individual members of the house. Others reading, is this more common that I'm aware of? We might buy special snacks for school, etc but the house is welcome to have them. DSD doesn't feel she can lay claim to a whole box of something because it's "hers". Maybe this ownership of food is complicating a problem for him. I do think it's great that you're catching this behavior early and not just attributing it to a growing boy.

Some other points- I would not treat food as a "treat". This is a behavior that is hard to break later in life. I know, bc my family was guilty of it.

Also, try making a snack box that is locked and allow him to select a snack at certain points of the day under supervision. I believe I saw this on an episode of super nanny that dealt w kids who refused to eat their healthier dinners bc they were already full or would fill up on snacks.

I would not shame him bc this will probably lead to him trying to binge in private. Try getting snacks that are high protein/fiber so if any sense of fullness does register for him it will last longer.

I'm a binger myself so my heart goes out to you and him.

JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
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7/6/12 2:09 P

I think you are wise seeking professional advice, he sounds like he is having an eating disorder and not just a hungry boy. In the mean time though, I'd rid the house of ALL junk foods. NO ice cream, cookies, etc. If he is going to fill up on food, make him have a harder time of doing it with junk food. Have all kinds of vegetables, etc. so that he can have something, but just not high calorie foods. My prayers are with you on this one.

DAWNDMOORE40 Posts: 3,789
7/1/12 11:03 P

emoticon I go from mad to emoticon sad because my 12 year old will not stop eating! We go to the grocery store every Thursday and we get him the stuff he puts on his list as long as it's somewhat healthy. Within two days, sometimes less then that, he has eaten all of his food plus some of the food that I have set back to eat when I want a snack! He will sneak food when we aren't awake or when I am checking my email or watching television in my room! He has no regards for other people's food or their stuff for that matter! We have tried taking away all privileges. We have tried counseling. He was going to his regular pediatrician and she was doing weigh in's. After doing that for a while, I finally said where do we go from here? He needs more help then just an occasional weigh in! So she said he needed to start seeing Dr. Kahn who specializes more with eating disorders. So he has an appointment to see him next week! It would not be so bad if my son wasn't already over weight. He is 5"4 and he already weighs pretty close to 200 lbs! He refuses to exercise. I have invited him to come walk and run with me at the park, but he doesn't want to do it! We keep the bad stuff out of the house so it's not the bad stuff he's binging on. We have super in the evenings and he will say he's full before he eats all of it. For example tonight we had spinach salad, some garden delight pasta which is different then regular pasta and he got one slice of Texas toast. He didn't even eat the spinach salad because he said he was full. Then he ate a whole box of Popsicle, ice cream, two helping of 6 small pancakes, he got in the refrigerator and ate my sandwich I was going to eat that was left over from Denny's! He just keep son eating, and then when his food is gone, he will start on mine! The ice cream I let him have because he ate most of his super and told him we could have it as a treat, but I didn't realize all the other food he had eaten in the house. That is what he does! He takes advantage and then he tries to make excuses for what he eats! I see this as a problem and he admits he is over weight, but he doesn't want to do anything about it!

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