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DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (57,496)
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Posts: 9,662
7/26/12 9:44 P

Okay, here's the thing you need to do. If you don't rein this in now, it's going to spiral out of control.

It's time to have a budget. You need to work together to determine how much you can afford to spend on his habit. He will then be responsible for budgeting his needs/wants within that budget. If he runs out... no more toys, no more trips, nothing else.

You can't spend unrestrained amounts and expect to stay financially solvent. $2,000 wheels are a HUGE expenditure, and can seriously ding your credit and/or your reserves. It's not okay to spend money like that.

It's time to work out a real, honest-to-God budget. You're both going to have to work together, because if you don't, this is going to eat you alive. Even if it doesn't affect you financially, I can feel the resentment rising from the pages of your blog... it WILL affect your marriage.

There's nothing wrong with having a hobby... even an expensive hobby. But there has to be a limit, and there has to be balance. You have to sit down with him, and seriously hav a heart-to-heart. You may even want to consider counseling... for you, alone, if he refuses, because this ind of one-sided sacrifice WILL affect your marriage. He's being selfish.

Edited by: DRAGONCHILDE at: 7/26/2012 (22:03)
JADOMB SparkPoints: (106,132)
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Posts: 1,678
7/26/12 8:20 P

This may come as a shock to many out there, but I'm going to be blunt. LOL Before I got married, I was single, rich and happy. I workout on my time, did what I wanted to do and totally enjoyed life. THEN I met someone that took me away from all that. She says she saved me. ;-)

Now after years of doing for my wife, my kids, my marriage, I am able to actually do some things for myself. I love that I have a great marriage a great wife and two great kids, but I did put myself on hold to do that. Even my career had to take a back seat since we went for the stable life instead of the ever changing career ladder chasing.

This is the ONLY thing I would do differently, and that is, do more things for myself that "I" enjoy. Not at the expense of my family, but along side of it. I don't hold my sacrifices as something negative, but just something I could have balanced better. I know that many do so much for themselves they lose their family and eventually have to contend with bigger issues as their children grow up and fail or struggle to do what that parent failed to teach them.

So as long as any interest in outside sports or activities is NOT damaging ones marriage or family, I say go for it. We(especially men) were NOT meant to just bury ourselves in work for 40 years to end up dieing from lack of care to our bodies and minds. So think twice before you stop a man or woman from attaining some off the wall dream of theirs. Use logic and good sense to make sure it will not have major negatives with it, but also look at the good that can come from it. BALANCE is good, allowing individuals to enjoy something in life is also good. Hey, it could be worse, he might be spending countless hours on the computer playing war games or something. ;-)

MRSWILKI SparkPoints: (5,940)
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Posts: 136
7/26/12 3:06 P

This isn't exactly the same but my husband recently started playing baseball on an adult men's wooden bat league. It keeps him out of the house a couple days a week for practice and then Sundays are usually 12 hour days of baseball. The league fees, umpire fees, clothing and equipment have cost us quite a lot of money. However he really loves it (has always been a baseball fanatic). It gives him something to look forward to besides going to work.

Is there any way you can get yourself involved in his training? I have started helping him in our backyard with pick-up drills and I go to his games to cheer him on. Also we went to the batting cages together which was more fun than I expected (even though I have terrible hand-eye coordination) It makes me feel like I have a small part in his hobby and I know he appreciates the support.

As for the financial issues I have no advice except just add it into your budget & make compromises. If he truly loves triathlons then he will be willing to give up some money in other aspects (if he buys lunch at work maybe he can start packing lunch to save a few bucks). There are definitely worse things he could be spending your money on! Just keep an open dialogue and make sure that all of the bills and everything are paid before he gets to take out "fun money".

MTATTON Posts: 3
7/26/12 12:47 P

My husband has recently become obsessed with triathlons and is training to compete in an Ironman. I try really hard to support him, but it takes SO much time and money. Is anyone else going through this? I recently started a blog to be a sort of diary about the experience, because I thought that might help (www.triathleteswife.wordpress.com). But other support is welcomed!

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