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KTISFOCUSED Posts: 1,491
10/9/12 12:04 P
I think you've been given great advice about how to lose and exercise so I won't add to that but I have a couple more thoughts. Maybe you could have an honest talk with hubby about how bad you're feeling and how you want to lose weight and ask him for his help and encouragement. Maybe he'd feel good helping you since it is a win-win for him too. Second, you say he's out of town. I always do well with a goal in mind. Maybe you could work really hard at your diet and surprise him with a thinner, sexier you like I've heard of girls doing when they have a husband in the service. It could be so good for your confidence and might give you and hubby a boost as a couple. You are, after all, more than parents and he is there, he loves you and you deserve to be happy and feel good about yourself. You can do this.
There is a free website called fatloser.com. You are sent a 15 minute motivational video each day for 21 days and you answer 3 short questions and boy it really got my head on straight. Steve Siebold is the guy and he can really help you. You are young and beautiful and you will get your sexy back one day at a time. We are all rooting for you. So you do have friends-lots of spark ones who care that you are feeling bad. If you are a church goer, maybe you could find a church with a babysitting service and maybe you could meet some nice people there. Good luck! I am rooting for you. Most of us have been where you are.
LITTLE1DER Posts: 934
10/9/12 9:56 A
I'm sorry you are having a bad time of it.
First and foremost-Talk to your doctor about postpartum depression and your prescription at 7 months post you can still have some wild hormone shifts, talk to your partner or close family/friend about giving you an hour a day for "you" time. You say you don't have anyone to help; look to a community center or church for support, often there are mother groups that can help you.
Your mental, emotional and physical health are very important for you and your kids.
Bless you I wish you the best!
Just another thing i wanted to mentioned. I took me over 7 month to get my body back to normal. Unfortunately sometimes it take longer. I didn't think it will happen to me as i was always fit. It does happen as you see. Your body needs to recover. Your hormones probably still all over. So just take a deep breath. It will happen.
I remember feeling lonely too. I am sure that you can find some baby groups and meet up with other mums. Good for a baby, good for you.
Good luck! Just don't keep it inside, talk to people - even on Spark. They are great here!!!
All great tips. I'd suggest learning how to make simple bean, veggies and rice meals. Potatoes are cheap and filling and if cooked without any fat are low in calories and full of fiber, vitamin C and even have protein. Pick yukon golds and reds for better flavor. If you are just eating hot dogs and white buns you are getting very little nutrition and may be another reason you have very low energy.
Keep a look out for inexpensive greens and stock up on those. Whenever I eat a lot of leafy greens like spinach or kale, I feel so much better. You can add them to soups and casseroles. Start buying things in bulk when possible. You save a lot of money. Also, I used to keep a list of healthy meals and their prices. I'd make a budget for the week and then a shopping list. I'm pretty sure that Spark has those tools.
For a support group while you rhusband is away, I'd suggest looking for local mom groups on Meet-up.com. Make a commitment to sign up for at least one event this week. Sometimes it's just meeting other moms with kids in the park.
Talking about parks, if you are not getting out enough with the kids you probably are getting a little stir crazy and not getting natural vitamin D. Take the kids to the park as long as you can. Not sure where you live but even in the winter you can bundle them up and get out. Then do lunges, push-ups, modified pull-ups, step-ups and chase them around the park or have them chase you! Don't worry about what any one thinks. This is about you getting healthy!
Hope this helps. It's what helped me after my last child when I was a stay at home mom. If you have any questions or would like some recipes for inexpensive healthy meals, message me.
Edited by: VEJENN at: 10/8/2012 (23:51)
Below are some links for you to check out. They can help you access free/cheap Health Services you need (Dr/Psychiatrist/Therapist/Prescriptions)
If after 4 months the medication hadn't done it's trick, then really it DOES need to be reviewed. BUT medication is often only part of the story. Good Nutrition, exercise (and most DO get a fair bit with young children) and therapy is the other part of the equation. The other thing I am wondering about is that your former work was very active and you obviously spent a lot of time doing physical stuff. I wonder if you are comparing what was, to what is, and feel that you should be SUPERmum and be able to do what you used to. For most this isn't doable. What you are doing now as a Mum is extremely important - just as you were previously helping to construct buildings, etc., you are now constructing the lives of a future generation of adults. I feel that the latter is more important, so don't compare!
When my children were little, I too felt like I was scatterbrained. A lot of mothers do. But believe me, with most of us, as they get older (and your older one is getting into that category) they can actually help to stretch the mind.... OUR mind - that 'scatterbrain' is merely a hiccup in our life, and not permanent.
Have you spoken with your husband about his work? If not, when he is HOME it would be wise to have a discussion about how you feel etc. It MAY be that he is able to get work which necessitates him being away much less which would give you a lot more support and the companionship of a spouse, rather than effectively a single parent.
Depression after a baby isn't at all that uncommon, even if you didn't have it with the first. SSI,e of the others have made great suggestions.
Do you have a double stroller? Walking is absolutely great exercise, and it's good for you and the kids to get fresh air!
By the way, I wanted to mention that while they hope to see improvement in 3 weeks with anti-depressants, it can take up to 6 weeks, so if you haven't been on them that long, give them a bit longer.
You can take all the pills there are, but there are other steps to fight depression. You need some friends! No one to talk to would depress most of us. Really.
Talk to your husband, too. Let him know how you're feeling. Has he acted as though he feels differently about you, or are you just worried he will? He's probably dealing with his own worries about supporting his young family.
SPARK PEOPLE was a great place to start. Find some friends here, then find some in your life, maybe through mommy and me type of groups or church or other community activities.
I know too much about surviving on very little money. Healthy things like heads of lettuce, carrots and bulk packages of potatoes are pretty inexpensive at Wal-mart. I can make a lot of
Lunch potatoes on a $5 10 pound bag, and quite a few salads on a dollar head of lettuce.
I don't like diet dressings, and they are expensive, but I love miricle Whip and croutons and bacon bits. Those make my salads very filling and very tasty. I add tomato when they are inexpensive enough.
I also like snacks. But I read the calories. Jello pudding is 60-100 per serving and a buck at dollar general. Yogurt is 100 and costs 50 cents.
My point is it depends on what you like.
The only exercise I can do because of poor health is walking, but after a few days, I found my walks make me feel great. I was even able to add the 10 min videos from spark people 28 day boot camp to the mix.
You are expending a lot of calories caring for two small children. Take small steps. You don't have to deprive yourself at all. You have to find what works for you and think of it as a new you. Lots of snacks are under 100 calories per serving.
Chicken is cheap and healthy if you like it. Grapes and bananas are cheap at Wally world usually. Make your new motto "I can do this" at your age, I'd wager the weight will fall right off with a little work. MSG if you ever need an ear.
JOYLJL Posts: 398
10/6/12 11:24 A
Go to www.flylady.net.
Shine your sink,
Go to "www.makeitfunitwillgetdone.com"
Download 2 books one is by leanne ely and marla ciley--10.00 called body clutter and listen to the audio version while you do a load of laundry.
Get the other book called THE MOUTHTRAP low carb edition on the make it fun it will get done( on the lose weight link) Listen to it.
Start fidgeting, twirl your hands, twirl your feet, stand instead of sit to watch the tv, get up on every commercial. Move move move,
Your worth it. You deserve it. You count. You're the role model for your babies.
Get a crock pot. Fill it with water and some free beef or chicken bones from the butcher. Let simmer all day and then drink it all day. To this broth add chopped celery carrots and onion. Add a can of drained chicken. Add 1 T of apple cider vinegar, Add salt and pepper.
Stop eating anything made with flour and you will melt back down to your perfect size. Go look in the mirror and smile at yourself.
BRANDYJOSEPI Posts: 3
10/6/12 10:49 A
Thank you everyone for all the suggestions and support. I cant believe that i am having so much trouble with this. I used to be in such good shape. I was a construction worker, and after work i would go walk, then lift weights. I was eating good clean food. Its like i lost my focus. I used to be so focused. But children leave you scatterbrained :) and it is hard for me to just focus. Plus my husband works away. He is gone months at a time, and i have no friends. No one to help me get some time to myself. When he comes home, he is busy catching up on the lawn and everything else. The Welbutrin i have been on for about 4 months, and as for a psychiatrist(sp) i dont have the money for that. I just talk to my family doctor because she wont charge me...i know its lame, but i dont have any extra money to go to the doctor. I know i need to go, but dont know how i can afford it. I appreciate all the encouragement though and it helps alot, since i dont have any friends or family here to talk to. Thank you all for the help.
RAND0M Posts: 893
10/6/12 10:20 A
Great suggestions. I re-started here a few weeks ago and joined the SparkCoach free trial. I love it. I found it was brilliant for getting me started because it talked me through setting myself small goals and changes that fit my lifestyle and I can actually stick to. Starting very unfit with 90 lbs to lose I felt more than a little overwhelmed, but with small changes I'm now on my way and feeling positive that little by little I'll get there. Best of luck, you've already taken the biggest step by joining.
Edited by: RAND0M at: 10/6/2012 (10:21)
All good thoughts and suggestions here. However I want to also point out that you may already be exercising way more than you give yourself credit for. When I had a baby, I was constantly up and down - walking the baby. Getting them away from everything once they started crawling and moving better. Rocking during fussy periods, etc., etc. to say nothing of the activity it takes to keep up with a toddler. I keep my 2 year old and 6 year old grand kids for a day and go home EXHAUSTED from moving all day.
So my thought is just work on the healthier eating for the moment, it is the most important component for weight loss in any case. Plus the improved nutrition for the energy to deal with 2 such young children is vital. The activity will take care of itself.
If you can get someone to spot you in the child care department for a few minutes I would suggest you use those moments to unwind. Soak in a bubble bath. Do your nails. Just give yourself time to recoup. And try to remember that these overwhelming days don't last forever. The kids do get older and life does get much easier...... Until then, as others have suggested, just slowly make changes toward healthier food choices. And you will get there.
Edited by: CHESAPEAKE60 at: 10/6/2012 (07:40)
Welcome to Spark People ! Congratulations on the new addition to your family. I know things must seem overwhelming right now, but you CAN make a difference. My first piece of advice would be this,"don't look at weight loss or good health with an all or nothing mentality." If the only healthy thing you were to do for yourself today was to drink 8 glasses of water, that's still a step in the right direction.
Start with some simple changes first. Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated. Example, if you're not used to eating 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and veggies, set a goal to eat 2-3 servings each day for one week. if you're not used to drinking 8 glasses of water, set a goal to drink 2-4 glasses each day for one week. if you're not used to regular exercise, set a goal to take a 10-15 minute walk each day for one week. Once you've achieved these goals, then you set new ones.
One small change is all it takes to change your life. because one small change will lead to another and another and another....
Also, do what you can for exercise. No one says you have to exercise for 30 minutes at a time to be healthy. You can break your workouts up into shorter segments and still get all the benefits. taking a 10 minute walk three times a day still adds up to a 30 minute walk. There are plenty of ways to sneak in a workout. the kids have to nap at some point. If you check out the fitness section, Coach Nicole has a bunch of short 10-15 minute workouts you can do at home. Put the kids in the stroller and take them for a walk. Play with the kids. Exercise shouldn't be a chore. Exercise should be fun.
Try not to worry... just start with a few simple changes. You really don't have to do anything drastic to start a healthy lifestyle. All things in moderation.
Are you a stay-at-home mom? It sounds like you aren't getting any breaks for yourself and that's not sustainable, even if you are otherwise feeling well.
Can you build in 90 minutes a day where somebody else (husband, family member, trusted friend) is in charge of the kids and you can get out of the house to work out and have some alone time?
I hope that you stay in close contact with your doctor. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries to find the right medication for depression. Do you have any friends that you can ask for help and relief? Several years ago a dear friend of mine had PPD after having her first baby--I basically moved in with her for a couple of weeks and took the baby off of her hands so that she could get some rest and take care of herself.
Instead of hot dogs, why not try making homemade soups? They can be very inexpensive per portion and certainly much healthier than a hotdog-based diet. I love to make vegetable broths and chicken broths from scratch and throw in some herbs, legumes, etc. and serve with brown rice. An easy thing to do if you have lots of time at home is to bake a whole chicken--serve the meat for one meal, use leftovers for salads after that, then make soup stock with the bones and scraps. Just throw it in a pot with water, garlic, an onion, a couple of pieces of celery and carrot or two and simmer it for several hours on the back burner. Very tasty and full of good nutrition.
I would urge you to share your trackers and your Spark page--you will find it much easier to network with people and find support if you can share a little bit more of yourself.
Hi BRANDYJOSEPI - you have taken some good first steps to help you on your way. Firstly, you have spoken to your Dr about this and are actively getting some professional help! Does this also include therapy? If not, you may find it beneficial to ask for a referral to a Therapist to help you find the tools to help with your stressors/depression. Secondly, as was mentioned, we don't know how long you have been on the Wellbutrin, but any medication of this type can take a few weeks to become properly effective. Ensure that you stay in close contact with your prescriber so that if need be they can do a medication review.
As far as exercise/nutrition is concerned, just start off with BABY steps, changing only one or two things to start with. Just as large trees grow from small seeds, weight-loss and a healthy lifestyle comes from those first baby steps. Good nutrition is very important - not only for our weight-loss journey, but also for good emotional health. I note your comment about lack of finances means you can't afford healthy food. I am sorry but I strongly contradict you on that one! I live off the smell of an oily rag, and have done for many years. Lower finances just means that you have to be more careful, but doesn't stop you buying a LOT of things. I substitute a lot - even as I type I have THREE chicken DRUM STICKS cooking for a casserole which will do about EIGHT servings. When cooked I shred it. I also cook up a lot of red lentils (very cheap and nutritious - good source of protein and excellent source of fibre), and add in finely chopped celery, onion, and capsicum to that chicken and the stock. I do the same with cheap, fairly lean cuts of meat. With beef mince (ground beef) I not only add lentils, but also add red kidney beans. These are an inexpensive way of increasing protein/fibre, too. I containerize mine into single serves, label them and put them into the freezer for use later. This method is brilliant for those who are tired or don't have the time to cook properly. You can take advantage of the specials but bulk-buying, and it also only uses one lot of power/gas, AND there is only one lot of clean up after. To me that is a win/win situation. Soups are brilliant being done this way too. I puree them because they are more filling that way, and have them on their own for lunch in the winter, or with a piece of toast or sandwich for dinner. A real healthy, balanced meal!
Exercise is another really important part of helping to improve your depression and overall health. I get the bulk of mine in by walking inside my house - putting my groceries and laundry away one at a time. This can be done even when the children are awake, because you can still keep an eye on them. Another thing that you may find beneficial for you AND them is to pack them up into a pushchair and take them for an exploratory walk - look for tree leaves, bugs, anything that takes their fancy like that. Go to a playground - running around after the older one is good exercise and good quality time spent with your children. The younger child will benefit watching what is going on, too :-)
As mentioned by PIXI_ELF, you can do exercises WITH your older child, and the younger one in a playpen or pushchair watching and being entertained.
You CAN do this but you have to have faith in yourself. I suggest that you have a good talk with your husband, ensure that he knows how you are feeling about yourself. I am sure that he certainly doesn't feel like you THINK he does. You might be pleasantly surprised.
I went to have a look at your SparkPage but it is set to Private so couldn't access it. If you aren't a member of a team that deals with Depression, I suggest that you join one that is active. That way you will get some real good support from people who also have that extra challenge in their lives!
Take care and BIG hugs,
I am a 30year old mother of a 3year old and 9 month old son so I totally understand the difficulty in trying to fit in a healthy lifestyle with the 2 kids demanding so much from you!
Well by coming on SP you have made the first step! The best thing to do is to start small! Create small and achievable goals for yourself. for example for one week aim to drink 8 glasses of water each day and to try and track everything you eat. Don't worry about staying inside calorie limits just yet. Seeing what you eat will help you work out where you can trim calories.
As far as exercise goes, I totally agree that it is tough to find the time! Some things I have found which works for me: when I put my son to nap, I get my daughter and we both do exercises together (things like jumping jacks, jogging on the spot and then some strength training). She seems to love trying to do what I do. Even if it is only 15 minutes it's better than nothing! If you are worried about noise, focus on doing strength training which can be done quietly (pushups, sit-ups etc).
A wonderful investment which I made was a hop-on step which attaches behind a stroller. This is perfect for 2 kids around the ages of ours. My son sits in the stroller and my daughter stands on the step and we go for walks. Pushing 2 kids in a stroller makes for good resistance training :)
Take it one day at a time and please feel free to email me if you want any help or support from me! Sometimes it is nice to know that you are not alone in it all
I'm new here, but I think you are in the right place, Brandy. Use this website and all the tools, and you will start feeling better.
Depression is so sapping of energy. Antidepressants take about 3 weeks to start working; I don't know how long you've been on the Wellbutrin, but if it's not working, go back to your doctor (hopefully you're seeing a psychiatrist for medication, rather than just a family doctor) and tell dr that its not working. Over the years, I have taken multiple kinds of antidepressants, but it wasn't until I found a good psychiatrist who put me on Cymbalta, as well as Wellbutrin (for energy).
A couple of suggestions for finding time to exercise: Can your husband take care of the kids if they wake up early in the morning, or later at night if they won't go to sleep? In 15 or 30 minutes you could get a good walk in. What about taking the kids on a walk with you? The 3 yo might be get distracted or not be able to keep up with you (I know my 3 yo granddaughter would not be conducive to an effective walk), so maybe your husband could keep the 3 yo and you could take baby, either in a stroller or just carry baby - that would probably burn more calories.
Drink a lot of water, and try to eat vegetables. I don't really care for water, so that's a struggle for me, but it makes me full. I've eaten a few tossed salads this past week, and I really feel full afterwards. I think it must be the fiber.
I don't know what your relationship with your husband is, but could you talk to him about your insecurities about your weight and how it's affecting your sex life (or lack thereof)? Hopefully, he could set your mind at ease and tell you he loves you and desires you no matter what.
BRANDYJOSEPI Posts: 3
10/5/12 10:34 P
I am 33 and the mother of 2 beautiful children. One 3 the other 7 months. I cant stop eating or find the time to exercise. And when i do, it seems so overwhelming that i just stop and start crying. I weigh 193...and every time i look in the mirror i just cry. I feel so tired all the time, i have no energy and i just feel sick. I dont want my husband to touch me because i dont want him to feel the fat on me and im afraid that he may decide to find someone thinner, who wants to have intimacy with him. I do, but am so ashamed of myself i cant. I dont know how to even start to lose weight. Today i walked around the house while the kids were taking a nap, but only made it 15 mins before the baby woke up. Its like they know when i am doing something for myself. If i try to get up early, they wake up because the floors in my house creak. If i try to do it later at night, they dont want to go to sleep. And getting exercise in during the day, hit or miss. I cant get them both to sleep at the same time very often. So i get depressed and i eat. The whole time i am eating i am hating myself. So i eat some more. I cant afford to eat very healthy, i have to buy alot of hot dogs and cheap food....i have no friends or anyone to talk to. They have me on wellbutrin for depression and i dont think its working......dont know what else to say.