I can't say anything better than what's already been said so I hope you won't find it too cheesy to share a poem. I hope you'll especially take the last verse to heart. Hang in there.
"And Then Comes the Dawn"
After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning, And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open. With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul. Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong. That you really do have worth. And you learn and learn... With every goodbye... you learn
I've been going through this very same thing, and this is the first time in my life that, instead of overeating out of emotion, I've lost my appetite. I don't want to lose any more weight, but I've lost a few pounds past my goal. What I'm doing now is basically the same thing I did when I was learning to control my eating: I plan my day and schedule my meals and snacks. Only now I'm doing it to ensure that I'm eating enough rather than not eating too much. It's still about taking care of your health. I don't force myself to keep eating if I get full, but I do eat at my normal meal and snack times.
Being in love with someone in depression is a hard pill to swallow. That being said, from my experience... I can only control how I react to his bout's of blues. Give him time, and give yourself time apart.. things will get better. It's not that he doesn't love you but he just can't handle whatever is stressing him. Take the time for yourself, let him de-stress it is a illness that he can't control; you won't be able to change him, so either accept these episodes and learn to not react to them by blaming yourself. May God bless you with patience, and give you peace to make a sensible decision how you want to live your life. My advice is if he is abusive to you now that will not change... I personally would not put up with any type of abuse.. physical, verbal or otherwise. I left and divorced 2 husbands for abusiveness. You certainly shouldn't put up with abuse. Also, keep this between yourselves, and do not involve other family members. ( his mother etc. ) it just cause more grief.
I had a break up after 61/2 years and I learned....
NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE, WHEN YOU ARE AN OPTION IN THEIRS!
If you're not being treated with love and respect, check your "Price Tag". Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's "you" who tells people what you're worth by what you accept. Get off the "Clearance Rack" and get behind the glass where they keep all the VALUABLES.
Start by getting out, walking, shopping whatever...smile at 10 people...at least ten and see what happens... try Plenty of Fish dot com to meet someone new, maybe this is God's way of telling you your ex wasn't the one and you were wasting your time.
Never let anyone tell you that you can't succeed....have courage to continue your new nutritional program and remember "The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man's determination"...yes, you can lose weight!
In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired. ~Author Unknown
Fitness Minutes: (70)
4 8/6/13 6:33 A
I am sorry you are going through this but this is a chance for you to create a whole new life for yourself. It doesn't sound like he would have been a part of that. You can still remember the love you once shared but people change and relationships change and there is something better in your future. Focus on you right now, getting healthy and finding yourself apart from this relationship. I would agree with the others to stop contacting him and maybe even consider not returning contact if he does contact you. You need the space to really see you can make it on your own on a much healthier path. Exercise can be a great distraction and stress reliever at a time like this so find something you love to do even if it is just walking and throw yourself into it. I feel for you because I know the pain of a breakup but it does get easier with time. Good luck to you.
Fitness Minutes: (60,353)
384 8/5/13 7:19 P
Sorry to hear you're going through this; breakups are never easy. That said, it sounds like you could use some space from your bf. I could be wrong, but it sounds as if he may feel threatened by the healthy choices you are making in your life and is taking it out on you unfairly. If that's the case, you deserve better! In the meantime, it's okay to be off your feed for a bit - I think that's a natural reaction to the post-breakup blues - but you owe it to yourself to keep eating healthy foods. With 15 lbs. down, you're off to a great start! Big !
Fitness Minutes: (32,076)
2,082 8/5/13 4:22 P
Perhaps this perspective will help:
"I have to question how someone say they are in love with you then give up you and everything you have had for 6 years in 24 hours or less."
People don't usually just "flip" so quickly as your sentence describes. Rather, it was probably building and what you saw was merely the breaking point. It happens.
I agree that you need to distance yourself, treat yourself extra kindly and just take some time for you. Do some things you didn't have time for before....rent some movies or read some books you've been meaning to get to...maybe hit the batting cages or hit the weights - I can almost guarantee you'll feel better after a good workout. Go get a massage or a mani/pedi - something to make yourself feel better, relaxed and lift your spirits. Go buy a new workout outfit.
And great idea about trying new recipes! Focus on really getting flavor into your food, whether you're trying new things or tweaking some old favorites.
You can have fun; you can do anything you want to. You have the freedom of time now - see it as freedom and not something to dread or simply pass through. You need to get stop ruminating about him and put the focus on other, healthier things.
You can do it.
I wish you well!
Fitness Minutes: (16,729)
153 8/5/13 12:24 P
I agree with Archimedes. It's more important now than ever to eat nutritiously. Food can affect your mood, decision making, and attitude in general. You need to take care of yourself now more than ever. What a perfect time to put yourself first. He doesn't want you to take care of him, and he doesn't deserve it anyway. But you deserve to be taken care of. And who could do that better than you? Make sure you are at least eating enough to reach the bottom range of your calories.
If the food you've eaten before sticks in your throat, this might be an ideal time to try new foods - foods that don't have any emotional attachment to them. Have you ever tried quinoa? couscous? SP recipes list all sorts of foods I'd never heard of before.
Have too much free time on your hands now? Use it to stir up some new recipes. Maybe in no time, you'll be in the mood to invite some new friends over to join you for your scrumption meal (or former friends you've let slip out of your life while you concentrated on someone who was unappreciative). I've never been much of a cook, but I can't believe the food that has come from my kitchen the last few months since I've been on SP.
This time will pass, but you HAVE to think long-term and keep your body prepared to support you when you come out the other end of this depression.
Hang in there! I wish you all the best.
Fitness Minutes: (27,538)
1,772 8/5/13 12:17 P
I totally agree with ArchimedesII that you don't call or respond to him right now.
If you have access to get some counseling, I would strongly encourage you to plan to meet with a counselor. Go with the intention of getting yourself to a place a strength and peace again. Although I know you are very conflicted about wanting/needing this person in your life vs feeling that they are abusing you.....you really do need to set that aside right now. If you are not even eating, much less your other obvious signs of depression--You NEED to take care of yourself NOW! You won't get a better perspective on this relationship until you are healthier, sleeping well, and able to find some joy in Life again.
Take care, patti
Fitness Minutes: (218,445)
21,338 8/5/13 11:06 A
I'm sorry that you're having problems with your boyfriend. going through a breakup is never an easy thing. I don't know how your relationship has been over the last 7 years, however his current behavior is pretty insensitive.
My advice ? Don't call him. Don't call his mom asking her to mediate. he's an adult, he should be acting like one. Relationships DO change with time. Some get stronger and some break up. It happens. that's why you can't blame yourself. For now, I really do recommend just leaving him alone. You need your space too. I know it's painful, but it may be time to let this relationship go.
No one who loved you would treat you so badly. You don't deserve to be treated this way. That's why you need to ignore him. If he emailing those nasty messages again, print them up. document his bad behavior so that if you do have to get a restraining order, you have proof of his taunts.
I'm sure things seem really overwhelming right now, but you do have to eat. When I was laid off last year, I lost my appetite too. But I knew I had to eat to maintain my health. You need to make sure you eat as healthfully as possible too. Right now, you have to help yourself. You can't make a person want to be healthy. they have to make that decision for themselves and your boyfriend isn't interested at the moment. You can't control a person. You can only control how you react to that person.
that's why you need to move on with your life.
Fitness Minutes: (140)
11 8/5/13 10:12 A
I have lost 11 pounds since I started this and 15 pounds since the first of the summer... I think I'm doing okay...
But, I'm going through an abusive break up and he is pointing his finger at me and hes playing the victim. I've tried making things better... but, for almost two weeks now I've been fighting to get him back. I've been calling him and he won't answer... every day I call his mom and she keeps saying she will talk to him and then later shes like "He doesn't want to talk to you right now."
And he made an abusive / rude voice mail.... I have been with him for almost 7 years... and now I don't know what to do with my life... I can't have fun any more... I can't get back into anything because what we use to do and watch and stuff was something we did together because, we had that in common... now, every time I think or try to do those things I think of him and it hurts and I feel like I'm doing something without him or / trying to move on... and I don't want to... and I don't want him to think I'm giving up on him because, too many people have gave up on him....
I tried started a diet so I could be happy... and so I could give him a good example... he is WAY over weight.... more then me.... (5'3 at 290 pounds) He eats MdOnalds twice a day and he sits on his butt all the time.... I know hes depressed I just thought I could help him pull out of it... I wanted to help him so bad... because I am in love with him.
Now I don't know what to do in my life... and for the past week and a half... I've not wanted to eat... I hate eating now... And yeah I went to a buffet (once) And I ended up getting a salad with a healthy dressing and a piece of grilled chicken.... I could hardly eat it... in fact if I foce myself to eat I start feeling sick like I want to puke.
And that goes with any time I eat... I take a few bites (which is not enough) and then I feel sick.
Yeah, this person hasn't been that supportive about me losing weight.. I told him I was losing weight and all I got was "You will never be skinny and fragile." Well I tried to get him to stop eating out... and he ignored me...
I have to question how someone say they are in love with you then give up you and everything you have had for 6 years in 24 hours or less..... I don't guess he ever loved me... I don't know what he was using me for though... we never had sexual relations.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.