Yeah, so the posting of personal information is an entirely DIFFERENT problem that many experience, one just has to be careful about that.
What I'm talking about is exactly what PJ was saying, people who at first seemed like friends all of a sudden send random creepy pictures or say creepy things that are totally unwarranted. This was what I've experienced here at SP on several occassions.
I have never had an issue with SP but I am just a private person. I keep my spark page private and my blogs, as they are more of a journal to me. I like engaging on the message boards without it going any deeper than that. I don't post a picture of myself because you never know who is looking. I keep my Facebook page pretty minimal as well, and can't believe what some people post about their lives. I'm only 25 so I am part of the generation that has grown up with a lot of this technology, but I don't go as far as other people do with posting my life online. No experience with stalking, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Many years ago I used to play cribbage on-line, and after about a year, one of the regulars that I partnered up with, out of the blue, sent me picture of his private parts. Not only did I block his e-mails, but that was also the day I quit playing on-line games with others. I never felt that I flirted with him. I did feel that it was inappropriate. There was no way I was going to carry that any further.
And last year, I blocked an old friend of mine from sending a ton of anti-presidential candidate e-mails every day. The obsessive e-mails got to be too much, and I couldn't believe that this friend could hate someone so much. He was sending about 25 e-mails every day.
Thanks, but I just want to be clear for me; as far as being "creepy" is concerned I am now of the mind set of look but don't indulge unLESS I get a clear signal to be flirty and it has to be crystal clear to both parties, not just my imagination. Anymore, though, I try to stick to the script and keep it on topic..........now that I know what it's like to be creeped on (weird feeling if you're a guy who's never had that happen to you).
More on this topic: So, have you had to BLOCK anyone from sending you SP mailers? I did, but it wasn't for any of the reasons I've talked about here, this guy was reading me the moral riot act saying that posting my kinky behavior on a team where we talk about kinky behavior was tantamount to murder, rape and pillaging. He JOINED the team just so that he could MONITOR our heathen behavior.....okay, MY heathen behavior. :rolleyes:
I'm not too concerned about being stalked via my participation on Sparkpeople. Nobody that checks my sparkpage or reads my posts/blogs is going to be able to determine "who i am in real life" - I'm Deb, 47, lives in Canada - narrows it down to... idk, 40,000 possible suspects? Stalk on!
And if someone from my "real life" did happen to stumble across the site and recognize my pic - oh well, so they find out how much I weigh
I haven't had any issues with inappropriate contact so far. Any comments or emails received have been pleasant and supportive and just generally nice. But! I know how things can get, online, sometimes. I've had "issue" in other venues... but in other venues, the separation of my "real life" identity and my online presence is even more thorough than here at Spark (i.e. NO PICS, no name, location, age or other identifying characteristics). Soooo when "issues" do arise, I remind myself, the "stalker" is actually stalking a CHARACTER he/she has invented, that really what they've done is hang a creative-writing piece off of my virtual identity. They aren't stalking 'me' - they are stalking Bunnykicks (or whatever displayname I might be using in any particular place - which, I will mention - keeping different displaynames for different venues is a GOOD IDEA. Psycho people WILL google displaynames. If you use the same name for your Spark account that you do for your other online activities, people actually CAN find out a lot more about you than you might expect or wish).
It is funny in a sad way, that these same-old-same-old internet nonsense happens EVERYWHERE, whether you are on a dating site, diet site, gaming site, recipe site, knitting site, cat-fancier site, what have you. There are always a few fools around that get their kicks out of trying to reach through the internet to affect "the person on the other side of the screen."
GLITTERFAIRY, I am so sorry you had this horrible crazy stalker experience. It is disgusting that your children got dragged into it. It really shouldn't happen. I recently had to completely delete my SPARK page, and start all over again. I have rules that I do this internet thing by, and I broke them. My own fault. I lost most of my friends, trophies, blogs, points, goodies etc. My rules are: No details about kids, finances, job, politics, specific geographical location, specific habitual movements, friends or family (talk in general is fine). People that I know in real life, and that I tell about SPARK are not to know what my SPARKNAME is. So no mixing of real life and spark life. I don't see the point of setting my page to private, considering my rules. I am not on FACEBOOK, I can't think of anything worse... Am I paranoid? I have never been stalked, I think my before photo would nip that right in the bud. I have been followed around to team posts and friend's pages but I consider that a compliment. I feel real love for my SPARK BUDDIES, I think about and worry about them. I am overjoyed at their successes. I research information that I think might help them. I do share my heart, but not my life.
I just call 'em as I see 'em! Happily married here, but don't wear blinders!
Fitness Minutes: (81,405)
5,734 3/24/13 2:42 P
A few bad apples, as they say. My page is public, but I am careful about what information I put out there. That's true across the Internet, not just here. I enjoy reading about everyone's journeys, and I do hope to share more as my journey continues. But I am more cautious than a lot of the posters on SP. Thank you for the topic. I'm sorry that anyone has experience with inappropriate stalkers!
KJ -- It's obvious that you have attractive attributes and intelligence. Add to that, you are a frequent and significantly popular blogger in the Spark Cafe. So, there is no question as to why you may get more comments and responses than the average bear here, albeit that some may not be nice ones. What's lousy, is that this is not a dating nor porn site, and people should maintain some sort of integrity when communicating on the message boards.
Because there's rarely backlash or the probability that someone can locate an "offender," it seems to be the place where people can say things that they would never say to your face in person.
Likewise, as in real life, we subconsiously screen our friends by their actions that are communicated to us. It's harder to do that on-line, of course, but making your page private or defriending makes sense. Here's hoping your future exchanges are friendly and appropriate ones.
I remember being hounded a couple of years ago by a member that absolutely made my "unthinking" comment on a post her "goal of vengence" for about 2 or 3 months after the post. I thought she would never stop!
I do not have my page set to private, mostly because I want my story to be available to inspire others to not be ashamed of going through difficulties. Back when I had myspace and multiply, I did have a few creepy stalkers, and one even that followed me from yahoo! answers to insult MY KIDS (calling them mutts, mutants, monkeys-because they're mixed) and their dad an Uncle Tom, and me-calling me fat, and saying stuff like the only reason that I'm with a Black man is because no white man would ever want my fat ugly ***...You know. A real winner. It got SO bad, with her pirating my pictures and creating an account using doctored pictures on an amateur porn site, and making "movies" with doctored pictures on youtube, that I had to contact a federal website for reporting internet harassment. After contact them several times, with incident after incident of harassment, it finally stopped. I had my FB page set to private, when I had it, because of baby mama drama. Won't go into detail about that, because she probably knows I come here. I try to not talk about our kids' father at all on here, and try to keep my blogs strictly about weight loss and occasionally spirituality. OH. I have my youtube account set to unlisted, because even though NONE of the videos I have are cause for concern-mainly pets and kids-the aforementioned baby mama LIED to our kids' father, telling them I have this and that and blah blah blah on there, which I did not. I did, admittedly, send a message to her while describing my page, but she said I said something totally inappropriate, which I did not. I also had to stop going on a moms website, again, because she was going to him and telling him I was saying some jacked up stuff, which I was not. My internet life is fairly limited because of that....[severe biting of tongue] female. I have to be careful what I say for fear of it getting twisted.
Hawtlikeme & Jaminurse: You two are spot-on about what I'm talking about.
The one time I had to report someone was a guy who I never engaged in a conversation with nor ever messaged him, but solely based on my my gallery pics he decided I was the guy for him. He even harrased the women folks that were listed as my friends telling them to back off because I was his.
The sp mailers he sent me were disgusting (and believe you me, if you even remotely know me, that's a pretty hard thing for me to say).
Of the female ones well, they were never that bad but some were on their way to being that way.
Funny thing is, because of my once lifetime membership to the Fat Boys Club it's hard for me to see myself being a target like that.
SEPERATE from this topic but relevent to dealing with trouble; I have had my share of hate sp mailers sent to me and some of them I deserved and some I didn't.
There have been a few creepers who posted on my page. I tend to keep my page private.
Fitness Minutes: (16,557)
1,220 3/24/13 9:12 A
I haven't had anything like that. Sorry you had an uncomfortable experience. I have only had positive responses.
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6,666 3/24/13 8:59 A
I haven't had that experience. I like sharing my journey in the hopes of inspiring others.
Fitness Minutes: (21,732)
905 3/24/13 8:31 A
Interesting timing for me. As just two days ago I had the first of what could be considered an inappropriate gesture on SP and I'm a few days away from my 3rd anniversary on this site. NEVER before then have I ever felt, on the message boards or any other venue here that guys were being in any way creepy. They have all been nothing but respectful and remained "on-topic" and have always had interesting perspectives and information to share. Even this recent event ended respectfully and quickly as soon as I was honest, to the point, and without being rude or aggresive, advised him that I am here to share and learn with other members about each others' health and fitness experiences only AND, as anyone can see by visiting my page, happily married. I have nothing to hide and althought I may or may not be considered "hawt" by any members, I don't feel the need to make my profile private and in fact, feel that by keeping it public, am able to get objective and very insightful opinions and advice from the vast array of knowledgable members who have so much to share with me when I need some advice or even just a boost. I also feel that if there are any members who can be encouraged by the progress that I have made, it would be kind of sad to keep it to myself or only a select group of people. I hope that doesn't ever have to change.
Fitness Minutes: (76,885)
2,953 3/24/13 12:30 A
I have never had trouble from anyone on SP and when I do, as I am sure it will happen, I will ignore it. There will always be people who misinterpret email; or they will infer the wrong message from a post....Email is the lowest form of communication and it is easy to see why.
I agree with SHERYLDS post on this subject, guys don't stop posting as your posts are the ones I look for to engage in thoughtful, entertaining discussions on SP
FIRECOM, ZENANDNOW and KJFITNESSDUDE....all of you have a fun sense of humor and bring a smile to my face.
If someone gets upset or uptight about something either of you write I suspect it's an issue from their own personal life. I've gotten hate mail and I've been attacked on occasion.... Ya just gotta go with the flow...it's their problem. your hearts are in the right place
Fitness Minutes: (11,796)
5,855 3/23/13 11:22 A
KJFITNESSDUDE, very well thought out and well written as well.
I am 77 so there is little chance that someone is going to "reach out" if you get my drift. I have had several obvious emails soliciting possible liaisons from outside the SP galaxy but have ignored them. Unless I am totally tone deaf, no SP members have made any subtle comments.
There is one advantage of being older. I can get away with all sorts of comments that might have been as an advance by a younger bloke. It is fun to have fun. And that is all it is, -- fun.
Pictures, most likely, is what first attracts folks followed by conversations. You both have a picture of yourselves for your profile pic, you're not hiding that.
Me neither but a pic of me with my gf helps ward off would-be stalkers.
Fitness Minutes: (2,138)
3,215 3/23/13 10:39 A
I NEVER post personal things about myself online, especially in public forums such as SparkPeople, Facebook, etc. Certain things I will post, but there's much more that I will keep private from the prying, nosey posts of others.
a blog isn't a good place for people to reveal too much info. It invites stalkers, critics, and folks with issues. That being said, I am amazed at some of the things people post out in the open...then again I guess I'm from a different generation. If there is something deeply meaningful to you, best to keep it away from public domain (private protected or otherwise). I remember when folks considered e-mail private...big surprise there.
When someone puts something in a public forum ...the person reading it, perceives it or interprets it from their own perspective, experiences, and moods. It's not necessarily what someone writes, as much as, what the reader thinks that they react to.
So if you get an over the top response on something... it may be someone else that has the issue
I had to make my page here at SP private because, quite frankly, I had "stalker" issues with both female and males and all sexual in nature. Nothing enough to notify the coaches, save once,...........I'll continue when you're done laughing.....
This thread isn't really about my experience or a place for me to vent about it because I'm over and done with that and I behave much better now (I know, right?) but it got me thinking about all the pages I have visited (female ones that is) of SP members that I am NOT friends with and......, I don't know, this is kinda hard to say but to me, from MY perspective, from my point of view, it seems like that women that I consider *HOT* have their page set to private. When I see that I just kinda nod my head now in agreement and say to myself, "Good girl" and then I never return nor do I send a friend request unless they send me one (maybe I met them here in the cafe').
I can't speak on behalf of all men but I can for myself and I'll tell ya, I honestly don't mind talking to a woman I consider pretty and if the conversation gets "playful" I'm okay with that. BUT, if I get a sense of stand-offness from a woman I keep conversation light or relevent to a topic we're discussing because I now KNOW how that feels, C-R-E-E-P-Y!
I was raised by my Mom (Dd left the house when I was one) and so I feel like she taught me how to be nice to girls (off-topic: in elementary school I was always attracted to the girls who were mean to me, IDK,....strange, one even became my girlfriend in high school) but I have had tendencies to be a bit forward with women in my late teens to mid-20s then I had an experience where a woman a bit older than me would call my home phone and leave pretty raunchy messages and I'd have to delete them before my wife would get home. I may have seemed, to her at least, to be hitting on her or being extra nice to her or what I don't know but I did NOT have any intentions and nor did I tell her I'd like to have a relationship of ANY KIND with her.
This was the beginning of me getting wiser and more in-tune with how a woman would feel if a man did this to her.
Disclaimer: I know I will NEVER EVER know what it's like to be a woman who's ham-handed boss rides his creepy hands up her skirt or is constantly the target of sexually explicit remarks and/or endless "creepy" compliments and I'm not trying to to say I understand either, I'm just bringing up this topic because I was wondering how you all feel about it.
Let's be honest, this happens to women way more than men although it does happen but that's still not the point of this thread.
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