Fitness Minutes: (2,172)
275 6/3/13 9:43 A
I just wish some friends that want this journey would follow through because it makes it difficult to enjoy the journey WITH them because you know they really do not want to hear about your success. It makes me sad. It also hurts because you want to see people that you love make changes to be healthy as well.
Fitness Minutes: (6,534)
1,393 5/29/13 4:30 A
DO NOT listen to them, if they were truly your friends they would be cheering you on to do everything you can to be healthy & active so they can have you around for a long time as a friend or family member.Those people have such negativity about themselves,they do not want to see you exceed to be the best you can be.March forward & NEVER look back!!!! Listen to yourself not someone that enjoys pulling you down!!!!! Judy
While there are most certainly a lot of "haters" in the world, I don't think everyone who doesn't support us in our various journeys (like the weight loss/maintenance one) is a hater. Mostly I think people are just busy with their own thing and they don't really realize a friend or family member needs support with something. That isn't being a hater, in my opinion.
Luv2surfchick -- that breaks my heart that your daughter won't talk to you. I'm so sorry to hear that.
I'm grateful that my Mom is on board with my program, and she's excited for me. I love her! (Even if she was dropping hints for a few months that I was getting "chubby." Thanks for that, Mother. But I recognized it too. Lol)
Makes me want to write a blog post about what I'm thankful for. I think I'll go do that! Spark people are wonderful folks -- supportive and understanding. A big HUG to you all!!!
Fitness Minutes: (76,885)
2,953 5/23/13 10:38 P
Yes some people cannot handle change....this reminds of the thread last week or so where the question was asked a spouse would loose weight just to leave the relationship...I said there is an example of the other spouse not handling change due to insecurity....
I think Haters are basically insecure people with issues.
Fitness Minutes: (52,580)
379 5/23/13 5:31 P
Oh yes, saboteurs & haters! I love my family, but I have both of those kinds of people in my life. Really it is the other people dealing with their own insecurities. I have a relative who is very overweight who thinks that any time anyone is talking about losing weight for themselves, they are taking digs at her. So she gets defensive & mad even though it's not about her at all. I have another one who seems to delight in her attempts to sabotage my efforts, because it's better if she's not eating bad food alone. (She's diabetic & very overweight)
It really sucks that there are many of us (myself included) who feel like they can't talk about this stuff with certain people because they turn it around to being about them. I guess some people can't be happy or supportive for other people because their own jealousy & insecurity gets in the way.
Fitness Minutes: (3,644)
231 5/23/13 4:37 P
I agree! It is best is not to tell people about your weight loss victories. It would be nice to think that your friends would rejoice and be excited when you are, but somehow it does not work like that. They feel threatened because that is something they feel that they should be doing themselves. I myself was a skinny person most of my life (gained this 20lb since getting married 3 years ago). I found back then that NO ONE wanted to hear about good things happening in my life. They wanted to think that I had some sordid secret or disease that kept me thin. They did not like the reality that being thin and healthy meant more to me than a piece of cake or whatever...and I worked out all the time. One of the nice things about Spark is that you have people that are positive, in your corner, rooting for you! When one of us wins, all of us benefit!
That really sucks! I can't imagine! I hope she grows up and gets over herself.
Fitness Minutes: (2,229)
74 5/23/13 1:18 P
I know the EXACT feeling!! One day I posted a lunch I had eaten that was healthy and yummy on my Facebook status, and mind you, at the time I had NEVER stated I was "on a diet" or anything, but I immediately got comments back from friends stating that I should have skipped certain things and eaten this or that. After that I never posted anything like that again. Don't need the "food critics", lol.
Oh, what a fun idea! And I agree that anyone who would say anything negative about something that's obviously harmless FUN for you-- well, you don't have to unfriend them, but there's that setting where you just don't see their stuff. Mute, ignore, whatever they call it. They don't know you've done it, but you don't have to put up with them.
I have a couple of distant relatives who post horrendously racist stuff, and I have them on mute/ignore. I can check on them now and then to make sure they're still alive and haven't been arrested, but I don't have to deal with them every day, and more importantly, my actual friends don't see that stuff through my page.
Where it's true that diets don't work and we should love ourselves as we are...The fact is, we have to love ourselves enough to take care of ourselves, including proper diet (quality food in reasonable portions) and exercise. I hope you do awesome with the Mordor challenge. Do you get a giant eagle ride at the end? Cuz that'd be shweet. ;)
You guys are all so right. I made the mistake of posting some things to my Facebook status about starting this walking to Mordor challenge. (I'm a big SF/Fantasy Literature nerd, and most of my friends are too, and I thought they would get a kick out of the idea.) Instead I got a dozen negative comments about how "diets don't work" (when I didn't even mention diets!) and how we really should love ourselves the way we are. (I do -- but I can love myself at 20 pounds less, too, but in reality what does that have to do with walking for health?)
I guess it really does show who your TRUE friends are. :/
Whether a person finds the change scary or doesn't want to look at themselves more critically, it's always hard when someone gives you a hard time what something that means a lot. I've learned to not say anything about what I'm doing in a lot of situations. I have no problem with going about my business, and if someone asks me I will often say with no guilt that I don't want to talk about it. My personal life and choices really aren't anyone else's business.
Fitness Minutes: (2,227)
1,427 5/22/13 7:24 P
People are "forced" to take an honest look at themselves when those who they love (and/or associate with) decide to get fit/lose weight. Some people just seem to get jealous when they see others doing what they themselves should be doing. Try to surround yourself with positive, supportive people and, as for the "haters", just remember what's behind it! Best of luck to you! xo
Fitness Minutes: (36,922)
526 5/22/13 7:16 P
I have found in my life when u try to get physically fit, correct weight, live according to the biblical teachings of christ, you are gonna wish that you had kept it to your self. Y because there is always someone in the family or group of whatever that is lazy and out of shape and they are going to make fun or jokes about you and probability depress you, make you angry or hurt your feelings, so I keep my STUFF to myself. I am the only one that matters, YO
My husband was not a hater but more of a sabotager in the beginning. Now he realizes I am serious he is being more helpful. At first, he just couldn't believe I didn't want all the candy he was buying me!
I think some people don't like change...and when someone in their lives changes, they have issues. And when we start taking care or ourselves, our attitudes, self-esteem, confidence, and goals tend to change along with the weight-loss. That makes some people feel threatened
A lot of it depends on how we present ourselves and our efforts. I've found that it's best not to mention it. If you tell someone you're trying to lose weight, most of them feel forced to say, "Oh, you're fine the way you are." After all, how would we respond if they said, "Yay! That's great! I'm SO glad you finally decided to fix that problem!" And when they *have* to say, "Oh, you don't need to lose any weight," they naturally kind of resent it.
And if they have more to lose than you do, it's really hard for them not to see your efforts as a reflection on them. "If she thinks she needs to lose weight, she must think I'm a big old pig."
I'm pretty religious about avoiding telling people that I'm watching my weight or trying to get in better shape or eating healthy, or whatever. They can't hate you if you don't give them any ammunition. If someone says, "You've lost weight!", I say, "Oh, have I?" and change the subject. If they look at what I'm eating and say, "Are you on a diet?", I say, "The veggie plate is my favorite thing here," or, "I had a big lunch."
Of course, if you lose 50 pounds, eventually they realize that yes, you were on a diet and exercise plan and you changed your lifestyle. But it happens so gradually that they never have the chance to feel threatened. That definitely holds down the hate level, because like Yoda said, "Fear...hate..." Okay, I don't remember what Yoda said but it had to do with haters hating because they're secretly scared.
I have a family member who is addicted to alcohol. He tries, but he keeps going back to drinking. It is so bad that he has the thing on his car that he has to breathe into. So he can't drive to the store to buy more alcohol while he's drinking. He calls his friends to bring him some. I think he needs new friends who won't support his addiction. I have a food addiction. If my friends won't support my actions to give up certain foods and start new healthy habits, I'll drop those friends and get new ones. Tough decision, but that is what is best for me.
Fitness Minutes: (11,796)
5,855 5/22/13 12:56 P
Consider me lucky. I have found NO ONE who exhibits nothing but support for my actions.
I deleted my post, but yeah -- that was basically the story. Why can't our friends and loved ones actually appreciate not only the commitment to health, but all the hard work we're doing to get there? Personally, I'm not slamming anyone for their weight -- so why slam ME for wanting to change mine? I don't get it...
If the subject is people who need to lose weight take a "haters" attitude towards those who are trying to lose weight or more to the point; already has lost weight then yes, the haters comes out in droves. Sometimes it's the very same people we call "loved ones".
We can't let them make us feel bad about our efforts, we want to help them, too, but like us when we needed to lose weight they just aren't ready.
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