I've had some doozies over the years. One time, I was riding a bicycle, when some teenagers drove by and mooed at me. That would have been nearly 30 years ago. The worst was when we lived in Korea. Nearly 20 years ago, I lived in Korea for 2 years. Shopping was an adventure. I had to order from catalogs, or make my own. The PX rarely carried anything larger than an 18. Shopping in town was great fun, as long as I wasn't looking for something for myself. I had shopkeepers announce loudly "So big! Nothing so big!" as soon as I had set foot in their shop. I loved to shop though. A few times I went shopping with an Austrian friend, also "so big!", and the reactions we generated were beyond rude. Like a shop keeper who had to dash to the shop next door, to make sure her friend didn't miss seeing the women shopping in her store, who then made sure to point us out to others on the street. Or the ticket sales lady at the subway, who gasped, and commented loudly when she noticed the big women waiting to purchase tickets from her. It was awful.
I have been fortunate not to have people express their opinion to me. You have gotten some great advise.
Along the lines of the Winston Churchill comment below, I would be tempted to respond to these people with, "Well I am glad that I did not ask for your opinion." This would/should put them in their place without lowering yourself to their level of stupidity.
I agree with the poster who said that hurtful and rude comments are more about them than about you! Many people have insecurities and self-esteem issues that they prefer to throw on you than deal with themselves. You have to have the confidence to say to them - what you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!
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Never had that happen.
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I got so many snide or downright nasty comments most of my life when I was at a perfectly heathy (though petite) weight, but never by random strangers. It was always people I knew or had just met, (though my closest friends have always been accepting). I was naturally thin until I developed health issues during pregnancy that carried on past delivery, and was often considered fair game for others. I was often called anorexic, told I was going to blow away in the wind, told I need to eat, and things like that. I was even followed to the bathroom once by an overweight acquaintance asking me if I was going to throw up the burger I had just eaten. I've had people tell me they hated me because I was thin more times than I could count, and that I had no right to be unhappy about anything since I was thin and my life had to be perfect (even right after my father died and I lost a pregnancy two months later).
I was used to it and always tried not to take it personally, but I was a very insecure child, teen, and young adult. Sometimes it really hurt, but since it's considered perfectly acceptable by most to make such comments toward thin people, I was almost always been accused of being "too sensitive," "rude," "offensive," or "bitchy" if I expressed any negative reaction to them. So I usually just smiled and hid my own discomfort/pain/anger behind a self deprecating joke of some kind. Being willing to put myself down seemed to be the only thing that stopped the comments once someone got started.
As soon as I became overweight, though, it seems I became accepted by other women. I haven't received a single negative comment about my weight since late in about eight years.
Yes... I have been underweight for basically all of my life, and sometimes complete strangers will tell me to eat more or that I need to be fattened up. It's rude and hurtful sometimes.
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yes - in a positive manner
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Over the years, I've had people make rude comments about my weight. When a person has low self esteem, these comments can be very hurtful. BUT, here's something that happened to Winston Churchill that you might find as helpful and amusing as I have.
One day, Winston Churchill (who was drunk at the time) had a grand dame walk up to him and say,"You sir are drunk". His reply, "and you madame are ugly. but tomorrow morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly".
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Yes, several times when I was really heavy. I was approached by a lady at the supermarket who told me she lost alot of weight by drinking grapefruit juice. Another lady told me I should eat boiled chicken. And another who told me to just stop eating. Those were the nice ones. There/are others that were devestating.
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Truthfully I had the reverse, when I was very thin there were more comments about my weight than now at being over-weight.
No. I have never noticed any comments from strangers regarding my weight. I have actually known every person who made a comment about my weight. Actually, I received more negative comments when I was thinner. I was a very thin child and young adult (without dieting). I got teased often, often asked if I had an eating disorder or told that the person hated me because I was so thin. It was upsetting to hear but I did not change my habits. I'm trying to lose weight mainly as an effort to be healthier. I wouldn't say anyone's comment has pushed me to make changes. I have about 30 pounds to lose to get into my healthy weight range.
I've had lots of strangers make unsolicited comments about various aspects of my appearance. I used to have really long hair, I got called "Pocahontas". Someone called me "bozo" because my feet were "too big" (size 5 at the time). I've been called "fat", "witch", "bitch", "old", "dumb", "retarded", "honky", "shawtey", and probably other things I don't know or didn't understand because thankfully I started to go deaf a few years ago.
Seriously, anyone who feels a need to comment rudely to strangers has more problems than I do, so they can all take the longest walks off the shortest piers they can find.
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3,293 11/4/13 10:42 A
In my life, probably 1000 times, both positive and negative.
You don't have to own what other people say or think about you--that is their business and their problem. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you and who you really are.
Most of the time, I am able to just let this stuff wash over me.
Yes. At a concert this past weekend. :( I asked a lady to quiet down & was called a "fat bitch". And told to "eat more". First time it's ever happened to me and it really hurt.
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Yesterday in the supermarket, I met the lady who buys all the egg whites on sale (when I miss them) - she is a weightlifter who actually drinks them - we shared recipes and compliments.She's tall and in great shape, I'm tiny and (I think) in great shape (now 100 pounds for a year and 2 weeks.)
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I haven't received negative comments, but when summer started and more neighbors were out walking a bunch of them told me that I was looking good and they wish that they had my motivation to continue to improve themselves. My next door neighbor told me that I motivated her to go join an water aerobics class three days a week and has lost weight because of it.
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Yes but more along the lines how muscular my legs are and then the superfit comment; not a specific number.
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I can't recall that sort of comment from a complete stranger though I was never over probably a size 16 when not pregnant (even though I weighed over 200 lbs at 5 foot 3 1/2).
But as a chubby kid in school, classmates sometimes called me fat. Even my own siblings called me that (though most of them were as well). My father called us all fat lazy slobs.
And my ex-husband used to call me "Tub." For him everything was a funny joke and so I was supposed to take that as a joke too, and laugh. Ha Ha.
While things like this most certainly hurt my feelings, and since I was prone to deal with everything by overeating anyway, yes, this might trigger even more eating. But I don't believe this is an excuse for any of us. I had a million reasons in my head why I needed to change my entire outlook, stop using food to cope, and lose the excess weight and keep it off permently. So yes, on a given day, I might have used my own hurt feelings as an excuse to overreat. But in the bigger picture, avoiding such insults in the future was one of those thousand reasons on my list to change permanently, so I cannot completely say the negative comments were not part of what inspired me to lose.
I weight a healthy weight and I know I'm not underweight, but I live in a society where many if not most people my age (mid 50s) are overweight, and I do get called skinny, or told "eat a sandwich" sometimes. While this might bother people, it does not bother me in the least. There is no way my feelings will ever be hurt by someone calling me skinny or telling me to eat a sandwich. I am not saying that would not hurt someone else's feelings. I'm just saying it would not hurt mine.
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When I first started to gain weight 10 years ago, a co-worker I wasn't close to blurted out "Did you eat all the candy in the candy bowl" , "My God, what have you gained 50 pounds" and "you need to look at yourself in the mirror". That was the first time in my life anyone had ever said anything to me about my weight and was utterly humiliated and ashamed.
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I've never had those negative comments. But I quite like it when friends at Church or friends I maybe haven't seen for a while comment on my weight LOSS. That feels good. Some friends returned from a year abroad and one of them exclaimed, 'Faith, where have you gone?' That struck me as really funny!
SHERYLDS, I agree with that. I don't think people realize the impact some of their comments have. However, it's important that we use those negative comments to strengthen our motivation even though that is definitely easier said than done. I'm still working on that myself.
It happens. I've always been too startled to deliver a comeback, but if you're quick-thinking, you could always respond with, "Hey, thanks for the information! Let me return the favor-- here's the name of a doctor who's doing *great* things with penis enlargement. He could really help you out."
GOALWTIN7, I didn't even realize that I was part of that group but believe me I have more than 10 pounds to lose. I am along the lines of 50-60 pounds to lose. You can see I am also part of 'Twenty somethings with 50-99 pounds to lose". Regardless, I'm not quite sure how the amount of weight I have to lose would interfere with your understanding of my question. I think it's rather straight forward.
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I went to your page and you belong to the team, twenty something with LESS THAN 10 POUNDS TO LOSE. Therefore I do not understand your question.
Yes!--and I have to say it goes both ways too. I was in the throes of my eating disorder and living in Manhattan, and total strangers on the street would yell after me to "Go eat a sandwich!"
I agree with the poster who said that those with weight issues really have deeper issues beyond the weight, that the comments could either trigger you or really just roll off your back. No matter, it says more about the commenter than the person being targeted, no?
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I haven't, but I carry my weight pretty well and most people wouldn't have believed it was as high as it was.
I think it's extremely rude and jerky to comment on anyone's weight, especially a stranger's. A person who is over or underweight usually has enough other things to deal with without receiving hurtful comments. All of us have problems and weaknesses; those of us with weight struggles are just unlucky enough to carry them around where everyone can see them.
When I was in my twenties ANY comment about weight would send me into a tailspin...even if it was just a "such a pretty face, imagine if you lost weight" comment. People sometimes think they are being helpful...even when it's constructive ....it still hurts....never mind the shaming comments..
I have learned I can't prevent others from making unsolicited comments...but instead of letting them destroy me, and finishing the job myself by getting depressed and self destructing with a binge...I use that frustration to lose the weight and fuel my motivation... proving to myself that I can change things around.
On more than one occasion I have had either a complete stranger insult my weight or have had acquaintances make comments about it. There was one time where I was shopping for shoes and a stranger came up to me and suggest that I buy the 'shape ups' because I "need them". Or I have had people tell me that I need to lose a certain amount of weight. It makes me wonder why someone, especially a complete stranger, would say that to someone. If this has happened to you, how did you react to it? Also, do you think in a weird way these kinds of comments may be what pushes us to lose the weight? Just curious if anyone else has experienced something like this.
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