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KOMTRIA Posts: 1,063
7/26/13 8:24 A

I would just keep telling her, "You're a smart woman you will figure out what you need to do." Then change the subject. In some strange way she gets relief from talking about the problem but not doing anything about them. Be less interested in the problems and more interested in what is going well. You can't care about her problem more than she does.

KANOE10 Posts: 5,605
7/26/13 7:50 A

You can set a good example for your friend. Just continue to follow your own healthy path. It sounds like she is not ready to make changes in her life. Maybe with time she will..especially if she sees that you are successful.

Good for you staying on track and losing.

MCFHARPIST SparkPoints: (62,106)
Fitness Minutes: (68,114)
Posts: 1,836
7/26/13 12:24 A

DSCH1207, you be the beacon. You be the light. LIve the Spark. That's the best example you can be for your friend. Respond when asked. Live the Spark life. Be the living, breathing illustration of a life well lived. It will affect not only your friend but others as well.

Spark On!

EXCELDREAM SparkPoints: (85,845)
Fitness Minutes: (49,155)
Posts: 160
7/25/13 12:07 P

Can you think of something that you and your friend can do together that is healthy? You don't need to make a point of it, but if you can gently guide your activities towards things that fit with your new direction, you might indirectly be helping her as well... Maybe a short walk, have the snacks at your house rather than eating out. I think when people consider it in terms of crowding out the unhealthy by filling their day and stomachs with tasty, enjoyable healthy activites and foods, it makes it seem more like a pleasant lifestyle change and less like a short-term regimented diet. The main thing is hold your course whether you are with her or not. I know it's more difficult to avoid the high calorie sweets if someone is eating them right in front of you. I have a group of friends who get together and eat ice cream. I started bringing a box of Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches to share. I get my ice cream fix, keep within my calorie range, and some of them have even commented on it being my fault they are addicted to them now. I accept that charge with pride.

FAITHP44 Posts: 8,583
7/25/13 10:04 A

I think you shouldn't feel guilty if sometimes you do things with other friends instead. Sometimes too much of one person can wear you down and some people would rather be part of the problem than part of the solution.
I'm not saying to ditch your friend - but you need people who can be positive and cheerful around you as well, so sometimes you may just have to back off a little for your own sanity.

TANGOKATE Posts: 662
7/23/13 11:02 P

I too have an overweight obese friend who has been talking about losing weight for about 10 years now. She is a nurse and a pharmacist and she doesn't make the connection between food and exercise. She asked me this past year about what I was doing, ie moving and eating healthy in a calorie range. I told her about spark, she checked it out and never mentioned it again so I don't. She hasn't lost any weight. We talk about all kinds of things and when she mentions weight loss I just talk about what works for me and I say nothing about her at all. It works for us.

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (196,884)
Fitness Minutes: (293,923)
Posts: 27,054
7/23/13 12:49 P


We've all had or have friends or loved ones who need to have a care for their health. We want the best for them, but first they have to want that for themselves. We can't force a person to want to be healthy or lose weight even if it is for the best intentions. How many times were we told we needed to lose weight before we decided to do something ? Your friend is an adult. they know they are obese and they know they need to lose weight. they may be afraid to try to lose. How many of us tried to lose weight and failed miserably ?

For whatever reasons, your friend isn't ready to lose weight and that doesn't make this person any less your friend. set the good example, but don't be condescending or righteous about it. Let your friend lead the conversation. let them ask you how you've been losing weight.

So, set the example for now. With time, your friend will decide when she is ready to lose. Because we all had to make that decision for ourselves. Don't lose a friend just because she doesn't want to lose weight and you do. especially if she has been a friend for a very long time.

DSCH1207 Posts: 77
7/23/13 12:26 P

Hi everyone,
I'm in the middle of a friend crisis. I have a friend who is obese and has a myriad of weight related health problems but she doesn't really want to do anything about it. I listen to her complain about her health problems, mental health problems and personal problems and try to give her advice but she just doesn't take it. I'm trying to get myself healthy and to have a positve life but I just feel like she's bringing me down. How do I deal with this without losing a friend and/or hurting her feelings?

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