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Handling criticism



 
 
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JANIEWWJD
SparkPoints: (211,172)
Fitness Minutes: (190,480)
Posts: 6,656
6/25/13 11:13 P

Sounds like a bout of jealousy to me!!!



ETHELMERZ
SparkPoints: (78,008)
Fitness Minutes: (57,840)
Posts: 3,519
6/25/13 10:42 P

Bet you have other, better, friends than her, can you avoid her, of is she a co-worker? Next time she says that, repeat what she said and ask her what she "really means" by it. Ask her to not beat around the bush.



HICKORYRN
Posts: 277
6/25/13 10:08 P

Sounds like she needs to go! Friends should encourage not bring you down!



UMBILICAL
Posts: 11,123
6/25/13 9:50 P

Start by assuming the 50% of the criticism might be true. Think about it and decide for yourself. If something needs a change be bold and go for it.



CHOCOLATELEA
SparkPoints: (2,447)
Fitness Minutes: (1,180)
Posts: 130
6/25/13 9:46 P

She's probably hard on herself too, or she's trying to make herself feel better for some reason. You've got a good attitude, but if you feel you need to be objective, wear some tight (not super-tight) fitting clothes and take a picture (full body). That's you today. Take a look at pictures of yourself when you were at a slimmer weight. Are you "rounder" now? Take a look at pictures from your heaviest weight. How do you look compared to those images?

You're great as you are, but if you want to slim down, you can do it. You can do it safely and healthily, and we're all here to support you.

:)



BUSYGRANNY5
SparkPoints: (207,866)
Fitness Minutes: (99,692)
Posts: 52,907
6/25/13 4:25 P

If this is a TRUE friend and one that you want to keep, you MUST have an open honest discussion with her about what she is saying to you, why she is saying it and how it makes you feel. If your relationship isn't strong enough to withstand an honest discussion, then the two of you may not be such good friends after all.

Blessings to you!



MLAN613
SparkPoints: (148,774)
Fitness Minutes: (150,602)
Posts: 9,814
6/25/13 4:17 P

I am sorry you are dealing with a friend like this! Maybe let her know how it makes you feel.



BLUENOSE63
SparkPoints: (97,085)
Fitness Minutes: (74,720)
Posts: 2,905
6/25/13 4:00 P

Doesn't sound like a friend to me. I have never had a friend tell me I was fat or rounder when I was --- a friend is supposed to encourage you.



MANDIETERRIER1
Posts: 13,555
6/25/13 3:36 P

Tell her that her remarks hurt your feelings.



RUNNINGYOGINIRE
Posts: 20,567
6/25/13 2:36 P

That is sad a friend is saying those things to you. Ask her why she is saying that. Maybe she has something bad going on in her life so she is lashing out at people? just a thought.



SHERYLDS
Posts: 11,546
6/25/13 1:45 P

I agree with ON2VICTORY
Consider the source and tell them that this constant criticism is hurtful to you.
They may not realize that they aren't helping you.
But I do understand your pain....have a friend who is a lifetime member of Weight Watchers and always feels obligated to bring up the topic of weight with me. I suspect she was the anonymous person who use to leave weight loss articles on my windshield in our parking lot. Very annoying...but that's their personality flaw; to some people bringing up others weaknesses makes them feel superior. Sadly, some do it out of ignorance not malice.



RIET69
SparkPoints: (47,087)
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Posts: 3,116
6/25/13 1:32 P

My first thought was: with friends like this who needs enemies? But if it were my good friend who said that to me (I really can't imagine that) I would say to her: That comment is not what I need to hear from you right now. I need your support more than your criticism at the moment. emoticon



GOALWTIN7
SparkPoints: (2,121)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 306
6/25/13 11:37 A

Sometimes people sense what bothers us most and go for the jugular. Your post from a few days ago is about you wanting to be very thin. You seem overly concerned about weight for someone who appears normal weight by their tracker.

When this person senses this is not an issue for you the conversation will change. Maybe she said it jokingly and you took it the wrong way, could that be a possibility? If she is a friend, just ask her to please not discuss your weight as you are sensitive about it. That should solve the problem.



07SOJO
Posts: 1,637
6/25/13 11:21 A

Let her know it bothers you when she says those kinds of things and ask her not to talk to you that way. If she's a true friend, she will understand and try to change what or how she says things to you.



FEDGIRL4
Posts: 1,880
6/25/13 10:02 A

I've seen your posts before. It is very tough having medical problems and not being able to necessarily getting out by yourself like you want.

If your friend is taking cues from your parents and other siblings, you may not be able to do anything about it except ignore it.



ON2VICTORY
SparkPoints: (47,210)
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Posts: 6,676
6/25/13 9:53 A

EOWYN2424 - I have have/had friends like that. It really bothered me at first but after a while, I just let it roll off my back and consider the other positives in our relationship. if they got a little too overboard with the comments ie... every time we met, I would be very frank and point blank about telling them that I do not appreciate them remarking on my appearance in such a way.

some folks dont take hints so be firm but gentle. Also, consider that they also may, in their own way, be expressing a concern rather than being hostile or criticizing.

Edited by: ON2VICTORY at: 6/25/2013 (09:53)


BUNNYKICKS
Posts: 2,272
6/25/13 9:52 A

... but your weight hasn't changed...? What happens when you tell her that? You have not gained or lost a single ounce, so is there something wrong with her eyes?



EMPRESSAMQ
Posts: 5,047
6/25/13 7:51 A

If it were me and she were a friend I valued despite having issues with what she says, I'd ask her about why she says things like that to me and talk it out.

If she were not a friend I valued, I'd just give her a wide berth and say nothing and eventually phase out the friendship.





JUDYAMK
SparkPoints: (22,184)
Fitness Minutes: (6,534)
Posts: 1,392
6/25/13 7:40 A

She is toxic,you do not need this. A true friend would NEVER continuously hurt another friend. I know I have said things to others & realized I hurt them,but I quickly apologized for my words & made it appoint to watch what I say. I would never say someone is fat I know when I was at 96 pounds with cheeks sunken in & hip bones that stuck out that my skin was sore. others would look at me with disgust on their faces & say how skinny I was & I looked awful.That hurt, they did not know the awful child hood I went through the years of counseling, I was so nervous I would shake . I was trying to get food in me to build myself up. I would never have dreamed I would be overweight.I already had customers come in the pharmacy where I work & say Judy you are getting fat!! Right in front of everyone. I could have crawled away. How I stopped it was telling the person this " you know what I would never point out all your flaws " they did not know what to say!! Examine this friendship you have & ask yourself is this person worth the pain!!!
Judy



SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (122,968)
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Posts: 21,124
6/25/13 5:07 A

Don't let those around you get to you like that. When she or others start to comment on your being fat, ask them if they would like your chronic medical conditions which limits what you can do! I take it that they are healthy and aren't restricted in the ways that you are!

Now, having said that, tell yourself and try believing it, that YOU ARE NOT FAT!!!! Just as I say this because it is true, so too should you!

Kris



RUKIDDINGME123
SparkPoints: (27,339)
Fitness Minutes: (10,707)
Posts: 1,760
6/25/13 4:21 A

Sounds like jealousy to me. I would call her on it and see what her reaction is and based on that and her behavior going forward decide if its a friendship you wish to continue.



ITSABSURD
SparkPoints: (18,123)
Fitness Minutes: (8,891)
Posts: 713
6/25/13 3:58 A

She sounds like a "frienemy". I don't know what your friendship is aside from these remarks, but sometimes it's best to cut out a "friendship" if it's toxic and only brings you down. Friends should be positive and helping you, not calling you fat.



EOWYN2424
SparkPoints: (116,050)
Fitness Minutes: (18,420)
Posts: 5,633
6/25/13 1:58 A

I have a good friend that is always there for me. However, lately, she's been saying that "I'm getting rounder and rounder". Well, that's not true, I may not be toned as before when I was exercising diligently but I'm not round. My clothes all still fit, in fact, they're starting to fit better now becoz I've started exercising again. But she keeps telling me that I'm 'fat'.



 
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