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12/8/12 8:22 A

Hang in there. We all have times when it gets harder, but remember the goal is to be health, not a particular size. You can do it, just don't give up.

MARPARMC SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 1,085
12/7/12 2:40 P

i agree that to control my eating is my biggest challenge. the holidays is really messing with me and even with all the support and resolve and tools, i have an i dont care and ill start over on jan 1. same old mentality when i have done so well all year. hanging in there but it may be a bumpy ride ( thanks bette davis)

10YEARSDOWN SparkPoints: (2,264)
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12/7/12 12:47 P

I agree - I am very down lately.
There have been a lot of sudden changes that I can't do anything about.
Everything has happened in the last 2 weeks, so it all hasn't had a chance to sink in.

I quit drinking 3 years ago this February. I feel a greater struggle from eating, because you can't stop eating and move on with your life.

I will feel much better with a plan. In spite of the fact that my problems increased since the day I wrote this post, I am going to stick with eating healthy - going backward at this point will be worse than a stall.

Thank you for the compassion.

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (244,426)
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12/7/12 4:38 A

10YEARSDOWN - I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling. The others have given you some excellent suggestions, and I can't really add to them in that way.

I firmly believe that by dealing with the baggage in our lives, it will help us with a lot of other hurdles, including our healthy lifestyle journey! Using alcohol as a coping mechanism really doesn't pan out. My hubby is an alcoholic so understand from that (alcohol as opposed to alcoholic) perspective. Overeating is much like using alcohol - it is a straw that we are clutching at but it can actually cause us to fall further. I suggest that you seek therapy - preferably relationship counseling, but if that isn't a goer for you both, then just on your own. You can then be given the tools that you need to help you move on in a constructive way. It will help you to deal with your baggage, and the reasons why you get into the bad relationships in the first place. Once you have dealt with those, then you may find it a lot easier to move on in a healthier way and fully start on this SP journey. Have you spoken with your Dr about how you feel and about what is happening in your life? I suggest if you haven't that you do so, and perhaps ask about a referral to a therapist, including a marriage counselor! I have had extensive therapy via a Psychologist and as far as I am concerned, it is one of the best things that I ever did in my life!

BIG hugs,

10YEARSDOWN SparkPoints: (2,264)
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12/6/12 4:58 P

Thank you for the replies. I am taking them to heart.
It's so much easier to stay motivated and keep thinking about your goals when times are good.

Then there are the hard times.

My main coping mechanisms have all been bad through the years - drinking, overeating and bad relationships. When these things are so easy, you don't need to go beyond that to comfort yourself.

And it's not even all that hard to give them up. For a while.

Then something bad happens and you find out you don't know how to deal with anything. You're a raw nerve with no way to heal broken feelings.

That's where I am now. Hurt and insecure.

And I've learned two things - it's not easy to get through a hard time when you can't overindulge yourself for comfort.

But the other thing I'm learning that I didn't realize until now, is that I was always able to distract myself with my mistakes or bad behaviors. When I was busy feeling regret over the things I did wrong, I didn't feel hurt by the things I have no control over.

That's two unhealthy coping mechanisms - one a little more masochistic than the other - and I am without them both.

People are always saying, "if you have to lose weight, just eat less." Those people will never understand what the overeating is really holding back. I never fully understood it myself until now.

USE2BWILD Posts: 1,226
12/5/12 4:29 P

Take one day at a time. Be very good to yourself. I think the two main things is to eat frequent meals, all healthy and exercise. But you are so hard on yourself!! Don't let depression over your relationship sabotage you. You are amazing and you deserve better!! I am rooting for you. Exercise is a great stress reliever. Get plenty of sleep also. Are you drinking enough water? Keep us informed and have hope.

KRICKET57 SparkPoints: (255,522)
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12/5/12 11:44 A

I agree with both the previous posts but especially with ARCHIMEDESII. Don't focus on weight goals, focus on fitness goals. Get healthy so you feel you can meet the challenges that come your way. Give yourself a break and focus on yourself. You can achieve anything you set your mind to, just take it one step at a time. You don't have to look like anyone else, you just have to be you.

emoticon emoticon

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (196,000)
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12/5/12 11:27 A


You are NOT a failure !! Everyone goes through rough patches in their life. Life isn't like Leave it to Beaver or Make Room for Daddy. Times are hard and families are under a lot of different stresses. As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Give yourself credit for all the positive things you've done for yourself and don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be healthy.

Keep in mind that our bodies do change over the years. As Coach Nancy said, there really is no standardized weight goal for any of us. The problem is that too many women compare themselves to the models in magazines or celebrities. 95% of the women in the world can not wear sample sized clothing like the models do. That's just not typical. And yet, women continue to beat themselves up when they don't feel they're small enough or light enough.

There really is more to good health than a number that stares at us from between our toes in the morning. You may be at a very healthy height for your weight. That would explain why it's been so difficult to lose i.e. it's because you might not need to lose. Like I said, women are hard on their bodies. We think we're fat when we really aren't.

Instead of focusing on weight loss, why not focus on a fitness goal ? Have you ever run in a 5K road race ? If not, that would be a great fitness goal to try. How many push ups can you do ? Would you consider it an accomplishment if you could do 100 good military style push ups ? I sure would consider that an accomplishment. Why not try the 100 push up challenge ?

There are lots of things you could do to challenge your body. I think having a fitness goal would be a better option than having a weight loss goal.

SP_COACH_NANCY SparkPoints: (0)
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12/5/12 9:59 A


There is really no standard goal weight for any of us, but the weight where are bodies function most efficiently performing every day activities along with a sound nutrition plan and exercise.

While having a goal weight helps keep us motivated, remember that the number tells us little. It can only tell us how much we weigh. It cannot measure our health, wellness and fitness. This is a lifestyle and when you incorporate healthy habits into your life, your health, fitness and wellness will follow.

Be strong!

Coach Nancy

10YEARSDOWN SparkPoints: (2,264)
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Posts: 61
12/5/12 9:35 A

I lost my energy. I've been feeling down and lately my thoughts have changed from, "I can do this!" into "What made me think I could do this?"

My marriage hit a rough patch and all the motivation I had turned into despair. I don't know what my goal weight should be, or even what is reasonable.

I've been this weight for at least ten years. I can still fit into my wedding dress, which isn't exactly a wonderful thing. Since my early 20's, I haven't learned a thing, even after all this time trying.

Admitting this is hard - it makes me feel like a failure.

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