Please tell your doctor about this if he doesn't already know. It sounds like you are fighting a lifelong battle with depression that is NOT all in your head, it's a physical disease and it's NOT your fault. You CAN take medicine and other therapies to help yourself. The holidays are especially tough for those suffering depression, but they pass. I hope you stay with us and find the assistance you need!
Thank you so much for the support. I surfed the web last night and found some excellent sites that helped me cope. Today is a new day and I will focus on being happy and healthy.
Fitness Minutes: (112,042)
46,222 12/22/12 8:05 A
We take these posts very seriously here at SparkPeople. If you feel you are going to harm yourself we ask that you contact your local crisis center hotline or as Archemedis referenced the Suicide Center hotline. You can also visit your local hospital's emergency room.
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20,982 12/22/12 6:16 A
I don't know how bad things are in your life right now, but surely they can't be bad enough to even think about suicide. Do you have a support system ? Won't you talk to your husband ? Can you call your therapist ? If not, then call the suicide hot line if there is no one else you can turn to.
You don't want to do this !! There is always hope. Things WILL get better. There are people who love you and people you love. They are there for you. Be there for them because they need you every bit as much as you need them.
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29 12/22/12 4:19 A
I don't know what's happened to you to cause this mood you're experiencing right now, but the most important thing to remember is that this a mood that will pass. I was visiting your Sparkpage and noticed this:
"How blessed am I? For the second time in a little more than 3 years I made another attempt to take my own life. This time it was an OD of about 50 10mg Ambien. I wasn''t fooling around. But thank the good Lord in heaven, he gave me another chance. I am now actively and avidly working to fulfill my dreams and goals."
Remember that? When you thanked the Lord in heaven for giving you another chance? When you looked forward to achieving your dreams and goals? That person exists in you. They always have and they always will despite everything life has thrown at you. Don't dwell on the bad things that have happened to you and the bad way you're feeling right now. Celebrate the fact that you have had hell handed to you in life and you have attempted this twice, yet here you are, still alive and still here to type this message. You're still here. You're strong. You've beat this twice and and you've managed to stick it through this long. If you're strong enough to stick it out this long, you're strong enough to stick it out tonight. You're strong enough to not do this again.
Focus on your weight loss goals and the joy of achieving them. Focus on any goals you have in your life and focus on achieving them. You've been given the gift of life. Not once. Not twice. But three times. Someone is trying to tell you to stop trying to leave: You have a life to live first. Now live it. Stay alive, breath in and breath out and celebrate the fact that you're a wonderful, alive human being that's still breathing. Just breathe.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I am smart, pretty, within 15 pounds of my goal weight, and I am battling the urge to just end it all.
I have had suicidal ideology for most my life. In the past 3 years I have made two serious attempts on my own life, only to be rescued. Each time I wound up in the hospital on life support, followed by a stint in a mental health facility.
What is the source of my dysfunction? Growing up without a father? Living with my pessimistic, worry wort grandmother? Being a sheltered only child that was not exposed to healthy life-coping skills and not being fostered into becoming a strong, independant thinker.
As I write this, I am seriously thinking about slashing my wrists, or even better, shooting myself. If I swallow a gun, there is little chance I will survive. Slashingmy wrists gives me enough time to be saved.
It makes me question whether I am just a drama queen needing attention or someone that is hurting so much, and has hurt so much for 40 years, that I see very few reasons to carry on. The reasons to kill myself outweigh the reasons to keep on keeping on.
So why am I even posting this? I am hoping to find a lifeline to cling to. I want someone to tell me it can't be all that bad.
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