I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your grandparents over so short a time. It's a sad situation that would leave anyone grieving as well as depressed. No one would fault you for turning to food for comfort. But, time heals all wounds. You can't beat yourself up because you regained the weight. you CAN return to those healthy habits that helped you lose the weight in 2010.
I'm going to tell you what I would tell a brand new member, don't look at weight loss or good health with an all or nothing mentality. If the only healthy thing you were to do for yourself was to drink 8 glasses of water today, that's still a step in the right direction.
Spark People is all about making small changes. Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated. Set some simple goals first. Example, if you're not used to eating 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and veggies, set a goal to eat 2-3 servings each day for one week. If you're not used to drinking 8 glasses of water, set a goal to drink 2-4 glasses each day for one week. If you're not used to regular exercise, set a goal to take a 30 minute walk each day for one week. Once you've achieved these goals, then you set new ones.
One small change is all it takes to change your life !! You can't change the past, but you CAN influence and change the future !!
But the beatings have to stop. You can't beat yourself up like this. it's not healthy. As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". give yourself credit for the positive things you do for yourself and don't beat yourself up if you're not perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be healthy.
Dedicate your journey to good health in memory of your beloved grandparents.