Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

 
Message Boards
FORUM:   Panic! Button for Immediate Help
TOPIC:  

Grief...



 
 
Search the
Message Boards:
Search
      Share
Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

Author: Message: Sort First Post on Top


MALACHITESAND
Posts: 43
1/4/13 1:18 A

Becca,

Iím so sorry you lost your friend. I canít fully understand your relationship with Mina since that can never be done by anyone fully, but I do think I can understand the impact and I know how deeply hard this can be. I donít often share this, but as you and Mina spent so much time together and worked as a team, perhaps youíll find some comfort in knowing of others out there with similar experiences . I lost my companion, Snowball, of 10yrs in July. I adopted her as a child when I was going through a very hard time. Because of this I worked/trained with her for her to become my therapy animal - one who could go with me in most places, and we eventually worked out how to help others as a therapy team for Delta and TDI. I have a type of autism known as Aspergerís. A lot of frightening things happened to me in result of no one catching this as a kid, and Snowball accompanied and navigated me through the aftermath of all of it daily for years, including abuse and threatening behavior from places one would expect help. I couldnít understand people and their intentions, but that was okay because she could, and in turn I could understand her. She was my interpreter for life and my friend through a lot of depression and isolation. I would not have survived without her and she helped many others, and I was fortunate enough to work with her to do that. I always have loved animals, but know there are rare instances where an animal is really an emotional soulmate and becomes an extension of you (and this will often not be understood by those that donít get animals). Your bond and time with Mina sounds like that.

I also know how much it hurts when they leave and how it can feel like thereís a limb missing, or half of whatever made you who you are is no longer there. The world no longer feels quite right, and thereís no way to communicate the depth of that lossÖbecause it was ďjust a dog.Ē However, there are a few things Iíve learned in the last few months that have made the loss easier to bear, even though it is often hard to see in fresh grief, and I hope you can find help in them. Know without mitigation that Mina loved you dearly and would not want you to hurt and think of her in sadness. You need to grieve and to miss her, since that is a process and most likely a long one, but I think they (our animals) would place importance on remembering those particularly brilliant moments of life that you shared. Itís easy to remember a year of Snowball fighting a battle with cancer, but that wasnít the epitome of the relationship Ė she was also the friend racing me at the beach during a sunset, young and healthy, or guarding the bathroom door against Norman Bates as I took a shower. One thing you can do is write if you are so inclined. That has helped. Some people fear forgetting all the nuances with time. Putting all you can think of, all you loved, all the subtleties of who Mina was to you to paper can help you remember, work through the loss, and in some ways immortalize those ten years. If writing isnít your thing, talking to a close friend who understands can also help, or certainly posting photos as you have. Mina was a very beautiful dog. :)

I think the most important thing Iíve found through all of this is that even though my dog has passed, she has not gone and I have not lost her. If you spend a decade with anything, it shapes you. If you spend a decade with a friend you loved dearly, that friend has had a large influence on you; how youíve grown, how youíve changed, and even who you are. Just like parents or family and other loved ones, in many ways you are the product of their presence in your life. Know that Mina has had a part in your being the person you are, and that that influence will not be erased. If you can see that, you can perhaps see she is still with you - even if it is not in the way you are used to - and that will remain and not expire for the rest of your life. Youíre better for having known her; she had a life where she was loved deeply by you. Take comfort in that when you are able. Iím sorry you lost her in life, but I am glad you had her, and Iím glad she had someone who cared about her that much. In any summation, your relationship and time with her did not leave and you can hold on to that, and her, always.


Edited by: MALACHITESAND at: 1/4/2013 (01:47)


ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (136,464)
Fitness Minutes: (205,210)
Posts: 20,292
1/3/13 6:09 P

Mina was a cutie pie !!

emoticon



BECCAAPPLE
SparkPoints: (7,529)
Fitness Minutes: (19,868)
Posts: 33
1/3/13 5:14 P

my page is open to everyone now... sorry for the confusion.. Once again thank you to everyone , your kind words have done so much for my aching heart :)



FITGLAMGIRL
Posts: 2,035
1/3/13 4:57 P

So sorry Becca for your loss. I had to put my beloved dog down 4 years ago and I still miss him like it was yesterday and find myself crying still over him. I did get a new dog a year later after our loss, but I don't recommend that. The new dog wasn't the same and we ended up rehoming him. Loosing a pet is huge! Nothing will ever replace your baby. I just try to focus on the good memories.

I know that we will get a dog again, but I need to personally be over his loss first. Hugs!



LOVEXAVIE
SparkPoints: (28,522)
Fitness Minutes: (27,676)
Posts: 1,969
1/3/13 4:13 P

I can totally see the personality in Mina from your pic by your username!
So sweet.
Thanks for putting it up so we could all see her.
She's an angel!!



SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (122,310)
Fitness Minutes: (32,485)
Posts: 21,080
1/3/13 3:47 P

Hi Becca - I went to have a look on your SparkPage but it is set to "Private" - if you care to open it then we would more than love to have a look at your beautiful late companion, and also learn more about you - an obviously caring, loving person1

Kris



BECCAAPPLE
SparkPoints: (7,529)
Fitness Minutes: (19,868)
Posts: 33
1/3/13 9:55 A

Thank You so much everyone I am in tears because I no longer feel alone in this.. You all have made me feel better about feeling the way I do. The words you guys have sent out to me have made a difference.....I feel like I am "normal" and those heartless F**KS who told me to 'Just Get Over It" are the ones who are not. THANK YOU to each and everyone of you. I am going to post a few pictures of my Mina on my spark page to celebrate her life I invite you guys to come and take a gander at my sweet sweet girl... once you see her eyes you will see the beauty of her soul....
THANK YOU everyone.... emoticon emoticon
All of us whom have lost someone special are not alone in our grief we have the wonderful folks here on SP. I am so thankful for you all. The world is not all crazy and horrible you all are proof that there are still good people in this world who care. Your kindness has helped me more than you know..
Thank You :)

Edited by: BECCAAPPLE at: 1/3/2013 (09:56)


SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (122,310)
Fitness Minutes: (32,485)
Posts: 21,080
1/3/13 5:38 A

Hi Becca - I am sorry that you are grieving the loss of part of your family. I truly know what it is like. Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks to the day that my husband died. I was with him when he collapsed. I was an experienced First Responder, and recognized that he was dead straight away, but had to do CPR on him for about 15 minutes until the Fire Brigade arrived with people and a defibrillator, and then a few more minutes before the Ambulance arrived with adrenaline etc. His funeral was on the 19th. The one thing that brought me solace what remembering what I used to tell my elderly clients when they were upset that a friend or family member had gone before them. I would tell them "When it is your time you will go!" I had to remember that when my husband died - he had a lot of serious health issues including having had 3 previous heart attacks, and in August having had part of his bowel removed because of Crohn's Disease. It was his time, even tho' he had just enjoyed a really nice breakfast and seemed 'healthy' at the time. I have been going through photos, looking at his bike and hot rod magazines, and been talking about him. I find that quite therapeutic. There are some things I have been unable to do - like emptying his ashtray!! I know in time that will come, but for me, now isn't that time.

We can't replace those we have lost but for some people getting another pet helps to ease the burden. Obviously you aren't one of those. It is quite healthy to mourn - to cry - to get angry at them going - to ask "why?" Below is a link I would like you to check out - then if you find your grief hard to work through, please talk with your Dr about your loss and ask for a referral to a Therapist to help you.
www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm>

I am sending you BIG hugs - I think we can both use one.
Kris xxx

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 1/3/2013 (05:40)


VESNA1987
SparkPoints: (2,902)
Fitness Minutes: (3,721)
Posts: 34
1/3/13 3:35 A

Dear Becca,
Im so sorry for your loss and I can completely understand your sadness. Your love to animals shows what a great person you are. I cant imagine my grief when our beloved dog Biba and cat Murko die. Im sure i will feel exactly the same as you do now. You are definitely not alone feeling this way. Recently I read a series of articles written by a cat lover whose favorite cat had to be euthanised because of kidney failure. The man was really devastated by this. He made an altar for the cat and ordered a chocolate cake that looked like Kollby. I personally know other people that would grief so much for their pet.
Maybe you could look up some resources for coping with this situation on the internet, there are plenty of articles and videos out there.



LOVEXAVIE
SparkPoints: (28,522)
Fitness Minutes: (27,676)
Posts: 1,969
1/2/13 10:06 P

That poem is so sweet and I cry buckets whenever I see it!

Becca, what a loving way for Mina to transition over the Rainbow Bridge...in the arms of the person who loved her most.

We should all be so lucky.



BUTTERFLYLOST
SparkPoints: (1,313)
Fitness Minutes: (808)
Posts: 46
1/2/13 8:50 P

I work with animals everyday and have 3 of my own. I have had to say goodbye to many in my lifetime and each one was a different kind of pain. Our pets are our best friends. They understand more than most people. They are there for us and love unconditionally. That is why it is OKAY to mourn the loss. There are sites and memorials you can find with a simple google search. This is the poem I always read and share when I or someone has lost their friend:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...



FITMARTI
SparkPoints: (19,722)
Fitness Minutes: (36,891)
Posts: 376
1/2/13 6:51 P

So sorry for your loss of your pet



ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (136,464)
Fitness Minutes: (205,210)
Posts: 20,292
1/2/13 6:39 P

Becca,

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Mina. She was a part of the family even though some people might say she was just a dog. Many people don't understand the relationship and bonds that can develop between a person and their pet. You're still grieving the loss. It will take a while, but time does heal all wounds.

Don't look at the new puppy as a replacement for your Mina. There will never be another Mina. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the company and comfort this new puppy will provide. Transferring your affection to a new dog doesn't mean you loved Mina any less. Just enjoy the company. no strings attached.

emoticon








BECCAAPPLE
SparkPoints: (7,529)
Fitness Minutes: (19,868)
Posts: 33
1/2/13 6:38 P

THANK YOU.... from the bottom of my heart thank you



LOVEXAVIE
SparkPoints: (28,522)
Fitness Minutes: (27,676)
Posts: 1,969
1/2/13 5:15 P

Hi Becca.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Being a major animal lover, I totally get how sad you are.
But hopefully some of what I'll share that has helped me can help you. Grab a cuppa coffee and have a seat!

The loss we feel can feel like the price we pay for having had the love & bond w/ our critter of choice. But that sure beats the alternative of NOT having the love & bond of your sweet doggie! The only way to go though life painlessly is to never care and that's simply not an option.

Right now, you are focusing only on the loss. Understandable, but I want you actively stop yourself when you are getting that overwhelming sense of loss and replace it with something good. Think of what a wonderful life you gave your pet; how, if you and she hadn't met, she never, ever would have lived the life she did and probably wouldn't have enjoyed such a close human / animal bond. That's a GIFT you gave her (and she to you, also) that should be celebrated!! All animals should be so lucky to have a loving, caring human in their lives, and that's just what you did for Mina. Use this time to thank God for sending Mina into your life and vice versa. Expressing gratitude really helps take the edge off the horrible sense of loss.

This next thing can help you onto your next phase of the grieving. I want you to do something nice on Mina's behalf and on behalf of the great rapport you two had. Perhaps you can donate some time or money or old blankets / newspapers, etc to a nearby animal shelter. I started volunteering at my local place (it wasn't a city shelter...it was a no-kill smaller place) to get my doggie fix after our last dog passed. It really helps. It's an outlet for you to give love to these creatures that see so little of it. And they soak it up like a sponge and will reflect it back to you! It will also help you take the focus off "self" and trust me, that's a good thing right now...

I know when you lose a dear one, many times you don't even want to think about getting another right away...it's too fresh; too soon. However, I learned that while I may *feel* that way, there is a dog or cat or some critter that has a need right this minute and I can sit here and wallow in my loss or go DO something productive and provide some love for another of God's creatures that desperately needs it. Which action honors my beloved departed pet more?? When I thought of it like that, I had only love in my heart for that new animal that happened to come along. This new puppy didn't ask to be here; but he is here and what a great opportunity you have to honor Mina by showing love and kindness to the new little one.
Remember, God's Love is limitless; there's no diminishing of resources by giving more of it away.

Lastly, I bet Mina really loved you. Well, what do you think she'd want for you? For you to be sad and consumed with grief? To never let another animal who needs you into your heart? Absolutely not! Just like you'd want Mina to be happy, I think she'd want that for you, too.

There will forever only be one Mina. Honor her now as you cherished her when she was on this earth. She was lucky to have you!! Hope this didn't come off as preachy...it's only meant w/ the utmost of kindness.

All the best,
Xavie







SP_COACH_NANCY
SparkPoints: (158,833)
Fitness Minutes: (112,042)
Posts: 46,222
1/2/13 3:28 P

HI BECCAAPPLE,

Losing a pet can be quite difficult especially when they are a part of our family for so long. It's OK to feel sad, cry and even mourn her passing, but if this is preventing you from moving on with the simple things in life you may want to talk with someone who can help you through the grieving process.

I am so sorry for your loss. Be well!

Coach Nancy



BECCAAPPLE
SparkPoints: (7,529)
Fitness Minutes: (19,868)
Posts: 33
1/2/13 2:50 P

My best friend of 10 years died on November 16,2012. She was there for me through so much, Mina died in my arms in our living room floor. I have had other "pets" in my lifetime but my Mina was like no other dog I have ever shared my life with. Mina was almost human we spent every day together for 10 years except the time she was at the vet for her spaying. I am having a very difficult time dealing with her passing. I have tried talking to people and I have gotten very "cold" responses such as "its was only a dog" and "get over it" but I can't get over it. My daughter got a new puppy and having a new puppy in the house makes me physically ill. I do not resent at all don't get me wrong but I feel so empty. My husband is supportive so is my daughter but they did not have the connection Bellemina and I had she was a extension of me. She had her CGC and she was a pets on wheels dog she was able to search and rescue we did so much together and I feel so lost without her. Most folks don't understand what I am going through. I just want her back... I cry so much and I can't sleep without her in the bed. I have never experienced this magnitude of loss before . This has rocked me like nothing else ever has. I am seeking some words of comfort that I am not the only person to have ever gone through this over the loss of a companion animal because in my world in my little circle of earth it seems that I am .. sorry for the long post I just needed to rant...



 
Page: 1 of (1)  
Search  



Share


 
Diet Resources: portion control for kids | portion control meals | portion control guide