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Getting thrown under the blubber bus... again.



 
 
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SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (125,159)
Fitness Minutes: (32,590)
Posts: 21,257
9/30/12 11:28 P

Have you used those links I gave you in my previous post? If not, try them!

Kris



CORA_REGINA
Posts: 28
9/29/12 4:50 P

So, I have just now officially hit the +10 lbs. mark.

Doctors do not seem to be anywhere in the future, as the office has also decided that it would like an additional $100 for a visit six months ago (on top of the $125 I couldn't afford to give them at the time but had to anyway), bringing the total to $225 for THE SNIFFLES. Yes, $225 for having a sinus infection. That sort of inflation and gouging is why I cannot afford to have anything looked at.

I think it may just be time to accept defeat. Thank you for your suggestions.



CORA_REGINA
Posts: 28
9/27/12 9:21 P

Thanks, everyone. I'm sorry the initial post was so whiny, I'm just stressed as hell right now and this is very much not a welcome addition.

The thing is, I love my job. I honestly do, I work with awesome people and my customers are, by and large, fantastic. I just got it recently as well, which means I'd also be at a decided disadvantage if I went looking for something else (the perception being that I move around from job to job). I managed to squeeze in five minutes today to eat something and, as expected, I felt a lot better after. I just wish I could do that every day. I have coworkers with similar conditions to mine but they work in a location where there are relief pitchers. And I do have two days "off," I just have to fill them with things other than relaxing.

ArchimedesII, I'm not on any HBC. I'm bipolar and the results have been near-catastrophic when we've tried screwing with my hormones like that, even on low-dose and non-cyclic forms. Plus, I have a policy of not taking any medication that causes weight gain. My physical image and weight are tied very tightly into my depressive problems and have been for years. The only other medication I'm on is Wellbutrin, which has never caused any negative side effects and is in fact about the only one that hasn't.

I'm not even 30 yet, late 20s, but given my PCOS I await the welcoming, warm embrace of menopause. I'll take hot flashes over monthly contractions and anemia and the potential for fatal hemorrhage. However, it has been well managed with diet and exercise for a long time; no medication because there frankly isn't any that a doctor worth their license would give to a hypoglycemic (blood-brain barrier type). I did manage to lose a lot of weight, which is why seeing it moving back up is so devastating. Everything I've sacrificed so much for, including friendships, is failing. And self-affirmation is really hard when you see nothing worth affirming, or progress worth rewarding (and you are in fact sliding backward).

I guess I can try to get in to see doctors again, but I'll have to beg (a ton of) money from my parents to even make a start. I don't have the luxury of affording healthcare anymore, as I mentioned earlier, not even a GP in case I have an ear infection or something. I used to work with a great team of people, that's not something that I have at this time because of finances and insurance. The premium is more than my monthly pay, and that's IF all these issues didn't disqualify me from the start. I don't even want to think about how much all the tests would be.

There is no reason that I can think of for me to be retaining this much water, this suddenly. I keep a couple pounds on my period but not almost ten! I drink my eight glasses, which is a chore in and of itself because I loathe the local water (I've never tasted more metallic than here) and can't afford purified. Lemon juice, etc. does nothing to cover it up, it just tastes like metal and lemons. I take a diuretic because I'd be even more miserable otherwise, but make sure to drink enough because I eat so much protein.

Today, for instance, I dragged myself to the gym and squeezed out a measly 650 calorie AMT session (I really should have pushed for another half hour or done some weights or something but I was tired), before going home and promptly passing out. My nutrition tally here shows that I've eaten 1,409 calories today, and honestly if I try to force anything else down myself I'll be sick. Macro breakdown is 41.5% protein (high even for me but today has been an off day in general), 32.9% carbohydrates (a little low but still reasonable for me considering that I'm insulin resistant and can't process the things correctly anyway), and 25.6% fat (higher than normal but while I don't want the stuff on me I accept that it's a necessary nutrient, good ones aren't necessarily evil, and I always take more before the Communists invade). The 50-30-20 is not for everyone, after all.

I start my day with something high in protein and usually with a banana along with. My job has me in a small building but I'm on my feet constantly, and usually in some sort of motion. If there is something else going on, I can't think of what would have made it start so suddenly.

I'm trying to work an L-Glutamine supplement back into things when I can splurge on a bottle, because it has helped stabilize my blood sugar in the past and make me stop craving sweets since my brain actually starts getting nourishment. Vitamins are being added as I can splurge here and there, which is rare. Apart from that my only other "supplement" is protein powder, which I use in conjunction with other things (fruit, yogurt, the dreaded cottage cheese) rather than as a complete meal replacement.

Again, thank you all for your support. I really do wish I could just rush out to doctors and have them find out what's wrong with me, but unless I can work out a loan or something I just can't right now. Is there anything I can do on my own to try to figure things out?

Edited by: CORA_REGINA at: 9/27/2012 (21:25)


ELOQUENTZ
SparkPoints: (6,824)
Fitness Minutes: (1,441)
Posts: 310
9/27/12 4:42 P

I agree with others that you need to be seriously looking for jobs. Just because jobs are hard to come by does not mean it's right that your employer is treating you so poorly. You NEED meal breaks. You NEED time off. It's just the way it it. I never realized how much I really needed them instead of eating at my desk until I had a job where I'm expected to take a lunch away from my desk.



NUKE64
Posts: 31
9/27/12 2:52 P

What your employer is doing is illegal and can be reported anonymously.

http://www.dol.gov/wecanhelp/faq.htm

I know jobs are hard to come by, but I would be looking for new job anyway. You cannot trust an employer who treats their workers like that.




ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (137,790)
Fitness Minutes: (206,885)
Posts: 20,453
9/27/12 1:46 P

CORA_REGINA,

If you're gaining weight while watching every single calorie you eat, then something else is going on with your body. Have you talked about this unusual gain with your doctor ? If not, I'd start there. In order to truly gain one pound of fat, a person needs to eat an extra 3,500 calories on top of their normal intake. So, in order to gain 8 pounds of fat over the last two months means that would have to have eaten 28,000 extra calories. If you know you didn't eat that much food, then you didn't gain fat.

However, it IS extremely easy to retain water. I can easily gain or lose as much as 3-4 pounds in a day because of a shift in my water weight.

If your body is retaining water, you need to find out why. Thus the need to talk to your doctor. Not to get nosy, but are you on birth control or any other medications ? There are plenty of medications that can cause a woman to bloat and retain water. I know women who changed their BC and gained weight even though they were exercising and eating right.

So, if you haven't talked to your doctor, I would start there. You might even ask your doctor to have your thyroid checked. A wonky thyroid can cause a woman to gain weight even though they haven't changed what they are eating.

How old are you ? if you're menopausal or peri menopausal, the shift in hormones would also cause water retention.

These are just some thought because we really don't know anything about you. I know you feel bloated and blubbery, but honestly... if you know you're eating right, then something else is going on. talk to your doctor. they can help.









SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (125,159)
Fitness Minutes: (32,590)
Posts: 21,257
9/26/12 10:58 P

I can relate to that, too! Years ago I was a cook in a Tourist Cafe. At times I was the only one there. I used to do the till, do the baking (cakes, slices, savouries etc.) and cook the meals and deliver to the tables. The same eating policy was there, too, but not that we weren't allowed to let others see us eat - just that if there were customers they obviously came first. Sometimes we could get 6-7 full buses in basically all at the same time. That was nearly 300 hungry punters, so with cooking/serving and cleaning up after them ..... :-(

Because of your previous thyroid issue and with the other issues going on in your health, it is even more important that you see a Dietitian and your Dr for regular bloods. As we get older it is more likely, and you DO have the other issues which seem to be interlinked. Talk to your Dr about your financial situation - they often have ways and means of helping people out with medications/treatment for free or VERY low cost when there is an issue like yours.

www.endfatigue.com/articles/Article_cannot
_afford_medications.html


www.needymeds.org/free_clinics.taf

www.needymeds.org/

suite101.com/public-healthcare-issues

I would be inclined to write a list of ALL that you do at home - put the more important stuff at the top and work down to the stuff of lessor importance. Cross off some of those at the bottom and with the others that need doing, but perhaps not so often, 'job-share' them with other stuff. Do you live alone? If not, is anyone else able to share the housework?

I see you as worthwhile - YOU need to instil this into your psyche - through self-affirmations if necessary, because you ARE worth it! I know it can be a struggle to find that recipe that works for you, but when you find it, believe me, you will be really glad that you persevered!

I went to give you a SparkGoodie but notice that you don't have a SparkPage. If you create one you will find you will get even more support from the members because they will be able to drop by and leave encouraging messages. It is also a good way of making some new friends :-)

Anyway, because I couldn't give you a Goodie, this will have to do!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Kris





CORA_REGINA
Posts: 28
9/26/12 9:53 P

The grand irony is that I work in a bakery, so food is everywhere (mostly carbs, though, and I'm insulin resistant). But it's extremely busy and I'm the only person there, and customers are not permitted to see us eat. Crazy, but true. We are allowed to "enjoy the fruits of our labor" but not in the public eye. Usually the only thing I have time to grab is a glucose tablet (I'm also hypoglycemic). The last time I tried to eat an apple, I got two bites and then the rest five hours later... after clocking out.

I was checked for hypothyroidism a few years ago and they tried me on Synthroid since I was considered borderline, but there was no appreciable result and so they took me back off it. I do have PCOS which means that my body is a hormonal battlefield. Unfortunately I have no insurance and live well below the poverty line. That means medical and fitness specialists are out of the question at this point. I can't even afford the appointment I'd need to get the referral.

I do know that my metabolism is ground into the dirt, but nothing seems to be able to revive it. I've been trying for years. It's always been sluggish, even when I was a crazy active little kid.

I don't see "me" as a worthwhile point, I guess, because there's not a lick of improvement to reward all my effort. It is extremely difficult to remain motivated when there's nothing happening that's remotely encouraging.

Then all of my errands, chores, etc. get condensed into my days off, so relaxing... heh. What is this relaxation thing? (All of this is being written in spurts between doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen before I have to go to bed so that I can be up for another big, big, big day! at 6:00.)



SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (125,159)
Fitness Minutes: (32,590)
Posts: 21,257
9/26/12 9:11 P

Hi - I can relate to your frustrations - I had the same such issue myself for many years. I have taken diuretics for over 20 years and can definitely relate to your comments on that score, too!

Not too long ago I was talking with my Dietitian. I commented that years ago when I was working constantly, on my feet most of the time and doing mainly physical work, 7 days a week (in a week shy of a year, I had only had 5 days off work) and eating a very healthy diet, but my weight was climbing. When I had had a couple weeks off prior to minor surgery, I lost a lot of weight. My Dietitian told me that this wasn't uncommon, and that we NEED to get time off for relaxation. My work habits impacted on my fluid retention too.

I understand the grabbing your food when you can and going long periods of time without, but believe me, you are NOT doing yourself any favours. If possible have some portable healthy snacks to nibble on during these times. Stuff your pockets if possible.

I would suggest that you make an appointment with your Dr to see if there is something else going on - perhaps hypothyroidism (altho' I don't have this, I am borderline in my levels and have a family history of it, too.) and some other issues which could cause this. He/she should arrange for some bloods to be done to check out possible medical issues. At the same time, as for a referral to a Dietitian. Use your nutrition tracker for every thing that you eat, and make a diary not in it too giving times of eating, even if just snacks. I printed out some random ones of mine and took to my first appointment and it was a huge asset. It enabled her to determine the exact reason - very slow metabolism. I had always been eating in a healthy WEIGHTLOSS range but it just didn't work for me. After having been overweight for about 30 years, I can now honestly say that that is history - I am now at my goal weight. It took 16 months to lose the first (just over) 50lb and I happily sat there for a year before deciding to move on down again. The positives apart from being able to fit into normal sized clothes and LOOK GOOD in them is that my cholesterol level, which had been way out even on meds is now normal, and my HbA1c, which had me in the borderline pre-diabetes range) is now perfectly normal also. My diuretic is now halved because that isn't much of a problem any more. That was noticed after about 40lb loss!

DON'T go giving up because you WILL find what works for you. Even if you don't lose the weight, you will still be benefiting your health immeasurably - more energy, (especially if you can reduce some of your hectic work-life!) more strength, healthier heart......... and the list goes on. There IS a point and that point is YOU!!

BIG hugs and hoping that you soon have good success :-)
Kris xx

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 9/26/2012 (21:13)


CORA_REGINA
Posts: 28
9/26/12 8:54 P

Seeing my scale constantly going UP, to the tune of about 8 pounds over the past couple months, and my body changing in bad ways is really starting to make me wonder why on earth I'm bothering with all of this. It's depressing, demoralizing, I'm seeing years of hard work going down the drain.

I exercise whenever I can, usually around four times a week for about an hour each time. I consistently am forced to work several hours past the end of my shift, five days a week. I don't get to stop and eat a meal or sit down for eight hours. No lunch, no break. I'm lucky if I get to go to the bathroom. RtW state means that even if it's illegal, I can get fired for complaining. Generally all I want to do is collapse when I finally leave, so even getting in those four times is a chore.

I neurotically tabulate what I eat to stay within a 1200-1550 range, aiming for a 40-40-20 ratio. I eat lots and lots of lean protein, I enjoy fresh fruit and vegetables, and I still can't make the scale move downward -- just up. I'm not losing inches and I feel and look worse and worse every day.

I'm in the lead-up to my period, but I take a diuretic because my teeth would float if I didn't and I'm still bloated and pudgy. I'm plenty regular. Also this has been going on for way longer than just a week.

I recently upped my protein intake and tried to decrease my carbs, but I'm not suddenly adding another 500 calories. What on earth can I do? Eat too little -- gain weight! Eat too much -- gain weight! Change your diet -- gain weight! I'm only trying to lose a pound a week, but I've been gaining them instead.

Help! I'm this close to giving up, because if this continues then there's really no point. If I'm going to end up being fat and unfit and miserable again, I may as well do it full of chocolate.



 
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