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Getting the support I need from my family



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ALGEBRAGIRL
Posts: 1,493
2/15/13 10:58 A

If you can find a group of 'walkers' in your town, who are dedicated walkers, out there, rain or shine, jump right on that! You don't have to have a 'diet buddy,' it can just be anyone who is devoted to some healthful habit - and walking is something people can do cheaply and easily as they get older. Sometimes, that's a springboard to eating your own diet in a more relaxed way because you have some support in that other area.

I often see a group of walkers out on the street, very early in the morning. Unfortunately, I don't know them. In my small town, it's not easy to infiltrate such a group, but I keep on the lookout. Maybe, someday, I'll see a notice posted in the library (my own success posting notices for other things has been bleak, so I'm not going to do that myself).

There's a website, mapmyrun (google 'mapmyrun') that allows you to set up maps of routes to walk in your town or area. You can also find people in your area who may have already started walking/running, and maybe you know someone like yourself who's in that group, who wants to keep up that habit. It's very inexpensive, and, if you make it a habit, you'll feel much better about your chances of doing other things for your health.

I suggest this because it's a start to build a healthy lifestyle (which will include dieting) that does not depend on your husband. I know two women with partners who tied the success of their weight loss and diets to the support of their partners. They were very different. One woman had the total support of her partner, lost the weight, and gained it all back. The other woman totally supported her partner in his effort to lose weight (he had a Weight Watchers group at work and lost a lot of weight with that plan, in the office). She lost just as much weight as he did, matching his weight loss, supporting him, cooking Weight Watcher meals, succeeding at the diet when all other diets had her struggling. But you can guess what happened: he left that office, and with it, he fell away from all dieting efforts and so did she. She gained back a lot of the weight she'd lost. She did not even consider going to WW on her own!

Perhaps you're already an avid walker, but just need the company, or someone to share the journey. Mapmyrun is a useful website for that kind of support, too, even if it is mainly for runners. We can't all be runners, but almost everyone can walk.

Edited by: ALGEBRAGIRL at: 2/15/2013 (10:58)


CILER11
Posts: 265
2/15/13 10:41 A

If you don't have the support at home, try and get it on the message boards. Also you can start a meetup in your area to find work out buddies, if you can't find one on spark. You can set one up at www.meetup.com. I live in a real rural area so it doesn't work for me, but it might for you. My husband is minimally supportive as far as losing weight goes. He doesn't work out with me, but does tell me I'm doing a good job. Since I do all the cooking and the grocery shopping I keep temptations out of the house, and if he or my daughter doesn't like what I make, they can make them something else. I got really sick of cooking multiple meals, so now I just refuse. lol



LITTLERLINDA
Posts: 163
2/15/13 9:12 A

I am so glad that you posted this. (Not glad that you are going through this!) I am struggling with this as well! Everyone has given such good advice and are so encouraging. This is what I needed to read this morning! I walk at night once my kids are in bed. I also try to Zumba at night and in the morning (if I'm not too worn out). Sometimes I cook separate meals for us. (I'm used to doing that for my Autistic son and senory sensitive girls). Sometimes I eat what he eats just less or leave off a topping, sauce, etc.

Hang in there!!! YOU can do this!!!



TJ1TJ1
SparkPoints: (2,416)
Fitness Minutes: (408)
Posts: 285
2/15/13 9:01 A

I totally understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend didn't believe that I could hang in there this time. He still doesn't believe that I can keep up my workout goals. He asks me everyday, are you keeping up...did you work out, and gives me the I told you so look when I slip up and eat a cookie or something. He says I don't eat enough, but am going overboard with all the calorie/carb counting. AND he thinks this is being supportive. (Sounds bad, but he means well)

I used to believe that it would be easier if he worked out with me or encouraged (pushed) me to workout. Part of my journey is realizing I have to do this for myself, I can do it by myself, and I can be successful at it.

Even if I have bad days (Im gettting over a bad week as we speak) I can do this. My biggest struggle is not looking for fast results, and getting back in the routine when i stray. I take it day by day.

He has his days when he is good to me, he gives me pointers, he told me that I do look more toned, and now, he doesn't bother me about the change of eating habits too much. This fuels my fire, and keeps me going. If just to show him that I CAN DO IT.

The best thing about it all is...this summer, I am going to look delicious in my dresses and he will see it all paid off.



CALLMECARRIE
Posts: 1,598
2/15/13 8:11 A

In my hubby's defense, I should add that he does a lot of the cooking and is really a good cook. So if there are two pots of pasta, sometimes all I did was get out one pan and boil the water for my whole wheat spaghetti. He is extremely particular though.



LEKSIPATSY
Posts: 380
2/14/13 8:40 P

Oh man that would be the day when I made two different types of pasta because my husband didn't want whole wheat. He would be making his own pasta at that point! (that being said, if he wanted to cook I would have to deal with what he was cooking). I guess I am just lucky that my husband goes with the flow - I even got him to eat zucchini, chickpea, and barley salad on Wednesday (it was pretty darned good). But I let him have his treats and his chips and I just try to stay far away...

Others have hit the nail on the head - this journey is about YOU and only you can do it. It's nice to have a husband to be supportive, but if you do it alone you will come out a stronger woman and you will feel very accomplished. Best of luck.



PATRICIAANN74
Posts: 78
2/14/13 4:18 P

Everyone else has provided such amazingly good advice already. I would like to add, and ask, if there is a way to meet up with other Sparkers in your area? I also do not have any support, and while realizing the main support has to come from within, I think having a strong like-minded support network can only enhance one's own personal efforts. Personally, I'd love to have a fitness buddy in my area.



CALLMECARRIE
Posts: 1,598
2/14/13 3:52 P

This is all good advice below. It was my husband who talked me in to going to see a nutritionist in January of 2012 and told me about Spark People. Thirteen months later, he's lost about 4 pounds and doesn't want whole-wheat pasta, doesn't want low-fat meals, and is willing to exercise with me about four times a year, if the weather is perfect and he's in the mood.

If possible, take it with a little sense of humor and forget about changing your husband. It's a pain to make two different meals, but sometimes I have to do it, and it's just how it is. I buy whole wheat bread for me and white for him, and freeze the surplus. I boil a small pot of whole wheat pasta and a small pot of white pasta. If there's cheese on something, mine is low-fat cheese, his is regular. And so on.

If you aren't doing it already, I recommend you start walking for exercise. It's easy, it's free, it's safe, and it will give you results. Start slowly and build up. It may be difficult and boring at first, but eventually, as you walk faster and further, you start feeling really good and looking forward to it. All exercise is a natural mood elevator. You will feel better and you'll lose weight, and heck with him

And like the others said, come back to Spark for your support; we're here for you.







CMCOLE
Posts: 2,667
2/14/13 3:51 P

lots of great replies

definitely communication is key, but you may not accomplish anything.
be prepared for misunderstandings.
it's only important to you, often, which is very difficult



JCWIAKALA
Posts: 347
2/14/13 3:39 P

I am blessed with a supportive husband; however he's 125 lbs dripping wet and can manage to lose weight after eating a Brownie Obsession and a marguerite at TGIFridays. Meanwhile I struggle to eat within my calorie limits and can't seem to break this plateau. In no way am I saying I have it rougher than you; I'm saying even with support, you're going to get out of this journey what YOU put into it. I can't blame my success or failure on anyone but myself because I've made this commitment to myself.

I agree 100% that you should communicate how you feel to your husband. If he's bringing home bad take out food, is it possible for him to splurge on his lunch (when you're not around)? Or if that's not an option, can you choose to take a walk outside when he's eating foods that tempt you?



BUNNYKICKS
Posts: 2,268
2/14/13 2:52 P

I have learned it is futile to wait for "support" from home - I am happy simply with a lack of active sabotage (which - happens).

Yes, it IS hard to go it alone. You WILL be tested and tempted. Rise up to the challenge, get mad if you have to, and PUT YOURSELF FIRST (which is a new concept for many of us nurturing types, i think).

Play "restaurant" and make separate meals for each of you if you must. Or make the same food, but portion yours out carefully. Serve undressed salad at the table, so you can each choose your own type/amount of dressing when you dish it out. He might want junky snacks around that are too temptingly dangerous for you - put them in an opaque container in the cupboard (I put ALL the leftover xmas candy/cookies in metal tins and tossed up on a high shelf, out of sight, out of mind...)

I have found it to be more beneficial to both my diet and my relationship, to completely excuse my husband from any obligation to "get healthy with me." I do my own thing, and let him do his. And after awhile, he starts to come 'round.



OBIESMOM2
SparkPoints: (61,086)
Fitness Minutes: (40,069)
Posts: 4,472
2/14/13 2:22 P

it's really nice to have support of those closest to you, but Heather's right. You can't count on anybody but YOU.

it's also impossible for your DH to read your mind. If you haven't had a real heart to heart with him, you need to. Be honest. Remember that often your partner will feel threatened by changes. Are you going to force him to change? Are you going to be 'too good' for him with your healthy new lifestyle? Will you not want to do the same activities you both enjoy now? Lots of things could be going on in his head. Or maybe he just hasn't noticed you are trying to change. I know my DH is really good at missing the obvious!

when you are struggling try to remember WHY you want this. And come to your Spark Friends for support!



EBSGIRL
SparkPoints: (1,509)
Fitness Minutes: (660)
Posts: 38
2/14/13 2:14 P

Thanks for posting this..I tend to feel the same way sometimes. My husband and I both have an unhealthy love for food. I think because we could never afford all the financial pleasures in life, we both tend to take a pleasure in food. While my husband is gone at work, I do really good. I leave myself about 500 calories for dinner. But then he comes home with this or that, and the temptation is always too great. So not only do I find myself over eating, I'm doing it mainly at night. Its hard to eat salad with chicken or something, when he's already spent the money on something super yummy..lol. How can I say no when he's like..OMG you have to have some of these Super Steak Nachos. And I know you love the super chicken burrito with extra sour cream so I got that for you! So, Ive told him that I really appreciate that he thinks of me, but please dont buy me any dinner.
I need to learn exactly what was said in the last post. I have no option but to do this on my own. I have two small children that need the extra calories, and my mother in law who loves her southern foods. So i not only have to prep for my kids, also my in laws, my husband if he doesnt buy something, and then for myself. This can get quite exhausting. And with so many people in the house, food never lasts long. I'll buy some healthy stuff, just to find it gone within two days. Then its back to the store again emoticon So sometimes its just easier to say whatever, and make whatever is here (which is usually not the healthy options for me).
So I guess we are both kind of in the same boat. Just gotta figure out how to have the will power to not take the easy road, and know in the long run I'll be over joyed with my sacrifices now. I wish you luck!!



DRAGONCHILDE
SparkPoints: (56,306)
Fitness Minutes: (14,204)
Posts: 9,583
2/14/13 1:58 P

You CAN do this alone. Placing your ability to succeed on someone else removes your ability to take charge of your own body and mind. Is it harder to do it without your partner? Yes. But you can do it. I gave up on getting my husband to join me. I live the way I need to, and he sees this. One day, he'll join me, and honestly, he's starting to take his baby steps.

But you can't force your family to support you, and you're only going to set yourself up for failure by trying.

The reason you are failing is because you're waiting for someone else to make the decisions for you. You can do this because you control what goes in your body, and how your body moves. You don't need a gym, you need exercise. Walking is free! (OKay, you do need a decent pair of shoes, but walking itself is free.)

Even if your husband is the cook, and makes unhealthy things, you can eat less of them. IF he brings unhealthy snacks, you need to learn to deal with those, because you can't rely on the people around you to remove your temptation for you.

It's time to look within for motivation, because as long as you're looking to others for that motivation? It won't ever come. They'll disappoint you every time.



BLKBUTTERFLY66
Posts: 1
2/14/13 1:42 P

I have been trying so hard to lose weight I will maintain my diet for an average of 3 weeks. I seem to have all of these obstacles in my way. The main one is my HUSBAND... I really need his support on this and it seems like he can care less... We are empty Nester and it's he and I in the home. I really need a partner in this I can not do this alone. I tried and tried and with no success! Please give me some advice in what to do. I have very limited funds to join a gym or something that involves other people like me.. And suggestions would be Great!

Sign,

Fighting a losing battle emoticon



 
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