I've been trying SparkPeople for an entire year now. And I have lost some weight, 20 lbs total, but only about 15 has managed to stay off. Which.. is actually pretty great, now that I see it down on paper. But not nearly what it should be. I've got this all or nothing attitude, and even when I think I have it under control, it turns out that it's not, it's just hiding.
And every time I fall off for a couple weeks, and then get back on, I always have a brand new outlook, or a new "gimmick," if you will. Either starting a new diet plan, or a new set of workout videos, or working out in the mornings instead of the evenings, or vice versa. And I always go hard for the first month, and then something happens, or sometimes nothing happens and one way or another I'm back to eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's every night after a nice meal of half a large pizza.
But this time.. I have a real goal in mind. Not that my other goals weren't real, it's just that this time I have an actual wedding date, next October. One might think that means I have 11 months to get into shape but NO- I have 8 months because we start dress fittings 4 months prior to the wedding. So my goal is to lost about 35 lbs by June.
Which kind of makes me nervous. That leaves 4 months between June and October to gain weight back. Hopefully by then I'll have a new lifestyle and it won't be terribly hard to maintain my weight for 4 months.. I mean, that is the goal, isn't it? To lose the weight, then maintain it! I hadn't even thought of this until I started writing, and now I am nervous about that!
I just want to be and feel beautiful when we get married. I want to wear a cute little tube top dress while I'm getting ready the day of that I can slip on/off without messing up hair and make-up. I want everyone to gasp as I walk down the aisle and think I'm the most beautiful bride. And I want to look back on the pictures and remember what a great time we all had, not how self conscious I was about my weight.
And I think those are some pretty real motivators. I just MUST remember that Rome wasn't built in a day, and this is going to take time.
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