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AMY1195 Posts: 150
1/24/14 8:20 A

So true Mrs. Ruth!

My husband had weight loss surgery. It helped him loose 100 lbs but the rest is up to him.

In the program here they MAKE you take classes and attend meetings and speak to a psychologist. She has probably been told before in classes and by the Dr's that she can't do this and she is choosing to be in denial.

MISSRUTH Posts: 4,125
1/24/14 7:07 A

I just stumbled upon that show recently; DH doesn't like it, but I'm fascinated by it. This week's episode seemed like it *might* be similar to the type of thing the OP for this thread, is talking about. The woman (can't remember her name) seemed to feel like the surgery all by itself, was going to solve all her problems. (I missed the beginning of the episode so I didn't see whatever led up to her deciding to have the surgery.) Living in total denial; insisted they didn't give her a meal plan to go by, insisted she knew what she should be eating "I have to have wontons every day". She even insisted the hospital's scale was obviously broken because she had been "trying so hard", when the video showed she really hadn't tried at all. Had an answer/excuse for everything, and when all else failed, she'd start crying trying to elicit sympathy.

As frustrating as it is to see a loved one do this to themselves.... there really isn't anything you can do, if they are adamant about living in denial and have no deep-down desire to change. Which would probably include not only what/ how much they eat, but also addressing the mental/ emotional issues that caused them to use food and covering their body in layers and layers of fat, to begin with.

EELPIE Posts: 2,700
1/23/14 3:56 P

I love that show! And I don't know why (am I twisted??).

This one lady this year her husband was pissed that she had done it (she wanted to be a better mom - she couldn't even walk). Her husband was a "chubby chaser" and married her at over 300 pounds. The one time he purposefully stopped and got fast food and was talking about the bacon on the burger :( I felt so bad for her.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (149,850)
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1/23/14 3:50 P

I haven't watched any of the new episodes yet, EEL. I watched all of the episodes last season at least twice. My favorite was the lady who is now a counselor at the dr's office (Donna, I think?)
it is very eye opening.

EELPIE Posts: 2,700
1/23/14 3:32 P

Anyone who thinks that bariatric surgery is an easy fix for obesity doesn't understand the lifelong changes involved.

I think that's the key. It's not a cure all for the problem.

Has anyone watched the show My 600 pound life on TLC (tuesday nights)? I try to watch, I'm always heartbroken by the people on it - and not just because of their weight or the myriad physical problems they are suffering because of it - usually the people are using food to self medicate, and it's just spiraled out of control.

One lady said "When I eat I'm feeding my soul". Last week the lady said she'd been molested at age 8, and bullied growing up - she used food (being large) as a way to keep people away.

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
1/23/14 2:44 P

Thank you, I hope she does also

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (56,696)
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Posts: 2,526
1/22/14 11:58 P

It's hard to keep your mouth shut when some one you love seems to be deliberately hurting themselves. It's like watching a car wreck and knowing you can't do anything to stop it from happening.
Hopefully her program has a good counseling requirement. The bariatric group at my hospital requires that you go to 2 support group meetings prior to the surgery and that you get a psychological evaluation and clearance. They have turned down people who don't comply or don't get the psychological ok. They also have an excellent rating and really good outcomes because of their requirements.
I hope her program does something similar.
Anyone who thinks that bariatric surgery is an easy fix for obesity doesn't understand the lifelong changes involved. I hope your SIL does well, loses the weight without complications and adapts to the new lifestyle.

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
1/22/14 11:46 P

no she's not willing to listen to my husband, she says she's been to classes and knows what she's doing and that she's going to the gym. My hubby doesn't usually say anything but he was just concerned and wanted to make sure she knew what she was doing and it was like she got angry with him.
I told him don't say anything more about it , it's her life and her decision , hopefully it will work for her with no complications.
I think it takes a huge commitment, I mean I know I couldn't do that I don't think I could say no to something I was craving for the rest of my life... sometimes you do want that splurge and I'd be so afraid of getting a blockage.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (149,850)
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1/21/14 4:04 P

I know several people who have had various forms of WLS.

if the patient understands that this is a change of your eating plan FOR LIFE, they will likely succeed. If they think it's an 'easy out' they are in for a rude awakening.

I know that pre-surgery classes are usually required (discussing proper nutrition) and most clinics will require a pre-surgery attempt to lose weight. If it's just a half-hearted attempt, well...that's not going to accomplish much.

I understand your concern, but this is really something beyond your control.

your holiday treat story reminded me:
a co-worker had lap band surgery in 2012. She did lose some weight at first, but I'm pretty sure she's gained all of it back.
We had a group lunch on 'free pie' day at a restaurant. I didn't want any pie, even though it was free. A few others in the group did the same. This person had the waitress bring her all the unclaimed desserts for our table. No way would I put that temptation in my car!!!

MAVERICK59 Posts: 6,001
1/21/14 3:46 P

Knowing of 3 folks that have had the surgery and only 1 has kept the weight off, but she suffers from malnutrition.
I hope your SIL has success, but if she can't change her approach to her food addiction, the surgery will not give her the results she is willing to under the knife and possibly die for.

1/21/14 3:37 P

I know one person that had gastric bypass and she used to be a nurse. She is morbidly obese and is having complications and is not addressing it. I have another friend that just had this surgery and she looks good. They said she had a small problem at first but they took care of it right away.

I can understand your concern but it doesn't sound like she is open to listening to anyone concerning her well being. Good luck.

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
1/21/14 3:08 P

I'll be honest I do think she needs the counseling because she's lost weight before and a ton of it on her own , I think she just doesn't want to put forth the effort this time, I've told her about spark and she said it's not for her.
I know I had a friend that had to lose weight before having it and I can't see how she's able to get this surgery which is MAJOR not like she's telling the husband without any weight loss.
I mean at Christmas when I said take what you want (I mean I didn't want that temptation in my house) I honestly didn't think she'd take what she did cause of the upcoming surgery, so we were shocked to see her take 2 containers.
I know she can do it on her own she's done it before and has no issues pain in her joints so nothing to hamper her from having success I think she's looking for a quick fix. I just don't want to see anything happen to her.

EOWYN2424 Posts: 7,229
1/20/14 8:40 A

how abt introducing her to sp?

EOWYN2424 Posts: 7,229
1/20/14 8:32 A

how abt introducing her to sp?

SHERYLDS Posts: 15,866
1/20/14 7:23 A

A friend of mine had part of his stomach removed because of polyps in the stomach. He didn't have a serious weight issue, so he wasn't a binge eater. He lost 60 pounds in 2 months and gained even more back. A stomach bypass doesn't cure the mindset of a binge eater. Your SIL may need counseling more than surgery.

MARYJ1959 SparkPoints: (11,385)
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Posts: 66
1/20/14 1:01 A

Usually a good doctor would insist that there is some weight loss to show that there is some display of compliance. My BIL had gastric bypass and lost a lot of weight the 1st year, and then slowly started gaining and had gained everything back by year 3. The 1st year his wife would tell him when to stop eating, he couldn't figure it out on his own.

Gastric bypass is really a last resort and is to improve someone's health, not make them look good. This is not cosmetic surgery, and can be very dangerous as most that have it already have chronic health issues as a result of obesity. Unfortunately there are a lot of doctors and hospitals that only care about money. It sounds like you SIL is not a dedicated candidate for this type of procedure and has found someone willing to do the procedure without regard to her well-being.

Gastric bypass should never be considered the easy way out, because it is not. As an RN I have given post operative care to this patient populations, some with very good results and some with very tragic results.

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (56,696)
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Posts: 2,526
1/20/14 12:53 A

Most programs do require you to lose weight prior to surgery. The main reason is that a healthy, low fat diet helps to shrink the liver which reduces the risk of injury to the liver. If you nick the liver you bleed, a lot.

Your SIL is probably having "one last" of whatever. Which is worrisome because of both the liver issues and the psychological issues. When she goes in for her pre op visit she may be surprised, especially if she has gained weight. They may post pone her surgery till she has lost some weight.

Unless you are close enough to her to talk to her about the possibility of her surgery being postponed or the increased risk from a fattier liver there probably isn't much you can do.

Good luck to her!

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
1/19/14 11:06 P

I thought when preparing for the surgery you had to show that you could lose some weight on your own? My SIL just got her surgery date which is early February and she has gained weight since the last time I saw her, not lost.
We're concerned that she really hasn't thought this through, when her husband asked her if it was dangerous she told him well any surgery is dangerous. When she had Christmas dinner with us my aunt brought a bunch of goodies which I told everyone they could take what they wanted home ( I didn't want it in my house) and she filled 2 containers of congo bars, apple squares, cherry squares, coconut cookies and brownies and she was eating quite a bit while she was here.
We saw her in early November and she said she was on a diet and when she was here for Christmas she actually looked like she had gained a lot of weight. I always thought you had to lose a % of weight before they'd even consider giving you a date for surgery.
My husband ran into her today and he said that she looked like she gained more weight, I hope she's going to someone who takes this surgery seriously and her health and well being.
I mean I knew a girl who had it done and she had to lose a certain amount and after she had the surgery was always going in because she was eating to much and it was causing blockages, just don't want my SIL to get sick....

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