Hi, my name is Apple, and food is my frenemy. As I type this, there is a big plate of double chocolate brownies in front of my face. Yes, I ate one last night. Well, half of one actually. But the guilt is the same as if I ate a whole one.
My mother came over last night. She brought dinner for me and the kids, which was really cool. But she also brought chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, and the double chocolate brownies. And I was doing so good today! :(
I'm not the type of girl who eats a lot. I just eat all the wrong foods. You'd think with a name like "Apple", I'd have better eating habits. But nope; I've got a terrible sweet tooth that seems to take over any common sense. I'm also a really crappy sleeper, and do most of my eating in the evening and at night. It's the perfect recipe for a fat body.
My mother, God bless her, is still a big part of my life. She's been a huge influence in my poor eating habits. She's also got a sweet tooth the size of Texas, and like me, does most of her eating at night. I wanted her to do this with me, but she continues to cave in and succumb to the temptation of milk chocolate treats. So I'll just have to travel this journey alone.
It's not like this is my first diet. Actually, it's quite the opposite. I'm a veteran dieter. I have done low fat/no fat, low calorie/no calorie, no sugar, sugar substitute, low carb, all carb, vegan, all meat, raw foods, rabbit food... I've tried diet pills, diet powders, & diet shakes... I've tried eating only in the morning, just eating in the afternoon, I've even tried fasting every other day... I've tried wearing special clothes that promised to "melt" the fat away, creams that "dissolve" pounds, and (by far the strangest) I even bought little bottles of "food perfumes" (essential oils) that were supposed to control cravings through smell.
I can't say all of the diets were failures. For example, I lost 80lbs after having my first son, by doing the Atkins diet. Stuffing my face with bacon and sirloin and still losing weight? Yes please! But, once I got sick of gorging on fatty meats and decided to add some fruit and grain back to my diet, I gained back ALL 80LBS, PLUS 25 MORE! I was devastated!
I did lose some of that weight again. A couple years later I got really strict, ate all low calorie foods, no fat, no sugar, no flavor. I lost about 70lbs, and then got pregnant with my second son. Once again, the moment I added sugar and fat to my diet, it all came back. It finally became such a downhill battle, that I just gave up, and gave in. I ate what I wanted, whenever I wanted, with no concern. Now at 330 lbs, I really regret it.
So now I'm done, ready to do whatever it takes to lose the weight, once and for all. problem is, I'm completely lost. There's so many contradictions about what foods are good for you, what are bad, that who knows were to start?
I've been working on controlling myself at night. Ya know, no more munching, no more mindless eating. I'm hoping to find a common ground with my frenemy, and learn to reach for fresh fruits to satisfy my sweet tooth, rather than chocolate. I also bought the Fluidity bar, and have done it a couple times so far. I'm looking to find a good cardio workout too (I heard Zumba was fun!) One step at a time. I'm not sure how far it will take me, but all I can do is try, right? All I know is, I'm done letting food have such a vicious impact on me - it's time to reclaim my life!