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ANGELCITYGAL
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5/8/13 9:36 P

I walked away from an eight year marriage (our daughter was five at the time) six years ago. My ex was cheating and I was totally emotionally beaten down by the time I left. The divorce process itself was awful. I think it brings out the worst in everyone. I had a good lawyer and was able to protect myself financially, although now my ex does not pay the court-ordered child support. However, I am debt-free (financial monkey-business by my ex was part of the emotional turmoil in the marriage) and able to support myself. Our daughter sees both of us regularly and has a good relationship with both of us. Things could be much worse. There are difficult days ahead, I won't kid you, but on the other side is freedom, independence and renewal. Keep your chin up. You wouldn't have left if it wasn't necessary. No regrets, just self-preservation and making the best choices with what's in front of you.



SHELLSPACE
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5/8/13 2:04 P

I congratulate you! It took alot. I am in a situation 15 years almost of marriage and a 10 yr old. I need to leave but cannot bring myself to do it. I think of the ideal for my son too and want an intact family but his dad has been abusive and just isn't there emotionally for us. I am proud of you I know it wasn't easy but it will get better!



CILER11
Posts: 265
5/7/13 11:09 A

Don't feel guilty. What you did will be a blessing for your daughter. The last thing you want is for her to grow up and think a man should treat his wife as a slave. As far as what he says document and protect yourself. People can completely change in the process of a divorce.



FITGLAMGIRL
Posts: 2,035
5/5/13 2:46 P

Wow, so sorry you are troubled with this. Marriage is difficult and even more difficult when you are not in a good marriage. Marriages all go through trouble times. This could be just that. Maybe some time apart could change things or if you are content in your heart with the divorce then maybe that's your path.

The most important thing right now for you is that you take care of yourself and your daughter and distance yourself from the angry spouse that he is right now. He is going through his own difficulties.

We can look at our lives and reflect and wonder how did we get to this stage, but it happens way more often than we think. I have no idea why it happens, but I like to think of life as a journey and we fall and learn along the way and it just prepares us for the after life.

Take some comfort and knowing you are NOT alone. I will pray for you! Don't stay sad for too long it's not good for the soul.

God bless!



ATHENA1966
Posts: 2,272
5/5/13 12:42 P

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard to imagine now, but you will get through this. You will be stronger and you will be happy again. Please take care of yourself.



JESSICAMONT32
SparkPoints: (9,904)
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Posts: 273
5/4/13 8:25 P

Hi all , thank you. I am going to try to record next time he goes of the handle again, because unfortunately he will in only time do it again.
Sadly I understand he is probably hurting or maybe angry he lost hs slave but I won't raise my daughter around this. I a, so extremely sad that my marriage has come this, nearly a decade together and it's ending like this ....how can you go from being so madly in love with someone to wake up one day and realize that love has turned to resentment, and anger . I am just so sad



SLIMMERKIWI
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5/4/13 6:24 P

I totally agree with the poster who said to document! I will go one step further - if you can - RECORD IT via tape, or on your phone. THEN it is there if you should need proof at any custody hearing. One thing an old neighbour who often drank to excess told me - he said when he gets phone calls he hits the record button on his answerphone. His reason was his memory wasn't too good. IF you have an answerphone - I suggest you do the same, too!

Kris !



COANNIE
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5/4/13 2:13 P

Oh sweetie, what a brave thing to do, to stand up for yourself and your daughter. No one should be treated as an unpaid maid. Everyone needs love and understanding. Bless you.

emoticon



LOVEXAVIE
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5/4/13 9:15 A

Hang in and stay strong, Jessica.
Just as an outside observer (based on your last comments about him wanting to ruin your life & leave you w/ nothing), I would be careful about him especially now.
It certainly would not hurt to document those things he said. Hopefully he was just hurt & blowing off steam but I'd document it in case you ever need it.
Not trying to scare you...just an observation and a suggestion.
I hope each day gets easier and happier for you all.



JESSICAMONT32
SparkPoints: (9,904)
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5/4/13 8:42 A

Thank you for the sound advice. It is truly appreciated. This morning has been rough, her dad is being kind of jerk. Telling me that he will take full custody of her because I ruined his life, so and I quote I want to ruin your life. I am going to make sure I leave you with nothing in your life. :-( I won't let his words hurt me any longer, it is beautiful here, I am taking her to the park and going to forget about my troubles just for a while.



ARCHIMEDESII
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5/4/13 6:31 A

Jessica,

Don't feel guilty about leaving your husband. You did what was right for you and your daughter. People do grow apart. Marriages break up. It happens to a lot of people. The healing process will take some time. One thing I would suggest is google searching for local support groups. There are support groups out there for divorced or separating couples. Check out some of those groups. Join them for the support they'll provide.

I know you've had a rough few months, but stay strong ! This is merely the beginning of a journey that will lead you to a healthier life.




SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (122,763)
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5/4/13 12:48 A

When you start feeling guilty about leaving your daughter's dad, ask yourself this:

Is it better that you leave the unpleasant atmosphere you and your daughter was in, or is it better that you and your daughter be removed from it?

Yes, it is lovely when the family unit is made up of Mum, Dad, and children, in one house, BUT if the atmosphere is a bit toxic, then it is better that it be Mum in one house and Dad in the other, with the children having access to both parents, in a happier environment and more relaxed state!

You may now find that other aspects of your life start to get in order - like a healthier new you - physically and emotionally!

Kris xx


Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 5/4/2013 (06:37)


JESSICAMONT32
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5/3/13 9:59 P

Thank you....it has been the hardest journey of my life.....walking away from him, but I new if I stayed that it would never ever change. He doesn't want intimacy, e wants someone to cook and clean for him and that is it. He actually said that. I never dreamt I would get a divorce my belief was that once married sty married but I was sooooooo unhappy it was spilling over and making my daughter miserable and everyone in my life. I feel so aweful for my daughter , she is three, I didn't want this for existence ....I wanted her to come from a home with her patents together but I think someday he and I will be able to be friends until then I am go g to try to be as strong as I can, a d on.y cry when she is in bed for the night ....



WHOLENEWME79
Posts: 919
5/3/13 9:23 P

I am so proud of you! You are in the exact spot I was 5 months ago- 10 years of marriage and knowing things would never change on his end, having to do something about it myself. It is heart breaking, and I still cry about it, and foolishly, I do miss the man he no longer is, but it gets better.

I now have a sense of freedom I never had before. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I can eat what I want, watch the TV I want, spend the money I want, wear the clothes I want. None of those things happened under his dominion (it was abusive and he is an alcoholic and a cheater).

Something else happened when I left... The weight started to come off easier. I wasn't living in that stress and being weight down by the unhappiness. It was freeing- So much so that sometimes I felt like I would float away (if that makes sense).

I am proud of you! It is hard now, but it gets easier with time. It is sad, but you did it because you had to.



VATRUCKER
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5/3/13 9:06 P

hope things improve for you soon emoticon



JESSICAMONT32
SparkPoints: (9,904)
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5/3/13 8:54 P

Left my marriage....we are officially living apart. My heart is torn to pieces, never dreamt that we would end this way when we were getting married then again who does. It's been over for a long time but it is so scary to be living a part, nearly ten years with someone and its over. I don't think I want to ever let in another person in my life. But finally no more hurting , hoping that things will change when I know it won't



 
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