I too have that 'voice' in my head. It's just repetition from all the people in my life who have said one negative thing or another to me. It had been said so much that I actually started to believe them and started saying it to myself. I felt unworthy of my own health and opportunities. It's definitely a struggle. It's hard to re-record over the tape player in my head, but over time, I know that it'll get better, and the negative self-talk will lessen.
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My voice lies to me, and says "oh,you can eat this or that, it won't matter". But it does matter, and it throws me off the wagon. It is as if the voice wants to thwart me. And when I listen, there is a part of me that goes "see? you can't really do this...". it's ridiculous.
I was talking to my therapist about my relationship to food as a child, it was withheld from me, sometimes I would get hit if I was hungry and my mom wasn't and didn't want to bother with me. Part of me is afraid to be hungry - and I've always been a little hungry when I've tried to lose weight so I think it scares me deep down. My dad taught me to use food to feel better. That part of me uses food to manage my energy -- I eat because I'm tired or need to cope with stress. Both things come from growing up in an environment of deprivation, where I needed to worry about getting enough food, or emotional attention. I can learn to give myself these things, and heal. Knowing where the voices come from makes it easier for me to understand why I overeat or make the food choices.
So, where does your "you don't deserve this" come from? Being deserving reminds me of having to prove worth in order to be allowed something else. If you figure out where you got the message/voice, you can figure out how not to listen to it, and help yourself.
Whose voice do you hear it in? (not a crazy question, really!) We often repeat in ourselves things we heard, as kids, as young adults, from parents, teachers, 'friends.' If you can identify the source of your inner voice, it's often easier to silence/answer it. My Dad used to call me "powerful Katrinka" when I was a girl. I took it as meaning I wasn't--and never could be--feminine, that I'd always be heavy, and I fought with that conclusion for years. Then I finally identified the source of my inner critic, and that made it easier--easIER, not easy--to cope a bit.
I wish you success. It's often a tough battle, but the sooner you begin...
Hello all, I am 23 and newly married (yay!!) I have been fighting with my weight ever since I was in high school but always kept it between 130-140lbs. After high school and collage I went through a pretty tough patch; my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 49, and then my cousin with leukemia at age 24 (both have since been in remission). Along with a bunch of other stressers in that time frame I ended up gaining 60lbs. So now I feel like my life is calming down and I want to get fit and be back (or close to what I used to weigh, as long as its a healthy weight I'm not picky). My question is I have tried off and on for the last year to get my weight back to where it needs to be BUT every time I start to see results I have this little voice in my head that tells me that I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to be fit since I have failed repeatedly. I have made this bed and now I need to sleep in it. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else but I have VERY much a perfectionist and this is where it comes from. Does any one else fight this, how do you conquer it.
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