Maintaining the status quo is easy - or so we tell ourselves. Change is always hard, even positive change, because we instinctively fear the unknown, the 'what ifs.' Sometimes change is just different. Focus on one day at a time, one meal at a time and one step at a time. Try not to be too hard on yourself. And when the negative, fearful thoughts do creep up, remind yourself of each positive step you have taken along the way. And try something new and fun along the way to keep yourself smiling!
It sounds to me like you are using the ice-cream as a drug of choice - the drug is to keep you at a safe (emotional) weight. You have identified the reason behind it - did you know the initial cause? I strongly suggest that you speak with your Dr about it and explain what you are wanting to do and what you have shared here about your feelings with weight, and ask for a referral to a Therapist. I think that you will be amazed at how successful this can be to helping you become a healthy new you. They will be with you as you go on this healthy lifestyle journey, helping you through the various blips that will come along which can potentially sabotage you. They will help you to deal with the baggage that caused this in the first place.
I definitely self sabotage also. I got 5 pounds away from my '100th pound lost', and then I freaked out and sabotaged myself. Thankfully, I didn't stray too far, but the point is, I have reached this point a couple of times, and every single time, I've self-sabotaged.
I notice a difference in the way people treat me, and at first it made me VERY angry, but I did realize something: Maybe people weren't talking to me because I put off the "angry fat girl" vibe. Looking back, I WAS angry. I was upset because I was that size, and I felt unworthy and ugly, but then I thought about how society didn't allow "people like me" to feel beautiful, and then I'd get even more angry. The only person who ever made me feel beautiful is my fiance-who was with me when I was my largest, and is with me as I continue this journey. Since then, I've definitely been healing those emotional wounds. No body wants to be seen as just an object. We are more than our looks. We are our intelligence, our beliefs, our abilities, dreams, and fears. There will always be some creep out there, but for every creep, there are nice people who actually will like you for you. For a long time, I was worried about what other people thought. I believed that I was over it because I didn't care anymore, and I go to the gym and don't care what anyone things, but then again, am I really over that? Being afraid in the other direction is still caring about what other people think.
Sorry to rant, but I just wanted to let you know that I understand your struggle. It's frustrating, and it seems like we're darned if we do, and darned if we don't.
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4/15/13 3:26 P
I think we all experience self doubts like this. For many of us, being overweight was a shield (protective barrier) against the outside world. It's a barrier that keeps people away. And that's the problem. When we put up barriers like that, it does isolate us from everyone else. How many of us felt lonely when we were overweight ?
I know it's going to be hard, it was hard for me. But you have to be brave and come out of your comfort zone. Don't worry about the "what ifs". If you worry about the what ifs, life is going to pass you by.
Will men notice you once you've lost weight ? Yes, you will get more attention. Some of it will be good and some of it will be less so. However, you can't worry about that. As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Think about all the POSITIVE things that will happen as you lose weight.
You're going to feel less joint pain. You're going to have more energy. You're going to have a stronger immune system. You're going to decrease your risk for heart disease, diabetes, osteoporosis and maybe even cancer. You're going to live a longer more productive life.
As I tell all new members,"Don't look at good health or weight loss with an all or nothing mentality". If the only healthy thing you did for yourself today was drink 8 glasses of water, that's still a step in the right direction. So, don't worry about that pint of ice cream, put it behind you. Eating it doesn't make you a bad person or an unhealthy one. Even ice cream can be a part of a healthy lifestyle.
4/15/13 2:50 P
I lost two pound last week on my trip back down the scale. I did not realize my portion sizes were WAY off. So this change help, but on Sunday, when I realized that I would one day be smaller (even 20lbs smaller) - I paniced, grabbed a pint of ice cream and downed. It had been in the freezer for weeks - just there, no big deal.
I think it feels scary for me to slenderize. Yet I was safe at every weight. Does anyone else feel this way? On my blog I talked about not wanting to be objectified by men if I slim down. It seems fat keeps them away in my experience. Yet - I need to be lighter because it's so much better for my body. I know that no matter the man in my life or not - that I will be in this body until I'm not, and it need to be healthy. And I love to be active athletically and my joints need less weight on them.
Just trying work through this. Any tips or ideas would be helpful. I do have a therapist.
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