I do both. If the OP asks for advice, I do my best at providing an objective opinion, and then I cheer them on. However, a post such as "I Reached My Goal This Week," deserves, or merely needs applauds and waving of the pom poms.
Knowledge of a healthy lifestyle, doesn't necessarily coincide with diligence and discipline by the person giving help. I worked with many nurses, even ones who dispensed diabetes information to patients, whom were obese and out of shape themselves. Agreeably, it's more impressive if the person handing out help is the epitomy of their advice, but that's not always the case, especially in the medical field. Experts have problems themselves -- just like anyone else. You may study and know art, but never be an artist yourself.
I do agree that handing out advice should be done in a manner that doesn't step on toes or belittle the OP or other posters on the thread. I've noticed that some posters will be quite forward in their opinions, and then difuse their post with a "You Can Do It!" message at the end of their post. Generally, to me, being genuine and cordial shows through, and helps the OP more.
Sometimes I feel guilty for cheering people on, when I know that I probably will not have the chance to follow their progress, but the fact that I read the original post and take the time to respond, shows the OP that as an SP member, I am here to support others, and not just on the thread so I can get points. I would hope to get the same support if I ask for help.
TOGETHER! AND MAY WE ALL BE BLESSED WITH THE WILLPOWER IT TAKES TO REACH OUR GOALS!
Fitness Minutes: (11,796)
5,855 4/5/13 1:32 P
SHERYLDS, you are absolutely correct, I will sometimes make a post that should incite some controversy or at the least, comments. Hardly ever see a result. Are we in this just for the points? I certainly hope not.
KJ who are you to tell who can write God Bless or not? Just because you know God blesses us does not mean another needs to stop writing it. We all share our love and faith in him differently, please just let them be. If you know he blesses, then why do you get burned when you read that? I don't want to argue with you, I just would love an answer. Also here is something to ponder, if others did not ask for you to be blessed your life could very well be different today. I pray and ask for blessings for many others.
I generally try to do a little bit of both in my comments. I try to give my honest opinion which is hopefully meaningful advice, but if it sounds a little too negative, I try to add in things like "Good luck!" and so forth. I do think that certain people post things and are hoping that others will validate their feelings, and if others don't agree then they get upset. Some just aren't really looking for honest answers. For myself, I like the cheerleader comments when they come from people I know in person, ie my husband, friends, family. I don't mean this to offend anyone, but I don't get a lot of motivation from a message board poster that I don't really know. I do come here to ask questions and give advice if I feel I actually know what I'm talking about. If someone shares a success story then I will probably give them a thumbs up.
@Bunny, I get what you mean. I think some people are set in their ways and they simply believe that there is some way to have their cake and eat it too, and they are hanging onto that miracle thing, ie, green tea, apple cider vinegar, or whatever it may be so that they can still eat everything in sight and lose weight. It just don't work that way! I wish it did, but it don't. One of the best things my ex-husband has ever said is this, "if there was some miracle weight loss method, the whole world would have caught on by now, and nobody would be overweight" I think he was right.
You are sharing good advice on what you KNOW is a useful strategy. If you happen to be going through a phase where you aren't "practicing what you preach" - oh well! It doesn't invalidate the information! Also, every time you say it to someone else, you reinforce the message to yourself. Which may help you get through and out of this rough patch a little easier.
I leave the "rah rah you can do it!" responses for threads that demonstrate the OP is already on the right track, and is looking for a little bit of confirmation or celebration. Rah! You are doing it! Yes we can!
I couldn't give an honest cheer to a thread where the OP is demonstrating serious denial and negativity. When someone comes and posts "I have cut down from 4000 calories a day to 3,999 and i'm still not losing weight, and don't tell me to eat more veggies because the only foods i can eat are bacon and devonshire cream, veggies iccky-poo! I think i have a thyroid condition because nothing i do seems to make a difference.".... well, how do you rah-rah to *that*???
I made the mistake of becoming involved in a thread like that. I started off with gentle, helpful suggestions but ended up seriously irked and on the verge of telling the OP to go [censored]. What a waste of time and mental energy, crafting thoughtful responses to people who are only here to fight and argue and justify and sarcastically snark at any and every suggestion. I did notice that several "regular posters" that normally do post on any and every thread, had left this particular thread alone completely - I figure with their forum experience they saw that the thread was a lost cause and saved themselves lots of time and aggravation by ignoring it from the get-go. I will learn from this and follow that example next time!!!!
sometimes I give people advice even if I'm not doing the same at the time. What I mean is, I will tell people to eat healthy 80% of the time, and splurge on the other 20% to keep from going insane or to prevent a future binge, and right now I can't practice what I preach. I'm going through some stress right now and all I can think about is yummy food, but I can still tell people what I think is best, even if I'm not following it right now. Am I sounding like a hypocrite? I don't know for sure.
Marty- It is how something is said. When most people who say something about another's weight they are not doing it to help them out, they are doing it to be mean. Let me see that same person take the time to teach them how to cook better, give them some cash to afford better foods, or a gym fee, walk and exercise with them. Mouthing off is no cure. Telling someone they gained weight is not good when they already know that fact. When a person comes here then they are asking for advice, then it is okay, but unsolicited remarks are never welcomed.
Fitness Minutes: (40,069)
4,472 4/5/13 11:24 A
often it's not so much WHAT you say as it is HOW you say it. I do try to remember to offer support before I offer advice.
There are a few poster's whose style seems abrupt to me. Some I've gotten to know a little better and realize that's not their intent; some I just avoid because it's really stupid to let something said by an anonymous person on a message board aggravate me.
it's impossible to hear a person's tone in a written response. If it's somebody you know well, you have a better chance at knowing their intent.
@Sheryl - I had a similar situation with somebody I was AGREEING with. I still do not know what it was that set the person off, and when I tried to apologize - well, let's just say 'apology NOT accepted'. Shrug...what are you gonna do?
Most people don't want the truth - if they did most likely they would not be here in the first place - I am sure over our lives we have been told over and over again - don't eat this or that - or do not do this or that because it is not good for us - We are selfish - self gratifying - pleasure seeking - me orientated people and we stop when things do not go along with our indulgences that make us feel good - or taste good - or peer pressure -- there is always consequences from eating too much - not exercising - not being self disciplined - or doing any of the "bad" habits (smoking, sexual activity out side of biblical standards) and so on.
That is my belief and I am the same I want the truth even though I may not like it nor follow it - but give me the truth - I hate being lied too
I do both, it depends on what is said on the very first post even though I read most of the follow ups. If it is saying they are doing good already and they are proud for how well they are doing I might say good job, whoo hoo, or leave a emoticon. If they are down I try to offer some advice. I know what to do myself, but I do not alway have the will power, and maybe even the "want" bad enough. I want it, but not bad enough, because the personailty I have is if I want it I go for it, but for some odd reason I am not wanting this bad enough when I should.
I agree... sometimes I will come across a post that actually makes me WANT to cheerlead them but it's rare. Usually I just dispense with whatever advice or experience I can, or if I have none to offer, I don't post. There are a few special posts that have really touched me and those make me want to follow up with the poster and keep encouraging them, usually if something that they've posted is very close to something I've gone through or am going through myself. But I try to make sure that I include advice in there too. When I ask for advice, I appreciate the cheerleading comments but I get the most out of the advice.
I agree...giving real advice is far more effective...but not everyone is looking for REAL advice. I've commented "Watch what you eat' to a few folks who write about recipes with bacon, and cheese, and sausage...and then complain they aren't losing. And then had another commenter attack me for not being supportive. What's up with that? Turns out the blogger wasn't upset with my comments,...and the commenter...told me to never contact her again....as if I would bother.
useful info takes thought and time. cheerleading can be mass mailed
Okay, so my title is a bit dramatic (as usual) but here's what I'm saying:
"C'mon you guys & gals, you can DO IT!"
"Watch what you eat & exercise effectively"
Cheerleading is a great motivation tool but I think some just generate it when they don't really feel it themselves. I have CERTainly done that myself at times, I get a false sense of euphoria (ya know, that Amway/Stepford Wives kind of faux happiness) and wil make cheerleading statements and then I feel like a big butt......not to mention stupid.
When I see folks post for help 9 times out of 10 I reply with USEFUL information rather than "Oh, you can do it, Sweetie! Just keep tryin." To me, that kind of reply isn't useful, in fact I think it's counter-productive.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.