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CONQUERGRAVITY Posts: 1,514
1/2/12 8:48 A

Proving, as has been proved before, that eavesdroppers rarely hear (or read) anything that they won't regret hearing later.

Years ago, when I was in college, my little sister stole my diary and read it. She found some rather unflattering things that I had written about her in there, and she got pissed off and confronted me about it. This, of course, started probably about a month long stand-off between the two of us - I was horrified that she had read my diary, and more particularly that she had been angry enough to quote some rather personal passages back and me, and she was angry about what I had written about her.

The ironic part? What I wrote was written in a moment of anger and frustration. It was the truth of what I felt about her in the moment, but not at all the truth of what I felt about her in general. Eventually we worked through it, and we are now extremely good friends. Now, she is able to look back at that time in her life and acknowledge the truth of what I wrote.

You don't know why they wrote what they wrote. You don't know what set it off. Our first reaction when reading something like that is to be hurt and angry, but eventually you need to take a deep breath and look at the truth of the situation. Yes, it hurts to have the people you love say nasty things about you, but you also have to be willing to look at why they wrote what they wrote. Is there any possibility of truth to it? Is there anything that perhaps you might want to work on there? People don't just say things like that for no reason - it sounds like perhaps instead of being reactive and angry, you need to have an open, honest, and calm conversation with your family.

We only get one family. As much as it hurts in the moment, it's worth it to sit down and really listen to what they have to say and work to mend those relationships. I know too many people who have cut off or damaged their family relationships and really regretted it later - sometimes too late.

EOWYN2424 Posts: 5,763
1/2/12 8:12 A

What you've describe is a very delicate & difficult situation.

I have no idea how to deal with it, I hope you get some wise responses from others here at spark; because I'm interested to know the solution too!

God bless you in whatever you do!

CATHYINLA Posts: 813
1/2/12 8:05 A


I would suggest you move on. It does you no good to dwell on it. All families have their issues but they are family. Take the high road.

JESSIECLAIRE Posts: 31
1/2/12 5:40 A

Anyway thanks for ur opinions... I might sound "defensive", because yeah I guess I'm still angry and upset about this! But yes, I know what u mean about the options... :S


JESSIECLAIRE Posts: 31
1/2/12 5:29 A

Well, I never said i read it "accidentally" - when I first came upon it yes, was accidental, but I had the choice to keep reading - and I did. Please keep in mind I'd only been back for not even two days and this is the truth of how they feel about me! Anyhow I can't change others opinions, it is just a horrible revelation...

MEWHENRYSMAMA Posts: 6,268
1/2/12 1:54 A

ANARIE HAS SAID IT RIGHT & IN A GREAT FORMAT. READ IT OVER, THINK IT OVER AND THEN ACT. I THINK MANY OF US SAY THINGS, THAT IF WE THINK SOMEONE WILL NEVER SEE, GOES IN A VENTING DIRECTION...AND IF YOU HAD NOT READ IT WOULD YOU BE FEELING THIS WAY? I DOUBT IT. TRY TO SEE IF YOU CAN WORK IT OUT. TAKE CARE.

ANARIE Posts: 12,436
1/2/12 12:45 A

Think of the b*tchiest thing you've ever said to anyone about either of your sisters. Now imagine that your sister was hiding behind a door listening to you and confronted you. How would you react? How would you want her to react?

You don't "accidentally" read a whole conversation on someone's phone. You see one or two lines, and you have to decide whether to stop or to read the rest. Now, I think about 90% of people in that situation would do what you did, but you have to admit that you violated their privacy. Now you have 3 options:

--Assume they were just venting and pretend it never happened

--Think seriously about whether there's any truth to what they were saying and whether you can learn from it and make some changes (while remembering that a lot of it was probably just venting)

--Stay mad, run off in a huff, and miss out on the chance to know your brand new niece/nephew.

If there's actual abuse, you should choose number 3. If it's just sisterly nastiness, remember that most families go through something like this at some point. You might not be able to get over it completely. You might have to rebuild your relationship in a slightly different way, with a little more emotional distance. But you only get one family, and you should probably think really hard before breaking off from them because of something they said thinking you would never hear it.

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (228,245)
Fitness Minutes: (200,320)
Posts: 7,026
1/2/12 12:21 A

That's horrible. Your sisters should be kissing your feet because you were out there risking your life for them. Just look in the mirror and if you are happy with who you are; then go on with your life and forget about them and their juvenile behavior.

REDSHOES2011 SparkPoints: (35,936)
Fitness Minutes: (66,181)
Posts: 7,159
1/2/12 12:01 A

Moral of the story, to another time use some money on a pay phone lol... It is horrible looking at conversations about us... You can't really confront them- they will have you on about looking through their private conversations...
Using a pay phone is better. What we don't know doesn't hurt us or make us hold thankyou and return thought grudges..
emoticon

Edited by: REDSHOES2011 at: 1/2/2012 (00:04)
JESSIECLAIRE Posts: 31
1/1/12 4:39 A

Thank you for your kind words.

2BEATIT1 Posts: 3,122
1/1/12 4:05 A

So sorry for the trouble you have had. It seems the ones closest to us are often the ones that hurt us the most. I have gone through that. One lesson I learned is to forgive even when it is hard. When we forgive, we open the door for God to work in their lives. Will pray for you.

JESSIECLAIRE Posts: 31
1/1/12 3:58 A

Hi,

Would like some opinions on my situation just now...

So, have bn overseas and returned home not long ago, to celebrate Xmas and the birth of my younger sisters baby. While in the hospital I read by chance (I didn't have a phone on me and asked to borrow my Older sister's) a conversation between the two of them - the younger and older sister (being an iPhone, the remnants were there in front of me as I opened the phone, almost as though fate had led me to read it). Anyway, I wouldn't normally care to read other ppl's business but I realized it was all about me! - and all bitching, horrible things...

Needless to say I felt horrible. I didn't say anything - being that my sister was about to give birth.

The next day (Xmas) I had a fight with mum about it and other things (too much to write here) and she basically defended and agreed with them, and ever since it's been so awkward in my house and family environment. Aargh, honestly, don't know what to do... My own family doesn't understand or support me. And I am certain my mum treats me as opposed to my other sisters unfairly.

Actually think I will return o/s to escape them all!

Welcome home and merry Xmas... Not!

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