This thread reminded of the Julia Roberts movie, "Sleeping with the enemy"
Fitness Minutes: (78,465)
2,953 3/11/14 2:21 P
I am with Anare....I did the same thing leaving one of my jobs but I gave them two weeks yet all the paperwork for the site was up to date, I wrote manuals to reference. I had it all done before I told them I was leaving in case they decided to boot me when I resigned. Worked out just fine but I had another job in the wings first.
I've had "escape" plans from jobs, but I never considered them a matter of life and death. I have been involved in an escape plan that was a matter of life and death for someone else. One of my best friend's sisters was in an extremely abusive relationship. When he started hitting the kids, she knew she had to get out. We worked for about a month to figure out where we could hide her and the kids, how they would survive money wise, and how to get enough records to ensure he would not be able to hurt them again. She was able to actually record him abusing her and their oldest son on camera. My friend and I drove from Michigan to North Dakota without telling anyone where we were going. We got to her house just after he left for work and were able to get her and the kids out with their favorite belongings before he got home. We drove without stopping back home, and she immediately filed for divorce and a restraining order, using the power of a safe house so he wouldn't know her address. Thankfully she never went back to him. He did attempt to get to her several times, but my friend and his brother were both military men who took turns protecting their sister and her children. He was arrested several times for violating the restraining order. Today, she is in a relationship with a wonderful man, who treats her and her children wonderfully. The children have grown up and are amazing, even for teenagers. Her ex was ordered to stay away from her and their children permanently. The children don't have much of a memory of his abuse, but they know the story. The last we heard of the ex, he was in and out of prison for various charges. There was way more drama than this. He took me along because of my experience with children. He knew his hands would be full with his sister, and he knew that I could keep the kids safe if I had to. I know not all stories end this way, but I wish they could.
Fitness Minutes: (54,624)
3,345 3/11/14 3:28 A
In 2003, I left my now ex. I worked 1st shift and he worked 2nd. I waited until he was at work, and my family and several friends showed up at the house with their trucks. I cleaned out all of my stuff, took my cat, and left. I moved home with my parents.
Granted, I went back 2 weeks later because I was dumb... but...
Fitness Minutes: (34,325)
22,426 3/11/14 3:11 A
At one time I did plan an 'escape' with my marriage, but it never got to that - things improved a lot. What I did was open a secret bank account and didn't have any mail coming to my address. I would salt away a little bit ($1 here and $1 there) as and when I could. The idea for that is because if you DO need to beat a hasty retreat, at least you have something to fall back on.
I did talk to my Dr about it, and a family member.
My Sister-in-law planned her escape via the Women's Refuge Centre (for abused women in NZ). They advised her to do what I did with a bank account. They also advised her to pick a date, and work toward it without telling anyone. When her hubby was at work, she was to pack up just a couple things that she particularly wanted to take with her. Her sister would take them to her place. When the day arrived to leave, she told her hubby she was sick and couldn't go to work. She worked WITH him. While he was at work, her transport arrived and away she went. She is now divorced.
IF there is violence involved, I always suggest that you have a mobile phone. ALWAYS have plenty of credit on it, and make sure that it is well charged. If you can, get one with a voice-activated dial. Use a particular word as that activator and don't have who the number belongs to in the memory if it is an agency etc. Use a fake name if need be. If there is any sign of danger, all you need to is activate the phone with that word for it to dial.
Make sure that you have copies of your legal documents somewhere else.
Have one or two changes of clothes, somewhere else. You can refresh them every couple of months, or each season.
Make sure that if you have medication, that you have enough with you.
If children are involved, remember to cover their needs, too. For young children it might be a favourite toy and/or items of clothing.
Fitness Minutes: (30,843)
1,872 3/11/14 12:05 A
I would plan carefully and not tell anyone.
ArchimedesII, I would also tell your students the day before you leave where they can find you..that new job sit.e so they can follow you!
For work, a polite 2 week notice. Move your personal items out before giving notice. Show up on the last day. Be nice, be polite, do not bad mouth anyone. Even though most companies will only confirm dates worked and salary, it's still easy for negative things to be implied.
Boyfriend situation...depends. If leaving on a "this isn't working, were both bored with each other etc" I would talk it out, give notice so no one gets messed up financially.
A more volatile situation, I would plan and move without notice, BUT I would want to live up to my financial obligations. So my share of the bills paid to the ex or utilities or whatever.
Husband, same as above. But consult a lawyer first.
I've done it from a job. I gave them 8 weeks notice and left all of my records in perfect order with written guidelines and an index for the next person. I looked up resignation letters online and gave them the shortest, most vague one I could come up with-- just the date I would be leaving, a thank you for the opportunity, and something about appreciating everyone I had met there. No reason for leaving. When supervisors asked, I just said I had other opportunities I wanted to pursue, and they each invented their own explanation of that. Coworkers all knew, and three of them gave their two-week notice 15 days before I left.
I left on good terms, without bad-mouthing anyone, and with good contacts who actually hired me to work freelance a few months after I left, because they hadn't been able to find a replacement. It took them six months and they had to hire three people to do what I had been doing. Of course, that kinda showed them why I left...
I've never really had to "escape" a relationship, but I've left them. I do it pretty much the same way I left the job, minus the 8 weeks notice. I wouldn't decide to leave unless I had already tried three or four times to fix things, so once I do, the decision is final and I just don't listen to any begging to stay. No new drama; it's just over.
Fitness Minutes: (171,824)
11,631 3/10/14 8:10 P
I am actually working on one now. I have only told a few key people to whom I am close. I guess I agree that you should only tell people whom you know can keep secrets. I also agree that you shouldn't burn bridges.
when it comes to jobs find a new one and don't advertise to co-workers until you are ready to give notice. When they give you your exit interview...just say that you found a better opportunity you could not pass up. Don't bad mouth....it's not going to help you. Burning bridges will not change the past and you don't know who from your next company knows someone in the old one. Just look forward and change things for your own well being.
If you had to make one. Then I would confide in a very good friend.
Fitness Minutes: (222,050)
21,711 3/10/14 12:42 P
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What a timely post ! I really am planning an escape route from one of my part time gym jobs.
Of course, they are making my escape easy by informing me that "there will be consequences for those employees in non compliance". Yup. I'm in non compliance. It's difficult to be in compliance when you are issued threatening ultimatums telling you do this or else. Or else.... what ?
Which is where I am now. I'm at the or else what ? If I'm reprimanded, I'm lodging a formal complaint OR just up and leaving. That's my escape route. LOL.
I'll let you know how this goes. I'm going to have to let my class know there is a good chance I'm going to be booted out before I have a chance to tell them what they can do with their cosequences of non compliance.
Fitness Minutes: (7,146)
1,425 3/10/14 12:20 P
Relationship if you are living with someone get all your personal things out before he knows it,because once you leave he will no doubt not give them back or destroy them, then I would leave a note & leave, if you have tried to talk to him to get things straightened out and it has not worked it never will, if he is a postal kind of guy I would leave the note. Job if you are leaving because they have treated you badly I would just leave, they will know why, plus I would leave them a letter and let them know why. If the guy is treating you badly I would not set a date I would get my running shoes on & run like the devil is chasing me & gaining on me!!! Every situation is different, the job I would set a date, everything depends on the circumstances.Obviously you are stressed and that is not good. I jumped ship on many issues and to be honest with you it was all for the good, don't analyze what you should do because you will not do it, do not find excuses to stay behind. You are worth so much more no matter what is going on ,and do not worry about what others will think this is about you not them. I am off to work right now check in tonight to see how you are doing Take care Judy
Have any of you ever had an escape plan like to get out of a bad relationship, job or any situation? I'm talking about actually planning and having a set date to evacuate and jump ship. How did it workout for you? Did you tell anyone about it or keep it to yourself?
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