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WADINGMOOSE Posts: 1,048
6/19/13 9:59 A

Heh. You should really read my blogs. I'll have this idea about what I want to blog about. And I start out by telling a story that is supposed to end up relating to where I want the blog to go. There are times when I've hit post and realized afterwards that the blog went a completely different direction and didn't get my point across at all. I figure it's what I needed to say and what I wanted to say can wait.

I'm loving working out again myself. I always feel absolutely amazing when I leave the gym.

SWEET_PEA5K1 Posts: 10
6/18/13 4:20 P

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. I have worked with a therapist in the past a few times, however it was not a goof fit it always ended up being about her...strange.

I currently do not have insurance so its not so much a option now. I like the idea of blogging but often have a hard time getting my thoughts out clearly.

I feel good about the road I am currently on, I don't know were it will take me exactly. I do know what part of town I want to end up on though.

I have done some therapy on myself and have been free from emotional eating for 3 weeks, its not long but its a great start. I know were my eating habits started and what made them worse.

I am on paleo because bread and carbs are my "METH" I cant just have a little. So for me I choose to stay away from them. I would never walk up to a meth attic and say just a little meth wont hurt them, and for me I am addicted to man made carbs when I allow them in my diet. I cant have just a little, never have been able to. However I am able to stay away from them completely and do well for a very long time unless I do have it, then its a instant addiction again. I am working on that but I just don't feel that it is necessary in my life for me to live and there fore it is out for good now!

I am also addicted to working out now, I look forward to my time away from home, pushing myself and seeing the positive results. To me that's a good "high" and it makes my days brighter.
Well thanks once again.

WADINGMOOSE Posts: 1,048
6/18/13 12:17 P

I also wanted to suggest the blogging feature here. I know that finding a therapist that you can work well with can be difficult and expensive. Sometimes just writing things out in a blog can help you figure things out. And? You get some awesome feedback from other members.

WADINGMOOSE Posts: 1,048
6/18/13 11:52 A

I've kind of been feeling the same way lately. For a long time, I've identified myself as fat, lazy, unattractive. There are so many more words, all of them negative. As I've begun losing weight, I've had to change the way I see myself and those words I've used to describe me. And that is scary.

It's like this protective layer around myself and who I am is going away. And once I can't identify myself with those negative terms, I wonder what is left. In some ways, it's easy and impersonal to be judged for my weight. But once I lose the weight, people might judge ME and find me lacking.

In reality, I know this isn't quite true. Yet it's hard to give up who and what I am, expecting it to be better, yet fearing things won't change along with me. In just taking up running, I've begun to change who I am. And at times I look at that with amazement. At other times, there's some fear that in changing who I am, I have to continue to be THAT person.

But in the end, I'm still me. I still laugh at my own lame jokes, love animals, travel and reading. And maybe all along the fat has just kept me from actually getting to know myself and being who I CAN be.

I don't need to be afraid of changing or not knowing who I am. I'm pretty sure I know who I am, I just need to find a way to accept who I am.

REBCCA SparkPoints: (408,009)
Fitness Minutes: (214,485)
Posts: 22,737
6/18/13 10:46 A

Hello Melissa,

I agree with previous posters and have personally found insights, tools and wisdoms from work with therapists. I consider therapy a most valuable opportunity/education.

You would be well served by releasing all the 'dread ahead' thinking. Replace those thoughts with positive affirmations and visualizations.>
Create a vision board with all the positive ways you can be your best self.
Check in here and let us cheer you on your way.

I wish you success!...and joy! emoticon

Edited by: REBCCA at: 6/18/2013 (14:53)
KCLARK89 SparkPoints: (44,370)
Fitness Minutes: (18,761)
Posts: 1,243
6/18/13 8:55 A

Kris makes a good point. You're doing a lot of self-sabotaging and of course that will lead to frustration because you aren't getting where you want to be. Talking with a therapist can help pinpoint where and when you feel that need to sabotage and you can finally take the steps to get the weight off for good! :)

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (246,669)
Fitness Minutes: (41,336)
Posts: 26,770
6/18/13 6:21 A

Hi, Melissa. To me it sounds like you could do with touching base with a Therapist to help you on your way. There are some issues which need dealing with, and your freaking out when you reached a certain weight is a very good indicator of that need.

Even really young children gain weight because of emotional reasons. Often it is just because they knew nothing else - their parents overfed them in the belief that they were showing them love, or just didn't know about good nutrition themselves. Now is the time to stop that cycle, and you have made a real good start. The therapy would help you deal with the past, the now, and the future!

Hang in there - you are doing really great :-)


SWEET_PEA5K1 Posts: 10
6/18/13 1:08 A

I am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but it does have to do with staying motivated and moving on with weight loss even if its scary.

I am not sure if anyone else has had this problem but I will give some back ground and then my issue.

I was always a big child, by 10 I was well over 120lbs, and when I was 14 I was over 250 and at 18 I was around went up to 456lbs.

One day when I was around 24 years old I had enough started loosing weight and had rny and got down 250lbs... Right around that time I freaked out! I had never been that size in my adult life. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was not comfortable with who I was, I didn't know who I was at that point I don't think. Well that has been a few years ago now. I have gone up and down by about 30lbs and this last time even gained 60lbs with the passing of my mother in November 2012.

I have gotten back on track in the last 3 weeks I have made major life style changes I am doing the Paleo Diet (life style) and have lost 21lbs going from 344lbs down to 323lbs so far. I am working out 5-6 six days a week 3x a week with a trainer and walking almost everyday. so 60-90 mins a day.

I am happy I am losing weight and am determined to stay with this and do well. I don't know what to do if I get to that point again, I want to get to 180 lbs, I was so damn close to my goal and was down 206 lbs!

Any Ideas of what to do to better prepare myself to push myself and to confront my changes. I know I have a way to go tell I am at that point again, but I want to prepare myself sense I know it can be a issue for me.

Thank you for your help!

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