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JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
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9/25/12 1:50 P

Good topic. I have a mixed answer for this. When I was young and met my wife I was into body building and workout all the time. She didn't and just enjoyed being naturally healthy. After the kids got up to their teens, we finally made an attempt to get back into it since we had both added some weight. It was rather short term though with still finding that teenagers actually took more of our time than when they were younger.

So, a few years back my wife went to visit her family back in Philippines that she hadn't seen in 30 years. Her grandfather called her chubby and that really hit her. So from that point on she has been more focused on losing weight. Even before I was ready to start and so she nagged me about NOT exercising as she was going to the gym.

Then I got the Spark at the end of last year when my daughter was proposed to and now the marriage is set for this coming Jan. I was NOT going to be the chubby dad walking that beautiful lady down the aisle. So I looked for what to do and thankfully stumbled upon this site. It made sense and gave me the tools I needed to do it right.

So, I have been very focused and even ahead of my plan. I lost 40 lbs in the last 35 weeks and everyone is constantly complimenting me and I gladly share my success story. My wife is still working out and really isn't a binger or anything, but just doesn't have the focus and plan that I do. So while she supported me, she doesn't seem to want to listen to me on the best ways to do things. I think she has actually gained a bit of weight and we have only a few more months until the wedding.

To me, support also means, willing to accept when one is right, especially when the proof is right there in front of them. But in that sense, she continues to do it her way and I have to walk on egg shells to educate her to do it right. Support also means that when one is seeing something that is wrong, they will do their best to help their spouse correct it. So I do support my wife, but I don't support her plan. She's hard headed though and I have to just do the best I can to try to get her more educated to where she can spend less time at the gym and yet reach her goals quicker and in a healthier way. Such is married life. LOL

PATTERD707 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/18/12 9:43 A

Well said

It gets me thinking how hard it is to have these conversations, but then again our lives are on the line, in many cases

Thanks for sharing that story

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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9/17/12 11:05 A

Yeah, it's helpful when the couple encourage each other in things like this. When we set out on goals, the last person I would want against me would be my wife.

I know a couple of years ago, I friend of mine talked about how he was nearing 50, and that his dad had died at 50, and that he wanted to get healthy so he could do whatever he could to be there for his kids. I told him i'd be a workout/running buddy with him, and even sent him the SP 5k plan I was planning to start up. He then blew me off completely, and is heavier than ever. I started moving, and here I am today. i am convinced that his overweight wife sabotaged him precisely because she felt threatened by the thought of him trying to get healthy, and he just succumbed to her pressure. When I asked him on occasion how he's doing since then, he jus laughs it off now as though he'd never said that. So I leave it alone.

It is certainly a lot easier to have support. Maybe, and here is my unsolicited advice, a good discussion and reassurance to her that you're trying to get healthy for you, would appreciate her support, and that she shouldn't be worried/fearful about that, would help everyone.

PATTERD707 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/15/12 11:05 A

Sorry to hear about the comments.

I do wonder though, if when we lack support we truly find out who we are, and how much we want to be healthy and fit -- it's clear that you do, if you're running 1/2 marathons (on my list for 2012. Do you know that only 1% of Americans run a 10k, let a lone a 1/2 marathon, that's fantastic!

I'm now venturing into unsolicited advice (stop me anytime), but have you thought about talking to her about it? It's hard to predict what anyone means by such comments like "you're getting too skinny," or ignoring a major accomplishment like a big run.

I suspect that she has deeper thoughts or feelings that might draw you together if there brought out .

It reminds me of a book I'm reading called "Fierce Conversations," which I highly recommend.

NHOYLE1 Posts: 351
9/12/12 10:54 A

Wow sorry to hear that. You can certainly gain weight without it having to be fat, but since your goals seem to be more running based that may not be the route you want to travel.

WARMSTRONG2 SparkPoints: (382,182)
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9/12/12 10:47 A

Sure does now that I don't have any life insurance.

ZCHASTAIN SparkPoints: (0)
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9/11/12 5:15 P

When it comes to eating right my wife tries to help by buying mostly healthy foods. Exercise is another story. When it's a race day or I want to get in a run all she can say is "when will you be home?" I ran a half marathon (a significant achievement) and she never even asked how I did or about the race.

And last night she told me I'm too skinny and need to gain weight (i.e. gain fat). Ugh.

WYSEONE Posts: 187
9/9/12 4:20 P

Yes. Very supportive. emoticon

HDJAKE84 SparkPoints: (12,221)
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9/8/12 2:13 P

Very supportive and we're both on SP. She is very excited for me and I for her--makes all the difference in the world.

PATTERD707 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 262
9/6/12 10:17 A

Thanks for sharing.

Even though my wife is super supportive, we had a conversation about this recently, because apparently (surprise, surprise) there are things I do that are hard (tempting) for her and vice versa. It was interesting to talk about, since I think we were both in the dark about it.

NVRDWN88 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/5/12 9:51 P

gf very supportive....she doesnt do spark but also losing

NHOYLE1 Posts: 351
9/5/12 5:22 P

God I hope my girlfriend doesn't read this. My girlfriend is toxic to my diet. When I am not with her I meet most of my nutritional goals, but i get around her on the weekend and it is the hardest thing I can imagine to keep my diet. Part of that is that is the time that I tend to not be eating at home, but she is a constant dessert eater as well, and doesn't really like eating at home.

She exercises as well and is really positive to me about my goals, but when she hears me say I want to try to eat healthier on weekends it makes her feel guilty.

RIVETPA Posts: 1,177
9/5/12 7:56 A

I have no support system at all.

BREWMASTERBILL SparkPoints: (31,088)
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9/4/12 11:42 A

Not really. She used to berate me because I "ate weird" and "exercised all the time". Now she's mostly accepting of it, but not a participant. I guess "tolerant" is a good way to put it.

MIAMIVT SparkPoints: (11,784)
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9/4/12 10:43 A

My spouse has been supportive, she doesn't do excercise, and i think she has fatigue from me talking about running.

when i go running if i do well, or if i increase my distance i would like to share it with someone but i think she views it as bragging so i just keep it to myself

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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9/4/12 10:35 A

My wife has always been good when it comes to working out, eating pretty well, etc. i was the slacker, although I never got too bad.

She has a bit of a sweet tooth, where my weakness is more in salty food. We can for the most part balance each other as far as food, diet, etc., and we eat pretty well as a result. She hates running though, and running has become my "hobby" sport!

PATTERD707 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (27,060)
Posts: 262
9/3/12 10:48 A

Does your spouse support your getting healthy? How has that helped?

Or are you doing it alone?

My wife started using SP years ago and it helps so much that she follows the same practices, plus has added to it from other sources too. At the same time, we often don't see eye-to-eye on the best choices for food (which I try to hold my tongue, since she's kind enough to do 98% of the shopping), but we just have to work that through.

Also, today's SparkCoach was about people that derailing your eating. I could see a spouse doing this, maybe even without knowing it. Thoughts?

How about you guys?

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