In the yes category, my longtime partner of 10 years is an athletic coach and understands the need for a healthy weight and good nutrition. We've been together a long time so he gets that I need to eat a certain way in order to maintain a healthy weight, and he is very helpful and encouraging of my exercise.
However... He doesn't like most of what I eat, hates whole grains, most fruit and veggies, and has residual issues from cancer treatments that I do not. So usually we end up eating completely different meals.
DD is 15 and right now is very anti-healthy habits. However I suspect that 20 or 30 years from now she will be very glad that I made the effort to keep myself healthy.
Fitness Minutes: (673)
32 2/13/14 11:18 A
In my situation, my parents get it and try to help when they are around but my fiancé just tells me that I am beautiful and sexy and that I don't need to lose weight. I love that he feels that way about me but it is not helpful when he cooks dinner and doesn't take into consideration all the calories he puts in it. Then I feel bad if I don't eat all that he makes for me since he took the time out of his day to make all the food and take care of the little kids while I am at work. I need to just speak up and explain why I feel that I need to lose this weight and hopefully he will understand.
He does, but he doesn't get PORTION SIZES. He can't eat "that little", he'll be hungry and won't be able to sleep.
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
2/12/14 11:02 P
I have been an athlete all my life and I married a man who likes sports as well. Children learn from seeing their parents doing....so we all are very active. My husband understands that I don't wish to eat certain foods but he is more than welcome to eat fried foods as he does all the cooking using 98 percent fresh ingredients. I keep my family involved in my triathlon training schedule so they understand why it is important to eat healthily but having a treat is alright in moderation.
Guys as a whole hate change (and yes some women to). He sees you changing and he sees it as him being left out or having to change with you which he probably hates the idea of.
Never push him , he will slowly come across to eating a bit better without knowing it. (I haven't baked a cake with oil in 4 years, I use applesauce) We eat broiled cinnamon peaches for desert and my husband asks for them. Little things like this will happen if not pushed. I eat what the family does just smaller portions and lots of extra veggies on my plate.
My family doesn't "get it" because they don't binge eat, or have severe sugar cravings, etc. They don't have my issues but I talk about them a lot so they accept and know that if they want junk food they will have to buy it themselves and make sure it's hidden from me.(per my request). I've tried to have real serious talks about how I struggle with eating so they understand why I weigh and measure EVERYTHING. I also talk about how much better I feel since I"ve started working out.
When he sees you feeling better and having more energy it will also help. He is just afraid he has to buy a ticket for the ride you're going on.
Edited by: VKKESU at: 2/12/2014 (21:53)
2/12/14 9:52 P
My DD and I are the only ones at home and I do all the cooking but she tries to understand what I need to do and will occasionally make me breakfast, a very healthy one.
Not at all, although my mom was an emotional eater my brother and sister are not. They tell me to just walk away but somedays that is very hard. As an emotional eater i never learned how to control or deal with my emotions or the problems of life. instead i ate to forget, to get over something, Out of anfer or sadness. I was not always this bad but food became a very comfortable crutch and my best friend when no one understood me. Now i am learning how to live a much more sane life but still my family cannot comprehend the struggle especially since now i have the desire and the want to lose weight so they think not eating the fattening food is now magically easy to say no to and that i can run 5 miles can i struggle to walk around my block.
DH is actually leading the charge, I am the flavor and nutrition advisor. He would actually be super strict. He has had more of an epiphany than given his health situation. He asked me and 100% to my nature, we are both healthier as a result. I am actually more physical since his health condition has some physical limitations.
Fitness Minutes: (8,668)
1,527 2/12/14 7:59 P
Hubby does the cooking, so I just keep talking about how many calories I have left in the day, and keep asking what recipes he was following. I know he finds it annoying, but it does make him think twice before adding more butter in something.
For the most part, yes. I have a few heavy family members that react poorly when I try to be healthier. Pushing desserts, telling me I am thin enough. I understand for the most part though so I don't take it to heart. They need to lose 80-100, when they see wanting to lose 20, i can imagine they just don't want to hear about it becasue they are so far away and are not ready. I hope they all start at some point to care.
Fitness Minutes: (22,812)
35 2/12/14 6:59 P
Hubby doesn't get it and never will! He is completely in denial about his weight and does't care so I am taking care of myself now! My 13 year old gets it and is very supportive and I am leading by example and she is picking up some of my good habits too.
So basicly, If i'm lucky enough eventually he will jump on the train and if not I need to really develop my skills for resisting the things I cannot/do not want in my diet (I use that term in the sense of all things I eat) I do a lot of the things mentioned below already and will have to work on getting the message across to hubby that I will not be going back to "normal" most likley ever because I need a new "normal"
Thanks for all you input!
2/12/14 4:14 P
Sort of. . . kids eat healthy, extremely active, and encouraging. Hubby . . . getting there but quite often the saboteur.
Fitness Minutes: (41,928)
26 2/12/14 4:00 P
My wife is the one that got me started on here. I'm following her lead and helping to support her life changes. (and I'm getting healthier too as a bonus.) The kids are young enough to follow our example and hopefully will continue on a healthy path after they are no longer under our "control".
Ok Ill vent on basically what I see as two different challenge areas for me.
1) The home life. Married with no kids. My Husband is super supportive. In terms of eating we pretty much eat different things for breakfast (oatmeal for me) and lunch (usually salad, healthy dinner leftovers or the dreaded lean cuisine). Dinner we do something that can be modified to easily make us both happy. We love Cooking Light recipes and usually he will just up his portion or we add another side for him, ie rice, noodles, bread etc while I avoid that and go with the main recipe only or add a steamed veggie. Many have suggested this and I think it works really really well, so that everyone can eat as they want. For exercise he works out about 3 days a week with me and I work out the rest by myself. He has lost weight doing this even though he still has his pizza, doughnuts, etc from a few times a week. He is only slightly overweight but has a pretty good metabolism otherwise (lucky duck!). I never pushed him to work out or eat differently he just made some minor modifications as he saw I was back on track.
2) The away game. Parents, adult siblings, and other relatives. NO they do NOT get it! A very slight percentage (sisters, sister in laws who have the same issues as me) are very supportive but the majority of my family and especially my husband's family (the ones with the great metabolism) do NOT UNDERSTAND and will not be understanding, the will invite you to dinner and pre-dress the salad with gobs of dressing, no other veggie in sight unless cooked in cream/oil/butter etc. They will insist that they fix your plate, pour you more wine, bring you a dessert tray at every non event. They will verbalize their hurt feelings about how much did or didn't eat. They will never include you in the meal planning. They eat and eat and eat and drink alot too and remain a totally healthy weight. They assume I am overweight because I must eat all the time and not move. That was never true for me, I have one of those metabolisms that is just slow and it is WORK to lose and especially keep weight off. I have a relative's birthday dinner with them on Friday and am dreading dreading dreading, mostly because I will have to starve or take a diet hit. Yes I bring a veggie tray, no I am not allowed to bring anything else. It drives me crazy. We live near them and they want to do eating events three times a week and I just have to say no all the time. GAH! Can you tell I am not over it? LOL
Fitness Minutes: (51,668)
443 2/12/14 3:24 P
they do, but they eat differently than I do which amounts to a lot more food preparation. at least I seem to be able to resist their food.
My husband does now, after 2 years of me going alone. He still eats more than I do and exercises less than I do, but he's losing weight faster than I am. I'm happy for him, but slightly disgruntled, LOL.
Fitness Minutes: (74,004)
8,065 2/12/14 12:55 P
My adult children do...but my husband is not taking my lead. On his grocery list right now is candy , pecan twirls, and a couple of other things I can not even remember right now. When we go to the grocery store I give him some things from the list ( mostly from produce) to get, plus he gets things he wants himself. To top it off....he takes pills for pre diabetes and cholesterol.
In my family, I was the one that needed to "get it". My husband does the grocery shopping and has gradually added healthier foods and gradually eliminated junk foods. I finally "got it". Now I add to the mix and we enjoy preparing the meals. Our sons have no choice. But we do compromise. We do pizza once a week and we only order one pizza (portion control). That helps tremendously with deprivation issues.
It's just me and my husband and I'm grateful that we've always been on the same page with our food choices.
Fitness Minutes: (27,249)
1,099 2/12/14 6:06 A
Cook what you want to cook, and let them add to that if they want. I am not advocating trying to feed your family salad every night, but you can certainly make grilled chicken, baked potatoes and a salad or cooked veggie, and if they want to load the potato up with sour cream etc, let them. Being a mother and a wife is not the same as being a short order cook; if you are the one cooking, then you are the one deciding what is cooked.
As for packing lunches, maybe a salad sends him through the drive-thru, but would a turkey sub? You can add veggies and limit the amount of cheese, and while it is not as low-calorie as a salad, it's not a bad choice. Add an apple and one of the less disgusting chip options, and it's not a terrible meal choice.
I love giant weekend breakfasts, but now make mine with eggbeaters or else make something like banana muffins that no one knows are vegan and filled with healthy stuff. A big bowl of fruit salad, with nice fruit, not just apples and oranges....it is amazing how a little shredded coconut on a bowl of fruit turns it into something fancy.
I get the food=love thing, but somehow it needs to be reframed as I love you and therefore I am making you healthy and delicious things, because I want you to live a long life.
my spouse gets it..but not the rest they think they have time. I feel so bad for not being a good example for so many years
Fitness Minutes: (108,048)
2/12/14 1:01 A
My spouse "gets it" and my teen daughter is learning. But the older boys don't want to hear about it! Period. My first attention needs to be what helps me to be healthy.
Fitness Minutes: (412)
18 2/12/14 12:24 A
My long term significant other doesn't get worked up exactly...but he does bring home super tempting desserts and then act hurt if I refuse them on a low calorie day. He also doesn't eat most things that are green or anything that could be classified as a vegetable (except sometimes carrots cooked in the crockpot with a meat or romaine lettuce coated in ranch dressing). My kids, both teens, are significantly less picky eaters than he is but both of them still have a teen's high metabolism and activity level to support that. My son actually needs to work hard to increase his calories in a healthy way. None of them want to change to accommodate my weight loss goals or be inconvenienced slightly to accommodate my fitness goals.
For now, I cook dinner for the three of them and make a healthier option for myself. We all eat lunch and breakfast separately. Squeezing in time for exercise is more difficult; someone always wants my attention. A friend asked if I would ever ignore the needs of a person who depended on me. Of course not. The next question then was, "Then why is okay to ignore your own needs?" Every time I take the time to take care of myself, it's like they're jealous of that time. I'm a rival for my own attention and they hate it.
They don't get it and that's okay. I just need to remember that it is okay for me to be 'selfish' enough to care about myself too.
2/12/14 12:13 A
It almost sounds like your husband feels a little guilty and/or challenged by your changes. Kind of like that person who just can't stand it if you don't have a drink in your hand at a party (When I was young and foolish, friends would send my Diet Coke back to the bar and have brandy added to it). Stick with it long enough and hopefully he will adjust.
In the meantime, be grateful he doesn't out and out sabotage you.
I have a hubby who eats whatever he wants and does not gain weight. He is very fit and works out a lot too, so good for him. He wants to be supportive, and eats whatever I make, but he does not always "get" what is healthy for me. For example, he does not understand why a piece of garlic butter slathered bread can be "bad" with an otherwise healthy meal. I have asked him to at look over the principles of eating clean but he is not interested. I don't like that he buys some junk for the kids and states he did not know I like the stuff he bought. Of course I will like it...it's sweet/salty/ fatty and sitting there staring me in the face! Lately he has tried to buy less of this stuff, and hide what he does get so he is trying. I tell him that NOT having junkfood in the house is not depriving the kids, but he has a hard time agreeing with that. We both grew up in "food is love" homes, so this is hard to get past for both of us! We are making progress though :)
I can't imagine my dh getting worked up about the food I choose to put on my plate. I don't tell my dh what to eat and I expect the same respect from him. If I say no to something I don't expect any persuasion/guilt/argument. I am the one who plans the meals, makes the grocery list and cooks the food in our home. I do pack dh's lunch most days. I have a great deal of control over food but I'm not the food police for everyone. My dh and dd know about nutrition. They know what foods are healthy and what aren't. They can make choices that I wouldn't.
2/11/14 11:02 P
Fitness Minutes: (217,861)
28,151 2/11/14 10:20 P
Sometimes. I think my daughter focuses too much on the limits I put on myself for food choices and that bothers her. But she understands the need for me to be and live healthier.
Fitness Minutes: (333,647)
14,691 2/11/14 9:53 P
Tell hubby to get on the healthy horse with you!!!!!
Fitness Minutes: (36,342)
2,545 2/11/14 8:02 P
I'm with the don't force it, don't advertise it group.
My family gets it, to some extent. But skinny hubby likes his potato chips and 1500 calorie Saturday morning breakfast.
Since I do the majority of the shopping and cooking I buy healthy foods and cook healthy meals. Hubby can buy his own chips.
The meals I make are not typical diet foods. We eat things like spicy garlic chicken cooked in chicken broth, with noodles for hubby and daughter and fresh green beans for all of us. I just don't eat the noodles.
For the hubby who wants more than a salad foe lunch and stops at McDonalds, if you fix his lunch try adding a healthy chicken wrap.
In the long run though, all you can control is you and the kids until they get old enough to buy their own food.
Fitness Minutes: (4,595)
844 2/11/14 7:09 P
Just the fact that I have poor health-they get it & they know what i'm telling them is correct. I should have been d doctor!
Fitness Minutes: (34,007)
2/11/14 5:34 P
Fitness Minutes: (66,718)
2/11/14 4:48 P
Yes, my husband and kids get it! They've been a huge support for me on this journey.
Not everyone in my extended family "gets" it...so I just don't discuss it with them.
And may I just say, there's a big difference between not getting it and outright sabotage. Some people may feel challenged or uncomfortable with your healthy choices, but they don't have the right to control you or try to undo your progress.
I live with my boyfriend and his brother. Odd I know, but they inherited a house together. It made more sense for me to move in with them than him out with me.Other than the food issue, everything works out great. I would say my boyfriend "gets it" but forgets how much dedication this requires on my part for success. He often brings me healthy treats, once surprising me with Hatch chilies..... He is an amazing cook and it's hard to say no to his delectable dishes! He also wants fast food when we go out. I've learned to take some fruit and nuts with me as we head out the door to deal with that....Oh but that junk SMELLS so good! His brother is extremely overweight and constantly eating junk food. I've lived here over a year and I don't believe I've ever seen him eat any vegetables or even a fruit! His diet is all processed and either fried or covered in cheese. He laughs when we are both prepping our meals and offers me cheese sticks.
2/11/14 11:39 A
Fitness Minutes: (11,553)
187 2/11/14 11:16 A
I have a roommate who is trying to gain weight. She is amazingly supportive and we cook together (I add an extra veggie or two to my meal, she adds a carb and more butter/oil). The only problem is she keeps a lot of junk food in the house. I kind of look at it as the "real world". If I can resist the hostess cupcakes and potato chips at home, I can resist the pizza and donuts at work. So home is fine for me.
The problem is my parents. They are so proud of my weight loss and success, but they don't seem to get the work involved. They constantly invite me to lunch/dinner out and don't get why going to a Chinese Buffet would be stressful! Or going to a pizza restaurant "you can order a salad!". Great, thanks. lol
Their hearts are in the right place, but they don't truly understand. I hate to turn down spending time with them, but I can't eat out all the time. I've tried suggesting me cooking, which they like sometimes, but really - they are at healthy weights and they want their pizza!
That's similar to my situation, I'm a bit overweight but, have no major health issues. My husband knows he's overweight complains about it, has high blood pressure, acid reflux, and other ailments yet if I pack him a salad for lunch will immedatley stop at McDonalds. Which I know I can't stop but, I just want to figure out how to not have him literally try to shove a pancake down my throat when I say I want my oatmeal for breakfast. I wish I could keep the junk out of my house but, I do force it out of sight... maybe I just need to realize that I can't control anything other than myself and learn to deal with that. I just don't want pizza/pancakes/fries pushed in my face with the "whats the big deal" look on their face..
2/11/14 11:12 A
I lob this question back to you: does your family need to "get it" for you to be successful?
You wrote you don't expect him to be on board, but are you expecting him to be supportive of your goals? Just from the little you wrote, my immediate read was "the husband has some insecurity issue here." If that's the case, you're not struggling against him "getting" your changes, but not liking them for an emotional (not impartial/rational) reason. I have found that people who are holding a position because of an emotional driver need to come to their own "ah-ha" moment - trying to rationalize with them before they've had that moment leads to discord, resentments, cold wars, etc. I would anticipate he'd be more likely to invalidate your action plans than he will support them.
If it's an insecurity thing, I see two choices if I were in your shoes: dig down into the reason(s) he's insecure about you becoming a fitter being, and address those issues directly or indirectly ("I have the best husband in the world, I would never think of leaving you!" "Oh, that Bradley Cooper, I just don't get why people think he's all that. I like a man with a little fill in the blank here." "I've noticed my knee isn't hurting as much when I've been going down the stairs in the morning, it's such a relief. I had no idea losing just those X lbs. would have such an impact. I mean, I don't care about beach-wear or being a model, but being able to sleep better/walk better/be pain-free is really why I need to do this for myself.") OR accept your husband will not be a part of your support group and build one elsewhere. By never expecting him to be supportive, you won't be let down (and frustrated) when he isn't.
And SHERYLDS hit on a real gem: don't advertise.
Fitness Minutes: (60,747)
2/11/14 10:58 A
My family makes it clear that they don't WANT to "get it," which is really frustrating! I can't tell you how many times I've planned meals & bought a boatload of healthy foods, only to have my hubby run to Sam's Club and load up on the junk food. Sometimes it felt like he was deliberately sabotaging my efforts. He doesn't do it so much anymore, and I have to admit I can be a little "preachy" about things. Then again, HE'S the diabetic, so I'll keep trying.
Depending on who is doing the cooking... Portion control the calorie dense stuff and provide plenty of veggies family style. Make more stir fry type meals loaded with veggies. Hide veggies in meatloaf, pasta dishes, mashed potatoes. If you do the shopping ... buy more healthy snacks and "Forget" to buy the junk. And do it subtly...don't advertise.
I don't "expect" him to be "on board" just to not get worked up if I don't choose pancakes for my breakfast or fries with dinner, I make us the same basic meal and will make a small modification to mine in order to keep it light. My husband has expressed he does NOT want to "work" on his weight issues at this point. I don't want to push it on himi I just don't want the unhealthy things pushed back on me...
My opinion here; eating healthy and leading a fitness life is a lonely journey, yes, our family's health is something we ought to be mindful of but if a spouse is NOT "on board" with the plan then it won't work so you might as well go at it alone and if later he joins you then great!
Just my two cents
As for the title "Does my family "get it" - no they did not.
My kids seem to be "ok" with Mommy wants to be healthy, but my husband seems to be having trouble grasping the changes I want to make, any suggestions on how to get your family to see things from your vantage point?
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