Thanks again everyone! I have a lot of thinking and self-evaluating to do. I'll definitely look into some of those books. I think that would help a lot at a time like this.
1/30/13 3:24 P
I have lost 50 pounds so many times that I can't count them all. I am now down 110lb and my total weight loss goal is 270lb - 1/3 of my starting weight so I feel like I have some "authority" when it comes to talking about weight loss. I was recently at a seminar put on by Garfield Wilson who spoke about the "Golden Circle". All successful people operate from the Golden Circle. There are three rings in the circle, the outer ring is How? the inner ring is What? and the centre is Why?. Most people operate in How or What but successful people operate from Why.... Everyone knows how and what to do to meet their weight loss goals (or any other goal for that matter) but you need to have a strong, unwavering Why to be successful.
I too have always identified with being the biggest girl in the group and family and at one point was proud in a way that even though I was the biggest I could still participate and that I took care of myself in that I was stylish with clothes, hair and makeup. I get that it is scary to think about what the "skinny" Christy is really like - who she really is. And, will the people in my life still like the new me?
I think that if you find your true Why it will get you through all of the doubt and help you reach your goal. If you truly believe in your why it won't matter if your old life, family and friends don't fit into your new life because you will be who you are truly meant to be. Besides, even if it is hard for your sisters to no longer be the skinny girls they will still love you. They are your sisters - they have too! :) It might be intimidating for some people that you have taken on and succeeded at such a large goal, and some people just won't get it because they have never struggled with weight.
My Why is quite long but part of it is that I want my "outside to match my inside". There is so much discrimination and assumptions made about "fat" people that it will be nice to be judged for my muffin top and not my huge belly and quadruple chin. I am a fun and outgoing person inside. The more weight I lose the more energy I have to participate in life and be more like the "real" me.
You have come so far. Believe in your Why and believe in you. You can and will be the best that you can be - the real you! YOU CAN DO IT!!
Trust your Sparkie friends - we are on the same journey. (and we're geniuses! lol)
I find myself doing it to some degree. I try to sit down and write down the reasons I am making this new lifestyle part of my life. It usually helps me to get back to the feeling of commitment I had in the beginning. I guess it is sort of "Count Your Blessings" and I have had many. Hang in there you can make it to goal.
You might enjoy the book "Feeding the Hungry Heart" by Geneen Roth. She writes very well about the emotional aspects of eating and weight. She also has a book called "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating." I haven't read that one, but we all know eating and weight have emotional issues around them, and her books are very good. In fact, I'd like to read it myself now.
I also benefitted a lot from a book called "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway," by Susan Jeffers, which I read years ago. It's not about food per se, but about the scary aspect of doing, or being, something different. She helps you with understanding those feelings and moving forward.
Both are worth looking at. Good luck to you and congratulations on your success thus far.
Thank you all for your input. I do feel like part of it is because I've lost so much weight, I'm subtly starting to feel like I can relax-though I technically did that all of last year.
Also FITNESS_ELLE, I do feel in a way that there's social pressure. I've been bigger than both of my sisters my entire life. Now they've put on a little weight, and have joined a gym together, and started working out (I live in a different town all together, and work out at the school's gym). I feel like them losing weight is my cue to stay big. The two of them tend to gang up on me with other things (I'm the middle sister, so it's like the youngest one has to try to impress the older one when I'm there because when we were kids, me and the oldest one always hung out. We're a year apart, and I'm about 3 years older than my youngest sister). In a way, I feel like even though they're not saying anything, I'm subtly being kept in that role. When I went to visit my parents last Thursday, my mom offered me tons of food. The way she said it was weird. I was like "They're not eating it because they're on a diet, but here you go" kind of thing. Also, when I talk about what I'm doing, my mom brings up that my sisters are doing it too...well DUH they're doing it, but they've never been 'fat', and they really don't understand what it's like to be as huge as I am/was.
Anyway, going back to the point, I feel like everyone's excited for me, but at the same time, they don't want me to actually finish. I know they've never said that, and maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that's how I feel.
I still feel like I'm too big for certain things-clothes, fitting into certain chairs comfortably, not wanting to sit next to others on the school's transportation system because I still feel like I'm 330 pounds, and that my body will spill into the other seat or something....I guess I have "phantom butt syndrome"....I know I'm not as big as I used to be, but that might be part of why I'm trying to sabotage myself.
Yesterday I went to the gym even though I didn't want to, and ended up running into a friend. She convinced me to try the rock climbing wall, and I have to say that was probably the best therapy I'd ever had. It was something I've wanted to do for a LONG time, and just getting there and over coming that fear of others judging me ("why is that fat girl thinking she can climb the rock wall?" kind of thing) was therapeutic.
It's something I'll have to keep talking about, and my body is something I'll have to adjust to. Thank you all again. You're all wonderful and I know that without you guys, this journey would be a heck of a lot harder than it already is.
I definitely do this! About halfway there, I think: Am I really ready to be this thin athletic person? I think I fear people typecasting me/putting me into this category, and then being bitter/ and saying hurtful things. Or, wanting me to fail, and being excited when I put some weight back on...
At one of my best friend's weddings, all the other bridesmaid's picked on me about being smaller than they were - it was subtle, but I get nervous about that kind of thing. This attitude of "oh so you think you are better than us now". Even though there is no way I feel that way, it's just them feeling different around me...
Do you feel like it's social pressure to stay the way you are and not change too much?
I think you just decide that THIS TIME will be different, and recommit now that your foot starting to slip. I have been where you are -- many times -- but I've also done the "Not this time!!" thing and it works.
When I started trying to lose weight I lost about 50 lbs and then gained about 20 back. Then I lost the 20 plus another 40, and then I gained about 40 of those back. Then I had to go and lose those again. It's frustrating and you end up stuck in this cycle and it feels like you can't get out-- until you decide that you're just not going to do that anymore.
The great thing is you can decide that any time you want. Recommitting can be a powerful thing.
Success can be dangerous. People might be complimenting you, noticing your weight loss, and you may feel like "yeah, I'm awesome, I did that!" which of course is true -- but you're not finished yet and too many congratulations and you may start subconsciously to relax. That's why it's important to keep your eye on your goal and not to listen to the "you've lost so much weight, you can afford to relax a little" voices inside or outside of your head.
Some times weight acts like a body of armor. Many people for many reasons do the yoyo thing too. If you have a weight issue with an underlying emotional factor ignoring that and not seeking help for it is going to get you in the end. Yes fear can be a big factor. If your identity for good or bad is part of your weight you will need to work through that. But you realy will need to have a long quiet moment with yourself to think about any past issues you have painful as they may be and find the root of the problem.
I have found myself doing this as well. For me, I've found that it's almost like a fear response...for so much of my life I have associated myself as being overweight. It's been part of my self identity and the idea of losing part of my self identity can be scary.
Every time I hit a 10 lbs lost mark I find myself doing this little yoyo thing, where I will subtly sabotage myself, bounce up and down a pound a few times, and then get on with things. But it takes work to convince myself to get on with things. Like you, habit is what carries me through those days.
It's the thought that, if I don't get my act together, then all the work that I had accomplished to date would be completely wasted, that usually gets me going in the right direction again. I don't WANT to be overweight. I WANT to be fit and lean and healthy. It's a mantra that I keep repeating to myself, through all my internal whining and bargain-making. Eventually it works.
The thing that worries me is that one of these days I'll hit that 10 lb lost mark in the middle of some upheaval, and that mantra will get lost in the chaos, and I'll be back where I started.
I wish I knew the right thing to say, exactly, but I don't think I do. I didn't want to let your post go by unanswered, though, as you should know that you're not alone in your journey.
I wish I knew what you meant by "things that subtly slow me down". I think my response to what I would do in that situation would depend on what the things are (whether they're bad food choices or lack of exercise...)
You wrote that the "Only thing keeping me going is habit." I'm so glad that you recognize this. The habits you have used to make the amazing progress you have are very empowering! I suppose one thing to do is to build on what you're already doing well.
I read the quotes you have in your signature line. This one particularly jumped out at me: "The longer you stay down, the heavier your burden will be when you decide to pick yourself back up." Anything you can do today will help make it easier to get to your goals eventually.
I wrote a blog on this, but I feel like maybe I need some input from the message boards. I am over halfway to reaching my goal weight. I'm approximately 18 pounds away from losing my 100th pound. You'd think I'd be excited to keep going, but the thing is, this happened to me in 2011 as well. I got to about where I am now, and all of a sudden, I found myself doing things that subtly slowed me down. I ended up gaining about 30 pounds, and I maintained that loss for about a year. In November, I started losing again, and I'm finding myself back at that point. The only thing keeping me going right now is habit.
I am not sure why I'm sabotaging myself like this, but I don't think I'm the only one that does this. Does anyone have any input? Or insights? I don't have health insurance, or the money to seek counseling at this time. Any advice would help.
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