I was abused in almost every way by people who were suppose to love me, mostly from my parents. I am not sure if I have repressed memories, but I probably do not. I lived through some horrific abuse. I don't run from my emotions is one reason. I have had some bawling days in bed. I have had to where I would cry on and off for a week or so. I had my husband to hold me and listen to me. I felt like a little girl at times, but he allowed me to get it out. At first he would say you need to stop thinking about this or that. I told him I need to share it with someone because they feel like horrific secrets that need to come out, and I want the pain to leave. It took a while because I cried so hard I could not talk, the pain was so real and raw, He listened, he held me, he loved on me, he seen me through it. I bawled and bawled and God was with us. I give God the credit, because first I went to him for the strength to even be able to face another with it. I also as a child would always talk to God as I would pet my dog, I would cry when nobody saw me then I would break out in that old song (which I have the old record now) by Donna Fargo "I am the Happiest Girl in the Whole USA" God put that song in my heart and had me sing it, before I knew it I was up singing it and skipping to it, and I actually was the happiest girl. That is how I lived through it, but I also thought it was how people lived in most homes even though I knew it felt wrong, that is why when I became an adult the pain came back when I learned most people do not live that way. I forgave my abusers in my heart, some are still here, some have passed. I am unsure if they knew I forgave them because they never asked for forgiveness, but I forgave them in my heart. When a bad memory comes back I can get watery eyes still because of how wrong it is, but then I get happy because I have a happy life full of love because I chose forgiveness over sulking in pain. I chose love instead of hate. None of this would have happened without God. I do not attend church, I never read the bible, I rarely discuss God with anyone, but I do have a personal relationship with him. I do acknowledge he is real, and I try to be the best I can be. I don't talk to him long in my days, but I am truthful to him rather good or bad. I don't ask for frivolous things. I pray for others as well. I love God and because of him I am a survivor! He gave me strength, he led me to my husband many moons ago, he allowed me to breathe fresh air and live in the moment and look forward to my tomorrows. He helped me forgive and wash away the hurt. My husband also has come to me in our 25 years we have been together and did a washing with me over things that were hurting him from his past. None of this would have happened without God.
Fitness Minutes: (1,102)
10/29/12 10:46 A
Yes, but I think that it's natural and healthy to want to forget the bad memories and just keep the good ones.
Fitness Minutes: (3,992)
10/29/12 9:38 A
Hmmm I don't put thought to it, a memory is triggered off my many things a scent, a song, a movie, a noise, a place etc. I want all my memories rather good or bad because both of them made me who I am today. When a good one comes along I try to remember everything about it, when a bad one comes a long I try to make it short and think of what a hero I am to have survived it. I want all my memories. Lucky for me I don't have much guilt, because guilt can make you want to run from memories. I hated guilt as a kid so as an adult I really do not have much. I hated when I took the cool looking owl calculator from the classroom when I was a kid, I thought about my bad mistake all the time, my heart raced and I felt very bad. I wanted to sneak it back in but was afraid I would get caught doing so. I was a coward and never admitted to it or gave it back I ended up throwing it in the garbage and felt bad for a real long time.
I do and I do it to stay positive. It helps me remember that I am worth all the good choices I am making every "today" I get.
Fitness Minutes: (171,443)
19,092 10/28/12 2:42 P
So just for today I am going to remember how hard it was to take the walk and how too easy it is to eat hubby's birthday cake. Hey?
10/28/12 8:02 A
I also select to remember the good times, those bad times sneek in sometimes though!
Fitness Minutes: (171,443)
19,092 10/28/12 12:57 A
I FORGET I EXERCISED TODAY AND THEN ATE TOO MUCH... SO THERE WILL BE NO WEIGHT LOSS TOMORROW WEIGH IN. I just want to break the cycle of eating too much and then hoping to exercise it off. and it not working then eating more. So today is day one.
Fitness Minutes: (28,925)
10/28/12 12:37 A
Fitness Minutes: (171,443)
19,092 10/28/12 12:19 A
I wish I could forget to eat'.
Fitness Minutes: (50,270)
1,992 10/27/12 12:50 P
Yes, I do this too, and I think it's probably healthier not to rehash the bad stuff too often - except to use it as a tool, as you noted. But I think it also depends on the memory...
For instance, the 10th anniversary of my son's death was this week, and while "dwelling" on that awful day 10 years ago really isn't helpful, my memories of him and my grief (which is more manageable now, but never really goes away) are my only real connections to him now. Thinking about him is always bittersweet, but the memories are a very important part of being able to live a healthy and happy life without him being here.
At 50 I've had a good mix of great and not-so-great moments happen to me and I am just not the kind of person who'd like to rehash the bad times. Oh, don't get me wrong, bad memories have their place, I use them as tools to remember what NOT to do or avoid that situation again but when I am daydreaming or recalling old memories I just like to think of the "good things" that have happened to me.
I would like to think that I will never actually LIE to myself mis-remember something that didn't actually happen just to make myself feel better, oh no, that would be bad. But if I had my 'druthers I'd just like to practice remembering only the "selected" memories of my past.
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