I think I care way too much whether people like me. It is really painful for me to feel disliked. At the same time, I distance myself from people to avoid conflict because I have realized I am terrible about asserting myself when it is necessary. I say yes to everyone and everything.
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30 9/2/13 12:28 A
I wish that I could feel comfortable enough in my own skin to say it doesn't matter what others think of me. But I do care what others think.
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If I was you, I would do my job and either ignore that man or bring charges against him.
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1,913 9/1/13 10:17 P
i had all that drama like you have - a woman was put over me at work and she totally ignores me and wont give me work so i have to scratch for things to fill the whole day. she tells so many lies that she has all people eating out of her hand - but i had an amazing thing happen i found God in the storm and He filled me with more than all that horrible drama. He brought people into my life that built me up and genuinely cared. I am in a town for this job with no family and i was a single woman and no support. but i found a church family that cared and loved me and even though i am very introvert - i have a few people who love me but better than that i have faith in a God that tells me trials will come and i will get over them in his strength - pray is so powerful. the bible is like gold and the words leap out at you, with help and advice that no person can give you. also the Holy Spirit inside you comes and makes you strong when you are the only one in the room who is not laughing at you or saying hurtful things. Love love love and pray for those people - we work for God we don't work for people.
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21,508 9/1/13 3:41 P
I agree with others who've replied. It's time to start circulating your resume and looking for a new position in a different company. Don't tell anyone you're looking because the boss will make your work life more miserable in hopes that you'll quit. The gossip will follow you to another department, that's why you have to leave. Changing companies would be good for you personally and professionally. When we change jobs, we acquire new skills as well as new friends.
I would suggest updating your resume and checking the local job listings. see what's out there. I'll warn you, the job market is in a bad state all over. You may find it takes several months before you find a new job. That's why you need to start the process now. The sooner you find a new job, the better you'll feel.
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1,782 9/1/13 3:18 P
Sure I would like it if everyone liked me but it's not going to make or break me if they don't. I think that's just something that comes with age.
I learned a long time ago that no matter what I say or do, someone somewhere will be unhappy with me. I have to know that I am okay with what I do, I'm the one who has to live with my decisions. The heck with everyone else. I honestly don't care whether others like me. I'm not in denial as suggested by a previous poster. I simply am able to protect my self-worth without outside sources. I'm am also mostly an introvert. I work in early childhood, and if you want to see gossip...try working with a building with 40 women and small children. There's gossip between teachers, teachers and parents and parents. However I don't repeat it, don't say anything about anyone to anyone (except the director is a child is at risk in any way), and just go in, do my work, and go home. They are not my friends. My work life is very separate from my private life in general. I also nanny (but since there's no one gossiping there that job is tangled into my personal life somewhat).
When I was young I worried so much and wanted to make everyone around me happy, put myself last. If someone didn't like me I worried myself sick. But now that I am older, I really could care less. I am who I am, like me or not! I have my family and true friends. I love making new friends, but I am not going to stress about if they like me or not....
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306 9/1/13 10:57 A
I agree with another poster to go above him and ask for a transfer. Why should you work in an unpleasant environment? You're at work a lot of your waking hours and it should be a pleasant experience.
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1,654 9/1/13 10:20 A
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2,953 9/1/13 10:00 A
Yes it is time for you to move on as you have reached a crossroad in your life wherein it is time to go in a different direction. Is it worth the extra money to have that additional stress in your life...only a decision you can make.
Thanks everyone! I think it is just really hard for me because I've been there so long and make really good money!! I can't afford to take a huge pay cut. I don't know:/
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4,140 9/1/13 7:04 A
It sounds as if you're coming to the end of the road in the place where you work at present. Even if you get a transfer, if he's been mouthing off about you you'll go into any new department with a reputation.
Obviously you've made a few mistakes where you are, and you've learnt from them. Time to move on, 8 years older and wiser.
I agree with the one who said you shouldn't tell anyone at work you're looking around until you hand in your resignation - except, if it works the same as in UK, you'll have to get references. Can you go above your immediate boss for the references?
It sounds as if you're a good worker so getting a new job shouldn't be difficult. But for goodness sake when you get your new job don't open your mouth without first considering the consequences of what you're about to say!
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1,031 9/1/13 7:02 A
I believe most poeple care what at least some people think of them. I know many people who claim they don't care what people think, and whether people like them. But they are in denial, IMO. There is at least some group or sector they want to belong to and they will purposely do things within that group or sector in hopes that people will "like them."
In reading your case, I think the only real solution is for YOU to look for another job and put all this behind you. This will sound like "tough love" but you can move on from it. What you can't expect is the drama that was caused partly by you, to just go away by continuing to report people and continually asking for a transfer. I have done things that I regret as well, or turned out embarassing when I hoped it might be otherwise, so I don't mean this as a put down. We are all human.
I am not going to jump to the same conclusions that everyone else here has about your supervisor being a jerk and telling everyone about your crush on him. You may simply not be his type (and yes, I think age differences is a valid reason for someone not to be interested and I actually have respect for men who would prefer someone closer to his own age). Maybe he wants to make it very clear that this was not a two-way thing because if he says nothing, that is what many will assume. Besides, we know almost nothing about him. Was he married or otherwise attached to someone else? Sorry to be a devil's advocate but I see many sides to this possible scenario and definitely feel the best solution is for you to look for a new job and leave this one behind.
Unfortunately, I don't have time to read the OP, but to answer the question, I do my best to make people like me, but a few times, I run into those I don't like, and they don't like me either. It's a big world, so it doesn't much concern me unless I have to work closely with them. If I run into a situation where it does really matter if someone likes me or not and we are working closely together, I usually try to make a time that we can talk and work out our differences. Usually, we come to some understanding, and in many cases find that we have more in common than we thought we had.
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1,194 8/31/13 9:13 P
Of course Yes
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In the interest of simplicity, it may be time to quietly start looking for other employment. It's going to be hard to circumvent the drama that now envelopes.
In the meantime, just focus on doing your job well& being professional and pleasant. Period. Don't give the ofc gossips something more to yak about.
Don't say anything to anyone until you give notice. And even then, be careful what you say as so many industries are "small" and you never know when you may be working alongside one of these people again. Also, they may know others in the same biz that you are hoping to work for so take the high & professional road.
Hmmmm I'd go to human resources and ask to be transfered and that you've asked your supervisor many times and he's said no and doesn't give you a good reason. He sounds like a very spiteful man, the worst thing you could of done was tell him you have feelings for him but things happen in life and sometimes you go with your heart and instead of being a gentleman about it he chose to be a jerk. I know I fell for someone at work when I was single (wasn't a boss but) it didn't end well and then I had to see him on a daily basis and heard from all of his friends that he was so depressed yada yada yada. There is an old saying never poop where you eat... I never saw anyone again from a job after that and although you didn't date this guy he's being rotten to you. I can feel for you , I'd go above his head and if that doesn't work it might be time to look for a new job. I think he feels like he has even more power over you not only cause he's your boss but because he knows you once had feelings for him. It's a tough call I wish you the best!
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1,841 8/31/13 7:35 P
Go over his head and put in your own transfer application. Move on. Then realize your mistakes and don't repeat them. Learn to think first. Do not mistake work friends for real friends. And keep your private life, private.
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20,806 8/31/13 7:31 P
I am posting one of my blog entries that I refer to often....I hope you find wisdom in it too.
Monday, December 18, 2006
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret
These are Toltec agreements authored by Miguel Ruiz
So I have been at my job 8 years. In that time a lot has happened where I work. About 2 years after I started working there my check was "accidentally" opened by my supervisor. I told upper management on him because I freaked out. I am very impulsive. I also freaked because where I work people tend to gossip a lot (my supervisor being a ringleader) so I automatically thought he was going to tell everyone how much I make. Anyway he didn't handle being talked to by upper management that well, seeing as he had been there 30 years at the time it was the first time he got in trouble. Well as time went on I felt that we mended the fences so to speak. 2 years ago I started to develop feelings for him (I know bad idea). I told him how I feel and he didn't feel the same, he said the age difference was to much and with him being above me. Anyway after that happened a lot of drama has happened. He told everyone about my crush on him, yelled at me numerous times in front of everyone for minor things, and actively been nosily trying to pry on my personal life.
Overall the last 2 years have been hell working with him. He won't put in a transfer because I make him look good because I'm a good worker (yet he hates me). I have asked him numerous times for a transfer and he refuses, he says he doesn't have a problem with me. I just found out last week that he was in a different department calling me a b**** and can't stand the site of me, wants me to quit, and hates my guts!
My question is how do I get along with him?? I am the type of person where my feelings get hurt easily. I don't want anymore drama at work so I don't want to get him in trouble again. He won't sit down to talk to me about the obvious personal issues. When I've questioned him in the past about gossip I've heard he gets real defensive and denies everything. I just don't know what to do:/
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