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MISSRUTH Posts: 4,231
10/13/13 5:01 A

oh, idk.... the pretty young lady might have been the boss's daughter! Or the young man's girlfriend. Or it could've been that she had an appointment, and you were a walk-in. Not a reflection on you at all.

Personally, I think whether I feel I'm being overlooked or not.... has a lot to do with how *I* feel about myself and how I project myself. I have no problem speaking up (being assertive, not to be confused with being obnoxious) and saying, "I was here first" or "Excuse me, but I'm next in line". Not confrontational, not at all angry or annoyed or whatever... just statement of fact. I think the vibe or whatever you want to call it that we send out, is going to directly influence what we get back in return.

IMMORTALDEBRA SparkPoints: (26,110)
Fitness Minutes: (125)
Posts: 210
10/11/13 12:34 P

thanks for the male point of view!

10/11/13 11:51 A

@Debra: I can imagine it's frustrating and that it may seem like that's how one is treated all the time but it isn't about "you", it's about the guy who is looking at the young attractive girl, this is HIS problem and has zero to do with you personally.

Next time you believe this to be true ask to talk to someone in-charge and let them know you noticed an error on an employees part, you may just find out that another had an appointment previously arranged or something to that effect.

You can only work on you like I did for myself and we are more than capable of making ourselves healthier looking and dress attractively. Mind set is key.

RE: looks of disgust
Oh yeah, when I was a lifetime member of the fat boys club women looked at me like I was a CREEPER if I would say Hi to them or look their way. I worked with a woman years ago who told my boss that I was creepy and she felt uncomfortable around me. I also use to get left out of the Friday after work bar scene by my colleagues (The same ones today)

GRACE1054 Posts: 605
9/24/13 10:56 A

I think every last one of us have at one time or another treated another person as though he/she is "invisible". We like to think we haven't, but I sincerely doubt that is true. I also think we do it to ourselves sometimes because we go into situations thinking so negatively about ourselves that we assume everyone else must feel the same way when, in reality, they aren't thinking anything about us.
That said, I'm pretty sure the man who ignored you will begin paying more attention to who is next in line even if he doesn't feel he treated you poorly.

JULIA1154 Posts: 1,783
9/22/13 3:38 P

I've had this issue regardless of my weight. I'm petite and not very flashy and frequently feel invisible. It's not just men - usually it's other women, many of whom are in my age group.

I've figured out that this is not going to change and I don't take it too personally anymore. However, I will sometimes call and talk to the manager of a shop or other business if I see this happening consistently. Being aware of an issue is only one part of the equation. Doing what can be done about it is the other half of the equation. Letting it roll off your back - and guarding against doing it oneself to others - is the icing on the cake (to hopelessly mix metaphors).

FRUGALISTA54 Posts: 260
9/22/13 3:06 P

Oh yes, and this is particularly annoying because I have limited mobility and walk with a cane. In shopping malls and hospitals people often walk directly in my path as if I should just sashay out of their way. What is it that puts everyone in such a hurry?! emoticon

Edited by: FRUGALISTA54 at: 9/22/2013 (15:07)
LADYBIRD82 Posts: 1,700
9/22/13 2:42 P

Not anymore. emoticon

ALBERTJON SparkPoints: (3,133)
Fitness Minutes: (7,415)
Posts: 1,299
9/12/13 1:21 P

I don't really think it is a male preferring an attractive female thing as much as it is people being biased on the side of physical attractiveness and youth.

I have occasionally had things happen like waiting to give blood at my appointed time and some young, handsome fellow comes in off the street and gets in before me because one of the nurses found him to be attractive. Or being at a workshop and waiting in line to get some handouts, and some lady at the table giving a young handsome fellow the material even though he was at the back of the line. This happens fairly often to many of us.

Our society is programmed to favor the young and beautiful. I even find myself doing that, and I should know better.

WATERONE gave some great advice! Believe in yourself. You WILL succeed!

WATERONE SparkPoints: (96,566)
Fitness Minutes: (87,023)
Posts: 1,912
9/12/13 8:43 A

ImmortalDebra, it is hard. emoticon I don't get ignored very often because I've gotten much more assertive as I've gotten older. The negativity is a real problem. My mother (86) no longer sees any joy in life and is constantly negative. I've found myself becoming negative in response and that just makes it worse. I'm working on staying positive in the face of negativity. It is an uphill climb.

Remember, what is most important is what you think about yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe you are worth it, because you are. Fight their prejudice and negativity by caring about and for yourself. Show them, it doesn't matter what they say or think. You are important. You are a priority. You are beautiful.

Keep telling yourself these things and you will shine and you will succeed. emoticon

IMMORTALDEBRA SparkPoints: (26,110)
Fitness Minutes: (125)
Posts: 210
9/12/13 8:32 A

It seems to me that men can be of any size and it is acceptable. I have experienced a lot of discrimination, especially from young men. For example I was waiting for an oil change and a pretty young lady came in some time after me, and then somehow her car went in before mine. I had a Sybil moment after that. I asked the young man if he would like someone to treat his Mother like that. He acted like I was crazy and denied that she was more important because she was attractive. A lot of times I am ignored for customer service. Get looks of disgust. Did you ever notice that when men say that a woman is fat that the word ugly usually follows? It is so hard to stay on a diet and try to improve yourself when you are bombarded with negativity.

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