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Do Your Loved Ones Sabotage You?



 
 
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TCANNO
SparkPoints: (89,125)
Fitness Minutes: (60,483)
Posts: 16,116
12/25/12 3:39 A

No but sometimes friends try to




DETERMINEDLOSER
Posts: 4,509
12/25/12 2:49 A

Yes! Although I have to remember that I have choices!



WILDANGEL72
Posts: 120
12/25/12 2:23 A

@ REYNINGSUNSHINE: I can absolutely relate to this scenario. It seems like some people, not necessarily my loved ones, but coworkers and such, do like to tease or mock people who are trying to make healthy choices. Even the ppl who are thin and fit and spend every spare minute either training for, or running in, marathons. I firmly believe it's because being thin or attractive or physically fit is the only thing they have going that makes them feel special, and if other people get thin and healthy, too, they won't hold that monopoly and won't feel like such a rare and special commodity. Those ppl, with their negativity and junior-high-cool-kid mentality just get tuned out or treated to a playful but decisive comeback. (A few brain cells and quick wit can stop almost any naysayer cold--especially the insecure ones.) I just feel like, if you're healthy, great--you should want to see others get healthy. If you're not healthy, fine--just don't try to hold back the ones that decide to do something about it. Stay strong and remember why ppl make fun of others in the first place. ;-)

Edited by: WILDANGEL72 at: 12/25/2012 (02:24)


WELLNESSME09
Posts: 7,634
12/23/12 5:24 A

No!



THROOPER62
Posts: 16,487
12/23/12 5:17 A

Yes



REYNINGSUNSHINE
SparkPoints: (20,346)
Fitness Minutes: (41,738)
Posts: 523
12/23/12 5:06 A

Sometimes, yes. Not in the "here, have sweet treats!" way but in the "here, eat this bad food, and if you don't, we are going to make fun of you" kind of way. They only support my healthy behaviors if it can be hidden. They don't understand that I choose healthy entrees at restaurants because that is what I LIKE, and I do take bites of treat foods to experience the sensory part of food. I'm not an all-or-nothing person, and I choose what is "worth the calories" for myself, but they seem to always want to choose that for me.



OFGREENGABLES
Posts: 513
12/22/12 11:46 P

sometimes. I'm learning to speak up.



SUECHRIS50
SparkPoints: (57,073)
Fitness Minutes: (56,550)
Posts: 3,203
12/22/12 11:41 P

yes they do but,they are getting better at loving me with books or magazines instead of food!



MUSHCAT
Posts: 4,639
12/22/12 11:12 P

Only if I ALLOW them to. They may be a bad influence, but I am in total control of what and how much I eat.



KIPPER15
Posts: 5,562
12/22/12 10:24 P

I can do sabotage all by myself, they don't have to help!



COLETTE881
SparkPoints: (1,985)
Fitness Minutes: (1,310)
Posts: 33
12/22/12 10:20 P

They try to help but sometimes it's more like sabotaging...



MYUTMOST4HIM
Posts: 11,440
12/22/12 8:26 P

sometimes but it is unintentional



SKINNYMISSKASEY
SparkPoints: (111,795)
Fitness Minutes: (167,820)
Posts: 3,939
12/22/12 6:41 P

No



GAELA-I-CAN
Posts: 2,000
12/22/12 5:33 P

DEFINATELY



AURORAMILLET
SparkPoints: (28,032)
Fitness Minutes: (14,966)
Posts: 3,221
12/22/12 2:53 P

No.



RUBENB2003
Posts: 10,133
12/22/12 2:53 P

They used to but not anymore



BERTA6978
SparkPoints: (36,978)
Fitness Minutes: (40,709)
Posts: 820
12/22/12 2:19 P

My hubby alternates between sabateur and supporter. A couple of days ago he bought me a chips and a big container of chip dip. That's one of the foods I can't stay away from. So far, I've managed to ignore it, by keeping it in the back of the fridge.



WAY2GOCAT
SparkPoints: (55,099)
Fitness Minutes: (14,565)
Posts: 4,187
12/22/12 2:16 P

No, I'm grateful to have a loving husband that supports and helps me.



MEXGAL1
SparkPoints: (219,136)
Fitness Minutes: (142,640)
Posts: 11,907
12/22/12 12:56 P

yes, by wanting to eat out more than I do.



KARENCRANER
Posts: 3,421
12/22/12 12:02 P

A bit of mutual sabotaging occurs, especially over the holidays.



TIG123GER
SparkPoints: (76,906)
Fitness Minutes: (17,391)
Posts: 2,116
12/21/12 11:23 A

We actually both sabotage each other but not in a mean way - we buy things we know the other would like even though we shouldn't.



JULIE700
Posts: 607
12/21/12 11:21 A

My Dad is a saboteur. He sabotages everyone.



RASIRE
Posts: 284
12/21/12 10:47 A

No. I'm very grateful to have a SO that is very supportive.



SRBSRB26
SparkPoints: (92,930)
Fitness Minutes: (63,606)
Posts: 3,667
12/21/12 7:45 A

no



GLITTERFAIRY77
Posts: 8,023
12/21/12 7:34 A

Yes, it's happened, but once they see I'm NOT going to bend, they end up going along with my healthy choices themselves.

If a fat chick can do it, I guess they can, too.

Edited by: GLITTERFAIRY77 at: 12/21/2012 (07:35)


TCANNO
SparkPoints: (89,125)
Fitness Minutes: (60,483)
Posts: 16,116
12/21/12 3:55 A

no but some "friends" try to




LWLAR7
Posts: 591
12/21/12 3:42 A

Sometimes



LATTELEE
Posts: 3,887
12/21/12 3:24 A

Yes



ELLEKTRA
Posts: 2,894
12/21/12 2:42 A

no



YMUNDERWOOD
SparkPoints: (192,561)
Fitness Minutes: (167,237)
Posts: 18,692
12/21/12 1:37 A

They do, when we have family dinners, always mke vegetable dishes and refuse to bring soda, and if I make something that requires sugar i use less suger and i do tell the. So they will say things like I don't have to lose weight.



REGILIEH
SparkPoints: (191,966)
Fitness Minutes: (131,800)
Posts: 7,710
12/21/12 1:04 A

No



PEACEHOPE1
SparkPoints: (15,057)
Fitness Minutes: (7,409)
Posts: 652
12/20/12 10:26 P

My husband will make comments that appear to be supportive. However, he also makes pestering little comments about how I "eat like a little birdie now" and I know him - that's not a compliment. He needs to lose weight more urgently than I do - he's very large - but just isn't in the mind set to make it happen right now. Little things he says tells me he feels threatened by the improvements in my appearance. And it's not uncommon for him to question how much more I want to lose - he thinks I'm going to look too thin - well, I'm still over 190 pounds so I don't really think I'm in danger of that at this point. And sometimes I don't know if he's trying to sabotage my efforts or just doesn't think things through - by asking to order a late night pizza - or choosing a buffet or all you can eat place when it's his pick for dinner out.



MANDIETERRIER1
Posts: 13,499
12/20/12 6:45 P

No I do that all by myself.



ARUSHING2
SparkPoints: (26,830)
Fitness Minutes: (19,755)
Posts: 720
12/20/12 6:35 P

Definitely, yes - yes - yes, everyday and all along the way!



CORKYTHEMOM1
SparkPoints: (89,354)
Fitness Minutes: (59,760)
Posts: 13,916
12/20/12 6:31 P

No



HSMOMX2
Posts: 1,255
12/20/12 5:22 P

yes



NORWOODGIRL
SparkPoints: (119,775)
Fitness Minutes: (98,030)
Posts: 14,714
12/20/12 5:21 P

unfortunately my husband does



JANIEWWJD
SparkPoints: (207,631)
Fitness Minutes: (188,200)
Posts: 6,559
12/20/12 5:11 P

Not really.



WILDANGEL72
Posts: 120
12/20/12 3:36 P

You know, I've noticed that the vast hoards of birds in my back yard really love chips... emoticon



BEBOP4ME
SparkPoints: (17,954)
Fitness Minutes: (13,338)
Posts: 427
12/20/12 3:34 P

Yes. He doesn't want to lose the weight because it will require him to cut back or give up many of the things he loves. I tell him with sparkpeople, he just needs to enjoy his favorites in moderation. For example, we ate pizza last night for my 5 year olds birthday party. I had one piece. He does not think he could cut back that drastically, but then again, he hasn't tried. And when I sent him to the store to get milk, he came back with not 1 but 4 bags of chips. I think I will let him have some of it and then it will quietly disappear emoticon



WILDANGEL72
Posts: 120
12/20/12 3:25 P

@ slenderlla: I remember when I lost my weight the first time. It was a daily battle, or at least a daily commitment, to keep it off and not slide back into old habits. It doesn't magically become easy to stay small once you get that way. Thus, my present situation.

My DH keeps insisting he loves me "thick" and doesn't want me to change a thing, but we were friends for years when I was thick before--and we didn't get together till I was a size 6. Suddenly he, and men all over the place, noticed I was there and saw me as a woman and not "one of the guys." So it's not really that he likes me better this way; I think he just finds things easier this way. Less time working out or walking means more time to spend watching TV with him. If I don't go for walks or eat healthy, I won't be asking or expecting him to do it, either. He lost 60 lbs early in our relationship because he ate what I cooked and went for walks with me. Now he's put that back on, and I think he just doesn't want to make the effort this time, so it'll be easier for him if I don't either.

Bottom line, though, I have to do this for me to be happy. Even if he really, truly, loved the way I look now better than when I was small, it wouldn't matter because I don't like it. I was much happier, and felt so much better and more energetic then. My knees sure were happier!
emoticon



TRUEGRITS
SparkPoints: (7,583)
Fitness Minutes: (585)
Posts: 118
12/20/12 2:46 P

Yup, my mom...food equals love especially at the holidays.



SLENDERELLA61
SparkPoints: (148,237)
Fitness Minutes: (110,819)
Posts: 7,657
12/20/12 2:32 P

My hubby denies that I have improved my health and life by losing over 80 pounds. He thinks my fitness activities are excessive and tells me I have no expertise in nutrition. He keeps bringing junk, junk, junk food into the house. Often I'm strong and it doesn't bother me, but occasionally his junk food trips me up. Sometimes I think he really is trying to hurt me and other times I think he is just in denial and refusing to improve his lifestyle. I may be a little nuts when it comes to food and weight and scales and exercise, so it is hard for me to be objective. I'm afraid we do not bring out the best in each other.

My mom and most of my other relatives just think it comes easy to me now. It has been almost 4 years since I lost the weight, but it takes effort every day. Really only my maintaining SparkFriends understand.



KKLENNERT809
Posts: 7,167
12/20/12 2:31 P

My husband does, he gets tired of the foods that I like to eat so he makes meat and potatoes kind of meals. He gets upset that I don't eat this type of meal with him. It creates a bit of a problem in our relationship.



CHEETARA79
SparkPoints: (71,633)
Fitness Minutes: (49,219)
Posts: 3,469
12/20/12 2:20 P

It is very frustrating. However the bottom line is: no one can sabotage you unless you let them. No one can make you chew and swallow food if you don't want to. Keep that in mind when the food-pushers attack you over the holidays! You don't have to say yes. You don't have to be rude either but keep your healthy goals in mind when you face the food-pushers.



SUEACCT
SparkPoints: (35,309)
Fitness Minutes: (2,031)
Posts: 1,730
12/20/12 2:18 P

Yep - in subtle ways!



WILDANGEL72
Posts: 120
12/20/12 2:04 P

I've started bringing my dinner to work, to ward off all the "a few fries won't hurt you" and "you have to eat" conversations there.

At home, I just had to tell my better half that I ate right and was healthy before we started dating, and I need to get back to doing that again for myself, my health, and my happiness. I've asked him not to bring home fast food or desserts, and if he does, I'll appreciate the thought but I can't eat the food. It's hard sometimes because we aren't made of money and I was raised not to waste food. He knows that, too, and I think he counts on it to keep me from turning anything down.

Does anyone else get frustrated with someone in their life that really doesn't want them to lose weight, either because of their own insecurity, or maybe because they really do like you in a larger size? Or because they need to change and don't feel like they can, or don't want to make the effort, and misery loves company? I have the hardest time convincing my other half that it doesn't matter how great he thinks I look great if I'm not happy in my own skin. I feel like he's afraid if I get back to the size and state of mind I was in when I was smaller, that he may find himself with competition--which is not true, because I'm committed to him, but I really think his own insecurity is driving his "generosity".

Edited by: WILDANGEL72 at: 12/20/2012 (14:12)


ALLYTHEATHLETE
Posts: 858
12/20/12 2:03 P

All the time. DH is always asking if I want to go out to dinner, brings home take out and tries to get me to fall into his rabbit hole of decadence. I'm not always good at resisting, either. I think it's a subconscious thing because HE'S the one who's diabetic and should be eating healthier and exercising to prevent unpleasant complications like, blindness, amputations, and DEATH, but for whatever reason, he's unmotivated and wants me to be fat and unhealthy with him. Yeah, I'm bitter. I just try not to let him get to me.



DIDS70
Posts: 5,070
12/20/12 12:48 P

Unfortunately we live in a world where food is treated as a special prize for something well done. Luckily i don't have anyone that sabotages me but me.

I suppose you need to handle the situation tactfully. I haven't sworn off anything. I just choose not to partake in certain foods.

If someone chooses to make something for me or buy something for me, I tactfully turn it down. my health is more important to me.



WILDANGEL72
Posts: 120
12/20/12 12:18 P

Do you find that the people you love often end up being enablers--or even sabotuers--in your efforts to reach and maintain a healthy lifestyle? It seems like even the most well-meaning of my friends and family verbally support me, but then...

He brings home the ice cream, or take out, or something else unhealthy, because I've had a really rough week and I deserve it...

They order out at work and insist that you have some cheese fries or greasy pizza, because I've been doing so great and I have to reward yourself every now and then...

He runs out and grabs a surprise treat because I'm so beautiful the way I am, I don't need to lose weight anyway, and besides you can't deprive yourself totally, right?

Mom makes a high-fat, high-carb, high-cal meal because it's a special occasion any time I stop by...

What do yall do, how do you gracefully handle it when someone spends money, time, or effort, giving you bad-habit foods you don't need--and really don't want--to eat? What do you do when you're determined to eat right, and others seem determined to indulge you and not let you "starve" yourself with all those lean proteins and whole grains?

Edited by: WILDANGEL72 at: 12/20/2012 (14:11)


 
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