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KKKAREN Posts: 12,754
6/1/13 9:03 A

Wow sorry for your loss or is it your gain? Look forward and don't look back. It could be time to reinvent yourself and your life.

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
5/31/13 3:00 P

Make sure you get a good lawyer (have him pay for it) and DON'T SIGN ANYTHING HE MAY DRAW UP HIMSELF! My husbands cousins wife tried drawing something up and having him sign it and at first she had him blaming himself for the divorce cause he didn't have 3 jobs! He's finally seeing the light (she has a bf on the side already) and he went to free counsel and he told him don't you sign anything and also told him that he's entitled to alimony from her because she makes 23,000 more then he does!
Be careful this is no longer the person that has your best interest at heart, he's looking to go with his pockets full..... DON'T FORGET ABOUT HIS 401K IF HE HAS ONE OR MILITARY BENEFITS IF HE WAS IN THAT TO, your entitled to so much through the military as you get older.
Good luck to you and the kids!

REGILIEH SparkPoints: (541,171)
Fitness Minutes: (290,100)
Posts: 16,620
5/30/13 5:34 A

You and yours are in my prayers. Life is not easy but God gives us life and the love that goes with it so just know and remember you ARE loved.

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EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
5/30/13 4:31 A

{{{Hugs}}} Be good to yourself! Make sure he pays alimony!

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (555,466)
Fitness Minutes: (342,527)
Posts: 15,594
5/30/13 2:33 A

I am so sorry. I will pray for you!!!!

KARALEAM Posts: 4,946
5/30/13 12:16 A

Thank you for all of your advice. I am catholic and have a wonderful priest that I can talk to. And yes he is cheating on me. His girlfriend friended my on facebook. I accepted out of curiosity, because I knew her. So when looking on her wall, she had posted on my husband's birthday this past Friday " To my best friend in the whole wide world, love you more and more. Happy Birthday SAB" which is my husband's initials. How sick is that. Anyway, today was the first day since 5/14 (the day he left me) that I have not wanted to text or call my husband....AND IT FELT SOOOOO GOOODDDD!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

TACDGB Posts: 6,136
5/29/13 10:20 P

sending u ((((HUGS))))........I do understand as it isn't easy. I was married to my one and only hubby for 34 years.......then we divorced....He wanted it and I gave it to him. I would ask him if he's willing to try marriage counseling. If not then seek a good to a pastor...continue on with therapy and most of all take care of U...........Good luck...sending prayers your way..............I am willing to listen............()

JAMINURSE Posts: 3,933
5/29/13 9:51 P

I am so very sorry. I can't even imagine how you are feeling. You have already received some important advice. Get that lawyer. Please reach out to friends and family. Take care of yourself.

MEXGAL1 SparkPoints: (564,945)
Fitness Minutes: (405,812)
Posts: 16,145
5/29/13 5:07 P

many hugs!

HICKORYRN Posts: 279
5/29/13 2:52 P

I'm so sorry to hear this! I know you must feel devastated. Is there a possibility of working it out? Has he talked to you about this after the phone call? I will say a prayer for you and the children!

The advice you've been given on here is great! I would advise the same:

Finances, Attorney, Clergy, Support Groups, Classes!!!!

ASHLEYGILLE SparkPoints: (12,745)
Fitness Minutes: (2,227)
Posts: 1,889
5/29/13 2:19 P

I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. Glad that you're talking to someone and taking medication to help you through this tough period. Maybe you'll find, with time and healing, that you weren't completely happy with your husband either. While the upcoming months may be very difficult, remember rainbows come after storms... In the meantime, take care of yourself as you certainly deserve it. You are lovely on the outside (we can see your pic!) and I imagine just as beautiful on the inside. Good things will come your way, it's just a matter of time.

Edited by: ASHLEYGILLE at: 5/29/2013 (14:21)
JLEMUS1 Posts: 4,054
5/29/13 2:08 P

Sorry to hear about your relationship, but ARCHIMEDESII took the words right out of my mouth she is dead on!!
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Edited by: JLEMUS1 at: 5/29/2013 (14:09)
ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (195,936)
Fitness Minutes: (292,288)
Posts: 26,974
5/29/13 12:30 P

WOW ! 30 years of marriage and he didn't even have the decency to tell you face to face. What a coward !

Have you been having problems these last few months or so ? Were there signs that there were problems or did this just happen out of the blue ? Do you think he may have been cheating ? You don't have to answer that. I agree with the others who've said you need a good lawyer. And if your hubby has moved out, change the locks on the doors. Don't give him access to the home. Make sure you're there whenever he comes by. so that he doesn't take anything that you consider important.

Also, do you have your own bank account ? If you have a joint account, you need to make sure you still have access. He could cut you off financially. Some people can be vindictive like that. Gosh, 30 years of marriage. I'm sorry that this had to happen to you.

One thing I would suggest is looking for divorce support groups in your area. I'm sure there are online divorce support groups you could try too. Remember, you ARE a strong woman with a lot to offer the world. You will get through this.

SPERRIN2012 SparkPoints: (181,188)
Fitness Minutes: (122,983)
Posts: 17,742
5/29/13 11:50 A

My former wife wanted the divorce after 23 years together. I had a 6 & 9 year old at the time of seperation and I went into quite the tailspin. Actually I was probably in the tail spin prior to the seperation but it went deeper and the depression. I'm happy to say that although i'm still not exactly over not being able to be home with my kids parenting them from the beginning that I've jept a close relationship with them both now 14 & 17. Their mother wants to move to Vegas (where she's been traveling for the last three years every other weekend) and let me take over but the oldest, my daughter has everything the way she wants it now so the moving won't happen until she goes off to college. My son at 14 will be moving in with me over the coming summer so at least I'll have a chance to do some parenting with him before he heads out in his own. Time will help you get to a better place. try to look forward and not back is my only suggestion to you right now. Stick with the counseling as it's good to talk about your needs. emoticon

ANARIE Posts: 13,179
5/29/13 11:26 A

REGILIEH took the words right out of my mouth. Get a really good lawyer. He's leaving you; he admitted that it's all HIS choice. On top of that, he's leaving you when you just recently had a diagnosis of an illness that he may have had a part in causing. Under those circumstances, the kids should get their college paid for and you should get everything else.

With daughter heading off to college, you can downsize on the house and sell a lot of the other community property, and then you can follow daughter off to college, get a degree or update whatever you already have, and start out on a whole new career. If you don't think you're ready for that, AT LEAST sign up for a class at a community college. Believe it or not, that will also help the depression. Learning something new stimulates the parts of the brain that are underactive when you're depressed. (There's new research showing that studying foreign languages or music can even slow down or prevent Alzheimer's.)

At the very least, you need the lawyer to protect the kids, and fast. They deserve to go to college, and id dad isn't going to be around, he should at least pay the tuition bills.

JOANIEBUG46 Posts: 4,214
5/29/13 11:23 A

Let me say I'm sorry, but I also feel that if your husband is honest with you, and he really feels this way -- THEN YOU DESERVE BETTER! and it's a good thing that it's ending. My husband and I have been together 30 years and we've had some very rough patches, when I thought it might be the end. Bottom line is that we deserve honesty, above all else. And if we treat our partners right and they can't reciprocate, then it's time to move forward to better relationships! It may be the end of this relationship, but you have so much more to look forward to!!

JGIRL5799 Posts: 561
5/29/13 11:22 A

So sorry to hear this....

I would suggest watching fireproof..(a movie to be watched together)

See what happens after that.. over the phone is unbelievable, he owes you more than that.

I will pray for your situation, and I do agree with the others.. keep with the therapy and the meds... and protect your financial situation and your children and yourself.. something is up with him but its hard to say...

get your own account and start squirreling away as much as you can and an attorney as well..

Edited by: JGIRL5799 at: 5/29/2013 (11:24)
GRIZ1GIRL SparkPoints: (192,735)
Fitness Minutes: (251,675)
Posts: 2,243
5/29/13 11:08 A

I'm sorry to hear have my deepest sympathy in the death of this relationship.

SONICB Posts: 4,375
5/29/13 10:44 A

emoticon emoticon

REGILIEH SparkPoints: (541,171)
Fitness Minutes: (290,100)
Posts: 16,620
5/29/13 9:17 A

Immediately get THE VERY BEST attorney available! Watch out financially on what he is doing!

DMJAKES Posts: 1,635
5/29/13 8:57 A

Wow....over the phone? You deserve better than that!

I agree with the others who say your focus needs to be on YOU and your children. Keep taking the steps to getting well and surround yourself with those who love you and support you. Don't open yourself up to another relationship until you've come to grips with the past events and are truly happy with your life.

As far as the divorce....let HIM go, but make sure you and the children get what you deserve/need to keep on living. He can go have his midlife crisis, but he needs to support the family he's leaving behind. Do your best to not disparage him in front of the children.....they're old enough to figure it out on their own.

I wish you the best!

DLDROST Posts: 8,082
5/29/13 8:15 A

Keep pushing forward

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
Posts: 2,954
5/29/13 7:39 A

I think you are definitely on the correct track with the therapy and meds....stick with that as long as you need to! Along with the exercise, try to find a yoga class for deep breathing which I find helpful to use in times of stress.

Most important - make sure you get the required amount of sleep even if you have to take naps....lack of sleep does crazy things to a depressed person.

As for whats-his-face.....does he find it hard to stand up these day? Seems to me that he has no spine at all! After 30 years, he tells you on the freakin' phone.....Seriously? What a coward!

Hope things get a little easier for you and your kids soon.

KKLENNERT809 Posts: 10,742
5/29/13 12:38 A

I don't really have any advice except that to take it one day at a time. I am going through one after 11 years. My husband is an alcoholic and cannot help himself and I have tried everything with out success. I feel awful to be giving up, but I just cannot do it anymore. My health is suffering. So I need to look out for me.

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
5/28/13 11:58 P

I'm very sorry this happened to you, but it's his loss!!!!! Someday he'll realize what he had and it will be to late because you will get through and you'll be stronger then you ever were and be taken by someone who truly deserves you!
I wish you the best, don't let this break you, believe in yourself and you'll get through this! emoticon

JUDYAMK SparkPoints: (30,710)
Fitness Minutes: (9,681)
Posts: 2,234
5/28/13 11:57 P

I am sorry for your pain,& for the children's pain. I would stay with the therapist & talk to a Pastor also. I would not even be interesting in getting to know someone else. The first thing you need to do is not get involved with any one else, until you are mentally healthy enough to love your self & being able to handle the past that happened to you , You will never forget however you will be able to deal with that so you can make your self & someone else happy.

I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
5/28/13 11:39 P

I wish you the very best.

KARALEAM Posts: 4,946
5/28/13 11:27 P

Thank you so much

RENATA144 SparkPoints: (207,563)
Fitness Minutes: (75,250)
Posts: 49,480
5/28/13 11:20 P

Please don't grieve too long. This is an opportunity to start over & find someone who deserves you. But first enjoy getting to kno yourself . You will get through this & take your time deciding your next step.
( obviously these are just suggestions, as I don't know you) .
I wish you well.

JO88BAKO SparkPoints: (311,706)
Fitness Minutes: (170,397)
Posts: 16,197
5/28/13 11:11 P

Oh dear. That's a long time. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids. One day at a time. If you go to church, talk to your clergy. They are good. Exercising is so good for many things, so keep up the good work there.

KARALEAM Posts: 4,946
5/28/13 10:52 P

I need help in getting through a divorce. My husband is leaving me after a 30 year relationship. Told me over the phone. His reason, I don't love you the way I used to, I have grown apart. We have 2 kids, 14 y/o son and 18 y/o daughter. I recently found I am suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome from a traumatic event that happened to me age 15 to 16 that involved my husband and major clinical depression. I am in therapy and taking medication. I find that exercising really helps me feel better. I hope with time, it will get better. Open to any suggestions.

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