You have gotten wonderful advise and I would totally heed it.. I was married for 15 years to a man like that and we gotten divorced over 5yrs ago..
But I had to cater to him... "to him" Good luck in your situation, I just got really tired of living that way and there was more issues than just the catering that got our divorce to which I won't say or get into... but it was a major part of our fights
Because of my catering it really screwed up on how I ate and my kids and I gotten as big as he did, to me that was unacceptable.
Now I have gotten married to a man who loves to cook, he will cook decent withj good nutritional foods... because of this he now takes into consideration the "healthy" things over fattier things..because of me he has learned to cook really good and awesome recipes (Mostly sparkie recipes and my kids don't even know its healthy LOLOL) When we have hot dogs/ brats, he will make sure I have my turkey dogs and whenever we have spaghetti, chilli, or anything that has ground meat, he will use ground turkey now.. only thing he refuses to eat is turkey burgers and for that, I say,. I want my BEEF lolol
With the new marriage its all about communication, compromise, it can be done and done right, who knows he may come to love eating healthy when he realizes how much better he feels after a great cooked meal
Edited by: JGIRL5799 at: 4/23/2013 (08:42)
Fitness Minutes: (34,900)
309 4/23/13 7:06 A
You guys have given me soo much advice and I thank you soo much for it! It is so hard sometimes to find food that is healthy and he will eat but I am determined to get him to to help me with food choices and get him on board... one small dish at a time! I look forward to going through the recipe book this week so I can plan my shopping around it and get some ideas and to whoever posted the side dish idea instead of the main course... THANK YOU!!
I want to try that so I can expand his eating and benefit mine!
Thank you to you all~!!!
4/23/13 6:39 A
you've gotten some great advice. I hope you can find what works for you both, because you really don't want to begin your life together in a conflict over foods.
The previous posters have given some outstanding advice and resources. Seriously, we're talking about some incredibly delicious recipes.
You might find in talking with your fiancé that he shares the common misconception that healthy food is boring, tasteless "diet" food. If you try a few of the recipes mentioned, I think you'll be able to easily prove to him that real food is anything but bland and boring!
One thing that you might find works for you is to introduce your favorites as a side-dish for a few times. This gives him a chance to taste it, without the pressure of "I'm gonna starve if I hate this". I use this trick myself when trying something new, and find that taking the pressure out of it makes me more likely to find out whether I truly like something, and think about if I need to make any tweaks to like it more.
Another thing is to see if he wants to be more involved with the food choices. My partner is just as likely as I am to pick up new veggies and new recipes. We've actually made it a fun part of our lives, as we both like to find something new that the other might really enjoy.
If you have planned your meals put them in the nutrition tracker in advance and make adjustments to your day so you stay in your ranges.
Eat what you want to eat at the meal. Let him decide if he wants to eat the vegetables or not. When you are planning meals let him choose some meals and you choose some.
To stretch your budget- Cut up meat and put it in stir fry, soup or a casserole instead of serving large hunks of meat. Make the meat a smaller part of the meal.
Fitness Minutes: (120)
4/22/13 4:34 P
Oh also, check out cookbooks by Ellie Krieger. She specializes in making non-healthy foods healthy, but without using a lot of weird processed ingredients. I got "The Food You Crave" for my mom and my meat and potatoes stepdad has enjoyed everything she has made from it... and even made the mango BBQ'd chicken from it himself!
4/22/13 4:26 P
Ohmygosh yeah seriously check out the link in YOJULEZ's signature line to her pinterest site - SOOO many delicious looking recipes there....
Fitness Minutes: (120)
4/22/13 4:15 P
I have a similar problem. My SO will eat vegetables etc, but I still feel like I need to make the types of foods he enjoys. So, to answer your question, yes, as long as you portion it out, you can eat the same things he does. I also found it helped to "save" calories for dinner. I'm not a big breakfast eater anyway, so I can skimp on the calories there, and I don't snack a lot throughout the day because I know I have a big (and usually delicious) dinner coming up.
Another thing I do is make enough for 3-4 servings... I eat the actual serving amount, he eats whatever he wants... usually 2-3 servings. Also I might have an extra side dish for him. I keep a loaf of garlic bread in the freezer and will wrap a piece or two in foil and heat it up in the oven, so he has an extra side, but I'm not tempted to have some too. Same thing for meat portions... I buy chicken breasts in bulk and when I'm portioning out to freeze, I'll weigh them all, and then put one smaller one in for me, and a larger one in for him. I just sometimes have to take mine out sooner so it doesn't overcook.
If your guy won't eat vegetables, there's nothing stopping you from making them for yourself.
Lastly, I try to find healthier versions of the stuff he likes. Like he loves meatloaf, but the ground beef version can usually be high in calorie. I made this turkey one and he LOVED it: www.skinnytaste.com/2012/07/bacon-topped-p etite-turkey-meatloaf.html I just did it as one big loaf on a sheet pan instead of the individual ones. He also really liked this "mac n cheese" www.jasonandshawnda.com/foodiebride/archiv es/14350/ I did broccoli instead of peas (he doesn't like peas) and added in chicken that I had roasted and cut up ahead of time. It came in at 541 calories per serving w/ my changes, and they were very generous servings.
Fitness Minutes: (34,900)
309 4/22/13 4:12 P
Bunny, you hit the nail on the head with him... He is a meat and potatoes, fried food, no veggies or anything "healthy" at all. I will look into one of mine, one of his and he supports me one hundred percent on the lifestyle change and wants to me to do it but I want make him dinner. I do not get to do much else for him. I love making dinner and catering to him but I am not losing myself in the relationship. I will try the healthy swap and making good meals sometimes. I love this idea!!
Thank you Bunny. I really love the help
Fitness Minutes: (34,900)
309 4/22/13 4:08 P
I have been trying to make things "healthier" without him noticing. I do not buy junk food so its not in the house... That took a bit of him getting use to. I will use skim milk instead of whole, reduced fat whatever instead of regular. I am slowly making changes but I am doing this lifestyle for me and I want him on board but he is a hard one to adjust to. I will try to make to healthy dinners to start a week and three he likes but with healthy swaps and try to get new recipes to use.
4/22/13 4:02 P
"but I have to cater to him and what he will eat"
Ok. Re-read what you just wrote there, and reflect on it a little bit.
If you make no other change at all - change this one thing. Re-think that phrase to read "I choose to cater to him."
Now a story from the trenches. 25 years ago, I agreed to marry a "big guy" - a real meat-and-potatoes guy. A burgers and fries guy. A fish, if it's battered and deep fried guy. And I decided it was important to cater to his food preferences. And I did. Even though in the process, I ended up *not catering to my own preferences* (i.e. he doesn't like seafood, or white rice, or tumeric - so *I* stopped preparing/eating/enjoying fish, rice, curry). And here's a shocker. I ended up shaped just like him. Because eating ground-beef-casseroles, buttery mashed potatoes, and cheese-topped everything, at every meal, all the time, leads to only one end result - overweight.
And on top of ending up obese, I realized - I had been DENYING myself the foods that *I* once used to prefer. Why? Why couldn't I have catered to my OWN food preferences, at least some of the time? Why did I choose to say to myself, that what I liked, was less important than providing what he liked?
So.. here I am, 25 years later, feeding myself what *I* want to eat. I started off by cooking separate meals for me... but... lo and behold... turns out that even after all this time and all these years of established relationship and food patterns, he is willing to cater to ME, after all. Why did I think he wouldn't? Early on, his idea of "catering" was more along the lines of helping out in the kitchen, so that I wasn't having to cook two completely separate meals, unaided (which is a lot of work). Or he'd give me permission to not-have-to-cook-for-him, saying "don't worry about my dinner, I can find something myself!" Then one day he came home with a Weight Watchers cookbook that he saw at Costco. And the next day I came home to a 400-calorie dinner that he had prepared from scratch, himself, for us. And lo and behold - HE who has struggled with weight and food issues since childhood - is losing weight alongside me.
So. there's a long essay in response to your short question. Yes, you can eat what he eats and just use careful/strict portion control B U T you may want to consider, from the very beginning of this lifelong relationship, that you both will have to compromise a bit when it comes to catering to each other's needs. Things like - if he doesn't like what you're preparing, he can arrange to cook his own. Share the cooking responsibilities. Make "his favorite" one night, and "your favorite" the next.
You are as important as he. Do not ever treat yourself as if you aren't.
Fitness Minutes: (24,911)
222 4/22/13 4:00 P
When I started a particular point-based diet program a few months ago, I started using their recipes to cook dinner for my family. I read a lot of reviews to get tips on changing things up a bit. My hubby had no idea he'd been eating "diet" food for a month until I told him. You'd be surprised - you can probably cook healthier than he realizes.
On a side note, you should also think about how much "catering" you actually want to do for him since you'll be married. Will it always be two separate dinner plans, or can you find a way to balance out 3 nights your way, 3 nights his, and 1 date night? There's absolutely no reason you should do all the changing and modifying just to satisfy him.
Fitness Minutes: (34,900)
309 4/22/13 3:41 P
I need an opinion. All day long for bfast, snack, lunch and last snack, I can eat healthy. I can eat, portion, whole nine yards no issue. When it comes to dinner, I am getting very iffy on things. I have a Fiancée who will not eat healthy and I cannot get him to change his lifestyle. I make dinner every single night except date night on Saturday.
I love cooking for him and its the only time through the week we see each other... but I have to cater to him and what he will eat. I see him for a few hours a night but we are always busy... dinner is the only time we sit and talk .I love that time and I do not want to lose that but I don't want to make two dinners. If I portion out my dinner, I feel like I did a good thing. Is it okay to eat whatever for dinner (chicken, mac and cheese and corn; just an example) if I portion it? Or do I need to do more?
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this website can be used without the permission of SparkPeople or its authorized affiliates.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.