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GRACE1054 Posts: 605
10/1/13 12:22 P

I have to agree with the poster who said that this is a form of emotional abuse. In fact, I will go a step further and say that the reason you cannot lose weight is because you feel powerless in this relationship. His comments are controlling and mean. You will never be successful until you take back your power. This journey is about you and for you. He obviously isn't going to support you even though he may think he is being supportive. Do you have friends who could support you? Friends who you could start walking with or planning meals with? Find a diet buddy here on SP who will support you through personal emails. Friends you could email or call when your husband makes unsupportive comments. Leave him at home when you go shopping and if that isn't possible have a set shopping list and stick to it.
It is hard enough to lose weight and get healthy without having a "loved" one tears us down at every turn. None of us need someone telling us every day how often we failed....we know. If he won't shut up then you need to turn him off and the more you see success the more power you will regain and the less you will need anything from him in terms of emotional support on this journey. YOU HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND!!!


If you don't love your body now, you won't love it after you reach your goal!!!
10/1/13 10:23 A

You have asked him to stop and he has not, so he is not showing respect for you or your feelings. Maybe you are willing to put up with this behavior because it is just one annoying trait and your husband is otherwise great, but think of what this is teaching your seven-year-old. If your husband thinks it is okay to act this way in front of your child, then I think counseling might be useful.

10/1/13 10:23 A

You have asked him to stop and he has not, so he is not showing respect for you or your feelings. Maybe you are willing to put up with this behavior because it is just one annoying trait and your husband is otherwise great, but think of what this is teaching your seven-year-old. If your husband thinks it is okay to act this way in front of your child, then I think counseling might be useful.

VIDYARP Posts: 253
9/30/13 11:22 P

He doesnt have any weight issues and in fact enjoys a fit and healthy body. He gets to go and play tennis everyday and is generally blessed with a good metabolism. So he kind of fails to understand my struggle...i dont get to go and play tennis(or anything else for that matter) everyday - esp. when i need to do the chores at home. Of course, we both have full time jobs and a 7 year old son to take care of.
despite all of it, i am doing my bit to help myself. I am really trying, and yet i cannot be perfect...if he expects a hollywood star to be his wife...well...cant happen. Too bad he has to live with real people like me....fat or otherwise..
I hate to be put down everytime...i just want to scream at him right now.

STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,373
9/30/13 9:29 P

Wow. He sounds like a winner emoticon Ignore him. That's the only thing you can do so long as you desire to live with him under the same roof. I really hope your man isn't overweight himself. If he is, you could tell HIM to take his own darn advice. It's possible that he's just worried that if-no, WHEN you lose the weight, you'll realize you're better than his rude remarks and leave him, and maybe he thinks by keeping you down, you'll stay where you are, and comfortable.

You can do it!

Edited by: STARDUST2K4 at: 9/30/2013 (21:33)

Don't ever let anyone else tell you who you can be

JENNILACEY SparkPoints: (80,279)
Fitness Minutes: (85,382)
Posts: 2,489
9/30/13 2:55 P

Why are you with someone who just runs you down into the mud all the time?

It's your choice of course but you'd be better off without someone so controlling and emotionally abusive.

Take your focus off the Marshmallow.

"Toning" is marketing muscles to women who are afraid if they pick up a barbell, they'll leave the gym looking like She-Hulk. It doesn't happen, what does happen is you get results. Lifting Barbie weights does nothing but waste time.
DASHKATH Posts: 861
9/30/13 5:13 A

Maybe the yow of you could see a counselor to help you communicate better. I don't think he sees anything wrong with they way he talks to you and I don't think you are going to be able to convince him otherwise on your own. I think a third party needs to get involved. Good luck.

TANITHSEH1011 Posts: 203
9/30/13 3:31 A

I am going to say something which you may not like. The behavior you are describing is characteristic of someone how is emotionally abusing their ďloved oneĒ. Being constantly put down and basically being told you are fat is only going to hurt your goals and cause you to hate yourself, your life, your goals and eventually your husband.

If this is your life journey then he needs to realize that you will take it at your speed and that you should be able to enjoy it not feel sick and tortured by it. Life isnít about withdrawal and diets and all this other crap the ďfitnessĒ industry tries to sell to us. Itís about loving your life and the choices you make. Sure trying to be healthy and such is admirable and good for you and advisable; however, this is a life long process that cannot be forced down your throat by you or him.

These pressures are only going to make you constantly guilt yourself for minor slip ups which are just that slip ups and no one slip up will put even a few pounds on you. Also we must keep in mind that it takes much more time and effort to remove weight than it does to put it on.

So here it is, you need to sit him down and let him know he is hurting you if he says he doesnít care and or continues this behavior you may want to seriously consider your relationship and what it is doing to your health. No marriage/boy/girlfriend is worth the destruction of your self-worth and self esteem.

As for things like shopping habits and such it is good to only buy in small portions for a number of reasons; it limits waste (of money, food, resources) it limits over eating. You canít eat what isnít there. It also helps us to understand what we truly need and how little really to be healthy and sustain our lives. Just be sure you are eating enough to properly sustain your body.

The point to all of this is that life is not about putting ourselves down and it most certainly isnít about letting others put us down. Live your life, enjoy it and as long as making healthy choise a lot allows you to do that then great.

Feel better!

Never discourage anyone who makes continual progress, no matter how slow.

Check out my webpage and blog!
VIDYARP Posts: 253
9/30/13 2:08 A

Arrrhgh....i am so annoyed with my husband today. I know i am overweight, i know i lost about 30 pouns last year and regained all of it this year, i know i have arthritis and i know i am working hard to help myself. I know i let it all slip till about 2 months ago. But for the past 2 months - I workout everyday, i am trying to deal with my eating habits and when my blood work shows that i have no issues with cholestrol, sugar and thyroid - he has to come and spoil my party by saying how it hasnt affected my weight. He says that i really need to do something to shed those pounds (as if i have not been doing anything about it!!)
Its so annoying to be policed all the time - at the grocery (he looks at the shopping cart and says - buy only one portion of it. You are not going to have it anyway), at the restaurant - "You should stick to salads" or "i dont think you want to have that much of cheese or butter" "You sure cant have that piece of cake/sweet/ whatever. U know what it'll do to you."
I am so tired of listening to this. I am NOT a 2 year old. And i am trying to make healthy choices here. I know i dont always succeed. I know its an uphill task...but long as i am doing the right things....just let me be. Like i said in my previous posts - i dont look at weight loss as the goal. I look at it as a by-product of healthy choices and healthy living. Then why..oh why does he make me feel like a failure, a loser. He is a good man...he wants to ensure that i am fine...but i just cant take this.
Talking to him hasn't helped. I told him - "Look. I am trying to do the right things here. So please if you can, stay quiet and let me be". His response - "U've been trying to do the right thing for years now. Obviously it hasnt worked. You still need to lose a lot of weight. And even though u may say that u are doing it, i know you will fall through. U lack discipline and u have never made it till the end. U give up and give in very soon. I am sure u will falter this time as well and i need to be there to help!!"
There - could it get any worse!!!!!! emoticon

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