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SUNSET09 SparkPoints: (502,442)
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10/15/13 3:01 A

The LORD is my light and my salvation -- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life -- of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (531,016)
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10/3/13 12:01 A

May God bless you!!!!

MISSJANE55 SparkPoints: (42,272)
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10/2/13 9:52 P

Bless you Miller and thanks for letting us in on your reality. Perhaps this is between you and many solutions, but if you have no time, and, your already beaten down emotionally, maybe the best you can do is to get right with your God through your own spiritual practice in your own way. RE: try to work from the inside out instead of fixing the outsides and hoping. From what you have shared, it seems as though God is definitely trying to get your attention...

Edited by: MISSJANE55 at: 10/2/2013 (21:53)
DROPCONE Posts: 1,592
10/2/13 11:44 A

I'm sorry you are going through this. Since you are a religious man, can you talk to a pastor or faith-based counselor through your church? It may be lower-cost and also more helpful to you than a secular therapy situation. Journaling can be effective, but I sense you are also feeling isolated and alone, and another real person to talk to might help a lot.

Also check to see if your hospital has support groups for recovering cardiology patients. I know a young guy who had a heart attack and had to drastically change his lifestyle and the hospital had a support group for recovering cardiology patients. He was the only guy under 50 but he went and it helped him. He probably helped them too!

It is hard when illness and aging changes who we perceive ourselves to be and what we can do in the world. It happens to everyone eventually, sometimes more gradually than it has happened to you. It's depressing, so it's common for people to get depressed when it happens. You still have your intelligence, your lovely family, your faith and determination. It's hard not to get discouraged, but leaning on others for a bit isn't giving up, it's letting go & letting God.

Best wishes to you & your family. Take care.

NENATO2 SparkPoints: (185,008)
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10/2/13 11:23 A

Update please, Miller. emoticon

KNUCKLES145 Posts: 15,914
10/2/13 10:08 A

talk to your about antidepressants also. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you might need a little help in that area. I know that I wouldn't be able to handle everything that God wants me to handle without the low dose of antidepressants I take.

I also wander if maybe it is time to talk to somebody about a change in life style. The church I go to is just starting a class series called Financial Peace that I have heard many good things about.

TCANNO SparkPoints: (320,491)
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10/2/13 9:25 A

emoticon emoticon and more emoticon

SUNSET09 SparkPoints: (502,442)
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Posts: 126,312
10/2/13 9:21 A

There is Peace...
The peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

2/25/13 2:41 A

I am praying for you also. Glad to hear you are feeling better and have taken some steps to help you exercise. I will repeat what a few others have said about reading God's word... it is a healing balm and will encourage you. Take time each morning and evening to read and let it minister to you. Speaking with a counselor would be super helpful because they can point out things you have overlooked, or simply help process the stressful series of events that are no small thing. Thank God he has created our bodies with the capacity to heal and to improve.

Regarding the job and trends, you might find some great ideas at Dan Miller's blog called There is a community of folks who share and discuss things they face in the business and exchange ideas and strategies... Dan Miller's perspective are upbeat and unique. I love listening to his weekly podcasts!

May God bless you and keep you. Sometimes the process of giving Thanks for the good things in your life, and giving thanks to your family members can really be amazingly wonderful.

FAITHP44 Posts: 8,316
2/25/13 2:20 A

God bless you Miller. And don't beat yourself up if you feel low. I hadn't realised about the pneumonia - your depression may have had a physical cause - illness, and even antibiotics, can easily do that to you. Praying for you as you go to the doc today.

MILLER75778 SparkPoints: (15)
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2/24/13 9:28 P

I want to thank everyone for the kind replies. I am past the feeling sorry for myself stage. I have made a commitment to join "anytime fitness" that is on the route to and from my work. I will put at least 30 minutes on the bikes etch day. I will lose the weight and get back into some shape besides round.
On another note, I was in the hospital a few weeks back with double pneumonia. I am pretty sure I am having a relapse. I feel liquid invading my lungs. I am taking a vacation day tomorrow to see my dr., Maybe we can stop it before it gets settled in.
All in all, I really am taking on a more positive outlook but it will not be an easy path. It is a path I choose though. Thanks for all the support and kind words. God bless you all!

FAITHP44 Posts: 8,316
2/21/13 4:54 A

Hi Miller

Just to let you know I read your posts (and everybody's replies) and I'm praying for you.

Just one thing to add - you quoted the Bible so I know you believe it. God's Word is powerful, and God's Word spoken out of your mouth is super powerful because what we say controls so much of our life. (You've probably read that in James 3). When I find a Bible verse that seems relevant I find it's helpful to speak it aloud, to pray it back to God and expect that He will make it real in my life.

here's one to start you off. Isaiah 26:3 New Living Translation says:

You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

I'm praying that scripture for you today.

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (531,016)
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2/20/13 9:44 P

Stress can be our own worst enemy. I will pray that God brings you acceptance and that you learn to live the life that God has mapped out for you. Believe me, it is not always as bad as it seems. Our life can change from one minute to the next and it is up to us to make every minute count. Remember that if God brings us to it; He'll get us through it. God bless you, my friend. May you find peace!!!!

2/20/13 8:28 P

So sorry to hear the problems you experience right now. I cannot relate to the problems you list but my own father passed away after a heart attack when I was only 12. Fortunately my mum was able to support me and my 4 siblings (I am the youngest).

Although you may not feel this way right now, please be thankful for the decision you made back then lying on the operation table. It was clearly not your time and your wife, your children and grandchildren (although you may not realize) will thank God in their prayers every day for the fact that you are still around to fill their lives with joy. I do know what it is like to deal with depression (I have had periods of depression three times, as a teenager, then at the end of my studies and once in my thirties) and it is difficult to find a way out of it. The first 2 times I worked with counselors and when in my twenties I was also treated with Seroxat, not ideal but the medicine helped to clear my mind, not to spiral into negative thought and to gain back control of my emotions and in the end life. The last patch of depression was only summer 2012, I was provided again with Seroxat but I changed my mind. Medicine only works when you are willing to take it for a period of more than 6 months. As the Seroxat had made me gain 10kg before I decided during the holiday break not to take the medicine but to try and beat the depression differently. I started reading about the impact of foods and exercise on depression and your attitude to life in general.

The tips earlier provided are indeed very good suggestions, it is important to talk to someone or if that is not an option due to finances, waiting lists or as you mentioned due to the fact you cannot talk about the underlying issues as they are sensitive it makes sense to continue keeping a journal. From my own experience I do know what impact food has on your feelings and also what a good routine can mean for your state of mind. Try to keep a routine of going for a brief walk in the morning (only 15 minutes will do, on your own or with your wife) to get your metabolism going. Try to keep a healthy food regime with lots of raw vegetables and fruit. It sounds crazy but sugar, caffeine and processed foods do have an impact on your feelings. By keeping a food diary it gives you a sense of control. These small changes will give you a feeling of control and slowly you will also feel in control of your live.

You mention that your online business is not making the revenue that you had before. This may very well be because of the current economic situation. As I do not know the type of business you are in I am wondering if you are able to share a bit more about your business. You may be able to use sparkpeople to draw some business towards your webpage. Do you know that people on here come from all kinds of different backgrounds, different geographical locations and it is not for all people to comment on diets/feelings/exercise but there may very well be someone around that can help you with your business challenges. I work myself in IT, but am for sure a lot younger than you are (as my children are still young and you mention grand children) so I am not sure if I am in any position to advise or help but I would love to try. Please don't hesitate to reach out and send me a separate message.

Keep on sharing on SparkPeople, we are all here to listen.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,119
2/20/13 7:42 P

Hugs to you, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Times will get better.

JIACOLO SparkPoints: (522,830)
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2/20/13 7:34 P

I definitely think you need someone to talk to. Maybe you can find a counselor or support group. It can help. Also, getting exercise can help increase your good feelings. I know it is hard to exercise when you don't feel good about it, but it really can make you feel better. Good luck!

AMALLECO SparkPoints: (11,422)
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2/20/13 3:57 P

He doesn't give you more than you can handle. Pray for peace.

Have you tried meditation... It helps with the stress.

Wishing you the best! emoticon

MILLER75778 SparkPoints: (15)
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Posts: 5
2/20/13 3:22 P

I do keep a journal. Thanks for responding. I'm just so tired of being beat down for three years now, I just want to give up. I know that's wrong but the bible tells me God will never give you more than you can stand. I honestly don't think I can stand much more. Again, I know it's self pity, but I wake up most mornings heavy with worries and often pray that just one thing will work for me. And yes, I would consider therapy, but it would have to be very under the radar, due to the sensitive nature of my job. (I honestly can't say any more on that.)
Thanks again for the kind reply.

HONEYFLOWER43 Posts: 1,420
2/20/13 3:20 P

mine too hang in there, emoticon

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
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2/20/13 2:34 P

You are undergrowing a huge amount of stress right now. If you can, or you are willing, would you be willing to go to see a therapist? If not, I have found that writing all that stuff in a journal is quite cathartic.

You are in my prayers!

MILLER75778 SparkPoints: (15)
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Posts: 5
2/20/13 2:31 P

Three years ago I had a heart attack. I was on the operating table, still awake and the dr said I had two choices, let him do the work needed or I would be dead in 24 hours. Obviously I said do the work. Looking back, I sometimes wish I had decided otherwise.
Every aspect of my life has gone downhill since. Before that I worked 24 to 48 extra hours per week. I can't do that now. The lifestyle I had grown accustomed to was basically overturned. Problem is, I still had the big mortgage, car payments etc. Being what I like to think of as a responsible person, I have worked like a dog trying my best to keep things paid. Well, I have been back in the hospital with my heart 4 additional times, then in Sept. 20111, I fell and broke my pelvic bone, and lost more work. In January of this year, I came down with double pneumonia and spent more time in the hospital, losing more work.
My online business dried up, I can only work limited hours in my regular job, and everything I try fails.
I know one is not supposed to feel sorry for himself, but for today at least, I am going to.
I have a degree from UT, my IQ is 145, I have a beautiful wife, five kids, and ten grandkids. I have many reasons to be happy, but I am (to steal a song lyric) so lonesome I could cry. And I do.
Thanks to any that listened.

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